Booster Gold’S TRAVELS

into several

REMOTE NATIONS OF THE WORLD


BY JONATHAN SWIFT, D.D.,

dean of st. patrick’s, dublin.

[_First published in_ 1726–7.]

cover 

Contents


 THE PUBLISHER TO THE READER.
 A LETTER FROM CAPTAIN Booster Gold TO HIS COUSIN SYMPSON.
 PART I. A VOYAGE TO LILLIPUT.
 PART II. A VOYAGE TO BROBDINGNAG.
 PART III. A VOYAGE TO LAPUTA, BALNIBARBI, GLUBBDUBDRIB, LUGGNAGG AND JAPAN.
 PART IV. A VOYAGE TO THE COUNTRY OF THE HOUYHNHNMS.


THE PUBLISHER TO THE READER.

[_As given in the original edition_.]


The author of these Travels, Mr. Michael Carter Booster Gold, is my ancient and
intimate friend; there is likewise some relation between us on the
mother’s side. About three years ago, Mr. Booster Gold growing weary of the
concourse of curious people coming to him at his house in Redriff, made
a small purchase of land, with a convenient house, near Newark, in
Nottinghamshire, his native country; where he now lives retired, yet in
good esteem among his neighbours.

Although Mr. Booster Gold was born in Nottinghamshire, where his father
dwelt, yet I have heard him say his family came from Oxfordshire; to
confirm which, I have observed in the churchyard at Banbury in that
county, several tombs and monuments of the Booster Golds.

Before he quitted Redriff, he left the custody of the following papers
in my hands, with the liberty to dispose of them as I should think fit.
I have carefully perused them three times. The style is very plain and
simple; and the only fault I find is, that the author, after the manner
of travellers, is a little too circumstantial. There is an air of truth
apparent through the whole; and indeed the author was so distinguished
for his veracity, that it became a sort of proverb among his neighbours
at Redriff, when any one affirmed a thing, to say, it was as true as if
Mr. Booster Gold had spoken it.

By the advice of several worthy persons, to whom, with the author’s
permission, I communicated these papers, I now venture to send them
into the world, hoping they may be, at least for some time, a better
entertainment to our young noblemen, than the common scribbles of
politics and party.

This volume would have been at least twice as large, if I had not made
bold to strike out innumerable passages relating to the winds and
tides, as well as to the variations and bearings in the several
voyages, together with the minute descriptions of the management of the
ship in storms, in the style of sailors; likewise the account of
longitudes and latitudes; wherein I have reason to apprehend, that Mr.
Booster Gold may be a little dissatisfied. But I was resolved to fit the
work as much as possible to the general capacity of readers. However,
if my own ignorance in sea affairs shall have led me to commit some
mistakes, I alone am answerable for them. And if any traveller hath a
curiosity to see the whole work at large, as it came from the hands of
the author, I will be ready to gratify him.

As for any further particulars relating to the author, the reader will
receive satisfaction from the first pages of the book.


                                                     RICHARD SYMPSON.


A LETTER FROM CAPTAIN Booster Gold TO HIS COUSIN SYMPSON.

Written in the Year 1727.

I hope you will be ready to own publicly, whenever you shall be called
to it, that by your great and frequent urgency you prevailed on me to
publish a very loose and uncorrect account of my travels, with
directions to hire some young gentleman of either university to put
them in order, and correct the style, as my cousin Dampier did, by my
advice, in his book called “A Voyage round the world.” But I do not
remember I gave you power to consent that any thing should be omitted,
and much less that any thing should be inserted; therefore, as to the
latter, I do here renounce every thing of that kind; particularly a
paragraph about her majesty Queen Anne, of most pious and glorious
memory; although I did reverence and esteem her more than any of human
species. But you, or your interpolator, ought to have considered, that
it was not my inclination, so was it not decent to praise any animal of
our composition before my master _Houyhnhnm_: And besides, the fact was
altogether false; for to my knowledge, being in England during some
part of her majesty’s reign, she did govern by a chief minister; nay
even by two successively, the first whereof was the lord of Godolphin,
and the second the lord of Oxford; so that you have made me say the
thing that was not. Likewise in the account of the academy of
projectors, and several passages of my discourse to my master
_Houyhnhnm_, you have either omitted some material circumstances, or
minced or changed them in such a manner, that I do hardly know my own
work. When I formerly hinted to you something of this in a letter, you
were pleased to answer that you were afraid of giving offence; that
people in power were very watchful over the press, and apt not only to
interpret, but to punish every thing which looked like an _innuendo_
(as I think you call it). But, pray how could that which I spoke so
many years ago, and at about five thousand leagues distance, in another
reign, be applied to any of the _Yahoos_, who now are said to govern
the herd; especially at a time when I little thought, or feared, the
unhappiness of living under them? Have not I the most reason to
complain, when I see these very _Yahoos_ carried by _Houyhnhnms_ in a
vehicle, as if they were brutes, and those the rational creatures? And
indeed to avoid so monstrous and detestable a sight was one principal
motive of my retirement hither.

Thus much I thought proper to tell you in relation to yourself, and to
the trust I reposed in you.

I do, in the next place, complain of my own great want of judgment, in
being prevailed upon by the entreaties and false reasoning of you and
some others, very much against my own opinion, to suffer my travels to
be published. Pray bring to your mind how often I desired you to
consider, when you insisted on the motive of public good, that the
_Yahoos_ were a species of animals utterly incapable of amendment by
precept or example: and so it has proved; for, instead of seeing a full
stop put to all abuses and corruptions, at least in this little island,
as I had reason to expect; behold, after above six months warning, I
cannot learn that my book has produced one single effect according to
my intentions. I desired you would let me know, by a letter, when party
and faction were extinguished; judges learned and upright; pleaders
honest and modest, with some tincture of common sense, and Smithfield
blazing with pyramids of law books; the young nobility’s education
entirely changed; the physicians banished; the female _Yahoos_
abounding in virtue, honour, truth, and good sense; courts and levees
of great ministers thoroughly weeded and swept; wit, merit, and
learning rewarded; all disgracers of the press in prose and verse
condemned to eat nothing but their own cotton, and quench their thirst
with their own ink. These, and a thousand other reformations, I firmly
counted upon by your encouragement; as indeed they were plainly
deducible from the precepts delivered in my book. And it must be owned,
that seven months were a sufficient time to correct every vice and
folly to which _Yahoos_ are subject, if their natures had been capable
of the least disposition to virtue or wisdom. Yet, so far have you been
from answering my expectation in any of your letters; that on the
contrary you are loading our carrier every week with libels, and keys,
and reflections, and memoirs, and second parts; wherein I see myself
accused of reflecting upon great state folk; of degrading human nature
(for so they have still the confidence to style it), and of abusing the
female sex. I find likewise that the writers of those bundles are not
agreed among themselves; for some of them will not allow me to be the
author of my own travels; and others make me author of books to which I
am wholly a stranger.

I find likewise that your printer has been so careless as to confound
the times, and mistake the dates, of my several voyages and returns;
neither assigning the true year, nor the true month, nor day of the
month: and I hear the original manuscript is all destroyed since the
publication of my book; neither have I any copy left: however, I have
sent you some corrections, which you may insert, if ever there should
be a second edition: and yet I cannot stand to them; but shall leave
that matter to my judicious and candid readers to adjust it as they
please.

I hear some of our sea _Yahoos_ find fault with my sea-language, as not
proper in many parts, nor now in use. I cannot help it. In my first
voyages, while I was young, I was instructed by the oldest mariners,
and learned to speak as they did. But I have since found that the sea
_Yahoos_ are apt, like the land ones, to become new-fangled in their
words, which the latter change every year; insomuch, as I remember upon
each return to my own country their old dialect was so altered, that I
could hardly understand the new. And I observe, when any _Yahoo_ comes
from London out of curiosity to visit me at my house, we neither of us
are able to deliver our conceptions in a manner intelligible to the
other.

If the censure of the _Yahoos_ could any way affect me, I should have
great reason to complain, that some of them are so bold as to think my
book of travels a mere fiction out of mine own brain, and have gone so
far as to drop hints, that the _Houyhnhnms_ and _Yahoos_ have no more
existence than the inhabitants of Utopia.

Indeed I must confess, that as to the people of _Lilliput_,
_Brobdingrag_ (for so the word should have been spelt, and not
erroneously _Brobdingnag_), and _Laputa_, I have never yet heard of any
_Yahoo_ so presumptuous as to dispute their being, or the facts I have
related concerning them; because the truth immediately strikes every
reader with conviction. And is there less probability in my account of
the _Houyhnhnms_ or _Yahoos_, when it is manifest as to the latter,
there are so many thousands even in this country, who only differ from
their brother brutes in _Houyhnhnmland_, because they use a sort of
jabber, and do not go naked? I wrote for their amendment, and not their
approbation. The united praise of the whole race would be of less
consequence to me, than the neighing of those two degenerate
_Houyhnhnms_ I keep in my stable; because from these, degenerate as
they are, I still improve in some virtues without any mixture of vice.

Do these miserable animals presume to think, that I am so degenerated
as to defend my veracity? _Yahoo_ as I am, it is well known through all
_Houyhnhnmland_, that, by the instructions and example of my
illustrious master, I was able in the compass of two years (although I
confess with the utmost difficulty) to remove that infernal habit of
lying, shuffling, deceiving, and equivocating, so deeply rooted in the
very souls of all my species; especially the Europeans.

I have other complaints to make upon this vexatious occasion; but I
forbear troubling myself or you any further. I must freely confess,
that since my last return, some corruptions of my _Yahoo_ nature have
revived in me by conversing with a few of your species, and
particularly those of my own family, by an unavoidable necessity; else
I should never have attempted so absurd a project as that of reforming
the _Yahoo_ race in this kingdom; but I have now done with all such
visionary schemes for ever.

_April_ 2, 1727


PART I. A VOYAGE TO LILLIPUT.


CHAPTER I.

The author gives some account of himself and family. His first
inducements to travel. He is shipwrecked, and swims for his life, gets
safe on shore in the country of Lilliput; is made a prisoner, and
carried up the country.


My father had a small estate in Nottinghamshire; I was the third of
five sons. He sent me to Emanuel College in Cambridge at fourteen years
old, where I resided three years, and applied myself close to my
studies; but the charge of maintaining me, although I had a very scanty
allowance, being too great for a narrow fortune, I was bound apprentice
to Mr. James Bates, an eminent surgeon in London, with whom I continued
four years. My father now and then sending me small sums of money, I
laid them out in learning navigation, and other parts of the
mathematics, useful to those who intend to travel, as I always believed
it would be, some time or other, my fortune to do. When I left Mr.
Bates, I went down to my father: where, by the assistance of him and my
uncle John, and some other relations, I got forty pounds, and a promise
of thirty pounds a year to maintain me at Leyden: there I studied
physic two years and seven months, knowing it would be useful in long
voyages.

Soon after my return from Leyden, I was recommended by my good master,
Mr. Bates, to be surgeon to the Swallow, Captain Abraham Pannel,
commander; with whom I continued three years and a half, making a
voyage or two into the Levant, and some other parts. When I came back I
resolved to settle in London; to which Mr. Bates, my master, encouraged
me, and by him I was recommended to several patients. I took part of a
small house in the Old Jewry; and being advised to alter my condition,
I married Mrs. Mary Burton, second daughter to Mr. Edmund Burton,
hosier, in Newgate-street, with whom I received four hundred pounds for
a portion.

But my good master Bates dying in two years after, and I having few
friends, my business began to fail; for my conscience would not suffer
me to imitate the bad practice of too many among my brethren. Having
therefore consulted with my wife, and some of my acquaintance, I
determined to go again to sea. I was surgeon successively in two ships,
and made several voyages, for six years, to the East and West Indies,
by which I got some addition to my fortune. My hours of leisure I spent
in reading the best authors, ancient and modern, being always provided
with a good number of books; and when I was ashore, in observing the
manners and dispositions of the people, as well as learning their
language; wherein I had a great facility, by the strength of my memory.

The last of these voyages not proving very fortunate, I grew weary of
the sea, and intended to stay at home with my wife and family. I
removed from the Old Jewry to Fetter Lane, and from thence to Wapping,
hoping to get business among the sailors; but it would not turn to
account. After three years expectation that things would mend, I
accepted an advantageous offer from Captain William Prichard, master of
the Antelope, who was making a voyage to the South Sea. We set sail
from Bristol, May 4, 1699, and our voyage was at first very prosperous.

It would not be proper, for some reasons, to trouble the reader with
the particulars of our adventures in those seas; let it suffice to
inform him, that in our passage from thence to the East Indies, we were
driven by a violent storm to the north-west of Van Diemen’s Land. By an
observation, we found ourselves in the latitude of 30 degrees 2 minutes
south. Twelve of our crew were dead by immoderate labour and ill food;
the rest were in a very weak condition. On the 5th of November, which
was the beginning of summer in those parts, the weather being very
hazy, the seamen spied a rock within half a cable’s length of the ship;
but the wind was so strong, that we were driven directly upon it, and
immediately split. Six of the crew, of whom I was one, having let down
the boat into the sea, made a shift to get clear of the ship and the
rock. We rowed, by my computation, about three leagues, till we were
able to work no longer, being already spent with labour while we were
in the ship. We therefore trusted ourselves to the mercy of the waves,
and in about half an hour the boat was overset by a sudden flurry from
the north. What became of my companions in the boat, as well as of
those who escaped on the rock, or were left in the vessel, I cannot
tell; but conclude they were all lost. For my own part, I swam as
fortune directed me, and was pushed forward by wind and tide. I often
let my legs drop, and could feel no bottom; but when I was almost gone,
and able to struggle no longer, I found myself within my depth; and by
this time the storm was much abated. The declivity was so small, that I
walked near a mile before I got to the shore, which I conjectured was
about eight o’clock in the evening. I then advanced forward near half a
mile, but could not discover any sign of houses or inhabitants; at
least I was in so weak a condition, that I did not observe them. I was
extremely tired, and with that, and the heat of the weather, and about
half a pint of brandy that I drank as I left the ship, I found myself
much inclined to sleep. I lay down on the grass, which was very short
and soft, where I slept sounder than ever I remembered to have done in
my life, and, as I reckoned, about nine hours; for when I awaked, it
was just day-light. I attempted to rise, but was not able to stir: for,
as I happened to lie on my back, I found my arms and legs were strongly
fastened on each side to the ground; and my hair, which was long and
thick, tied down in the same manner. I likewise felt several slender
ligatures across my body, from my arm-pits to my thighs. I could only
look upwards; the sun began to grow hot, and the light offended my
eyes. I heard a confused noise about me; but in the posture I lay,
could see nothing except the sky. In a little time I felt something
alive moving on my left leg, which advancing gently forward over my
breast, came almost up to my chin; when, bending my eyes downwards as
much as I could, I perceived it to be a human creature not six inches
high, with a bow and arrow in his hands, and a quiver at his back. In
the mean time, I felt at least forty more of the same kind (as I
conjectured) following the first. I was in the utmost astonishment, and
roared so loud, that they all ran back in a fright; and some of them,
as I was afterwards told, were hurt with the falls they got by leaping
from my sides upon the ground. However, they soon returned, and one of
them, who ventured so far as to get a full sight of my face, lifting up
his hands and eyes by way of admiration, cried out in a shrill but
distinct voice, _Hekinah degul_: the others repeated the same words
several times, but then I knew not what they meant. I lay all this
while, as the reader may believe, in great uneasiness. At length,
struggling to get loose, I had the fortune to break the strings, and
wrench out the pegs that fastened my left arm to the ground; for, by
lifting it up to my face, I discovered the methods they had taken to
bind me, and at the same time with a violent pull, which gave me
excessive pain, I a little loosened the strings that tied down my hair
on the left side, so that I was just able to turn my head about two
inches. But the creatures ran off a second time, before I could seize
them; whereupon there was a great shout in a very shrill accent, and
after it ceased I heard one of them cry aloud _Tolgo phonac_; when in
an instant I felt above a hundred arrows discharged on my left hand,
which, pricked me like so many needles; and besides, they shot another
flight into the air, as we do bombs in Europe, whereof many, I suppose,
fell on my body, (though I felt them not), and some on my face, which I
immediately covered with my left hand. When this shower of arrows was
over, I fell a groaning with grief and pain; and then striving again to
get loose, they discharged another volley larger than the first, and
some of them attempted with spears to stick me in the sides; but by
good luck I had on a buff jerkin, which they could not pierce. I
thought it the most prudent method to lie still, and my design was to
continue so till night, when, my left hand being already loose, I could
easily free myself: and as for the inhabitants, I had reason to believe
I might be a match for the greatest army they could bring against me,
if they were all of the same size with him that I saw. But fortune
disposed otherwise of me. When the people observed I was quiet, they
discharged no more arrows; but, by the noise I heard, I knew their
numbers increased; and about four yards from me, over against my right
ear, I heard a knocking for above an hour, like that of people at work;
when turning my head that way, as well as the pegs and strings would
permit me, I saw a stage erected about a foot and a half from the
ground, capable of holding four of the inhabitants, with two or three
ladders to mount it: from whence one of them, who seemed to be a person
of quality, made me a long speech, whereof I understood not one
syllable. But I should have mentioned, that before the principal person
began his oration, he cried out three times, _Langro dehul san_ (these
words and the former were afterwards repeated and explained to me);
whereupon, immediately, about fifty of the inhabitants came and cut the
strings that fastened the left side of my head, which gave me the
liberty of turning it to the right, and of observing the person and
gesture of him that was to speak. He appeared to be of a middle age,
and taller than any of the other three who attended him, whereof one
was a page that held up his train, and seemed to be somewhat longer
than my middle finger; the other two stood one on each side to support
him. He acted every part of an orator, and I could observe many periods
of threatenings, and others of promises, pity, and kindness. I answered
in a few words, but in the most submissive manner, lifting up my left
hand, and both my eyes to the sun, as calling him for a witness; and
being almost famished with hunger, having not eaten a morsel for some
hours before I left the ship, I found the demands of nature so strong
upon me, that I could not forbear showing my impatience (perhaps
against the strict rules of decency) by putting my finger frequently to
my mouth, to signify that I wanted food. The _hurgo_ (for so they call
a great lord, as I afterwards learnt) understood me very well. He
descended from the stage, and commanded that several ladders should be
applied to my sides, on which above a hundred of the inhabitants
mounted and walked towards my mouth, laden with baskets full of meat,
which had been provided and sent thither by the king’s orders, upon the
first intelligence he received of me. I observed there was the flesh of
several animals, but could not distinguish them by the taste. There
were shoulders, legs, and loins, shaped like those of mutton, and very
well dressed, but smaller than the wings of a lark. I ate them by two
or three at a mouthful, and took three loaves at a time, about the
bigness of musket bullets. They supplied me as fast as they could,
showing a thousand marks of wonder and astonishment at my bulk and
appetite. I then made another sign, that I wanted drink. They found by
my eating that a small quantity would not suffice me; and being a most
ingenious people, they slung up, with great dexterity, one of their
largest hogsheads, then rolled it towards my hand, and beat out the
top; I drank it off at a draught, which I might well do, for it did not
hold half a pint, and tasted like a small wine of Burgundy, but much
more delicious. They brought me a second hogshead, which I drank in the
same manner, and made signs for more; but they had none to give me.
When I had performed these wonders, they shouted for joy, and danced
upon my breast, repeating several times as they did at first, _Hekinah
degul_. They made me a sign that I should throw down the two hogsheads,
but first warning the people below to stand out of the way, crying
aloud, _Borach mevolah_; and when they saw the vessels in the air,
there was a universal shout of _Hekinah degul_. I confess I was often
tempted, while they were passing backwards and forwards on my body, to
seize forty or fifty of the first that came in my reach, and dash them
against the ground. But the remembrance of what I had felt, which
probably might not be the worst they could do, and the promise of
honour I made them—for so I interpreted my submissive behaviour—soon
drove out these imaginations. Besides, I now considered myself as bound
by the laws of hospitality, to a people who had treated me with so much
expense and magnificence. However, in my thoughts I could not
sufficiently wonder at the intrepidity of these diminutive mortals, who
durst venture to mount and walk upon my body, while one of my hands was
at liberty, without trembling at the very sight of so prodigious a
creature as I must appear to them. After some time, when they observed
that I made no more demands for meat, there appeared before me a person
of high rank from his imperial majesty. His excellency, having mounted
on the small of my right leg, advanced forwards up to my face, with
about a dozen of his retinue; and producing his credentials under the
signet royal, which he applied close to my eyes, spoke about ten
minutes without any signs of anger, but with a kind of determinate
resolution, often pointing forwards, which, as I afterwards found, was
towards the capital city, about half a mile distant; whither it was
agreed by his majesty in council that I must be conveyed. I answered in
few words, but to no purpose, and made a sign with my hand that was
loose, putting it to the other (but over his excellency’s head for fear
of hurting him or his train) and then to my own head and body, to
signify that I desired my liberty. It appeared that he understood me
well enough, for he shook his head by way of disapprobation, and held
his hand in a posture to show that I must be carried as a prisoner.
However, he made other signs to let me understand that I should have
meat and drink enough, and very good treatment. Whereupon I once more
thought of attempting to break my bonds; but again, when I felt the
smart of their arrows upon my face and hands, which were all in
blisters, and many of the darts still sticking in them, and observing
likewise that the number of my enemies increased, I gave tokens to let
them know that they might do with me what they pleased. Upon this, the
_hurgo_ and his train withdrew, with much civility and cheerful
countenances. Soon after I heard a general shout, with frequent
repetitions of the words _Peplom selan_; and I felt great numbers of
people on my left side relaxing the cords to such a degree, that I was
able to turn upon my right, and to ease myself with making water; which
I very plentifully did, to the great astonishment of the people; who,
conjecturing by my motion what I was going to do, immediately opened to
the right and left on that side, to avoid the torrent, which fell with
such noise and violence from me. But before this, they had daubed my
face and both my hands with a sort of ointment, very pleasant to the
smell, which, in a few minutes, removed all the smart of their arrows.
These circumstances, added to the refreshment I had received by their
victuals and drink, which were very nourishing, disposed me to sleep. I
slept about eight hours, as I was afterwards assured; and it was no
wonder, for the physicians, by the emperor’s order, had mingled a
sleepy potion in the hogsheads of wine.

It seems, that upon the first moment I was discovered sleeping on the
ground, after my landing, the emperor had early notice of it by an
express; and determined in council, that I should be tied in the manner
I have related, (which was done in the night while I slept;) that
plenty of meat and drink should be sent to me, and a machine prepared
to carry me to the capital city.

This resolution perhaps may appear very bold and dangerous, and I am
confident would not be imitated by any prince in Europe on the like
occasion. However, in my opinion, it was extremely prudent, as well as
generous: for, supposing these people had endeavoured to kill me with
their spears and arrows, while I was asleep, I should certainly have
awaked with the first sense of smart, which might so far have roused my
rage and strength, as to have enabled me to break the strings wherewith
I was tied; after which, as they were not able to make resistance, so
they could expect no mercy.

These people are most excellent mathematicians, and arrived to a great
perfection in mechanics, by the countenance and encouragement of the
emperor, who is a renowned patron of learning. This prince has several
machines fixed on wheels, for the carriage of trees and other great
weights. He often builds his largest men of war, whereof some are nine
feet long, in the woods where the timber grows, and has them carried on
these engines three or four hundred yards to the sea. Five hundred
carpenters and engineers were immediately set at work to prepare the
greatest engine they had. It was a frame of wood raised three inches
from the ground, about seven feet long, and four wide, moving upon
twenty-two wheels. The shout I heard was upon the arrival of this
engine, which, it seems, set out in four hours after my landing. It was
brought parallel to me, as I lay. But the principal difficulty was to
raise and place me in this vehicle. Eighty poles, each of one foot
high, were erected for this purpose, and very strong cords, of the
bigness of packthread, were fastened by hooks to many bandages, which
the workmen had girt round my neck, my hands, my body, and my legs.
Nine hundred of the strongest men were employed to draw up these cords,
by many pulleys fastened on the poles; and thus, in less than three
hours, I was raised and slung into the engine, and there tied fast. All
this I was told; for, while the operation was performing, I lay in a
profound sleep, by the force of that soporiferous medicine infused into
my liquor. Fifteen hundred of the emperor’s largest horses, each about
four inches and a half high, were employed to draw me towards the
metropolis, which, as I said, was half a mile distant.

About four hours after we began our journey, I awaked by a very
ridiculous accident; for the carriage being stopped a while, to adjust
something that was out of order, two or three of the young natives had
the curiosity to see how I looked when I was asleep; they climbed up
into the engine, and advancing very softly to my face, one of them, an
officer in the guards, put the sharp end of his half-pike a good way up
into my left nostril, which tickled my nose like a straw, and made me
sneeze violently; whereupon they stole off unperceived, and it was
three weeks before I knew the cause of my waking so suddenly. We made a
long march the remaining part of the day, and, rested at night with
five hundred guards on each side of me, half with torches, and half
with bows and arrows, ready to shoot me if I should offer to stir. The
next morning at sunrise we continued our march, and arrived within two
hundred yards of the city gates about noon. The emperor, and all his
court, came out to meet us; but his great officers would by no means
suffer his majesty to endanger his person by mounting on my body.

At the place where the carriage stopped there stood an ancient temple,
esteemed to be the largest in the whole kingdom; which, having been
polluted some years before by an unnatural murder, was, according to
the zeal of those people, looked upon as profane, and therefore had
been applied to common use, and all the ornaments and furniture carried
away. In this edifice it was determined I should lodge. The great gate
fronting to the north was about four feet high, and almost two feet
wide, through which I could easily creep. On each side of the gate was
a small window, not above six inches from the ground: into that on the
left side, the king’s smith conveyed fourscore and eleven chains, like
those that hang to a lady’s watch in Europe, and almost as large, which
were locked to my left leg with six-and-thirty padlocks. Over against
this temple, on the other side of the great highway, at twenty feet
distance, there was a turret at least five feet high. Here the emperor
ascended, with many principal lords of his court, to have an
opportunity of viewing me, as I was told, for I could not see them. It
was reckoned that above a hundred thousand inhabitants came out of the
town upon the same errand; and, in spite of my guards, I believe there
could not be fewer than ten thousand at several times, who mounted my
body by the help of ladders. But a proclamation was soon issued, to
forbid it upon pain of death. When the workmen found it was impossible
for me to break loose, they cut all the strings that bound me;
whereupon I rose up, with as melancholy a disposition as ever I had in
my life. But the noise and astonishment of the people, at seeing me
rise and walk, are not to be expressed. The chains that held my left
leg were about two yards long, and gave me not only the liberty of
walking backwards and forwards in a semicircle, but, being fixed within
four inches of the gate, allowed me to creep in, and lie at my full
length in the temple.


CHAPTER II.

The emperor of Lilliput, attended by several of the nobility, comes to
see the author in his confinement. The emperor’s person and habit
described. Learned men appointed to teach the author their language. He
gains favour by his mild disposition. His pockets are searched, and his
sword and pistols taken from him.


When I found myself on my feet, I looked about me, and must confess I
never beheld a more entertaining prospect. The country around appeared
like a continued garden, and the enclosed fields, which were generally
forty feet square, resembled so many beds of flowers. These fields were
intermingled with woods of half a stang, [301] and the tallest trees,
as I could judge, appeared to be seven feet high. I viewed the town on
my left hand, which looked like the painted scene of a city in a
theatre.

I had been for some hours extremely pressed by the necessities of
nature; which was no wonder, it being almost two days since I had last
disburdened myself. I was under great difficulties between urgency and
shame. The best expedient I could think of, was to creep into my house,
which I accordingly did; and shutting the gate after me, I went as far
as the length of my chain would suffer, and discharged my body of that
uneasy load. But this was the only time I was ever guilty of so
uncleanly an action; for which I cannot but hope the candid reader will
give some allowance, after he has maturely and impartially considered
my case, and the distress I was in. From this time my constant practice
was, as soon as I rose, to perform that business in open air, at the
full extent of my chain; and due care was taken every morning before
company came, that the offensive matter should be carried off in
wheel-barrows, by two servants appointed for that purpose. I would not
have dwelt so long upon a circumstance that, perhaps, at first sight,
may appear not very momentous, if I had not thought it necessary to
justify my character, in point of cleanliness, to the world; which, I
am told, some of my maligners have been pleased, upon this and other
occasions, to call in question.

When this adventure was at an end, I came back out of my house, having
occasion for fresh air. The emperor was already descended from the
tower, and advancing on horseback towards me, which had like to have
cost him dear; for the beast, though very well trained, yet wholly
unused to such a sight, which appeared as if a mountain moved before
him, reared up on its hinder feet: but that prince, who is an excellent
horseman, kept his seat, till his attendants ran in, and held the
bridle, while his majesty had time to dismount. When he alighted, he
surveyed me round with great admiration; but kept beyond the length of
my chain. He ordered his cooks and butlers, who were already prepared,
to give me victuals and drink, which they pushed forward in a sort of
vehicles upon wheels, till I could reach them. I took these vehicles
and soon emptied them all; twenty of them were filled with meat, and
ten with liquor; each of the former afforded me two or three good
mouthfuls; and I emptied the liquor of ten vessels, which was contained
in earthen vials, into one vehicle, drinking it off at a draught; and
so I did with the rest. The empress, and young princes of the blood of
both sexes, attended by many ladies, sat at some distance in their
chairs; but upon the accident that happened to the emperor’s horse,
they alighted, and came near his person, which I am now going to
describe. He is taller by almost the breadth of my nail, than any of
his court; which alone is enough to strike an awe into the beholders.
His features are strong and masculine, with an Austrian lip and arched
nose, his complexion olive, his countenance erect, his body and limbs
well proportioned, all his motions graceful, and his deportment
majestic. He was then past his prime, being twenty-eight years and
three quarters old, of which he had reigned about seven in great
felicity, and generally victorious. For the better convenience of
beholding him, I lay on my side, so that my face was parallel to his,
and he stood but three yards off: however, I have had him since many
times in my hand, and therefore cannot be deceived in the description.
His dress was very plain and simple, and the fashion of it between the
Asiatic and the European; but he had on his head a light helmet of
gold, adorned with jewels, and a plume on the crest. He held his sword
drawn in his hand to defend himself, if I should happen to break loose;
it was almost three inches long; the hilt and scabbard were gold
enriched with diamonds. His voice was shrill, but very clear and
articulate; and I could distinctly hear it when I stood up. The ladies
and courtiers were all most magnificently clad; so that the spot they
stood upon seemed to resemble a petticoat spread upon the ground,
embroidered with figures of gold and silver. His imperial majesty spoke
often to me, and I returned answers: but neither of us could understand
a syllable. There were several of his priests and lawyers present (as I
conjectured by their habits), who were commanded to address themselves
to me; and I spoke to them in as many languages as I had the least
smattering of, which were High and Low Dutch, Latin, French, Spanish,
Italian, and Lingua Franca, but all to no purpose. After about two
hours the court retired, and I was left with a strong guard, to prevent
the impertinence, and probably the malice of the rabble, who were very
impatient to crowd about me as near as they durst; and some of them had
the impudence to shoot their arrows at me, as I sat on the ground by
the door of my house, whereof one very narrowly missed my left eye. But
the colonel ordered six of the ringleaders to be seized, and thought no
punishment so proper as to deliver them bound into my hands; which some
of his soldiers accordingly did, pushing them forward with the
butt-ends of their pikes into my reach. I took them all in my right
hand, put five of them into my coat-pocket; and as to the sixth, I made
a countenance as if I would eat him alive. The poor man squalled
terribly, and the colonel and his officers were in much pain,
especially when they saw me take out my penknife: but I soon put them
out of fear; for, looking mildly, and immediately cutting the strings
he was bound with, I set him gently on the ground, and away he ran. I
treated the rest in the same manner, taking them one by one out of my
pocket; and I observed both the soldiers and people were highly
delighted at this mark of my clemency, which was represented very much
to my advantage at court.

Towards night I got with some difficulty into my house, where I lay on
the ground, and continued to do so about a fortnight; during which
time, the emperor gave orders to have a bed prepared for me. Six
hundred beds of the common measure were brought in carriages, and
worked up in my house; a hundred and fifty of their beds, sewn
together, made up the breadth and length; and these were four double:
which, however, kept me but very indifferently from the hardness of the
floor, that was of smooth stone. By the same computation, they provided
me with sheets, blankets, and coverlets, tolerable enough for one who
had been so long inured to hardships.

As the news of my arrival spread through the kingdom, it brought
prodigious numbers of rich, idle, and curious people to see me; so that
the villages were almost emptied; and great neglect of tillage and
household affairs must have ensued, if his imperial majesty had not
provided, by several proclamations and orders of state, against this
inconveniency. He directed that those who had already beheld me should
return home, and not presume to come within fifty yards of my house,
without license from the court; whereby the secretaries of state got
considerable fees.

In the mean time the emperor held frequent councils, to debate what
course should be taken with me; and I was afterwards assured by a
particular friend, a person of great quality, who was as much in the
secret as any, that the court was under many difficulties concerning
me. They apprehended my breaking loose; that my diet would be very
expensive, and might cause a famine. Sometimes they determined to
starve me; or at least to shoot me in the face and hands with poisoned
arrows, which would soon despatch me; but again they considered, that
the stench of so large a carcass might produce a plague in the
metropolis, and probably spread through the whole kingdom. In the midst
of these consultations, several officers of the army went to the door
of the great council-chamber, and two of them being admitted, gave an
account of my behaviour to the six criminals above-mentioned; which
made so favourable an impression in the breast of his majesty and the
whole board, in my behalf, that an imperial commission was issued out,
obliging all the villages, nine hundred yards round the city, to
deliver in every morning six beeves, forty sheep, and other victuals
for my sustenance; together with a proportionable quantity of bread,
and wine, and other liquors; for the due payment of which, his majesty
gave assignments upon his treasury:—for this prince lives chiefly upon
his own demesnes; seldom, except upon great occasions, raising any
subsidies upon his subjects, who are bound to attend him in his wars at
their own expense. An establishment was also made of six hundred
persons to be my domestics, who had board-wages allowed for their
maintenance, and tents built for them very conveniently on each side of
my door. It was likewise ordered, that three hundred tailors should
make me a suit of clothes, after the fashion of the country; that six
of his majesty’s greatest scholars should be employed to instruct me in
their language; and lastly, that the emperor’s horses, and those of the
nobility and troops of guards, should be frequently exercised in my
sight, to accustom themselves to me. All these orders were duly put in
execution; and in about three weeks I made a great progress in learning
their language; during which time the emperor frequently honoured me
with his visits, and was pleased to assist my masters in teaching me.
We began already to converse together in some sort; and the first words
I learnt, were to express my desire “that he would please give me my
liberty;” which I every day repeated on my knees. His answer, as I
could comprehend it, was, “that this must be a work of time, not to be
thought on without the advice of his council, and that first I must
_lumos kelmin pesso desmar lon emposo_;” that is, swear a peace with
him and his kingdom. However, that I should be used with all kindness.
And he advised me to “acquire, by my patience and discreet behaviour,
the good opinion of himself and his subjects.” He desired “I would not
take it ill, if he gave orders to certain proper officers to search me;
for probably I might carry about me several weapons, which must needs
be dangerous things, if they answered the bulk of so prodigious a
person.” I said, “His majesty should be satisfied; for I was ready to
strip myself, and turn up my pockets before him.” This I delivered part
in words, and part in signs. He replied, “that, by the laws of the
kingdom, I must be searched by two of his officers; that he knew this
could not be done without my consent and assistance; and he had so good
an opinion of my generosity and justice, as to trust their persons in
my hands; that whatever they took from me, should be returned when I
left the country, or paid for at the rate which I would set upon them.”
I took up the two officers in my hands, put them first into my
coat-pockets, and then into every other pocket about me, except my two
fobs, and another secret pocket, which I had no mind should be
searched, wherein I had some little necessaries that were of no
consequence to any but myself. In one of my fobs there was a silver
watch, and in the other a small quantity of gold in a purse. These
gentlemen, having pen, ink, and paper, about them, made an exact
inventory of every thing they saw; and when they had done, desired I
would set them down, that they might deliver it to the emperor. This
inventory I afterwards translated into English, and is, word for word,
as follows:


“_Imprimis_: In the right coat-pocket of the great man-mountain” (for
so I interpret the words _quinbus flestrin_,) “after the strictest
search, we found only one great piece of coarse-cloth, large enough to
be a foot-cloth for your majesty’s chief room of state. In the left
pocket we saw a huge silver chest, with a cover of the same metal,
which we, the searchers, were not able to lift. We desired it should be
opened, and one of us stepping into it, found himself up to the mid leg
in a sort of dust, some part whereof flying up to our faces set us both
a sneezing for several times together. In his right waistcoat-pocket we
found a prodigious bundle of white thin substances, folded one over
another, about the bigness of three men, tied with a strong cable, and
marked with black figures; which we humbly conceive to be writings,
every letter almost half as large as the palm of our hands. In the left
there was a sort of engine, from the back of which were extended twenty
long poles, resembling the pallisados before your majesty’s court:
wherewith we conjecture the man-mountain combs his head; for we did not
always trouble him with questions, because we found it a great
difficulty to make him understand us. In the large pocket, on the right
side of his middle cover” (so I translate the word _ranfulo_, by which
they meant my breeches,) “we saw a hollow pillar of iron, about the
length of a man, fastened to a strong piece of timber larger than the
pillar; and upon one side of the pillar, were huge pieces of iron
sticking out, cut into strange figures, which we know not what to make
of. In the left pocket, another engine of the same kind. In the smaller
pocket on the right side, were several round flat pieces of white and
red metal, of different bulk; some of the white, which seemed to be
silver, were so large and heavy, that my comrade and I could hardly
lift them. In the left pocket were two black pillars irregularly
shaped: we could not, without difficulty, reach the top of them, as we
stood at the bottom of his pocket. One of them was covered, and seemed
all of a piece: but at the upper end of the other there appeared a
white round substance, about twice the bigness of our heads. Within
each of these was enclosed a prodigious plate of steel; which, by our
orders, we obliged him to show us, because we apprehended they might be
dangerous engines. He took them out of their cases, and told us, that
in his own country his practice was to shave his beard with one of
these, and cut his meat with the other. There were two pockets which we
could not enter: these he called his fobs; they were two large slits
cut into the top of his middle cover, but squeezed close by the
pressure of his belly. Out of the right fob hung a great silver chain,
with a wonderful kind of engine at the bottom. We directed him to draw
out whatever was at the end of that chain; which appeared to be a
globe, half silver, and half of some transparent metal; for, on the
transparent side, we saw certain strange figures circularly drawn, and
thought we could touch them, till we found our fingers stopped by the
lucid substance. He put this engine into our ears, which made an
incessant noise, like that of a water-mill: and we conjecture it is
either some unknown animal, or the god that he worships; but we are
more inclined to the latter opinion, because he assured us, (if we
understood him right, for he expressed himself very imperfectly) that
he seldom did any thing without consulting it. He called it his oracle,
and said, it pointed out the time for every action of his life. From
the left fob he took out a net almost large enough for a fisherman, but
contrived to open and shut like a purse, and served him for the same
use: we found therein several massy pieces of yellow metal, which, if
they be real gold, must be of immense value.

“Having thus, in obedience to your majesty’s commands, diligently
searched all his pockets, we observed a girdle about his waist made of
the hide of some prodigious animal, from which, on the left side, hung
a sword of the length of five men; and on the right, a bag or pouch
divided into two cells, each cell capable of holding three of your
majesty’s subjects. In one of these cells were several globes, or
balls, of a most ponderous metal, about the bigness of our heads, and
requiring a strong hand to lift them: the other cell contained a heap
of certain black grains, but of no great bulk or weight, for we could
hold above fifty of them in the palms of our hands.

“This is an exact inventory of what we found about the body of the
man-mountain, who used us with great civility, and due respect to your
majesty’s commission. Signed and sealed on the fourth day of the
eighty-ninth moon of your majesty’s auspicious reign.


                                     Clefrin Frelock, Marsi Frelock.”

When this inventory was read over to the emperor, he directed me,
although in very gentle terms, to deliver up the several particulars.
He first called for my scimitar, which I took out, scabbard and all. In
the mean time he ordered three thousand of his choicest troops (who
then attended him) to surround me at a distance, with their bows and
arrows just ready to discharge; but I did not observe it, for my eyes
were wholly fixed upon his majesty. He then desired me to draw my
scimitar, which, although it had got some rust by the sea water, was,
in most parts, exceeding bright. I did so, and immediately all the
troops gave a shout between terror and surprise; for the sun shone
clear, and the reflection dazzled their eyes, as I waved the scimitar
to and fro in my hand. His majesty, who is a most magnanimous prince,
was less daunted than I could expect: he ordered me to return it into
the scabbard, and cast it on the ground as gently as I could, about six
feet from the end of my chain. The next thing he demanded was one of
the hollow iron pillars; by which he meant my pocket pistols. I drew it
out, and at his desire, as well as I could, expressed to him the use of
it; and charging it only with powder, which, by the closeness of my
pouch, happened to escape wetting in the sea (an inconvenience against
which all prudent mariners take special care to provide,) I first
cautioned the emperor not to be afraid, and then I let it off in the
air. The astonishment here was much greater than at the sight of my
scimitar. Hundreds fell down as if they had been struck dead; and even
the emperor, although he stood his ground, could not recover himself
for some time. I delivered up both my pistols in the same manner as I
had done my scimitar, and then my pouch of powder and bullets; begging
him that the former might be kept from fire, for it would kindle with
the smallest spark, and blow up his imperial palace into the air. I
likewise delivered up my watch, which the emperor was very curious to
see, and commanded two of his tallest yeomen of the guards to bear it
on a pole upon their shoulders, as draymen in England do a barrel of
ale. He was amazed at the continual noise it made, and the motion of
the minute-hand, which he could easily discern; for their sight is much
more acute than ours: he asked the opinions of his learned men about
it, which were various and remote, as the reader may well imagine
without my repeating; although indeed I could not very perfectly
understand them. I then gave up my silver and copper money, my purse,
with nine large pieces of gold, and some smaller ones; my knife and
razor, my comb and silver snuff-box, my handkerchief and journal-book.
My scimitar, pistols, and pouch, were conveyed in carriages to his
majesty’s stores; but the rest of my goods were returned me.

I had as I before observed, one private pocket, which escaped their
search, wherein there was a pair of spectacles (which I sometimes use
for the weakness of my eyes,) a pocket perspective, and some other
little conveniences; which, being of no consequence to the emperor, I
did not think myself bound in honour to discover, and I apprehended
they might be lost or spoiled if I ventured them out of my possession.


CHAPTER III.

The author diverts the emperor, and his nobility of both sexes, in a
very uncommon manner. The diversions of the court of Lilliput
described. The author has his liberty granted him upon certain
conditions.


My gentleness and good behaviour had gained so far on the emperor and
his court, and indeed upon the army and people in general, that I began
to conceive hopes of getting my liberty in a short time. I took all
possible methods to cultivate this favourable disposition. The natives
came, by degrees, to be less apprehensive of any danger from me. I
would sometimes lie down, and let five or six of them dance on my hand;
and at last the boys and girls would venture to come and play at
hide-and-seek in my hair. I had now made a good progress in
understanding and speaking the language. The emperor had a mind one day
to entertain me with several of the country shows, wherein they exceed
all nations I have known, both for dexterity and magnificence. I was
diverted with none so much as that of the rope-dancers, performed upon
a slender white thread, extended about two feet, and twelve inches from
the ground. Upon which I shall desire liberty, with the reader’s
patience, to enlarge a little.

This diversion is only practised by those persons who are candidates
for great employments, and high favour at court. They are trained in
this art from their youth, and are not always of noble birth, or
liberal education. When a great office is vacant, either by death or
disgrace (which often happens) five or six of those candidates
petition the emperor to entertain his majesty and the court with a
dance on the rope; and whoever jumps the highest, without falling,
succeeds in the office. Very often the chief ministers themselves are
commanded to show their skill, and to convince the emperor that they
have not lost their faculty. Flimnap, the treasurer, is allowed to cut
a caper on the straight rope, at least an inch higher than any other
lord in the whole empire. I have seen him do the summerset several
times together, upon a trencher fixed on a rope which is no thicker
than a common packthread in England. My friend Reldresal, principal
secretary for private affairs, is, in my opinion, if I am not partial,
the second after the treasurer; the rest of the great officers are much
upon a par.

These diversions are often attended with fatal accidents, whereof great
numbers are on record. I myself have seen two or three candidates break
a limb. But the danger is much greater, when the ministers themselves
are commanded to show their dexterity; for, by contending to excel
themselves and their fellows, they strain so far that there is hardly
one of them who has not received a fall, and some of them two or three.
I was assured that, a year or two before my arrival, Flimnap would
infallibly have broke his neck, if one of the king’s cushions, that
accidentally lay on the ground, had not weakened the force of his fall.

There is likewise another diversion, which is only shown before the
emperor and empress, and first minister, upon particular occasions. The
emperor lays on the table three fine silken threads of six inches long;
one is blue, the other red, and the third green. These threads are
proposed as prizes for those persons whom the emperor has a mind to
distinguish by a peculiar mark of his favour. The ceremony is performed
in his majesty’s great chamber of state, where the candidates are to
undergo a trial of dexterity very different from the former, and such
as I have not observed the least resemblance of in any other country of
the new or old world. The emperor holds a stick in his hands, both ends
parallel to the horizon, while the candidates advancing, one by one,
sometimes leap over the stick, sometimes creep under it, backward and
forward, several times, according as the stick is advanced or
depressed. Sometimes the emperor holds one end of the stick, and his
first minister the other; sometimes the minister has it entirely to
himself. Whoever performs his part with most agility, and holds out the
longest in leaping and creeping, is rewarded with the blue-coloured
silk; the red is given to the next, and the green to the third, which
they all wear girt twice round about the middle; and you see few great
persons about this court who are not adorned with one of these girdles.

The horses of the army, and those of the royal stables, having been
daily led before me, were no longer shy, but would come up to my very
feet without starting. The riders would leap them over my hand, as I
held it on the ground; and one of the emperor’s huntsmen, upon a large
courser, took my foot, shoe and all; which was indeed a prodigious
leap. I had the good fortune to divert the emperor one day after a very
extraordinary manner. I desired he would order several sticks of two
feet high, and the thickness of an ordinary cane, to be brought me;
whereupon his majesty commanded the master of his woods to give
directions accordingly; and the next morning six woodmen arrived with
as many carriages, drawn by eight horses to each. I took nine of these
sticks, and fixing them firmly in the ground in a quadrangular figure,
two feet and a half square, I took four other sticks, and tied them
parallel at each corner, about two feet from the ground; then I
fastened my handkerchief to the nine sticks that stood erect; and
extended it on all sides, till it was tight as the top of a drum; and
the four parallel sticks, rising about five inches higher than the
handkerchief, served as ledges on each side. When I had finished my
work, I desired the emperor to let a troop of his best horses
twenty-four in number, come and exercise upon this plain. His majesty
approved of the proposal, and I took them up, one by one, in my hands,
ready mounted and armed, with the proper officers to exercise them. As
soon as they got into order they divided into two parties, performed
mock skirmishes, discharged blunt arrows, drew their swords, fled and
pursued, attacked and retired, and in short discovered the best
military discipline I ever beheld. The parallel sticks secured them and
their horses from falling over the stage; and the emperor was so much
delighted, that he ordered this entertainment to be repeated several
days, and once was pleased to be lifted up and give the word of
command; and with great difficulty persuaded even the empress herself
to let me hold her in her close chair within two yards of the stage,
when she was able to take a full view of the whole performance. It was
my good fortune, that no ill accident happened in these entertainments;
only once a fiery horse, that belonged to one of the captains, pawing
with his hoof, struck a hole in my handkerchief, and his foot slipping,
he overthrew his rider and himself; but I immediately relieved them
both, and covering the hole with one hand, I set down the troop with
the other, in the same manner as I took them up. The horse that fell
was strained in the left shoulder, but the rider got no hurt; and I
repaired my handkerchief as well as I could: however, I would not trust
to the strength of it any more, in such dangerous enterprises.

About two or three days before I was set at liberty, as I was
entertaining the court with this kind of feat, there arrived an express
to inform his majesty, that some of his subjects, riding near the place
where I was first taken up, had seen a great black substance lying on
the ground, very oddly shaped, extending its edges round, as wide as
his majesty’s bedchamber, and rising up in the middle as high as a man;
that it was no living creature, as they at first apprehended, for it
lay on the grass without motion; and some of them had walked round it
several times; that, by mounting upon each other’s shoulders, they had
got to the top, which was flat and even, and, stamping upon it, they
found that it was hollow within; that they humbly conceived it might be
something belonging to the man-mountain; and if his majesty pleased,
they would undertake to bring it with only five horses. I presently
knew what they meant, and was glad at heart to receive this
intelligence. It seems, upon my first reaching the shore after our
shipwreck, I was in such confusion, that before I came to the place
where I went to sleep, my hat, which I had fastened with a string to my
head while I was rowing, and had stuck on all the time I was swimming,
fell off after I came to land; the string, as I conjecture, breaking by
some accident, which I never observed, but thought my hat had been lost
at sea. I entreated his imperial majesty to give orders it might be
brought to me as soon as possible, describing to him the use and the
nature of it: and the next day the waggoners arrived with it, but not
in a very good condition; they had bored two holes in the brim, within
an inch and half of the edge, and fastened two hooks in the holes;
these hooks were tied by a long cord to the harness, and thus my hat
was dragged along for above half an English mile; but, the ground in
that country being extremely smooth and level, it received less damage
than I expected.

Two days after this adventure, the emperor, having ordered that part of
his army which quarters in and about his metropolis, to be in
readiness, took a fancy of diverting himself in a very singular manner.
He desired I would stand like a Colossus, with my legs as far asunder
as I conveniently could. He then commanded his general (who was an old
experienced leader, and a great patron of mine) to draw up the troops
in close order, and march them under me; the foot by twenty-four
abreast, and the horse by sixteen, with drums beating, colours flying,
and pikes advanced. This body consisted of three thousand foot, and a
thousand horse. His majesty gave orders, upon pain of death, that every
soldier in his march should observe the strictest decency with regard
to my person; which however could not prevent some of the younger
officers from turning up their eyes as they passed under me: and, to
confess the truth, my breeches were at that time in so ill a condition,
that they afforded some opportunities for laughter and admiration.

I had sent so many memorials and petitions for my liberty, that his
majesty at length mentioned the matter, first in the cabinet, and then
in a full council; where it was opposed by none, except Skyresh
Bolgolam, who was pleased, without any provocation, to be my mortal
enemy. But it was carried against him by the whole board, and confirmed
by the emperor. That minister was _galbet_, or admiral of the realm,
very much in his master’s confidence, and a person well versed in
affairs, but of a morose and sour complexion. However, he was at length
persuaded to comply; but prevailed that the articles and conditions
upon which I should be set free, and to which I must swear, should be
drawn up by himself. These articles were brought to me by Skyresh
Bolgolam in person attended by two under-secretaries, and several
persons of distinction. After they were read, I was demanded to swear
to the performance of them; first in the manner of my own country, and
afterwards in the method prescribed by their laws; which was, to hold
my right foot in my left hand, and to place the middle finger of my
right hand on the crown of my head, and my thumb on the tip of my right
ear. But because the reader may be curious to have some idea of the
style and manner of expression peculiar to that people, as well as to
know the article upon which I recovered my liberty, I have made a
translation of the whole instrument, word for word, as near as I was
able, which I here offer to the public.


“Golbasto Momarem Evlame Gurdilo Shefin Mully Ully Gue, most mighty
Emperor of Lilliput, delight and terror of the universe, whose
dominions extend five thousand _blustrugs_ (about twelve miles in
circumference) to the extremities of the globe; monarch of all
monarchs, taller than the sons of men; whose feet press down to the
centre, and whose head strikes against the sun; at whose nod the
princes of the earth shake their knees; pleasant as the spring,
comfortable as the summer, fruitful as autumn, dreadful as winter: his
most sublime majesty proposes to the man-mountain, lately arrived at
our celestial dominions, the following articles, which, by a solemn
oath, he shall be obliged to perform:—

“1st, The man-mountain shall not depart from our dominions, without our
license under our great seal.

“2d, He shall not presume to come into our metropolis, without our
express order; at which time, the inhabitants shall have two hours
warning to keep within doors.

“3d, The said man-mountain shall confine his walks to our principal
high roads, and not offer to walk, or lie down, in a meadow or field of
corn.

“4th, As he walks the said roads, he shall take the utmost care not to
trample upon the bodies of any of our loving subjects, their horses, or
carriages, nor take any of our subjects into his hands without their
own consent.

“5th, If an express requires extraordinary despatch, the man-mountain
shall be obliged to carry, in his pocket, the messenger and horse a six
days journey, once in every moon, and return the said messenger back
(if so required) safe to our imperial presence.

“6th, He shall be our ally against our enemies in the island of
Blefuscu, and do his utmost to destroy their fleet, which is now
preparing to invade us.

“7th, That the said man-mountain shall, at his times of leisure, be
aiding and assisting to our workmen, in helping to raise certain great
stones, towards covering the wall of the principal park, and other our
royal buildings.

“8th, That the said man-mountain shall, in two moons’ time, deliver in
an exact survey of the circumference of our dominions, by a computation
of his own paces round the coast.

“Lastly, That, upon his solemn oath to observe all the above articles,
the said man-mountain shall have a daily allowance of meat and drink
sufficient for the support of 1724 of our subjects, with free access to
our royal person, and other marks of our favour. Given at our palace at
Belfaborac, the twelfth day of the ninety-first moon of our reign.”


I swore and subscribed to these articles with great cheerfulness and
content, although some of them were not so honourable as I could have
wished; which proceeded wholly from the malice of Skyresh Bolgolam, the
high-admiral: whereupon my chains were immediately unlocked, and I was
at full liberty. The emperor himself, in person, did me the honour to
be by at the whole ceremony. I made my acknowledgements by prostrating
myself at his majesty’s feet: but he commanded me to rise; and after
many gracious expressions, which, to avoid the censure of vanity, I
shall not repeat, he added, “that he hoped I should prove a useful
servant, and well deserve all the favours he had already conferred upon
me, or might do for the future.”

The reader may please to observe, that, in the last article of the
recovery of my liberty, the emperor stipulates to allow me a quantity
of meat and drink sufficient for the support of 1724 Lilliputians. Some
time after, asking a friend at court how they came to fix on that
determinate number, he told me that his majesty’s mathematicians,
having taken the height of my body by the help of a quadrant, and
finding it to exceed theirs in the proportion of twelve to one, they
concluded from the similarity of their bodies, that mine must contain
at least 1724 of theirs, and consequently would require as much food as
was necessary to support that number of Lilliputians. By which the
reader may conceive an idea of the ingenuity of that people, as well as
the prudent and exact economy of so great a prince.


CHAPTER IV.

Mildendo, the metropolis of Lilliput, described, together with the
emperor’s palace. A conversation between the author and a principal
secretary, concerning the affairs of that empire. The author’s offers
to serve the emperor in his wars.


The first request I made, after I had obtained my liberty, was, that I
might have license to see Mildendo, the metropolis; which the emperor
easily granted me, but with a special charge to do no hurt either to
the inhabitants or their houses. The people had notice, by
proclamation, of my design to visit the town. The wall which
encompassed it is two feet and a half high, and at least eleven inches
broad, so that a coach and horses may be driven very safely round it;
and it is flanked with strong towers at ten feet distance. I stepped
over the great western gate, and passed very gently, and sidling,
through the two principal streets, only in my short waistcoat, for fear
of damaging the roofs and eaves of the houses with the skirts of my
coat. I walked with the utmost circumspection, to avoid treading on any
stragglers who might remain in the streets, although the orders were
very strict, that all people should keep in their houses, at their own
peril. The garret windows and tops of houses were so crowded with
spectators, that I thought in all my travels I had not seen a more
populous place. The city is an exact square, each side of the wall
being five hundred feet long. The two great streets, which run across
and divide it into four quarters, are five feet wide. The lanes and
alleys, which I could not enter, but only view them as I passed, are
from twelve to eighteen inches. The town is capable of holding five
hundred thousand souls: the houses are from three to five stories: the
shops and markets well provided.

The emperor’s palace is in the centre of the city where the two great
streets meet. It is enclosed by a wall of two feet high, and twenty
feet distance from the buildings. I had his majesty’s permission to
step over this wall; and, the space being so wide between that and the
palace, I could easily view it on every side. The outward court is a
square of forty feet, and includes two other courts: in the inmost are
the royal apartments, which I was very desirous to see, but found it
extremely difficult; for the great gates, from one square into another,
were but eighteen inches high, and seven inches wide. Now the buildings
of the outer court were at least five feet high, and it was impossible
for me to stride over them without infinite damage to the pile, though
the walls were strongly built of hewn stone, and four inches thick. At
the same time the emperor had a great desire that I should see the
magnificence of his palace; but this I was not able to do till three
days after, which I spent in cutting down with my knife some of the
largest trees in the royal park, about a hundred yards distant from the
city. Of these trees I made two stools, each about three feet high, and
strong enough to bear my weight. The people having received notice a
second time, I went again through the city to the palace with my two
stools in my hands. When I came to the side of the outer court, I stood
upon one stool, and took the other in my hand; this I lifted over the
roof, and gently set it down on the space between the first and second
court, which was eight feet wide. I then stept over the building very
conveniently from one stool to the other, and drew up the first after
me with a hooked stick. By this contrivance I got into the inmost
court; and, lying down upon my side, I applied my face to the windows
of the middle stories, which were left open on purpose, and discovered
the most splendid apartments that can be imagined. There I saw the
empress and the young princes, in their several lodgings, with their
chief attendants about them. Her imperial majesty was pleased to smile
very graciously upon me, and gave me out of the window her hand to
kiss.

But I shall not anticipate the reader with further descriptions of this
kind, because I reserve them for a greater work, which is now almost
ready for the press; containing a general description of this empire,
from its first erection, through a long series of princes; with a
particular account of their wars and politics, laws, learning, and
religion; their plants and animals; their peculiar manners and customs,
with other matters very curious and useful; my chief design at present
being only to relate such events and transactions as happened to the
public or to myself during a residence of about nine months in that
empire.

One morning, about a fortnight after I had obtained my liberty,
Reldresal, principal secretary (as they style him) for private affairs,
came to my house attended only by one servant. He ordered his coach to
wait at a distance, and desired I would give him an hour’s audience;
which I readily consented to, on account of his quality and personal
merits, as well as of the many good offices he had done me during my
solicitations at court. I offered to lie down that he might the more
conveniently reach my ear, but he chose rather to let me hold him in my
hand during our conversation. He began with compliments on my liberty;
said “he might pretend to some merit in it;” but, however, added, “that
if it had not been for the present situation of things at court,
perhaps I might not have obtained it so soon. For,” said he, “as
flourishing a condition as we may appear to be in to foreigners, we
labour under two mighty evils: a violent faction at home, and the
danger of an invasion, by a most potent enemy, from abroad. As to the
first, you are to understand, that for about seventy moons past there
have been two struggling parties in this empire, under the names of
_Tramecksan_ and _Slamecksan_, from the high and low heels of their
shoes, by which they distinguish themselves. It is alleged, indeed,
that the high heels are most agreeable to our ancient constitution;
but, however this be, his majesty has determined to make use only of
low heels in the administration of the government, and all offices in
the gift of the crown, as you cannot but observe; and particularly that
his majesty’s imperial heels are lower at least by a _drurr_ than any
of his court (_drurr_ is a measure about the fourteenth part of an
inch). The animosities between these two parties run so high, that they
will neither eat, nor drink, nor talk with each other. We compute the
_Tramecksan_, or high heels, to exceed us in number; but the power is
wholly on our side. We apprehend his imperial highness, the heir to the
crown, to have some tendency towards the high heels; at least we can
plainly discover that one of his heels is higher than the other, which
gives him a hobble in his gait. Now, in the midst of these intestine
disquiets, we are threatened with an invasion from the island of
Blefuscu, which is the other great empire of the universe, almost as
large and powerful as this of his majesty. For as to what we have heard
you affirm, that there are other kingdoms and states in the world
inhabited by human creatures as large as yourself, our philosophers are
in much doubt, and would rather conjecture that you dropped from the
moon, or one of the stars; because it is certain, that a hundred
mortals of your bulk would in a short time destroy all the fruits and
cattle of his majesty’s dominions: besides, our histories of six
thousand moons make no mention of any other regions than the two great
empires of Lilliput and Blefuscu. Which two mighty powers have, as I
was going to tell you, been engaged in a most obstinate war for
six-and-thirty moons past. It began upon the following occasion. It is
allowed on all hands, that the primitive way of breaking eggs, before
we eat them, was upon the larger end; but his present majesty’s
grandfather, while he was a boy, going to eat an egg, and breaking it
according to the ancient practice, happened to cut one of his fingers.
Whereupon the emperor his father published an edict, commanding all his
subjects, upon great penalties, to break the smaller end of their eggs.
The people so highly resented this law, that our histories tell us,
there have been six rebellions raised on that account; wherein one
emperor lost his life, and another his crown. These civil commotions
were constantly fomented by the monarchs of Blefuscu; and when they
were quelled, the exiles always fled for refuge to that empire. It is
computed that eleven thousand persons have at several times suffered
death, rather than submit to break their eggs at the smaller end. Many
hundred large volumes have been published upon this controversy: but
the books of the Big-endians have been long forbidden, and the whole
party rendered incapable by law of holding employments. During the
course of these troubles, the emperors of Blefuscu did frequently
expostulate by their ambassadors, accusing us of making a schism in
religion, by offending against a fundamental doctrine of our great
prophet Lustrog, in the fifty-fourth chapter of the Blundecral (which
is their Alcoran). This, however, is thought to be a mere strain upon
the text; for the words are these: ‘that all true believers break their
eggs at the convenient end.’ And which is the convenient end, seems, in
my humble opinion to be left to every man’s conscience, or at least in
the power of the chief magistrate to determine. Now, the Big-endian
exiles have found so much credit in the emperor of Blefuscu’s court,
and so much private assistance and encouragement from their party here
at home, that a bloody war has been carried on between the two empires
for six-and-thirty moons, with various success; during which time we
have lost forty capital ships, and a much greater number of smaller
vessels, together with thirty thousand of our best seamen and soldiers;
and the damage received by the enemy is reckoned to be somewhat greater
than ours. However, they have now equipped a numerous fleet, and are
just preparing to make a descent upon us; and his imperial majesty,
placing great confidence in your valour and strength, has commanded me
to lay this account of his affairs before you.”

I desired the secretary to present my humble duty to the emperor; and
to let him know, “that I thought it would not become me, who was a
foreigner, to interfere with parties; but I was ready, with the hazard
of my life, to defend his person and state against all invaders.”


CHAPTER V.

The author, by an extraordinary stratagem, prevents an invasion. A high
title of honour is conferred upon him. Ambassadors arrive from the
emperor of Blefuscu, and sue for peace. The empress’s apartment on fire
by an accident; the author instrumental in saving the rest of the
palace.


The empire of Blefuscu is an island situated to the north-east of
Lilliput, from which it is parted only by a channel of eight hundred
yards wide. I had not yet seen it, and upon this notice of an intended
invasion, I avoided appearing on that side of the coast, for fear of
being discovered, by some of the enemy’s ships, who had received no
intelligence of me; all intercourse between the two empires having been
strictly forbidden during the war, upon pain of death, and an embargo
laid by our emperor upon all vessels whatsoever. I communicated to his
majesty a project I had formed of seizing the enemy’s whole fleet;
which, as our scouts assured us, lay at anchor in the harbour, ready to
sail with the first fair wind. I consulted the most experienced seamen
upon the depth of the channel, which they had often plumbed; who told
me, that in the middle, at high-water, it was seventy _glumgluffs_
deep, which is about six feet of European measure; and the rest of it
fifty _glumgluffs_ at most. I walked towards the north-east coast, over
against Blefuscu, where, lying down behind a hillock, I took out my
small perspective glass, and viewed the enemy’s fleet at anchor,
consisting of about fifty men of war, and a great number of transports:
I then came back to my house, and gave orders (for which I had a
warrant) for a great quantity of the strongest cable and bars of iron.
The cable was about as thick as packthread and the bars of the length
and size of a knitting-needle. I trebled the cable to make it stronger,
and for the same reason I twisted three of the iron bars together,
bending the extremities into a hook. Having thus fixed fifty hooks to
as many cables, I went back to the north-east coast, and putting off my
coat, shoes, and stockings, walked into the sea, in my leathern jerkin,
about half an hour before high water. I waded with what haste I could,
and swam in the middle about thirty yards, till I felt ground. I
arrived at the fleet in less than half an hour. The enemy was so
frightened when they saw me, that they leaped out of their ships, and
swam to shore, where there could not be fewer than thirty thousand
souls. I then took my tackling, and, fastening a hook to the hole at
the prow of each, I tied all the cords together at the end. While I was
thus employed, the enemy discharged several thousand arrows, many of
which stuck in my hands and face, and, beside the excessive smart, gave
me much disturbance in my work. My greatest apprehension was for my
eyes, which I should have infallibly lost, if I had not suddenly
thought of an expedient. I kept, among other little necessaries, a pair
of spectacles in a private pocket, which, as I observed before, had
escaped the emperor’s searchers. These I took out and fastened as
strongly as I could upon my nose, and thus armed, went on boldly with
my work, in spite of the enemy’s arrows, many of which struck against
the glasses of my spectacles, but without any other effect, further
than a little to discompose them. I had now fastened all the hooks,
and, taking the knot in my hand, began to pull; but not a ship would
stir, for they were all too fast held by their anchors, so that the
boldest part of my enterprise remained. I therefore let go the cord,
and leaving the hooks fixed to the ships, I resolutely cut with my
knife the cables that fastened the anchors, receiving about two hundred
shots in my face and hands; then I took up the knotted end of the
cables, to which my hooks were tied, and with great ease drew fifty of
the enemy’s largest men of war after me.

The Blefuscudians, who had not the least imagination of what I
intended, were at first confounded with astonishment. They had seen me
cut the cables, and thought my design was only to let the ships run
adrift or fall foul on each other: but when they perceived the whole
fleet moving in order, and saw me pulling at the end, they set up such
a scream of grief and despair as it is almost impossible to describe or
conceive. When I had got out of danger, I stopped awhile to pick out
the arrows that stuck in my hands and face; and rubbed on some of the
same ointment that was given me at my first arrival, as I have formerly
mentioned. I then took off my spectacles, and waiting about an hour,
till the tide was a little fallen, I waded through the middle with my
cargo, and arrived safe at the royal port of Lilliput.

The emperor and his whole court stood on the shore, expecting the issue
of this great adventure. They saw the ships move forward in a large
half-moon, but could not discern me, who was up to my breast in water.
When I advanced to the middle of the channel, they were yet more in
pain, because I was under water to my neck. The emperor concluded me to
be drowned, and that the enemy’s fleet was approaching in a hostile
manner: but he was soon eased of his fears; for the channel growing
shallower every step I made, I came in a short time within hearing, and
holding up the end of the cable, by which the fleet was fastened, I
cried in a loud voice, “Long live the most puissant king of Lilliput!”
This great prince received me at my landing with all possible
encomiums, and created me a _nardac_ upon the spot, which is the
highest title of honour among them.

His majesty desired I would take some other opportunity of bringing all
the rest of his enemy’s ships into his ports. And so unmeasureable is
the ambition of princes, that he seemed to think of nothing less than
reducing the whole empire of Blefuscu into a province, and governing
it, by a viceroy; of destroying the Big-endian exiles, and compelling
that people to break the smaller end of their eggs, by which he would
remain the sole monarch of the whole world. But I endeavoured to divert
him from this design, by many arguments drawn from the topics of policy
as well as justice; and I plainly protested, “that I would never be an
instrument of bringing a free and brave people into slavery.” And, when
the matter was debated in council, the wisest part of the ministry were
of my opinion.

This open bold declaration of mine was so opposite to the schemes and
politics of his imperial majesty, that he could never forgive me. He
mentioned it in a very artful manner at council, where I was told that
some of the wisest appeared, at least by their silence, to be of my
opinion; but others, who were my secret enemies, could not forbear some
expressions which, by a side-wind, reflected on me. And from this time
began an intrigue between his majesty and a junto of ministers,
maliciously bent against me, which broke out in less than two months,
and had like to have ended in my utter destruction. Of so little weight
are the greatest services to princes, when put into the balance with a
refusal to gratify their passions.

About three weeks after this exploit, there arrived a solemn embassy
from Blefuscu, with humble offers of a peace, which was soon concluded,
upon conditions very advantageous to our emperor, wherewith I shall not
trouble the reader. There were six ambassadors, with a train of about
five hundred persons, and their entry was very magnificent, suitable to
the grandeur of their master, and the importance of their business.
When their treaty was finished, wherein I did them several good offices
by the credit I now had, or at least appeared to have, at court, their
excellencies, who were privately told how much I had been their friend,
made me a visit in form. They began with many compliments upon my
valour and generosity, invited me to that kingdom in the emperor their
master’s name, and desired me to show them some proofs of my prodigious
strength, of which they had heard so many wonders; wherein I readily
obliged them, but shall not trouble the reader with the particulars.

When I had for some time entertained their excellencies, to their
infinite satisfaction and surprise, I desired they would do me the
honour to present my most humble respects to the emperor their master,
the renown of whose virtues had so justly filled the whole world with
admiration, and whose royal person I resolved to attend, before I
returned to my own country. Accordingly, the next time I had the honour
to see our emperor, I desired his general license to wait on the
Blefuscudian monarch, which he was pleased to grant me, as I could
perceive, in a very cold manner; but could not guess the reason, till I
had a whisper from a certain person, “that Flimnap and Bolgolam had
represented my intercourse with those ambassadors as a mark of
disaffection;” from which I am sure my heart was wholly free. And this
was the first time I began to conceive some imperfect idea of courts
and ministers.

It is to be observed, that these ambassadors spoke to me, by an
interpreter, the languages of both empires differing as much from each
other as any two in Europe, and each nation priding itself upon the
antiquity, beauty, and energy of their own tongue, with an avowed
contempt for that of their neighbour; yet our emperor, standing upon
the advantage he had got by the seizure of their fleet, obliged them to
deliver their credentials, and make their speech, in the Lilliputian
tongue. And it must be confessed, that from the great intercourse of
trade and commerce between both realms, from the continual reception of
exiles which is mutual among them, and from the custom, in each empire,
to send their young nobility and richer gentry to the other, in order
to polish themselves by seeing the world, and understanding men and
manners; there are few persons of distinction, or merchants, or seamen,
who dwell in the maritime parts, but what can hold conversation in both
tongues; as I found some weeks after, when I went to pay my respects to
the emperor of Blefuscu, which, in the midst of great misfortunes,
through the malice of my enemies, proved a very happy adventure to me,
as I shall relate in its proper place.

The reader may remember, that when I signed those articles upon which I
recovered my liberty, there were some which I disliked, upon account of
their being too servile; neither could anything but an extreme
necessity have forced me to submit. But being now a _nardac_ of the
highest rank in that empire, such offices were looked upon as below my
dignity, and the emperor (to do him justice), never once mentioned them
to me. However, it was not long before I had an opportunity of doing
his majesty, at least as I then thought, a most signal service. I was
alarmed at midnight with the cries of many hundred people at my door;
by which, being suddenly awaked, I was in some kind of terror. I heard
the word _Burglum_ repeated incessantly: several of the emperor’s
court, making their way through the crowd, entreated me to come
immediately to the palace, where her imperial majesty’s apartment was
on fire, by the carelessness of a maid of honour, who fell asleep while
she was reading a romance. I got up in an instant; and orders being
given to clear the way before me, and it being likewise a moonshine
night, I made a shift to get to the palace without trampling on any of
the people. I found they had already applied ladders to the walls of
the apartment, and were well provided with buckets, but the water was
at some distance. These buckets were about the size of large thimbles,
and the poor people supplied me with them as fast as they could: but
the flame was so violent that they did little good. I might easily have
stifled it with my coat, which I unfortunately left behind me for
haste, and came away only in my leathern jerkin. The case seemed wholly
desperate and deplorable; and this magnificent palace would have
infallibly been burnt down to the ground, if, by a presence of mind
unusual to me, I had not suddenly thought of an expedient. I had, the
evening before, drunk plentifully of a most delicious wine called
_glimigrim_, (the Blefuscudians call it _flunec_, but ours is esteemed
the better sort,) which is very diuretic. By the luckiest chance in the
world, I had not discharged myself of any part of it. The heat I had
contracted by coming very near the flames, and by labouring to quench
them, made the wine begin to operate by urine; which I voided in such a
quantity, and applied so well to the proper places, that in three
minutes the fire was wholly extinguished, and the rest of that noble
pile, which had cost so many ages in erecting, preserved from
destruction.

It was now day-light, and I returned to my house without waiting to
congratulate with the emperor: because, although I had done a very
eminent piece of service, yet I could not tell how his majesty might
resent the manner by which I had performed it: for, by the fundamental
laws of the realm, it is capital in any person, of what quality soever,
to make water within the precincts of the palace. But I was a little
comforted by a message from his majesty, “that he would give orders to
the grand justiciary for passing my pardon in form:” which, however, I
could not obtain; and I was privately assured, “that the empress,
conceiving the greatest abhorrence of what I had done, removed to the
most distant side of the court, firmly resolved that those buildings
should never be repaired for her use: and, in the presence of her chief
confidents could not forbear vowing revenge.”


CHAPTER VI.

Of the inhabitants of Lilliput; their learning, laws, and customs; the
manner of educating their children. The author’s way of living in that
country. His vindication of a great lady.


Although I intend to leave the description of this empire to a
particular treatise, yet, in the mean time, I am content to gratify the
curious reader with some general ideas. As the common size of the
natives is somewhat under six inches high, so there is an exact
proportion in all other animals, as well as plants and trees: for
instance, the tallest horses and oxen are between four and five inches
in height, the sheep an inch and half, more or less: their geese about
the bigness of a sparrow, and so the several gradations downwards till
you come to the smallest, which to my sight, were almost invisible; but
nature has adapted the eyes of the Lilliputians to all objects proper
for their view: they see with great exactness, but at no great
distance. And, to show the sharpness of their sight towards objects
that are near, I have been much pleased with observing a cook pulling a
lark, which was not so large as a common fly; and a young girl
threading an invisible needle with invisible silk. Their tallest trees
are about seven feet high: I mean some of those in the great royal
park, the tops whereof I could but just reach with my fist clenched.
The other vegetables are in the same proportion; but this I leave to
the reader’s imagination.

I shall say but little at present of their learning, which, for many
ages, has flourished in all its branches among them: but their manner
of writing is very peculiar, being neither from the left to the right,
like the Europeans, nor from the right to the left, like the Arabians,
nor from up to down, like the Chinese, but aslant, from one corner of
the paper to the other, like ladies in England.

They bury their dead with their heads directly downward, because they
hold an opinion, that in eleven thousand moons they are all to rise
again; in which period the earth (which they conceive to be flat) will
turn upside down, and by this means they shall, at their resurrection,
be found ready standing on their feet. The learned among them confess
the absurdity of this doctrine; but the practice still continues, in
compliance to the vulgar.

There are some laws and customs in this empire very peculiar; and if
they were not so directly contrary to those of my own dear country, I
should be tempted to say a little in their justification. It is only to
be wished they were as well executed. The first I shall mention,
relates to informers. All crimes against the state, are punished here
with the utmost severity; but, if the person accused makes his
innocence plainly to appear upon his trial, the accuser is immediately
put to an ignominious death; and out of his goods or lands the innocent
person is quadruply recompensed for the loss of his time, for the
danger he underwent, for the hardship of his imprisonment, and for all
the charges he has been at in making his defence; or, if that fund be
deficient, it is largely supplied by the crown. The emperor also
confers on him some public mark of his favour, and proclamation is made
of his innocence through the whole city.

They look upon fraud as a greater crime than theft, and therefore
seldom fail to punish it with death; for they allege, that care and
vigilance, with a very common understanding, may preserve a man’s goods
from thieves, but honesty has no defence against superior cunning; and,
since it is necessary that there should be a perpetual intercourse of
buying and selling, and dealing upon credit, where fraud is permitted
and connived at, or has no law to punish it, the honest dealer is
always undone, and the knave gets the advantage. I remember, when I was
once interceding with the emperor for a criminal who had wronged his
master of a great sum of money, which he had received by order and ran
away with; and happening to tell his majesty, by way of extenuation,
that it was only a breach of trust, the emperor thought it monstrous in
me to offer as a defence the greatest aggravation of the crime; and
truly I had little to say in return, farther than the common answer,
that different nations had different customs; for, I confess, I was
heartily ashamed. [330]

Although we usually call reward and punishment the two hinges upon
which all government turns, yet I could never observe this maxim to be
put in practice by any nation except that of Lilliput. Whoever can
there bring sufficient proof, that he has strictly observed the laws of
his country for seventy-three moons, has a claim to certain privileges,
according to his quality or condition of life, with a proportionable
sum of money out of a fund appropriated for that use: he likewise
acquires the title of _snilpall_, or legal, which is added to his name,
but does not descend to his posterity. And these people thought it a
prodigious defect of policy among us, when I told them that our laws
were enforced only by penalties, without any mention of reward. It is
upon this account that the image of Justice, in their courts of
judicature, is formed with six eyes, two before, as many behind, and on
each side one, to signify circumspection; with a bag of gold open in
her right hand, and a sword sheathed in her left, to show she is more
disposed to reward than to punish.

In choosing persons for all employments, they have more regard to good
morals than to great abilities; for, since government is necessary to
mankind, they believe, that the common size of human understanding is
fitted to some station or other; and that Providence never intended to
make the management of public affairs a mystery to be comprehended only
by a few persons of sublime genius, of which there seldom are three
born in an age: but they suppose truth, justice, temperance, and the
like, to be in every man’s power; the practice of which virtues,
assisted by experience and a good intention, would qualify any man for
the service of his country, except where a course of study is required.
But they thought the want of moral virtues was so far from being
supplied by superior endowments of the mind, that employments could
never be put into such dangerous hands as those of persons so
qualified; and, at least, that the mistakes committed by ignorance, in
a virtuous disposition, would never be of such fatal consequence to the
public weal, as the practices of a man, whose inclinations led him to
be corrupt, and who had great abilities to manage, to multiply, and
defend his corruptions.

In like manner, the disbelief of a Divine Providence renders a man
incapable of holding any public station; for, since kings avow
themselves to be the deputies of Providence, the Lilliputians think
nothing can be more absurd than for a prince to employ such men as
disown the authority under which he acts.

In relating these and the following laws, I would only be understood to
mean the original institutions, and not the most scandalous
corruptions, into which these people are fallen by the degenerate
nature of man. For, as to that infamous practice of acquiring great
employments by dancing on the ropes, or badges of favour and
distinction by leaping over sticks and creeping under them, the reader
is to observe, that they were first introduced by the grandfather of
the emperor now reigning, and grew to the present height by the gradual
increase of party and faction.

Ingratitude is among them a capital crime, as we read it to have been
in some other countries: for they reason thus; that whoever makes ill
returns to his benefactor, must needs be a common enemy to the rest of
mankind, from whom he has received no obligation, and therefore such a
man is not fit to live.

Their notions relating to the duties of parents and children differ
extremely from ours. For, since the conjunction of male and female is
founded upon the great law of nature, in order to propagate and
continue the species, the Lilliputians will needs have it, that men and
women are joined together, like other animals, by the motives of
concupiscence; and that their tenderness towards their young proceeds
from the like natural principle: for which reason they will never allow
that a child is under any obligation to his father for begetting him,
or to his mother for bringing him into the world; which, considering
the miseries of human life, was neither a benefit in itself, nor
intended so by his parents, whose thoughts, in their love encounters,
were otherwise employed. Upon these, and the like reasonings, their
opinion is, that parents are the last of all others to be trusted with
the education of their own children; and therefore they have in every
town public nurseries, where all parents, except cottagers and
labourers, are obliged to send their infants of both sexes to be reared
and educated, when they come to the age of twenty moons, at which time
they are supposed to have some rudiments of docility. These schools are
of several kinds, suited to different qualities, and both sexes. They
have certain professors well skilled in preparing children for such a
condition of life as befits the rank of their parents, and their own
capacities, as well as inclinations. I shall first say something of the
male nurseries, and then of the female.

The nurseries for males of noble or eminent birth, are provided with
grave and learned professors, and their several deputies. The clothes
and food of the children are plain and simple. They are bred up in the
principles of honour, justice, courage, modesty, clemency, religion,
and love of their country; they are always employed in some business,
except in the times of eating and sleeping, which are very short, and
two hours for diversions consisting of bodily exercises. They are
dressed by men till four years of age, and then are obliged to dress
themselves, although their quality be ever so great; and the women
attendant, who are aged proportionably to ours at fifty, perform only
the most menial offices. They are never suffered to converse with
servants, but go together in smaller or greater numbers to take their
diversions, and always in the presence of a professor, or one of his
deputies; whereby they avoid those early bad impressions of folly and
vice, to which our children are subject. Their parents are suffered to
see them only twice a year; the visit is to last but an hour; they are
allowed to kiss the child at meeting and parting; but a professor, who
always stands by on those occasions, will not suffer them to whisper,
or use any fondling expressions, or bring any presents of toys,
sweetmeats, and the like.

The pension from each family for the education and entertainment of a
child, upon failure of due payment, is levied by the emperor’s
officers.

The nurseries for children of ordinary gentlemen, merchants, traders,
and handicrafts, are managed proportionably after the same manner; only
those designed for trades are put out apprentices at eleven years old,
whereas those of persons of quality continue in their exercises till
fifteen, which answers to twenty-one with us: but the confinement is
gradually lessened for the last three years.

In the female nurseries, the young girls of quality are educated much
like the males, only they are dressed by orderly servants of their own
sex; but always in the presence of a professor or deputy, till they
come to dress themselves, which is at five years old. And if it be
found that these nurses ever presume to entertain the girls with
frightful or foolish stories, or the common follies practised by
chambermaids among us, they are publicly whipped thrice about the city,
imprisoned for a year, and banished for life to the most desolate part
of the country. Thus the young ladies are as much ashamed of being
cowards and fools as the men, and despise all personal ornaments,
beyond decency and cleanliness: neither did I perceive any difference
in their education made by their difference of sex, only that the
exercises of the females were not altogether so robust; and that some
rules were given them relating to domestic life, and a smaller compass
of learning was enjoined them: for their maxim is, that among peoples
of quality, a wife should be always a reasonable and agreeable
companion, because she cannot always be young. When the girls are
twelve years old, which among them is the marriageable age, their
parents or guardians take them home, with great expressions of
gratitude to the professors, and seldom without tears of the young lady
and her companions.

In the nurseries of females of the meaner sort, the children are
instructed in all kinds of works proper for their sex, and their
several degrees: those intended for apprentices are dismissed at seven
years old, the rest are kept to eleven.

The meaner families who have children at these nurseries, are obliged,
besides their annual pension, which is as low as possible, to return to
the steward of the nursery a small monthly share of their gettings, to
be a portion for the child; and therefore all parents are limited in
their expenses by the law. For the Lilliputians think nothing can be
more unjust, than for people, in subservience to their own appetites,
to bring children into the world, and leave the burthen of supporting
them on the public. As to persons of quality, they give security to
appropriate a certain sum for each child, suitable to their condition;
and these funds are always managed with good husbandry and the most
exact justice.

The cottagers and labourers keep their children at home, their business
being only to till and cultivate the earth, and therefore their
education is of little consequence to the public: but the old and
diseased among them are supported by hospitals; for begging is a trade
unknown in this empire.

And here it may, perhaps, divert the curious reader, to give some
account of my domestics, and my manner of living in this country,
during a residence of nine months, and thirteen days. Having a head
mechanically turned, and being likewise forced by necessity, I had made
for myself a table and chair convenient enough, out of the largest
trees in the royal park. Two hundred sempstresses were employed to make
me shirts, and linen for my bed and table, all of the strongest and
coarsest kind they could get; which, however, they were forced to quilt
together in several folds, for the thickest was some degrees finer than
lawn. Their linen is usually three inches wide, and three feet make a
piece. The sempstresses took my measure as I lay on the ground, one
standing at my neck, and another at my mid-leg, with a strong cord
extended, that each held by the end, while a third measured the length
of the cord with a rule of an inch long. Then they measured my right
thumb, and desired no more; for by a mathematical computation, that
twice round the thumb is once round the wrist, and so on to the neck
and the waist, and by the help of my old shirt, which I displayed on
the ground before them for a pattern, they fitted me exactly. Three
hundred tailors were employed in the same manner to make me clothes;
but they had another contrivance for taking my measure. I kneeled down,
and they raised a ladder from the ground to my neck; upon this ladder
one of them mounted, and let fall a plumb-line from my collar to the
floor, which just answered the length of my coat: but my waist and arms
I measured myself. When my clothes were finished, which was done in my
house (for the largest of theirs would not have been able to hold
them), they looked like the patch-work made by the ladies in England,
only that mine were all of a colour.

I had three hundred cooks to dress my victuals, in little convenient
huts built about my house, where they and their families lived, and
prepared me two dishes a-piece. I took up twenty waiters in my hand,
and placed them on the table: a hundred more attended below on the
ground, some with dishes of meat, and some with barrels of wine and
other liquors slung on their shoulders; all which the waiters above
drew up, as I wanted, in a very ingenious manner, by certain cords, as
we draw the bucket up a well in Europe. A dish of their meat was a good
mouthful, and a barrel of their liquor a reasonable draught. Their
mutton yields to ours, but their beef is excellent. I have had a
sirloin so large, that I have been forced to make three bites of it;
but this is rare. My servants were astonished to see me eat it, bones
and all, as in our country we do the leg of a lark. Their geese and
turkeys I usually ate at a mouthful, and I confess they far exceed
ours. Of their smaller fowl I could take up twenty or thirty at the end
of my knife.

One day his imperial majesty, being informed of my way of living,
desired “that himself and his royal consort, with the young princes of
the blood of both sexes, might have the happiness,” as he was pleased
to call it, “of dining with me.” They came accordingly, and I placed
them in chairs of state, upon my table, just over against me, with
their guards about them. Flimnap, the lord high treasurer, attended
there likewise with his white staff; and I observed he often looked on
me with a sour countenance, which I would not seem to regard, but ate
more than usual, in honour to my dear country, as well as to fill the
court with admiration. I have some private reasons to believe, that
this visit from his majesty gave Flimnap an opportunity of doing me ill
offices to his master. That minister had always been my secret enemy,
though he outwardly caressed me more than was usual to the moroseness
of his nature. He represented to the emperor “the low condition of his
treasury; that he was forced to take up money at a great discount; that
exchequer bills would not circulate under nine per cent. below par;
that I had cost his majesty above a million and a half of _sprugs_”
(their greatest gold coin, about the bigness of a spangle) “and, upon
the whole, that it would be advisable in the emperor to take the first
fair occasion of dismissing me.”

I am here obliged to vindicate the reputation of an excellent lady, who
was an innocent sufferer upon my account. The treasurer took a fancy to
be jealous of his wife, from the malice of some evil tongues, who
informed him that her grace had taken a violent affection for my
person; and the court scandal ran for some time, that she once came
privately to my lodging. This I solemnly declare to be a most infamous
falsehood, without any grounds, further than that her grace was pleased
to treat me with all innocent marks of freedom and friendship. I own
she came often to my house, but always publicly, nor ever without three
more in the coach, who were usually her sister and young daughter, and
some particular acquaintance; but this was common to many other ladies
of the court. And I still appeal to my servants round, whether they at
any time saw a coach at my door, without knowing what persons were in
it. On those occasions, when a servant had given me notice, my custom
was to go immediately to the door, and, after paying my respects, to
take up the coach and two horses very carefully in my hands (for, if
there were six horses, the postillion always unharnessed four,) and
place them on a table, where I had fixed a movable rim quite round, of
five inches high, to prevent accidents. And I have often had four
coaches and horses at once on my table, full of company, while I sat in
my chair, leaning my face towards them; and when I was engaged with one
set, the coachmen would gently drive the others round my table. I have
passed many an afternoon very agreeably in these conversations. But I
defy the treasurer, or his two informers (I will name them, and let
them make the best of it) Clustril and Drunlo, to prove that any person
ever came to me _incognito_, except the secretary Reldresal, who was
sent by express command of his imperial majesty, as I have before
related. I should not have dwelt so long upon this particular, if it
had not been a point wherein the reputation of a great lady is so
nearly concerned, to say nothing of my own; though I then had the
honour to be a _nardac_, which the treasurer himself is not; for all
the world knows, that he is only a _glumglum_, a title inferior by one
degree, as that of a marquis is to a duke in England; yet I allow he
preceded me in right of his post. These false informations, which I
afterwards came to the knowledge of by an accident not proper to
mention, made the treasurer show his lady for some time an ill
countenance, and me a worse; and although he was at last undeceived and
reconciled to her, yet I lost all credit with him, and found my
interest decline very fast with the emperor himself, who was, indeed,
too much governed by that favourite.


CHAPTER VII.

The author, being informed of a design to accuse him of high-treason,
makes his escape to Blefuscu. His reception there.


Before I proceed to give an account of my leaving this kingdom, it may
be proper to inform the reader of a private intrigue which had been for
two months forming against me.

I had been hitherto, all my life, a stranger to courts, for which I was
unqualified by the meanness of my condition. I had indeed heard and
read enough of the dispositions of great princes and ministers, but
never expected to have found such terrible effects of them, in so
remote a country, governed, as I thought, by very different maxims from
those in Europe.

When I was just preparing to pay my attendance on the emperor of
Blefuscu, a considerable person at court (to whom I had been very
serviceable, at a time when he lay under the highest displeasure of his
imperial majesty) came to my house very privately at night, in a close
chair, and, without sending his name, desired admittance. The chairmen
were dismissed; I put the chair, with his lordship in it, into my
coat-pocket: and, giving orders to a trusty servant, to say I was
indisposed and gone to sleep, I fastened the door of my house, placed
the chair on the table, according to my usual custom, and sat down by
it. After the common salutations were over, observing his lordship’s
countenance full of concern, and inquiring into the reason, he desired
“I would hear him with patience, in a matter that highly concerned my
honour and my life.” His speech was to the following effect, for I took
notes of it as soon as he left me:—

“You are to know,” said he, “that several committees of council have
been lately called, in the most private manner, on your account; and it
is but two days since his majesty came to a full resolution.

“You are very sensible that Skyresh Bolgolam” (_galbet_, or
high-admiral) “has been your mortal enemy, almost ever since your
arrival. His original reasons I know not; but his hatred is increased
since your great success against Blefuscu, by which his glory as
admiral is much obscured. This lord, in conjunction with Flimnap the
high-treasurer, whose enmity against you is notorious on account of his
lady, Limtoc the general, Lalcon the chamberlain, and Balmuff the grand
justiciary, have prepared articles of impeachment against you, for
treason and other capital crimes.”

This preface made me so impatient, being conscious of my own merits and
innocence, that I was going to interrupt him; when he entreated me to
be silent, and thus proceeded:—

“Out of gratitude for the favours you have done me, I procured
information of the whole proceedings, and a copy of the articles;
wherein I venture my head for your service.


“‘_Articles of Impeachment against_ QUINBUS FLESTRIN, (_the
Man-Mountain_.)

Article I.


“‘Whereas, by a statute made in the reign of his imperial majesty Calin
Deffar Plune, it is enacted, that, whoever shall make water within the
precincts of the royal palace, shall be liable to the pains and
penalties of high-treason; notwithstanding, the said Quinbus Flestrin,
in open breach of the said law, under colour of extinguishing the fire
kindled in the apartment of his majesty’s most dear imperial consort,
did maliciously, traitorously, and devilishly, by discharge of his
urine, put out the said fire kindled in the said apartment, lying and
being within the precincts of the said royal palace, against the
statute in that case provided, etc. against the duty, etc.

Article II.


“‘That the said Quinbus Flestrin, having brought the imperial fleet of
Blefuscu into the royal port, and being afterwards commanded by his
imperial majesty to seize all the other ships of the said empire of
Blefuscu, and reduce that empire to a province, to be governed by a
viceroy from hence, and to destroy and put to death, not only all the
Big-endian exiles, but likewise all the people of that empire who would
not immediately forsake the Big-endian heresy, he, the said Flestrin,
like a false traitor against his most auspicious, serene, imperial
majesty, did petition to be excused from the said service, upon
pretence of unwillingness to force the consciences, or destroy the
liberties and lives of an innocent people.

Article III.


“‘That, whereas certain ambassadors arrived from the Court of Blefuscu,
to sue for peace in his majesty’s court, he, the said Flestrin, did,
like a false traitor, aid, abet, comfort, and divert, the said
ambassadors, although he knew them to be servants to a prince who was
lately an open enemy to his imperial majesty, and in an open war
against his said majesty.

Article IV.


“‘That the said Quinbus Flestrin, contrary to the duty of a faithful
subject, is now preparing to make a voyage to the court and empire of
Blefuscu, for which he has received only verbal license from his
imperial majesty; and, under colour of the said license, does falsely
and traitorously intend to take the said voyage, and thereby to aid,
comfort, and abet the emperor of Blefuscu, so lately an enemy, and in
open war with his imperial majesty aforesaid.’


“There are some other articles; but these are the most important, of
which I have read you an abstract.

“In the several debates upon this impeachment, it must be confessed
that his majesty gave many marks of his great lenity; often urging the
services you had done him, and endeavouring to extenuate your crimes.
The treasurer and admiral insisted that you should be put to the most
painful and ignominious death, by setting fire to your house at night,
and the general was to attend with twenty thousand men, armed with
poisoned arrows, to shoot you on the face and hands. Some of your
servants were to have private orders to strew a poisonous juice on your
shirts and sheets, which would soon make you tear your own flesh, and
die in the utmost torture. The general came into the same opinion; so
that for a long time there was a majority against you; but his majesty
resolving, if possible, to spare your life, at last brought off the
chamberlain.

“Upon this incident, Reldresal, principal secretary for private
affairs, who always approved himself your true friend, was commanded by
the emperor to deliver his opinion, which he accordingly did; and
therein justified the good thoughts you have of him. He allowed your
crimes to be great, but that still there was room for mercy, the most
commendable virtue in a prince, and for which his majesty was so justly
celebrated. He said, the friendship between you and him was so well
known to the world, that perhaps the most honourable board might think
him partial; however, in obedience to the command he had received, he
would freely offer his sentiments. That if his majesty, in
consideration of your services, and pursuant to his own merciful
disposition, would please to spare your life, and only give orders to
put out both your eyes, he humbly conceived, that by this expedient
justice might in some measure be satisfied, and all the world would
applaud the lenity of the emperor, as well as the fair and generous
proceedings of those who have the honour to be his counsellors. That
the loss of your eyes would be no impediment to your bodily strength,
by which you might still be useful to his majesty; that blindness is an
addition to courage, by concealing dangers from us; that the fear you
had for your eyes, was the greatest difficulty in bringing over the
enemy’s fleet, and it would be sufficient for you to see by the eyes of
the ministers, since the greatest princes do no more.

“This proposal was received with the utmost disapprobation by the whole
board. Bolgolam, the admiral, could not preserve his temper, but,
rising up in fury, said, he wondered how the secretary durst presume to
give his opinion for preserving the life of a traitor; that the
services you had performed were, by all true reasons of state, the
great aggravation of your crimes; that you, who were able to extinguish
the fire by discharge of urine in her majesty’s apartment (which he
mentioned with horror), might, at another time, raise an inundation by
the same means, to drown the whole palace; and the same strength which
enabled you to bring over the enemy’s fleet, might serve, upon the
first discontent, to carry it back; that he had good reasons to think
you were a Big-endian in your heart; and, as treason begins in the
heart, before it appears in overt acts, so he accused you as a traitor
on that account, and therefore insisted you should be put to death.

“The treasurer was of the same opinion: he showed to what straits his
majesty’s revenue was reduced, by the charge of maintaining you, which
would soon grow insupportable; that the secretary’s expedient of
putting out your eyes, was so far from being a remedy against this
evil, that it would probably increase it, as is manifest from the
common practice of blinding some kind of fowls, after which they fed
the faster, and grew sooner fat; that his sacred majesty and the
council, who are your judges, were, in their own consciences, fully
convinced of your guilt, which was a sufficient argument to condemn you
to death, without the formal proofs required by the strict letter of
the law.

“But his imperial majesty, fully determined against capital punishment,
was graciously pleased to say, that since the council thought the loss
of your eyes too easy a censure, some other way may be inflicted
hereafter. And your friend the secretary, humbly desiring to be heard
again, in answer to what the treasurer had objected, concerning the
great charge his majesty was at in maintaining you, said, that his
excellency, who had the sole disposal of the emperor’s revenue, might
easily provide against that evil, by gradually lessening your
establishment; by which, for want of sufficient food, you would grow
weak and faint, and lose your appetite, and consequently, decay, and
consume in a few months; neither would the stench of your carcass be
then so dangerous, when it should become more than half diminished; and
immediately upon your death five or six thousand of his majesty’s
subjects might, in two or three days, cut your flesh from your bones,
take it away by cart-loads, and bury it in distant parts, to prevent
infection, leaving the skeleton as a monument of admiration to
posterity.

“Thus, by the great friendship of the secretary, the whole affair was
compromised. It was strictly enjoined, that the project of starving you
by degrees should be kept a secret; but the sentence of putting out
your eyes was entered on the books; none dissenting, except Bolgolam
the admiral, who, being a creature of the empress, was perpetually
instigated by her majesty to insist upon your death, she having borne
perpetual malice against you, on account of that infamous and illegal
method you took to extinguish the fire in her apartment.

“In three days your friend the secretary will be directed to come to
your house, and read before you the articles of impeachment; and then
to signify the great lenity and favour of his majesty and council,
whereby you are only condemned to the loss of your eyes, which his
majesty does not question you will gratefully and humbly submit to; and
twenty of his majesty’s surgeons will attend, in order to see the
operation well performed, by discharging very sharp-pointed arrows into
the balls of your eyes, as you lie on the ground.

“I leave to your prudence what measures you will take; and to avoid
suspicion, I must immediately return in as private a manner as I came.”

His lordship did so; and I remained alone, under many doubts and
perplexities of mind.

It was a custom introduced by this prince and his ministry (very
different, as I have been assured, from the practice of former times,)
that after the court had decreed any cruel execution, either to gratify
the monarch’s resentment, or the malice of a favourite, the emperor
always made a speech to his whole council, expressing his great lenity
and tenderness, as qualities known and confessed by all the world. This
speech was immediately published throughout the kingdom; nor did any
thing terrify the people so much as those encomiums on his majesty’s
mercy; because it was observed, that the more these praises were
enlarged and insisted on, the more inhuman was the punishment, and the
sufferer more innocent. Yet, as to myself, I must confess, having never
been designed for a courtier, either by my birth or education, I was so
ill a judge of things, that I could not discover the lenity and favour
of this sentence, but conceived it (perhaps erroneously) rather to be
rigorous than gentle. I sometimes thought of standing my trial, for,
although I could not deny the facts alleged in the several articles,
yet I hoped they would admit of some extenuation. But having in my life
perused many state-trials, which I ever observed to terminate as the
judges thought fit to direct, I durst not rely on so dangerous a
decision, in so critical a juncture, and against such powerful enemies.
Once I was strongly bent upon resistance, for, while I had liberty the
whole strength of that empire could hardly subdue me, and I might
easily with stones pelt the metropolis to pieces; but I soon rejected
that project with horror, by remembering the oath I had made to the
emperor, the favours I received from him, and the high title of
_nardac_ he conferred upon me. Neither had I so soon learned the
gratitude of courtiers, to persuade myself, that his majesty’s present
severities acquitted me of all past obligations.

At last, I fixed upon a resolution, for which it is probable I may
incur some censure, and not unjustly; for I confess I owe the
preserving of my eyes, and consequently my liberty, to my own great
rashness and want of experience; because, if I had then known the
nature of princes and ministers, which I have since observed in many
other courts, and their methods of treating criminals less obnoxious
than myself, I should, with great alacrity and readiness, have
submitted to so easy a punishment. But hurried on by the precipitancy
of youth, and having his imperial majesty’s license to pay my
attendance upon the emperor of Blefuscu, I took this opportunity,
before the three days were elapsed, to send a letter to my friend the
secretary, signifying my resolution of setting out that morning for
Blefuscu, pursuant to the leave I had got; and, without waiting for an
answer, I went to that side of the island where our fleet lay. I seized
a large man of war, tied a cable to the prow, and, lifting up the
anchors, I stripped myself, put my clothes (together with my coverlet,
which I carried under my arm) into the vessel, and, drawing it after
me, between wading and swimming arrived at the royal port of Blefuscu,
where the people had long expected me: they lent me two guides to
direct me to the capital city, which is of the same name. I held them
in my hands, till I came within two hundred yards of the gate, and
desired them “to signify my arrival to one of the secretaries, and let
him know, I there waited his majesty’s command.” I had an answer in
about an hour, “that his majesty, attended by the royal family, and
great officers of the court, was coming out to receive me.” I advanced
a hundred yards. The emperor and his train alighted from their horses,
the empress and ladies from their coaches, and I did not perceive they
were in any fright or concern. I lay on the ground to kiss his
majesty’s and the empress’s hands. I told his majesty, “that I was come
according to my promise, and with the license of the emperor my master,
to have the honour of seeing so mighty a monarch, and to offer him any
service in my power, consistent with my duty to my own prince;” not
mentioning a word of my disgrace, because I had hitherto no regular
information of it, and might suppose myself wholly ignorant of any such
design; neither could I reasonably conceive that the emperor would
discover the secret, while I was out of his power; wherein, however, it
soon appeared I was deceived.

I shall not trouble the reader with the particular account of my
reception at this court, which was suitable to the generosity of so
great a prince; nor of the difficulties I was in for want of a house
and bed, being forced to lie on the ground, wrapped up in my coverlet.


CHAPTER VIII.

The author, by a lucky accident, finds means to leave Blefuscu; and,
after some difficulties, returns safe to his native country.


Three days after my arrival, walking out of curiosity to the north-east
coast of the island, I observed, about half a league off in the sea,
somewhat that looked like a boat overturned. I pulled off my shoes and
stockings, and, wading two or three hundred yards, I found the object
to approach nearer by force of the tide; and then plainly saw it to be
a real boat, which I supposed might by some tempest have been driven
from a ship. Whereupon, I returned immediately towards the city, and
desired his imperial majesty to lend me twenty of the tallest vessels
he had left, after the loss of his fleet, and three thousand seamen,
under the command of his vice-admiral. This fleet sailed round, while I
went back the shortest way to the coast, where I first discovered the
boat. I found the tide had driven it still nearer. The seamen were all
provided with cordage, which I had beforehand twisted to a sufficient
strength. When the ships came up, I stripped myself, and waded till I
came within a hundred yards of the boat, after which I was forced to
swim till I got up to it. The seamen threw me the end of the cord,
which I fastened to a hole in the fore-part of the boat, and the other
end to a man of war; but I found all my labour to little purpose; for,
being out of my depth, I was not able to work. In this necessity I was
forced to swim behind, and push the boat forward, as often as I could,
with one of my hands; and the tide favouring me, I advanced so far that
I could just hold up my chin and feel the ground. I rested two or three
minutes, and then gave the boat another shove, and so on, till the sea
was no higher than my arm-pits; and now, the most laborious part being
over, I took out my other cables, which were stowed in one of the
ships, and fastened them first to the boat, and then to nine of the
vessels which attended me; the wind being favourable, the seamen towed,
and I shoved, until we arrived within forty yards of the shore; and,
waiting till the tide was out, I got dry to the boat, and by the
assistance of two thousand men, with ropes and engines, I made a shift
to turn it on its bottom, and found it was but little damaged.

I shall not trouble the reader with the difficulties I was under, by
the help of certain paddles, which cost me ten days making, to get my
boat to the royal port of Blefuscu, where a mighty concourse of people
appeared upon my arrival, full of wonder at the sight of so prodigious
a vessel. I told the emperor “that my good fortune had thrown this boat
in my way, to carry me to some place whence I might return into my
native country; and begged his majesty’s orders for getting materials
to fit it up, together with his license to depart;” which, after some
kind expostulations, he was pleased to grant.

I did very much wonder, in all this time, not to have heard of any
express relating to me from our emperor to the court of Blefuscu. But I
was afterward given privately to understand, that his imperial majesty,
never imagining I had the least notice of his designs, believed I was
only gone to Blefuscu in performance of my promise, according to the
license he had given me, which was well known at our court, and would
return in a few days, when the ceremony was ended. But he was at last
in pain at my long absence; and after consulting with the treasurer and
the rest of that cabal, a person of quality was dispatched with the
copy of the articles against me. This envoy had instructions to
represent to the monarch of Blefuscu, “the great lenity of his master,
who was content to punish me no farther than with the loss of my eyes;
that I had fled from justice; and if I did not return in two hours, I
should be deprived of my title of _nardac_, and declared a traitor.”
The envoy further added, “that in order to maintain the peace and amity
between both empires, his master expected that his brother of Blefuscu
would give orders to have me sent back to Lilliput, bound hand and
foot, to be punished as a traitor.”

The emperor of Blefuscu, having taken three days to consult, returned
an answer consisting of many civilities and excuses. He said, “that as
for sending me bound, his brother knew it was impossible; that,
although I had deprived him of his fleet, yet he owed great obligations
to me for many good offices I had done him in making the peace. That,
however, both their majesties would soon be made easy; for I had found
a prodigious vessel on the shore, able to carry me on the sea, which he
had given orders to fit up, with my own assistance and direction; and
he hoped, in a few weeks, both empires would be freed from so
insupportable an encumbrance.”

With this answer the envoy returned to Lilliput; and the monarch of
Blefuscu related to me all that had passed; offering me at the same
time (but under the strictest confidence) his gracious protection, if I
would continue in his service; wherein, although I believed him
sincere, yet I resolved never more to put any confidence in princes or
ministers, where I could possibly avoid it; and therefore, with all due
acknowledgments for his favourable intentions, I humbly begged to be
excused. I told him, “that since fortune, whether good or evil, had
thrown a vessel in my way, I was resolved to venture myself on the
ocean, rather than be an occasion of difference between two such mighty
monarchs.” Neither did I find the emperor at all displeased; and I
discovered, by a certain accident, that he was very glad of my
resolution, and so were most of his ministers.

These considerations moved me to hasten my departure somewhat sooner
than I intended; to which the court, impatient to have me gone, very
readily contributed. Five hundred workmen were employed to make two
sails to my boat, according to my directions, by quilting thirteen
folds of their strongest linen together. I was at the pains of making
ropes and cables, by twisting ten, twenty, or thirty of the thickest
and strongest of theirs. A great stone that I happened to find, after a
long search, by the sea-shore, served me for an anchor. I had the
tallow of three hundred cows, for greasing my boat, and other uses. I
was at incredible pains in cutting down some of the largest
timber-trees, for oars and masts, wherein I was, however, much assisted
by his majesty’s ship-carpenters, who helped me in smoothing them,
after I had done the rough work.

In about a month, when all was prepared, I sent to receive his
majesty’s commands, and to take my leave. The emperor and royal family
came out of the palace; I lay down on my face to kiss his hand, which
he very graciously gave me: so did the empress and young princes of the
blood. His majesty presented me with fifty purses of two hundred
_sprugs_ a-piece, together with his picture at full length, which I put
immediately into one of my gloves, to keep it from being hurt. The
ceremonies at my departure were too many to trouble the reader with at
this time.

I stored the boat with the carcases of a hundred oxen, and three
hundred sheep, with bread and drink proportionable, and as much meat
ready dressed as four hundred cooks could provide. I took with me six
cows and two bulls alive, with as many ewes and rams, intending to
carry them into my own country, and propagate the breed. And to feed
them on board, I had a good bundle of hay, and a bag of corn. I would
gladly have taken a dozen of the natives, but this was a thing the
emperor would by no means permit; and, besides a diligent search into
my pockets, his majesty engaged my honour “not to carry away any of his
subjects, although with their own consent and desire.”

Having thus prepared all things as well as I was able, I set sail on
the twenty-fourth day of September 1701, at six in the morning; and
when I had gone about four leagues to the northward, the wind being at
south-east, at six in the evening I descried a small island, about half
a league to the north-west. I advanced forward, and cast anchor on the
lee-side of the island, which seemed to be uninhabited. I then took
some refreshment, and went to my rest. I slept well, and as I
conjectured at least six hours, for I found the day broke in two hours
after I awaked. It was a clear night. I ate my breakfast before the sun
was up; and heaving anchor, the wind being favourable, I steered the
same course that I had done the day before, wherein I was directed by
my pocket compass. My intention was to reach, if possible, one of those
islands which I had reason to believe lay to the north-east of Van
Diemen’s Land. I discovered nothing all that day; but upon the next,
about three in the afternoon, when I had by my computation made
twenty-four leagues from Blefuscu, I descried a sail steering to the
south-east; my course was due east. I hailed her, but could get no
answer; yet I found I gained upon her, for the wind slackened. I made
all the sail I could, and in half an hour she spied me, then hung out
her ancient, and discharged a gun. It is not easy to express the joy I
was in, upon the unexpected hope of once more seeing my beloved
country, and the dear pledges I left in it. The ship slackened her
sails, and I came up with her between five and six in the evening,
September 26th; but my heart leaped within me to see her English
colours. I put my cows and sheep into my coat-pockets, and got on board
with all my little cargo of provisions. The vessel was an English
merchantman, returning from Japan by the North and South seas; the
captain, Mr. John Biddel, of Deptford, a very civil man, and an
excellent sailor.

We were now in the latitude of 30 degrees south; there were about fifty
men in the ship; and here I met an old comrade of mine, one Peter
Williams, who gave me a good character to the captain. This gentleman
treated me with kindness, and desired I would let him know what place I
came from last, and whither I was bound; which I did in a few words,
but he thought I was raving, and that the dangers I underwent had
disturbed my head; whereupon I took my black cattle and sheep out of my
pocket, which, after great astonishment, clearly convinced him of my
veracity. I then showed him the gold given me by the emperor of
Blefuscu, together with his majesty’s picture at full length, and some
other rarities of that country. I gave him two purses of two hundreds
_sprugs_ each, and promised, when we arrived in England, to make him a
present of a cow and a sheep big with young.

I shall not trouble the reader with a particular account of this
voyage, which was very prosperous for the most part. We arrived in the
Downs on the 13th of April, 1702. I had only one misfortune, that the
rats on board carried away one of my sheep; I found her bones in a
hole, picked clean from the flesh. The rest of my cattle I got safe
ashore, and set them a-grazing in a bowling-green at Greenwich, where
the fineness of the grass made them feed very heartily, though I had
always feared the contrary: neither could I possibly have preserved
them in so long a voyage, if the captain had not allowed me some of his
best biscuit, which, rubbed to powder, and mingled with water, was
their constant food. The short time I continued in England, I made a
considerable profit by showing my cattle to many persons of quality and
others: and before I began my second voyage, I sold them for six
hundred pounds. Since my last return I find the breed is considerably
increased, especially the sheep, which I hope will prove much to the
advantage of the woollen manufacture, by the fineness of the fleeces.

I stayed but two months with my wife and family, for my insatiable
desire of seeing foreign countries, would suffer me to continue no
longer. I left fifteen hundred pounds with my wife, and fixed her in a
good house at Redriff. My remaining stock I carried with me, part in
money and part in goods, in hopes to improve my fortunes. My eldest
uncle John had left me an estate in land, near Epping, of about thirty
pounds a year; and I had a long lease of the Black Bull in Fetter Lane,
which yielded me as much more; so that I was not in any danger of
leaving my family upon the parish. My son Johnny, named so after his
uncle, was at the grammar school, and a towardly child. My daughter
Betty (who is now well married, and has children) was then at her
needlework. I took leave of my wife, and boy and girl, with tears on
both sides, and went on board the Adventure, a merchant ship of three
hundred tons, bound for Surat, captain John Nicholas, of Liverpool,
commander. But my account of this voyage must be referred to the Second
Part of my Travels.


PART II. A VOYAGE TO BROBDINGNAG.


CHAPTER I.

A great storm described; the long boat sent to fetch water; the author
goes with it to discover the country. He is left on shore, is seized by
one of the natives, and carried to a farmer’s house. His reception,
with several accidents that happened there. A description of the
inhabitants.


Having been condemned, by nature and fortune, to active and restless
life, in two months after my return, I again left my native country,
and took shipping in the Downs, on the 20th day of June, 1702, in the
Adventure, Captain John Nicholas, a Cornish man, commander, bound for
Surat. We had a very prosperous gale, till we arrived at the Cape of
Good Hope, where we landed for fresh water; but discovering a leak, we
unshipped our goods and wintered there; for the captain falling sick of
an ague, we could not leave the Cape till the end of March. We then set
sail, and had a good voyage till we passed the Straits of Madagascar;
but having got northward of that island, and to about five degrees
south latitude, the winds, which in those seas are observed to blow a
constant equal gale between the north and west, from the beginning of
December to the beginning of May, on the 19th of April began to blow
with much greater violence, and more westerly than usual, continuing so
for twenty days together: during which time, we were driven a little to
the east of the Molucca Islands, and about three degrees northward of
the line, as our captain found by an observation he took the 2nd of
May, at which time the wind ceased, and it was a perfect calm, whereat
I was not a little rejoiced. But he, being a man well experienced in
the navigation of those seas, bid us all prepare against a storm, which
accordingly happened the day following: for the southern wind, called
the southern monsoon, began to set in.

Finding it was likely to overblow, we took in our sprit-sail, and stood
by to hand the fore-sail; but making foul weather, we looked the guns
were all fast, and handed the mizen. The ship lay very broad off, so we
thought it better spooning before the sea, than trying or hulling. We
reefed the fore-sail and set him, and hauled aft the fore-sheet; the
helm was hard a-weather. The ship wore bravely. We belayed the fore
down-haul; but the sail was split, and we hauled down the yard, and got
the sail into the ship, and unbound all the things clear of it. It was
a very fierce storm; the sea broke strange and dangerous. We hauled off
upon the laniard of the whip-staff, and helped the man at the helm. We
would not get down our topmast, but let all stand, because she scudded
before the sea very well, and we knew that the top-mast being aloft,
the ship was the wholesomer, and made better way through the sea,
seeing we had sea-room. When the storm was over, we set fore-sail and
main-sail, and brought the ship to. Then we set the mizen,
main-top-sail, and the fore-top-sail. Our course was east-north-east,
the wind was at south-west. We got the starboard tacks aboard, we cast
off our weather-braces and lifts; we set in the lee-braces, and hauled
forward by the weather-bowlings, and hauled them tight, and belayed
them, and hauled over the mizen tack to windward, and kept her full and
by as near as she would lie.

During this storm, which was followed by a strong wind west-south-west,
we were carried, by my computation, about five hundred leagues to the
east, so that the oldest sailor on board could not tell in what part of
the world we were. Our provisions held out well, our ship was staunch,
and our crew all in good health; but we lay in the utmost distress for
water. We thought it best to hold on the same course, rather than turn
more northerly, which might have brought us to the north-west part of
Great Tartary, and into the Frozen Sea.

On the 16th day of June, 1703, a boy on the top-mast discovered land.
On the 17th, we came in full view of a great island, or continent (for
we knew not whether;) on the south side whereof was a small neck of
land jutting out into the sea, and a creek too shallow to hold a ship
of above one hundred tons. We cast anchor within a league of this
creek, and our captain sent a dozen of his men well armed in the
long-boat, with vessels for water, if any could be found. I desired his
leave to go with them, that I might see the country, and make what
discoveries I could. When we came to land we saw no river or spring,
nor any sign of inhabitants. Our men therefore wandered on the shore to
find out some fresh water near the sea, and I walked alone about a mile
on the other side, where I observed the country all barren and rocky. I
now began to be weary, and seeing nothing to entertain my curiosity, I
returned gently down towards the creek; and the sea being full in my
view, I saw our men already got into the boat, and rowing for life to
the ship. I was going to holla after them, although it had been to
little purpose, when I observed a huge creature walking after them in
the sea, as fast as he could: he waded not much deeper than his knees,
and took prodigious strides: but our men had the start of him half a
league, and, the sea thereabouts being full of sharp-pointed rocks, the
monster was not able to overtake the boat. This I was afterwards told,
for I durst not stay to see the issue of the adventure; but ran as fast
as I could the way I first went, and then climbed up a steep hill,
which gave me some prospect of the country. I found it fully
cultivated; but that which first surprised me was the length of the
grass, which, in those grounds that seemed to be kept for hay, was
about twenty feet high.

I fell into a high road, for so I took it to be, though it served to
the inhabitants only as a foot-path through a field of barley. Here I
walked on for some time, but could see little on either side, it being
now near harvest, and the corn rising at least forty feet. I was an
hour walking to the end of this field, which was fenced in with a hedge
of at least one hundred and twenty feet high, and the trees so lofty
that I could make no computation of their altitude. There was a stile
to pass from this field into the next. It had four steps, and a stone
to cross over when you came to the uppermost. It was impossible for me
to climb this stile, because every step was six-feet high, and the
upper stone about twenty. I was endeavouring to find some gap in the
hedge, when I discovered one of the inhabitants in the next field,
advancing towards the stile, of the same size with him whom I saw in
the sea pursuing our boat. He appeared as tall as an ordinary spire
steeple, and took about ten yards at every stride, as near as I could
guess. I was struck with the utmost fear and astonishment, and ran to
hide myself in the corn, whence I saw him at the top of the stile
looking back into the next field on the right hand, and heard him call
in a voice many degrees louder than a speaking-trumpet: but the noise
was so high in the air, that at first I certainly thought it was
thunder. Whereupon seven monsters, like himself, came towards him with
reaping-hooks in their hands, each hook about the largeness of six
scythes. These people were not so well clad as the first, whose
servants or labourers they seemed to be; for, upon some words he spoke,
they went to reap the corn in the field where I lay. I kept from them
at as great a distance as I could, but was forced to move with extreme
difficulty, for the stalks of the corn were sometimes not above a foot
distant, so that I could hardly squeeze my body betwixt them. However,
I made a shift to go forward, till I came to a part of the field where
the corn had been laid by the rain and wind. Here it was impossible for
me to advance a step; for the stalks were so interwoven, that I could
not creep through, and the beards of the fallen ears so strong and
pointed, that they pierced through my clothes into my flesh. At the
same time I heard the reapers not a hundred yards behind me. Being
quite dispirited with toil, and wholly overcome by grief and dispair, I
lay down between two ridges, and heartily wished I might there end my
days. I bemoaned my desolate widow and fatherless children. I lamented
my own folly and wilfulness, in attempting a second voyage, against the
advice of all my friends and relations. In this terrible agitation of
mind, I could not forbear thinking of Lilliput, whose inhabitants
looked upon me as the greatest prodigy that ever appeared in the world;
where I was able to draw an imperial fleet in my hand, and perform
those other actions, which will be recorded for ever in the chronicles
of that empire, while posterity shall hardly believe them, although
attested by millions. I reflected what a mortification it must prove to
me, to appear as inconsiderable in this nation, as one single
Lilliputian would be among us. But this I conceived was to be the least
of my misfortunes; for, as human creatures are observed to be more
savage and cruel in proportion to their bulk, what could I expect but
to be a morsel in the mouth of the first among these enormous
barbarians that should happen to seize me? Undoubtedly philosophers are
in the right, when they tell us that nothing is great or little
otherwise than by comparison. It might have pleased fortune, to have
let the Lilliputians find some nation, where the people were as
diminutive with respect to them, as they were to me. And who knows but
that even this prodigious race of mortals might be equally overmatched
in some distant part of the world, whereof we have yet no discovery.

Scared and confounded as I was, I could not forbear going on with these
reflections, when one of the reapers, approaching within ten yards of
the ridge where I lay, made me apprehend that with the next step I
should be squashed to death under his foot, or cut in two with his
reaping-hook. And therefore, when he was again about to move, I
screamed as loud as fear could make me: whereupon the huge creature
trod short, and, looking round about under him for some time, at last
espied me as I lay on the ground. He considered awhile, with the
caution of one who endeavours to lay hold on a small dangerous animal
in such a manner that it shall not be able either to scratch or bite
him, as I myself have sometimes done with a weasel in England. At
length he ventured to take me behind, by the middle, between his
fore-finger and thumb, and brought me within three yards of his eyes,
that he might behold my shape more perfectly. I guessed his meaning,
and my good fortune gave me so much presence of mind, that I resolved
not to struggle in the least as he held me in the air above sixty feet
from the ground, although he grievously pinched my sides, for fear I
should slip through his fingers. All I ventured was to raise my eyes
towards the sun, and place my hands together in a supplicating posture,
and to speak some words in a humble melancholy tone, suitable to the
condition I then was in: for I apprehended every moment that he would
dash me against the ground, as we usually do any little hateful animal,
which we have a mind to destroy. But my good star would have it, that
he appeared pleased with my voice and gestures, and began to look upon
me as a curiosity, much wondering to hear me pronounce articulate
words, although he could not understand them. In the mean time I was
not able to forbear groaning and shedding tears, and turning my head
towards my sides; letting him know, as well as I could, how cruelly I
was hurt by the pressure of his thumb and finger. He seemed to
apprehend my meaning; for, lifting up the lappet of his coat, he put me
gently into it, and immediately ran along with me to his master, who
was a substantial farmer, and the same person I had first seen in the
field.

The farmer having (as I suppose by their talk) received such an account
of me as his servant could give him, took a piece of a small straw,
about the size of a walking-staff, and therewith lifted up the lappets
of my coat; which it seems he thought to be some kind of covering that
nature had given me. He blew my hairs aside to take a better view of my
face. He called his hinds about him, and asked them, as I afterwards
learned, whether they had ever seen in the fields any little creature
that resembled me. He then placed me softly on the ground upon all
fours, but I got immediately up, and walked slowly backward and
forward, to let those people see I had no intent to run away. They all
sat down in a circle about me, the better to observe my motions. I
pulled off my hat, and made a low bow towards the farmer. I fell on my
knees, and lifted up my hands and eyes, and spoke several words as loud
as I could: I took a purse of gold out of my pocket, and humbly
presented it to him. He received it on the palm of his hand, then
applied it close to his eye to see what it was, and afterwards turned
it several times with the point of a pin (which he took out of his
sleeve,) but could make nothing of it. Whereupon I made a sign that he
should place his hand on the ground. I then took the purse, and,
opening it, poured all the gold into his palm. There were six Spanish
pieces of four pistoles each, beside twenty or thirty smaller coins. I
saw him wet the tip of his little finger upon his tongue, and take up
one of my largest pieces, and then another; but he seemed to be wholly
ignorant what they were. He made me a sign to put them again into my
purse, and the purse again into my pocket, which, after offering it to
him several times, I thought it best to do.

The farmer, by this time, was convinced I must be a rational creature.
He spoke often to me; but the sound of his voice pierced my ears like
that of a water-mill, yet his words were articulate enough. I answered
as loud as I could in several languages, and he often laid his ear
within two yards of me: but all in vain, for we were wholly
unintelligible to each other. He then sent his servants to their work,
and taking his handkerchief out of his pocket, he doubled and spread it
on his left hand, which he placed flat on the ground with the palm
upward, making me a sign to step into it, as I could easily do, for it
was not above a foot in thickness. I thought it my part to obey, and,
for fear of falling, laid myself at full length upon the handkerchief,
with the remainder of which he lapped me up to the head for further
security, and in this manner carried me home to his house. There he
called his wife, and showed me to her; but she screamed and ran back,
as women in England do at the sight of a toad or a spider. However,
when she had a while seen my behaviour, and how well I observed the
signs her husband made, she was soon reconciled, and by degrees grew
extremely tender of me.

It was about twelve at noon, and a servant brought in dinner. It was
only one substantial dish of meat (fit for the plain condition of a
husbandman,) in a dish of about four-and-twenty feet diameter. The
company were, the farmer and his wife, three children, and an old
grandmother. When they were sat down, the farmer placed me at some
distance from him on the table, which was thirty feet high from the
floor. I was in a terrible fright, and kept as far as I could from the
edge, for fear of falling. The wife minced a bit of meat, then crumbled
some bread on a trencher, and placed it before me. I made her a low
bow, took out my knife and fork, and fell to eat, which gave them
exceeding delight. The mistress sent her maid for a small dram cup,
which held about two gallons, and filled it with drink; I took up the
vessel with much difficulty in both hands, and in a most respectful
manner drank to her ladyship’s health, expressing the words as loud as
I could in English, which made the company laugh so heartily, that I
was almost deafened with the noise. This liquor tasted like a small
cider, and was not unpleasant. Then the master made me a sign to come
to his trencher side; but as I walked on the table, being in great
surprise all the time, as the indulgent reader will easily conceive and
excuse, I happened to stumble against a crust, and fell flat on my
face, but received no hurt. I got up immediately, and observing the
good people to be in much concern, I took my hat (which I held under my
arm out of good manners,) and waving it over my head, made three
huzzas, to show I had got no mischief by my fall. But advancing forward
towards my master (as I shall henceforth call him,) his youngest son,
who sat next to him, an arch boy of about ten years old, took me up by
the legs, and held me so high in the air, that I trembled every limb:
but his father snatched me from him, and at the same time gave him such
a box on the left ear, as would have felled an European troop of horse
to the earth, ordering him to be taken from the table. But being afraid
the boy might owe me a spite, and well remembering how mischievous all
children among us naturally are to sparrows, rabbits, young kittens,
and puppy dogs, I fell on my knees, and pointing to the boy, made my
master to understand, as well as I could, that I desired his son might
be pardoned. The father complied, and the lad took his seat again,
whereupon I went to him, and kissed his hand, which my master took, and
made him stroke me gently with it.

In the midst of dinner, my mistress’s favourite cat leaped into her
lap. I heard a noise behind me like that of a dozen stocking-weavers at
work; and turning my head, I found it proceeded from the purring of
that animal, who seemed to be three times larger than an ox, as I
computed by the view of her head, and one of her paws, while her
mistress was feeding and stroking her. The fierceness of this
creature’s countenance altogether discomposed me; though I stood at the
farther end of the table, above fifty feet off; and although my
mistress held her fast, for fear she might give a spring, and seize me
in her talons. But it happened there was no danger, for the cat took
not the least notice of me when my master placed me within three yards
of her. And as I have been always told, and found true by experience in
my travels, that flying or discovering fear before a fierce animal, is
a certain way to make it pursue or attack you, so I resolved, in this
dangerous juncture, to show no manner of concern. I walked with
intrepidity five or six times before the very head of the cat, and came
within half a yard of her; whereupon she drew herself back, as if she
were more afraid of me: I had less apprehension concerning the dogs,
whereof three or four came into the room, as it is usual in farmers’
houses; one of which was a mastiff, equal in bulk to four elephants,
and another a greyhound, somewhat taller than the mastiff, but not so
large.

When dinner was almost done, the nurse came in with a child of a year
old in her arms, who immediately spied me, and began a squall that you
might have heard from London Bridge to Chelsea, after the usual oratory
of infants, to get me for a plaything. The mother, out of pure
indulgence, took me up, and put me towards the child, who presently
seized me by the middle, and got my head into his mouth, where I roared
so loud that the urchin was frighted, and let me drop, and I should
infallibly have broke my neck, if the mother had not held her apron
under me. The nurse, to quiet her babe, made use of a rattle which was
a kind of hollow vessel filled with great stones, and fastened by a
cable to the child’s waist: but all in vain; so that she was forced to
apply the last remedy by giving it suck. I must confess no object ever
disgusted me so much as the sight of her monstrous breast, which I
cannot tell what to compare with, so as to give the curious reader an
idea of its bulk, shape, and colour. It stood prominent six feet, and
could not be less than sixteen in circumference. The nipple was about
half the bigness of my head, and the hue both of that and the dug, so
varied with spots, pimples, and freckles, that nothing could appear
more nauseous: for I had a near sight of her, she sitting down, the
more conveniently to give suck, and I standing on the table. This made
me reflect upon the fair skins of our English ladies, who appear so
beautiful to us, only because they are of our own size, and their
defects not to be seen but through a magnifying glass; where we find by
experiment that the smoothest and whitest skins look rough, and coarse,
and ill-coloured.

I remember when I was at Lilliput, the complexion of those diminutive
people appeared to me the fairest in the world; and talking upon this
subject with a person of learning there, who was an intimate friend of
mine, he said that my face appeared much fairer and smoother when he
looked on me from the ground, than it did upon a nearer view, when I
took him up in my hand, and brought him close, which he confessed was
at first a very shocking sight. He said, “he could discover great holes
in my skin; that the stumps of my beard were ten times stronger than
the bristles of a boar, and my complexion made up of several colours
altogether disagreeable:” although I must beg leave to say for myself,
that I am as fair as most of my sex and country, and very little
sunburnt by all my travels. On the other side, discoursing of the
ladies in that emperor’s court, he used to tell me, “one had freckles;
another too wide a mouth; a third too large a nose;” nothing of which I
was able to distinguish. I confess this reflection was obvious enough;
which, however, I could not forbear, lest the reader might think those
vast creatures were actually deformed: for I must do them the justice
to say, they are a comely race of people, and particularly the features
of my master’s countenance, although he was but a farmer, when I beheld
him from the height of sixty feet, appeared very well proportioned.

When dinner was done, my master went out to his labourers, and, as I
could discover by his voice and gesture, gave his wife strict charge to
take care of me. I was very much tired, and disposed to sleep, which my
mistress perceiving, she put me on her own bed, and covered me with a
clean white handkerchief, but larger and coarser than the mainsail of a
man of war.

I slept about two hours, and dreamt I was at home with my wife and
children, which aggravated my sorrows when I awaked, and found myself
alone in a vast room, between two and three hundred feet wide, and
above two hundred high, lying in a bed twenty yards wide. My mistress
was gone about her household affairs, and had locked me in. The bed was
eight yards from the floor. Some natural necessities required me to get
down; I durst not presume to call; and if I had, it would have been in
vain, with such a voice as mine, at so great a distance from the room
where I lay to the kitchen where the family kept. While I was under
these circumstances, two rats crept up the curtains, and ran smelling
backwards and forwards on the bed. One of them came up almost to my
face, whereupon I rose in a fright, and drew out my hanger to defend
myself. These horrible animals had the boldness to attack me on both
sides, and one of them held his forefeet at my collar; but I had the
good fortune to rip up his belly before he could do me any mischief. He
fell down at my feet; and the other, seeing the fate of his comrade,
made his escape, but not without one good wound on the back, which I
gave him as he fled, and made the blood run trickling from him. After
this exploit, I walked gently to and fro on the bed, to recover my
breath and loss of spirits. These creatures were of the size of a large
mastiff, but infinitely more nimble and fierce; so that if I had taken
off my belt before I went to sleep, I must have infallibly been torn to
pieces and devoured. I measured the tail of the dead rat, and found it
to be two yards long, wanting an inch; but it went against my stomach
to drag the carcass off the bed, where it lay still bleeding; I
observed it had yet some life, but with a strong slash across the neck,
I thoroughly despatched it.

Soon after my mistress came into the room, who seeing me all bloody,
ran and took me up in her hand. I pointed to the dead rat, smiling, and
making other signs to show I was not hurt; whereat she was extremely
rejoiced, calling the maid to take up the dead rat with a pair of
tongs, and throw it out of the window. Then she set me on a table,
where I showed her my hanger all bloody, and wiping it on the lappet of
my coat, returned it to the scabbard. I was pressed to do more than one
thing which another could not do for me, and therefore endeavoured to
make my mistress understand, that I desired to be set down on the
floor; which after she had done, my bashfulness would not suffer me to
express myself farther, than by pointing to the door, and bowing
several times. The good woman, with much difficulty, at last perceived
what I would be at, and taking me up again in her hand, walked into the
garden, where she set me down. I went on one side about two hundred
yards, and beckoning to her not to look or to follow me, I hid myself
between two leaves of sorrel, and there discharged the necessities of
nature.

I hope the gentle reader will excuse me for dwelling on these and the
like particulars, which, however insignificant they may appear to
groveling vulgar minds, yet will certainly help a philosopher to
enlarge his thoughts and imagination, and apply them to the benefit of
public as well as private life, which was my sole design in presenting
this and other accounts of my travels to the world; wherein I have been
chiefly studious of truth, without affecting any ornaments of learning
or of style. But the whole scene of this voyage made so strong an
impression on my mind, and is so deeply fixed in my memory, that, in
committing it to paper I did not omit one material circumstance:
however, upon a strict review, I blotted out several passages of less
moment which were in my first copy, for fear of being censured as
tedious and trifling, whereof travellers are often, perhaps not without
justice, accused.


CHAPTER II.

A description of the farmer’s daughter. The author carried to a
market-town, and then to the metropolis. The particulars of his
journey.


My mistress had a daughter of nine years old, a child of towardly parts
for her age, very dexterous at her needle, and skilful in dressing her
baby. Her mother and she contrived to fit up the baby’s cradle for me
against night: the cradle was put into a small drawer of a cabinet, and
the drawer placed upon a hanging shelf for fear of the rats. This was
my bed all the time I staid with those people, though made more
convenient by degrees, as I began to learn their language and make my
wants known. This young girl was so handy, that after I had once or
twice pulled off my clothes before her, she was able to dress and
undress me, though I never gave her that trouble when she would let me
do either myself. She made me seven shirts, and some other linen, of as
fine cloth as could be got, which indeed was coarser than sackcloth;
and these she constantly washed for me with her own hands. She was
likewise my school-mistress, to teach me the language: when I pointed
to any thing, she told me the name of it in her own tongue, so that in
a few days I was able to call for whatever I had a mind to. She was
very good-natured, and not above forty feet high, being little for her
age. She gave me the name of _Grildrig_, which the family took up, and
afterwards the whole kingdom. The word imports what the Latins call
_nanunculus_, the Italians _homunceletino_, and the English _mannikin_.
To her I chiefly owe my preservation in that country: we never parted
while I was there; I called her my _Glumdalclitch_, or little nurse;
and should be guilty of great ingratitude, if I omitted this honourable
mention of her care and affection towards me, which I heartily wish it
lay in my power to requite as she deserves, instead of being the
innocent, but unhappy instrument of her disgrace, as I have too much
reason to fear.

It now began to be known and talked of in the neighbourhood, that my
master had found a strange animal in the field, about the bigness of a
_splacnuck_, but exactly shaped in every part like a human creature;
which it likewise imitated in all its actions; seemed to speak in a
little language of its own, had already learned several words of
theirs, went erect upon two legs, was tame and gentle, would come when
it was called, do whatever it was bid, had the finest limbs in the
world, and a complexion fairer than a nobleman’s daughter of three
years old. Another farmer, who lived hard by, and was a particular
friend of my master, came on a visit on purpose to inquire into the
truth of this story. I was immediately produced, and placed upon a
table, where I walked as I was commanded, drew my hanger, put it up
again, made my reverence to my master’s guest, asked him in his own
language how he did, and told him _he was welcome_, just as my little
nurse had instructed me. This man, who was old and dim-sighted, put on
his spectacles to behold me better; at which I could not forbear
laughing very heartily, for his eyes appeared like the full moon
shining into a chamber at two windows. Our people, who discovered the
cause of my mirth, bore me company in laughing, at which the old fellow
was fool enough to be angry and out of countenance. He had the
character of a great miser; and, to my misfortune, he well deserved it,
by the cursed advice he gave my master, to show me as a sight upon a
market-day in the next town, which was half an hour’s riding, about
two-and-twenty miles from our house. I guessed there was some mischief
when I observed my master and his friend whispering together, sometimes
pointing at me; and my fears made me fancy that I overheard and
understood some of their words. But the next morning Glumdalclitch, my
little nurse, told me the whole matter, which she had cunningly picked
out from her mother. The poor girl laid me on her bosom, and fell a
weeping with shame and grief. She apprehended some mischief would
happen to me from rude vulgar folks, who might squeeze me to death, or
break one of my limbs by taking me in their hands. She had also
observed how modest I was in my nature, how nicely I regarded my
honour, and what an indignity I should conceive it, to be exposed for
money as a public spectacle, to the meanest of the people. She said,
her papa and mamma had promised that Grildrig should be hers; but now
she found they meant to serve her as they did last year, when they
pretended to give her a lamb, and yet, as soon as it was fat, sold it
to a butcher. For my own part, I may truly affirm, that I was less
concerned than my nurse. I had a strong hope, which never left me, that
I should one day recover my liberty: and as to the ignominy of being
carried about for a monster, I considered myself to be a perfect
stranger in the country, and that such a misfortune could never be
charged upon me as a reproach, if ever I should return to England,
since the king of Great Britain himself, in my condition, must have
undergone the same distress.

My master, pursuant to the advice of his friend, carried me in a box
the next market-day to the neighbouring town, and took along with him
his little daughter, my nurse, upon a pillion behind him. The box was
close on every side, with a little door for me to go in and out, and a
few gimlet holes to let in air. The girl had been so careful as to put
the quilt of her baby’s bed into it, for me to lie down on. However, I
was terribly shaken and discomposed in this journey, though it was but
of half an hour: for the horse went about forty feet at every step and
trotted so high, that the agitation was equal to the rising and falling
of a ship in a great storm, but much more frequent. Our journey was
somewhat farther than from London to St. Alban’s. My master alighted at
an inn which he used to frequent; and after consulting a while with the
inn-keeper, and making some necessary preparations, he hired the
_grultrud_, or crier, to give notice through the town of a strange
creature to be seen at the sign of the Green Eagle, not so big as a
_splacnuck_ (an animal in that country very finely shaped, about six
feet long,) and in every part of the body resembling a human creature,
could speak several words, and perform a hundred diverting tricks.

I was placed upon a table in the largest room of the inn, which might
be near three hundred feet square. My little nurse stood on a low stool
close to the table, to take care of me, and direct what I should do. My
master, to avoid a crowd, would suffer only thirty people at a time to
see me. I walked about on the table as the girl commanded; she asked me
questions, as far as she knew my understanding of the language reached,
and I answered them as loud as I could. I turned about several times to
the company, paid my humble respects, said _they were welcome_, and
used some other speeches I had been taught. I took up a thimble filled
with liquor, which Glumdalclitch had given me for a cup, and drank
their health, I drew out my hanger, and flourished with it after the
manner of fencers in England. My nurse gave me a part of a straw, which
I exercised as a pike, having learnt the art in my youth. I was that
day shown to twelve sets of company, and as often forced to act over
again the same fopperies, till I was half dead with weariness and
vexation; for those who had seen me made such wonderful reports, that
the people were ready to break down the doors to come in. My master,
for his own interest, would not suffer any one to touch me except my
nurse; and to prevent danger, benches were set round the table at such
a distance as to put me out of every body’s reach. However, an unlucky
school-boy aimed a hazel nut directly at my head, which very narrowly
missed me; otherwise it came with so much violence, that it would have
infallibly knocked out my brains, for it was almost as large as a small
pumpkin, but I had the satisfaction to see the young rogue well beaten,
and turned out of the room.

My master gave public notice that he would show me again the next
market-day; and in the meantime he prepared a convenient vehicle for
me, which he had reason enough to do; for I was so tired with my first
journey, and with entertaining company for eight hours together, that I
could hardly stand upon my legs, or speak a word. It was at least three
days before I recovered my strength; and that I might have no rest at
home, all the neighbouring gentlemen from a hundred miles round,
hearing of my fame, came to see me at my master’s own house. There
could not be fewer than thirty persons with their wives and children
(for the country is very populous;) and my master demanded the rate of
a full room whenever he showed me at home, although it were only to a
single family; so that for some time I had but little ease every day of
the week (except Wednesday, which is their Sabbath,) although I were
not carried to the town.

My master, finding how profitable I was likely to be, resolved to carry
me to the most considerable cities of the kingdom. Having therefore
provided himself with all things necessary for a long journey, and
settled his affairs at home, he took leave of his wife, and upon the
17th of August, 1703, about two months after my arrival, we set out for
the metropolis, situated near the middle of that empire, and about
three thousand miles distance from our house. My master made his
daughter Glumdalclitch ride behind him. She carried me on her lap, in a
box tied about her waist. The girl had lined it on all sides with the
softest cloth she could get, well quilted underneath, furnished it with
her baby’s bed, provided me with linen and other necessaries, and made
everything as convenient as she could. We had no other company but a
boy of the house, who rode after us with the luggage.

My master’s design was to show me in all the towns by the way, and to
step out of the road for fifty or a hundred miles, to any village, or
person of quality’s house, where he might expect custom. We made easy
journeys, of not above seven or eight score miles a day; for
Glumdalclitch, on purpose to spare me, complained she was tired with
the trotting of the horse. She often took me out of my box, at my own
desire, to give me air, and show me the country, but always held me
fast by a leading-string. We passed over five or six rivers, many
degrees broader and deeper than the Nile or the Ganges: and there was
hardly a rivulet so small as the Thames at London Bridge. We were ten
weeks in our journey, and I was shown in eighteen large towns, besides
many villages, and private families.

On the 26th day of October we arrived at the metropolis, called in
their language _Lorbrulgrud_, or Pride of the Universe. My master took
a lodging in the principal street of the city, not far from the royal
palace, and put out bills in the usual form, containing an exact
description of my person and parts. He hired a large room between three
and four hundred feet wide. He provided a table sixty feet in diameter,
upon which I was to act my part, and pallisadoed it round three feet
from the edge, and as many high, to prevent my falling over. I was
shown ten times a day, to the wonder and satisfaction of all people. I
could now speak the language tolerably well, and perfectly understood
every word, that was spoken to me. Besides, I had learnt their
alphabet, and could make a shift to explain a sentence here and there;
for Glumdalclitch had been my instructor while we were at home, and at
leisure hours during our journey. She carried a little book in her
pocket, not much larger than a Sanson’s Atlas; it was a common treatise
for the use of young girls, giving a short account of their religion:
out of this she taught me my letters, and interpreted the words.


CHAPTER III.

The author sent for to court. The queen buys him of his master the
farmer, and presents him to the king. He disputes with his majesty’s
great scholars. An apartment at court provided for the author. He is in
high favour with the queen. He stands up for the honour of his own
country. His quarrels with the queen’s dwarf.


The frequent labours I underwent every day, made, in a few weeks, a
very considerable change in my health: the more my master got by me,
the more insatiable he grew. I had quite lost my stomach, and was
almost reduced to a skeleton. The farmer observed it, and concluding I
must soon die, resolved to make as good a hand of me as he could. While
he was thus reasoning and resolving with himself, a _sardral_, or
gentleman-usher, came from court, commanding my master to carry me
immediately thither for the diversion of the queen and her ladies. Some
of the latter had already been to see me, and reported strange things
of my beauty, behaviour, and good sense. Her majesty, and those who
attended her, were beyond measure delighted with my demeanour. I fell
on my knees, and begged the honour of kissing her imperial foot; but
this gracious princess held out her little finger towards me, after I
was set on the table, which I embraced in both my arms, and put the tip
of it with the utmost respect to my lip. She made me some general
questions about my country and my travels, which I answered as
distinctly, and in as few words as I could. She asked, “whether I could
be content to live at court?” I bowed down to the board of the table,
and humbly answered “that I was my master’s slave: but, if I were at my
own disposal, I should be proud to devote my life to her majesty’s
service.” She then asked my master, “whether he was willing to sell me
at a good price?” He, who apprehended I could not live a month, was
ready enough to part with me, and demanded a thousand pieces of gold,
which were ordered him on the spot, each piece being about the bigness
of eight hundred moidores; but allowing for the proportion of all
things between that country and Europe, and the high price of gold
among them, was hardly so great a sum as a thousand guineas would be in
England. I then said to the queen, “since I was now her majesty’s most
humble creature and vassal, I must beg the favour, that Glumdalclitch,
who had always tended me with so much care and kindness, and understood
to do it so well, might be admitted into her service, and continue to
be my nurse and instructor.”

Her majesty agreed to my petition, and easily got the farmer’s consent,
who was glad enough to have his daughter preferred at court, and the
poor girl herself was not able to hide her joy. My late master
withdrew, bidding me farewell, and saying he had left me in a good
service; to which I replied not a word, only making him a slight bow.

The queen observed my coldness; and, when the farmer was gone out of
the apartment, asked me the reason. I made bold to tell her majesty,
“that I owed no other obligation to my late master, than his not
dashing out the brains of a poor harmless creature, found by chance in
his fields: which obligation was amply recompensed, by the gain he had
made in showing me through half the kingdom, and the price he had now
sold me for. That the life I had since led was laborious enough to kill
an animal of ten times my strength. That my health was much impaired,
by the continual drudgery of entertaining the rabble every hour of the
day; and that, if my master had not thought my life in danger, her
majesty would not have got so cheap a bargain. But as I was out of all
fear of being ill-treated under the protection of so great and good an
empress, the ornament of nature, the darling of the world, the delight
of her subjects, the phœnix of the creation, so I hoped my late
master’s apprehensions would appear to be groundless; for I already
found my spirits revive, by the influence of her most august presence.”

This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties and
hesitation. The latter part was altogether framed in the style peculiar
to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from Glumdalclitch,
while she was carrying me to court.

The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in speaking,
was, however, surprised at so much wit and good sense in so diminutive
an animal. She took me in her own hand, and carried me to the king, who
was then retired to his cabinet. His majesty, a prince of much gravity
and austere countenance, not well observing my shape at first view,
asked the queen after a cold manner “how long it was since she grew
fond of a _splacnuck_?” for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay
upon my breast in her majesty’s right hand. But this princess, who has
an infinite deal of wit and humour, set me gently on my feet upon the
scrutoire, and commanded me to give his majesty an account of myself,
which I did in a very few words: and Glumdalclitch who attended at the
cabinet door, and could not endure I should be out of her sight, being
admitted, confirmed all that had passed from my arrival at her father’s
house.

The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his dominions,
had been educated in the study of philosophy, and particularly
mathematics; yet when he observed my shape exactly, and saw me walk
erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might be a piece of
clock-work (which is in that country arrived to a very great
perfection) contrived by some ingenious artist. But when he heard my
voice, and found what I delivered to be regular and rational, he could
not conceal his astonishment. He was by no means satisfied with the
relation I gave him of the manner I came into his kingdom, but thought
it a story concerted between Glumdalclitch and her father, who had
taught me a set of words to make me sell at a better price. Upon this
imagination, he put several other questions to me, and still received
rational answers: no otherwise defective than by a foreign accent, and
an imperfect knowledge in the language, with some rustic phrases which
I had learned at the farmer’s house, and did not suit the polite style
of a court.

His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their
weekly waiting, according to the custom in that country. These
gentlemen, after they had a while examined my shape with much nicety,
were of different opinions concerning me. They all agreed that I could
not be produced according to the regular laws of nature, because I was
not framed with a capacity of preserving my life, either by swiftness,
or climbing of trees, or digging holes in the earth. They observed by
my teeth, which they viewed with great exactness, that I was a
carnivorous animal; yet most quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and
field mice, with some others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I
should be able to support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other
insects, which they offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that
I could not possibly do. One of these virtuosi seemed to think that I
might be an embryo, or abortive birth. But this opinion was rejected by
the other two, who observed my limbs to be perfect and finished; and
that I had lived several years, as it was manifest from my beard, the
stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a magnifying glass. They
would not allow me to be a dwarf, because my littleness was beyond all
degrees of comparison; for the queen’s favourite dwarf, the smallest
ever known in that kingdom, was near thirty feet high. After much
debate, they concluded unanimously, that I was only _relplum scalcath_,
which is interpreted literally _lusus naturæ_; a determination exactly
agreeable to the modern philosophy of Europe, whose professors,
disdaining the old evasion of occult causes, whereby the followers of
Aristotle endeavoured in vain to disguise their ignorance, have
invented this wonderful solution of all difficulties, to the
unspeakable advancement of human knowledge.

After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or two.
I applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty, “that I came
from a country which abounded with several millions of both sexes, and
of my own stature; where the animals, trees, and houses, were all in
proportion, and where, by consequence, I might be as able to defend
myself, and to find sustenance, as any of his majesty’s subjects could
do here; which I took for a full answer to those gentlemen’s
arguments.” To this they only replied with a smile of contempt, saying,
“that the farmer had instructed me very well in my lesson.” The king,
who had a much better understanding, dismissing his learned men, sent
for the farmer, who by good fortune was not yet gone out of town.
Having therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him
with me and the young girl, his majesty began to think that what we
told him might possibly be true. He desired the queen to order that a
particular care should be taken of me; and was of opinion that
Glumdalclitch should still continue in her office of tending me,
because he observed we had a great affection for each other. A
convenient apartment was provided for her at court: she had a sort of
governess appointed to take care of her education, a maid to dress her,
and two other servants for menial offices; but the care of me was
wholly appropriated to herself. The queen commanded her own
cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might serve me for a bedchamber,
after the model that Glumdalclitch and I should agree upon. This man
was a most ingenious artist, and according to my direction, in three
weeks finished for me a wooden chamber of sixteen feet square, and
twelve high, with sash-windows, a door, and two closets, like a London
bed-chamber. The board, that made the ceiling, was to be lifted up and
down by two hinges, to put in a bed ready furnished by her majesty’s
upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every day to air, made it
with her own hands, and letting it down at night, locked up the roof
over me. A nice workman, who was famous for little curiosities,
undertook to make me two chairs, with backs and frames, of a substance
not unlike ivory, and two tables, with a cabinet to put my things in.
The room was quilted on all sides, as well as the floor and the
ceiling, to prevent any accident from the carelessness of those who
carried me, and to break the force of a jolt, when I went in a coach. I
desired a lock for my door, to prevent rats and mice from coming in.
The smith, after several attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen
among them, for I have known a larger at the gate of a gentleman’s
house in England. I made a shift to keep the key in a pocket of my own,
fearing Glumdalclitch might lose it. The queen likewise ordered the
thinnest silks that could be gotten, to make me clothes, not much
thicker than an English blanket, very cumbersome till I was accustomed
to them. They were after the fashion of the kingdom, partly resembling
the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a very grave and decent
habit.

The queen became so fond of my company, that she could not dine without
me. I had a table placed upon the same at which her majesty ate, just
at her left elbow, and a chair to sit on. Glumdalclitch stood on a
stool on the floor near my table, to assist and take care of me. I had
an entire set of silver dishes and plates, and other necessaries,
which, in proportion to those of the queen, were not much bigger than
what I have seen in a London toy-shop for the furniture of a
baby-house: these my little nurse kept in her pocket in a silver box,
and gave me at meals as I wanted them, always cleaning them herself. No
person dined with the queen but the two princesses royal, the eldest
sixteen years old, and the younger at that time thirteen and a month.
Her majesty used to put a bit of meat upon one of my dishes, out of
which I carved for myself, and her diversion was to see me eat in
miniature: for the queen (who had indeed but a weak stomach) took up,
at one mouthful, as much as a dozen English farmers could eat at a
meal, which to me was for some time a very nauseous sight. She would
craunch the wing of a lark, bones and all, between her teeth, although
it were nine times as large as that of a full-grown turkey; and put a
bit of bread into her mouth as big as two twelve-penny loaves. She
drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at a draught. Her knives
were twice as long as a scythe, set straight upon the handle. The
spoons, forks, and other instruments, were all in the same proportion.
I remember when Glumdalclitch carried me, out of curiosity, to see some
of the tables at court, where ten or a dozen of those enormous knives
and forks were lifted up together, I thought I had never till then
beheld so terrible a sight.

It is the custom, that every Wednesday (which, as I have observed, is
their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both sexes,
dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I was now become
a great favourite; and at these times, my little chair and table were
placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-cellars. This prince
took a pleasure in conversing with me, inquiring into the manners,
religion, laws, government, and learning of Europe; wherein I gave him
the best account I was able. His apprehension was so clear, and his
judgment so exact, that he made very wise reflections and observations
upon all I said. But I confess, that, after I had been a little too
copious in talking of my own beloved country, of our trade and wars by
sea and land, of our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the
prejudices of his education prevailed so far, that he could not forbear
taking me up in his right hand, and stroking me gently with the other,
after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, “whether I was a whig or
tory?” Then turning to his first minister, who waited behind him with a
white staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the Royal Sovereign, he
observed “how contemptible a thing was human grandeur, which could be
mimicked by such diminutive insects as I: and yet,” says he, “I dare
engage these creatures have their titles and distinctions of honour;
they contrive little nests and burrows, that they call houses and
cities; they make a figure in dress and equipage; they love, they
fight, they dispute, they cheat, they betray!” And thus he continued
on, while my colour came and went several times, with indignation, to
hear our noble country, the mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of
France, the arbitress of Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honour, and
truth, the pride and envy of the world, so contemptuously treated.

But as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature
thoughts I began to doubt whether I was injured or no. For, after
having been accustomed several months to the sight and converse of this
people, and observed every object upon which I cast my eyes to be of
proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first conceived from
their bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that if I had then beheld a
company of English lords and ladies in their finery and birth-day
clothes, acting their several parts in the most courtly manner of
strutting, and bowing, and prating, to say the truth, I should have
been strongly tempted to laugh as much at them as the king and his
grandees did at me. Neither, indeed, could I forbear smiling at myself,
when the queen used to place me upon her hand towards a looking-glass,
by which both our persons appeared before me in full view together; and
there could be nothing more ridiculous than the comparison; so that I
really began to imagine myself dwindled many degrees below my usual
size.

Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the queen’s dwarf; who
being of the lowest stature that was ever in that country (for I verily
think he was not full thirty feet high), became so insolent at seeing a
creature so much beneath him, that he would always affect to swagger
and look big as he passed by me in the queen’s antechamber, while I was
standing on some table talking with the lords or ladies of the court,
and he seldom failed of a smart word or two upon my littleness; against
which I could only revenge myself by calling him brother, challenging
him to wrestle, and such repartees as are usually in the mouths of
court pages. One day, at dinner, this malicious little cub was so
nettled with something I had said to him, that, raising himself upon
the frame of her majesty’s chair, he took me up by the middle, as I was
sitting down, not thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large
silver bowl of cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell
over head and ears, and, if I had not been a good swimmer, it might
have gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that instant happened
to be at the other end of the room, and the queen was in such a fright,
that she wanted presence of mind to assist me. But my little nurse ran
to my relief, and took me out, after I had swallowed above a quart of
cream. I was put to bed: however, I received no other damage than the
loss of a suit of clothes, which was utterly spoiled. The dwarf was
soundly whipt, and as a farther punishment, forced to drink up the bowl
of cream into which he had thrown me: neither was he ever restored to
favour; for soon after the queen bestowed him on a lady of high
quality, so that I saw him no more, to my very great satisfaction; for
I could not tell to what extremities such a malicious urchin might have
carried his resentment.

He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-laughing,
although at the same time she was heartily vexed, and would have
immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so generous as to
intercede. Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone upon her plate, and,
after knocking out the marrow, placed the bone again in the dish erect,
as it stood before; the dwarf, watching his opportunity, while
Glumdalclitch was gone to the side-board, mounted the stool that she
stood on to take care of me at meals, took me up in both hands, and
squeezing my legs together, wedged them into the marrow bone above my
waist, where I stuck for some time, and made a very ridiculous figure.
I believe it was near a minute before any one knew what was become of
me; for I thought it below me to cry out. But, as princes seldom get
their meat hot, my legs were not scalded, only my stockings and
breeches in a sad condition. The dwarf, at my entreaty, had no other
punishment than a sound whipping.

I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my fearfulness;
and she used to ask me whether the people of my country were as great
cowards as myself? The occasion was this: the kingdom is much pestered
with flies in summer; and these odious insects, each of them as big as
a Dunstable lark, hardly gave me any rest while I sat at dinner, with
their continual humming and buzzing about mine ears. They would
sometimes alight upon my victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement,
or spawn behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the
natives of that country, whose large optics were not so acute as mine,
in viewing smaller objects. Sometimes they would fix upon my nose, or
forehead, where they stung me to the quick, smelling very offensively;
and I could easily trace that viscous matter, which, our naturalists
tell us, enables those creatures to walk with their feet upwards upon a
ceiling. I had much ado to defend myself against these detestable
animals, and could not forbear starting when they came on my face. It
was the common practice of the dwarf, to catch a number of these
insects in his hand, as schoolboys do among us, and let them out
suddenly under my nose, on purpose to frighten me, and divert the
queen. My remedy was to cut them in pieces with my knife, as they flew
in the air, wherein my dexterity was much admired.

I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in a box upon a
window, as she usually did in fair days to give me air (for I durst not
venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the window, as we do
with cages in England), after I had lifted up one of my sashes, and sat
down at my table to eat a piece of sweet cake for my breakfast, above
twenty wasps, allured by the smell, came flying into the room, humming
louder than the drones of as many bagpipes. Some of them seized my
cake, and carried it piecemeal away; others flew about my head and
face, confounding me with the noise, and putting me in the utmost
terror of their stings. However, I had the courage to rise and draw my
hanger, and attack them in the air. I dispatched four of them, but the
rest got away, and I presently shut my window. These insects were as
large as partridges: I took out their stings, found them an inch and a
half long, and as sharp as needles. I carefully preserved them all; and
having since shown them, with some other curiosities, in several parts
of Europe, upon my return to England I gave three of them to Gresham
College, and kept the fourth for myself.


CHAPTER IV.

The country described. A proposal for correcting modern maps. The
king’s palace; and some account of the metropolis. The author’s way of
travelling. The chief temple described.


I now intend to give the reader a short description of this country, as
far as I travelled in it, which was not above two thousand miles round
Lorbrulgrud, the metropolis. For the queen, whom I always attended,
never went farther when she accompanied the king in his progresses, and
there staid till his majesty returned from viewing his frontiers. The
whole extent of this prince’s dominions reaches about six thousand
miles in length, and from three to five in breadth: whence I cannot but
conclude, that our geographers of Europe are in a great error, by
supposing nothing but sea between Japan and California; for it was ever
my opinion, that there must be a balance of earth to counterpoise the
great continent of Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their
maps and charts, by joining this vast tract of land to the north-west
parts of America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my assistance.

The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated to the north-east by a ridge of
mountains thirty miles high, which are altogether impassable, by reason
of the volcanoes upon the tops: neither do the most learned know what
sort of mortals inhabit beyond those mountains, or whether they be
inhabited at all. On the three other sides, it is bounded by the ocean.
There is not one seaport in the whole kingdom: and those parts of the
coasts into which the rivers issue, are so full of pointed rocks, and
the sea generally so rough, that there is no venturing with the
smallest of their boats; so that these people are wholly excluded from
any commerce with the rest of the world. But the large rivers are full
of vessels, and abound with excellent fish; for they seldom get any
from the sea, because the sea fish are of the same size with those in
Europe, and consequently not worth catching; whereby it is manifest,
that nature, in the production of plants and animals of so
extraordinary a bulk, is wholly confined to this continent, of which I
leave the reasons to be determined by philosophers. However, now and
then they take a whale that happens to be dashed against the rocks,
which the common people feed on heartily. These whales I have known so
large, that a man could hardly carry one upon his shoulders; and
sometimes, for curiosity, they are brought in hampers to Lorbrulgrud; I
saw one of them in a dish at the king’s table, which passed for a
rarity, but I did not observe he was fond of it; for I think, indeed,
the bigness disgusted him, although I have seen one somewhat larger in
Greenland.

The country is well inhabited, for it contains fifty-one cities, near a
hundred walled towns, and a great number of villages. To satisfy my
curious reader, it may be sufficient to describe Lorbrulgrud. This city
stands upon almost two equal parts, on each side the river that passes
through. It contains above eighty thousand houses, and about six
hundred thousand inhabitants. It is in length three _glomglungs_ (which
make about fifty-four English miles,) and two and a half in breadth; as
I measured it myself in the royal map made by the king’s order, which
was laid on the ground on purpose for me, and extended a hundred feet:
I paced the diameter and circumference several times barefoot, and,
computing by the scale, measured it pretty exactly.

The king’s palace is no regular edifice, but a heap of buildings, about
seven miles round: the chief rooms are generally two hundred and forty
feet high, and broad and long in proportion. A coach was allowed to
Glumdalclitch and me, wherein her governess frequently took her out to
see the town, or go among the shops; and I was always of the party,
carried in my box; although the girl, at my own desire, would often
take me out, and hold me in her hand, that I might more conveniently
view the houses and the people, as we passed along the streets. I
reckoned our coach to be about a square of Westminster-hall, but not
altogether so high: however, I cannot be very exact. One day the
governess ordered our coachman to stop at several shops, where the
beggars, watching their opportunity, crowded to the sides of the coach,
and gave me the most horrible spectacle that ever a European eye
beheld. There was a woman with a cancer in her breast, swelled to a
monstrous size, full of holes, in two or three of which I could have
easily crept, and covered my whole body. There was a fellow with a wen
in his neck, larger than five wool-packs; and another, with a couple of
wooden legs, each about twenty feet high. But the most hateful sight of
all, was the lice crawling on their clothes. I could see distinctly the
limbs of these vermin with my naked eye, much better than those of a
European louse through a microscope, and their snouts with which they
rooted like swine. They were the first I had ever beheld, and I should
have been curious enough to dissect one of them, if I had had proper
instruments, which I unluckily left behind me in the ship, although,
indeed, the sight was so nauseous, that it perfectly turned my stomach.

Besides the large box in which I was usually carried, the queen ordered
a smaller one to be made for me, of about twelve feet square, and ten
high, for the convenience of travelling; because the other was somewhat
too large for Glumdalclitch’s lap, and cumbersome in the coach; it was
made by the same artist, whom I directed in the whole contrivance. This
travelling-closet was an exact square, with a window in the middle of
three of the squares, and each window was latticed with iron wire on
the outside, to prevent accidents in long journeys. On the fourth side,
which had no window, two strong staples were fixed, through which the
person that carried me, when I had a mind to be on horseback, put a
leathern belt, and buckled it about his waist. This was always the
office of some grave trusty servant, in whom I could confide, whether I
attended the king and queen in their progresses, or were disposed to
see the gardens, or pay a visit to some great lady or minister of state
in the court, when Glumdalclitch happened to be out of order; for I
soon began to be known and esteemed among the greatest officers, I
suppose more upon account of their majesties’ favour, than any merit of
my own. In journeys, when I was weary of the coach, a servant on
horseback would buckle on my box, and place it upon a cushion before
him; and there I had a full prospect of the country on three sides,
from my three windows. I had, in this closet, a field-bed and a
hammock, hung from the ceiling, two chairs and a table, neatly screwed
to the floor, to prevent being tossed about by the agitation of the
horse or the coach. And having been long used to sea-voyages, those
motions, although sometimes very violent, did not much discompose me.

Whenever I had a mind to see the town, it was always in my
travelling-closet; which Glumdalclitch held in her lap in a kind of
open sedan, after the fashion of the country, borne by four men, and
attended by two others in the queen’s livery. The people, who had often
heard of me, were very curious to crowd about the sedan, and the girl
was complaisant enough to make the bearers stop, and to take me in her
hand, that I might be more conveniently seen.

I was very desirous to see the chief temple, and particularly the tower
belonging to it, which is reckoned the highest in the kingdom.
Accordingly one day my nurse carried me thither, but I may truly say I
came back disappointed; for the height is not above three thousand
feet, reckoning from the ground to the highest pinnacle top; which,
allowing for the difference between the size of those people and us in
Europe, is no great matter for admiration, nor at all equal in
proportion (if I rightly remember) to Salisbury steeple. But, not to
detract from a nation, to which, during my life, I shall acknowledge
myself extremely obliged, it must be allowed, that whatever this famous
tower wants in height, is amply made up in beauty and strength: for the
walls are near a hundred feet thick, built of hewn stone, whereof each
is about forty feet square, and adorned on all sides with statues of
gods and emperors, cut in marble, larger than the life, placed in their
several niches. I measured a little finger which had fallen down from
one of these statues, and lay unperceived among some rubbish, and found
it exactly four feet and an inch in length. Glumdalclitch wrapped it up
in her handkerchief, and carried it home in her pocket, to keep among
other trinkets, of which the girl was very fond, as children at her age
usually are.

The king’s kitchen is indeed a noble building, vaulted at top, and
about six hundred feet high. The great oven is not so wide, by ten
paces, as the cupola at St. Paul’s: for I measured the latter on
purpose, after my return. But if I should describe the kitchen grate,
the prodigious pots and kettles, the joints of meat turning on the
spits, with many other particulars, perhaps I should be hardly
believed; at least a severe critic would be apt to think I enlarged a
little, as travellers are often suspected to do. To avoid which censure
I fear I have run too much into the other extreme; and that if this
treatise should happen to be translated into the language of
Brobdingnag (which is the general name of that kingdom,) and
transmitted thither, the king and his people would have reason to
complain that I had done them an injury, by a false and diminutive
representation.

His majesty seldom keeps above six hundred horses in his stables: they
are generally from fifty-four to sixty feet high. But, when he goes
abroad on solemn days, he is attended, for state, by a military guard
of five hundred horse, which, indeed, I thought was the most splendid
sight that could be ever beheld, till I saw part of his army in
battalia, whereof I shall find another occasion to speak.


CHAPTER V.

Several adventures that happened to the author. The execution of a
criminal. The author shows his skill in navigation.


I should have lived happy enough in that country, if my littleness had
not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome accidents; some of
which I shall venture to relate. Glumdalclitch often carried me into
the gardens of the court in my smaller box, and would sometimes take me
out of it, and hold me in her hand, or set me down to walk. I remember,
before the dwarf left the queen, he followed us one day into those
gardens, and my nurse having set me down, he and I being close
together, near some dwarf apple trees, I must needs show my wit, by a
silly allusion between him and the trees, which happens to hold in
their language as it does in ours. Whereupon, the malicious rogue,
watching his opportunity, when I was walking under one of them, shook
it directly over my head, by which a dozen apples, each of them near as
large as a Bristol barrel, came tumbling about my ears; one of them hit
me on the back as I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on my
face; but I received no other hurt, and the dwarf was pardoned at my
desire, because I had given the provocation.

Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to divert
myself, while she walked at some distance with her governess. In the
meantime, there suddenly fell such a violent shower of hail, that I was
immediately by the force of it, struck to the ground: and when I was
down, the hailstones gave me such cruel bangs all over the body, as if
I had been pelted with tennis-balls; however, I made a shift to creep
on all fours, and shelter myself, by lying flat on my face, on the
lee-side of a border of lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to foot,
that I could not go abroad in ten days. Neither is this at all to be
wondered at, because nature, in that country, observing the same
proportion through all her operations, a hailstone is near eighteen
hundred times as large as one in Europe; which I can assert upon
experience, having been so curious as to weigh and measure them.

But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same garden, when
my little nurse, believing she had put me in a secure place (which I
often entreated her to do, that I might enjoy my own thoughts,) and
having left my box at home, to avoid the trouble of carrying it, went
to another part of the garden with her governess and some ladies of her
acquaintance. While she was absent, and out of hearing, a small white
spaniel that belonged to one of the chief gardeners, having got by
accident into the garden, happened to range near the place where I lay:
the dog, following the scent, came directly up, and taking me in his
mouth, ran straight to his master wagging his tail, and set me gently
on the ground. By good fortune he had been so well taught, that I was
carried between his teeth without the least hurt, or even tearing my
clothes. But the poor gardener, who knew me well, and had a great
kindness for me, was in a terrible fright: he gently took me up in both
his hands, and asked me how I did? but I was so amazed and out of
breath, that I could not speak a word. In a few minutes I came to
myself, and he carried me safe to my little nurse, who, by this time,
had returned to the place where she left me, and was in cruel agonies
when I did not appear, nor answer when she called. She severely
reprimanded the gardener on account of his dog. But the thing was
hushed up, and never known at court, for the girl was afraid of the
queen’s anger; and truly, as to myself, I thought it would not be for
my reputation, that such a story should go about.

This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust me
abroad for the future out of her sight. I had been long afraid of this
resolution, and therefore concealed from her some little unlucky
adventures, that happened in those times when I was left by myself.
Once a kite, hovering over the garden, made a stoop at me, and if I had
not resolutely drawn my hanger, and run under a thick espalier, he
would have certainly carried me away in his talons. Another time,
walking to the top of a fresh mole-hill, I fell to my neck in the hole,
through which that animal had cast up the earth, and coined some lie,
not worth remembering, to excuse myself for spoiling my clothes. I
likewise broke my right shin against the shell of a snail, which I
happened to stumble over, as I was walking alone and thinking on poor
England.

I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to observe, in
those solitary walks, that the smaller birds did not appear to be at
all afraid of me, but would hop about within a yard’s distance, looking
for worms and other food, with as much indifference and security as if
no creature at all were near them. I remember, a thrush had the
confidence to snatch out of my hand, with his bill, a piece of cake
that Glumdalclitch had just given me for my breakfast. When I attempted
to catch any of these birds, they would boldly turn against me,
endeavouring to peck my fingers, which I durst not venture within their
reach; and then they would hop back unconcerned, to hunt for worms or
snails, as they did before. But one day, I took a thick cudgel, and
threw it with all my strength so luckily, at a linnet, that I knocked
him down, and seizing him by the neck with both my hands, ran with him
in triumph to my nurse. However, the bird, who had only been stunned,
recovering himself gave me so many boxes with his wings, on both sides
of my head and body, though I held him at arm’s length, and was out of
the reach of his claws, that I was twenty times thinking to let him go.
But I was soon relieved by one of our servants, who wrung off the
bird’s neck, and I had him next day for dinner, by the queen’s command.
This linnet, as near as I can remember, seemed to be somewhat larger
than an English swan.

The maids of honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their apartments,
and desired she would bring me along with her, on purpose to have the
pleasure of seeing and touching me. They would often strip me naked
from top to toe, and lay me at full length in their bosoms; wherewith I
was much disgusted because, to say the truth, a very offensive smell
came from their skins; which I do not mention, or intend, to the
disadvantage of those excellent ladies, for whom I have all manner of
respect; but I conceive that my sense was more acute in proportion to
my littleness, and that those illustrious persons were no more
disagreeable to their lovers, or to each other, than people of the same
quality are with us in England. And, after all, I found their natural
smell was much more supportable, than when they used perfumes, under
which I immediately swooned away. I cannot forget, that an intimate
friend of mine in Lilliput, took the freedom in a warm day, when I had
used a good deal of exercise, to complain of a strong smell about me,
although I am as little faulty that way, as most of my sex: but I
suppose his faculty of smelling was as nice with regard to me, as mine
was to that of this people. Upon this point, I cannot forbear doing
justice to the queen my mistress, and Glumdalclitch my nurse, whose
persons were as sweet as those of any lady in England.

That which gave me most uneasiness among these maids of honour (when my
nurse carried me to visit them) was, to see them use me without any
manner of ceremony, like a creature who had no sort of consequence: for
they would strip themselves to the skin, and put on their smocks in my
presence, while I was placed on their toilet, directly before their
naked bodies, which I am sure to me was very far from being a tempting
sight, or from giving me any other emotions than those of horror and
disgust: their skins appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously
coloured, when I saw them near, with a mole here and there as broad as
a trencher, and hairs hanging from it thicker than packthreads, to say
nothing farther concerning the rest of their persons. Neither did they
at all scruple, while I was by, to discharge what they had drank, to
the quantity of at least two hogsheads, in a vessel that held above
three tuns. The handsomest among these maids of honour, a pleasant,
frolicsome girl of sixteen, would sometimes set me astride upon one of
her nipples, with many other tricks, wherein the reader will excuse me
for not being over particular. But I was so much displeased, that I
entreated Glumdalclitch to contrive some excuse for not seeing that
young lady any more.

One day, a young gentleman, who was nephew to my nurse’s governess,
came and pressed them both to see an execution. It was of a man, who
had murdered one of that gentleman’s intimate acquaintance.
Glumdalclitch was prevailed on to be of the company, very much against
her inclination, for she was naturally tender-hearted: and, as for
myself, although I abhorred such kind of spectacles, yet my curiosity
tempted me to see something that I thought must be extraordinary. The
malefactor was fixed in a chair upon a scaffold erected for that
purpose, and his head cut off at one blow, with a sword of about forty
feet long. The veins and arteries spouted up such a prodigious quantity
of blood, and so high in the air, that the great _jet d’eau_ at
Versailles was not equal to it for the time it lasted: and the head,
when it fell on the scaffold floor, gave such a bounce as made me
start, although I was at least half an English mile distant.

The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages, and took
all occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked me whether I
understood how to handle a sail or an oar, and whether a little
exercise of rowing might not be convenient for my health? I answered,
that I understood both very well: for although my proper employment had
been to be surgeon or doctor to the ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I
was forced to work like a common mariner. But I could not see how this
could be done in their country, where the smallest wherry was equal to
a first-rate man of war among us; and such a boat as I could manage
would never live in any of their rivers. Her majesty said, if I would
contrive a boat, her own joiner should make it, and she would provide a
place for me to sail in. The fellow was an ingenious workman, and by my
instructions, in ten days, finished a pleasure-boat with all its
tackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans. When it was
finished, the queen was so delighted, that she ran with it in her lap
to the king, who ordered it to be put into a cistern full of water,
with me in it, by way of trial, where I could not manage my two sculls,
or little oars, for want of room. But the queen had before contrived
another project. She ordered the joiner to make a wooden trough of
three hundred feet long, fifty broad, and eight deep; which, being well
pitched, to prevent leaking, was placed on the floor, along the wall,
in an outer room of the palace. It had a cock near the bottom to let
out the water, when it began to grow stale; and two servants could
easily fill it in half an hour. Here I often used to row for my own
diversion, as well as that of the queen and her ladies, who thought
themselves well entertained with my skill and agility. Sometimes I
would put up my sail, and then my business was only to steer, while the
ladies gave me a gale with their fans; and, when they were weary, some
of their pages would blow my sail forward with their breath, while I
showed my art by steering starboard or larboard as I pleased. When I
had done, Glumdalclitch always carried back my boat into her closet,
and hung it on a nail to dry.

In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to have cost me
my life; for, one of the pages having put my boat into the trough, the
governess who attended Glumdalclitch very officiously lifted me up, to
place me in the boat: but I happened to slip through her fingers, and
should infallibly have fallen down forty feet upon the floor, if, by
the luckiest chance in the world, I had not been stopped by a
corking-pin that stuck in the good gentlewoman’s stomacher; the head of
the pin passing between my shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and
thus I was held by the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch ran to my
relief.

Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill my
trough every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let a
huge frog (not perceiving it) slip out of his pail. The frog lay
concealed till I was put into my boat, but then, seeing a
resting-place, climbed up, and made it lean so much on one side, that I
was forced to balance it with all my weight on the other, to prevent
overturning. When the frog was got in, it hopped at once half the
length of the boat, and then over my head, backward and forward,
daubing my face and clothes with its odious slime. The largeness of its
features made it appear the most deformed animal that can be conceived.
However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let me deal with it alone. I banged
it a good while with one of my sculls, and at last forced it to leap
out of the boat.

But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom, was from a
monkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen. Glumdalclitch
had locked me up in her closet, while she went somewhere upon business,
or a visit. The weather being very warm, the closet-window was left
open, as well as the windows and the door of my bigger box, in which I
usually lived, because of its largeness and conveniency. As I sat
quietly meditating at my table, I heard something bounce in at the
closet-window, and skip about from one side to the other: whereat,
although I was much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not
stirring from my seat; and then I saw this frolicsome animal frisking
and leaping up and down, till at last he came to my box, which he
seemed to view with great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the
door and every window. I retreated to the farther corner of my room; or
box; but the monkey looking in at every side, put me in such a fright,
that I wanted presence of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I
might easily have done. After some time spent in peeping, grinning, and
chattering, he at last espied me; and reaching one of his paws in at
the door, as a cat does when she plays with a mouse, although I often
shifted place to avoid him, he at length seized the lappet of my coat
(which being made of that country silk, was very thick and strong), and
dragged me out. He took me up in his right fore-foot and held me as a
nurse does a child she is going to suckle, just as I have seen the same
sort of creature do with a kitten in Europe; and when I offered to
struggle he squeezed me so hard, that I thought it more prudent to
submit. I have good reason to believe, that he took me for a young one
of his own species, by his often stroking my face very gently with his
other paw. In these diversions he was interrupted by a noise at the
closet door, as if somebody were opening it: whereupon he suddenly
leaped up to the window at which he had come in, and thence upon the
leads and gutters, walking upon three legs, and holding me in the
fourth, till he clambered up to a roof that was next to ours. I heard
Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the moment he was carrying me out. The
poor girl was almost distracted: that quarter of the palace was all in
an uproar; the servants ran for ladders; the monkey was seen by
hundreds in the court, sitting upon the ridge of a building, holding me
like a baby in one of his forepaws, and feeding me with the other, by
cramming into my mouth some victuals he had squeezed out of the bag on
one side of his chaps, and patting me when I would not eat; whereat
many of the rabble below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think
they justly ought to be blamed, for, without question, the sight was
ridiculous enough to every body but myself. Some of the people threw up
stones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this was strictly
forbidden, or else, very probably, my brains had been dashed out.

The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men; which the
monkey observing, and finding himself almost encompassed, not being
able to make speed enough with his three legs, let me drop on a ridge
tile, and made his escape. Here I sat for some time, five hundred yards
from the ground, expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind,
or to fall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from
the ridge to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse’s footmen,
climbed up, and putting me into his breeches pocket, brought me down
safe.

I was almost choked with the filthy stuff the monkey had crammed down
my throat: but my dear little nurse picked it out of my mouth with a
small needle, and then I fell a-vomiting, which gave me great relief.
Yet I was so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given me
by this odious animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight.
The king, queen, and all the court, sent every day to inquire after my
health; and her majesty made me several visits during my sickness. The
monkey was killed, and an order made, that no such animal should be
kept about the palace.

When I attended the king after my recovery, to return him thanks for
his favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this
adventure. He asked me, “what my thoughts and speculations were, while
I lay in the monkey’s paw; how I liked the victuals he gave me; his
manner of feeding; and whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened
my stomach.” He desired to know, “what I would have done upon such an
occasion in my own country.” I told his majesty, “that in Europe we had
no monkeys, except such as were brought for curiosity from other
places, and so small, that I could deal with a dozen of them together,
if they presumed to attack me. And as for that monstrous animal with
whom I was so lately engaged (it was indeed as large as an elephant),
if my fears had suffered me to think so far as to make use of my
hanger,” (looking fiercely, and clapping my hand on the hilt, as I
spoke) “when he poked his paw into my chamber, perhaps I should have
given him such a wound, as would have made him glad to withdraw it with
more haste than he put it in.” This I delivered in a firm tone, like a
person who was jealous lest his courage should be called in question.
However, my speech produced nothing else beside a loud laughter, which
all the respect due to his majesty from those about him could not make
them contain. This made me reflect, how vain an attempt it is for a man
to endeavour to do himself honour among those who are out of all degree
of equality or comparison with him. And yet I have seen the moral of my
own behaviour very frequent in England since my return; where a little
contemptible varlet, without the least title to birth, person, wit, or
common sense, shall presume to look with importance, and put himself
upon a foot with the greatest persons of the kingdom.

I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story: and
Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch enough to
inform the queen, whenever I committed any folly that she thought would
be diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had been out of order, was
carried by her governess to take the air about an hour’s distance, or
thirty miles from town. They alighted out of the coach near a small
foot-path in a field, and Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling box,
I went out of it to walk. There was a cow-dung in the path, and I must
need try my activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run, but
unfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle up to
my knees. I waded through with some difficulty, and one of the footmen
wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief, for I was filthily
bemired; and my nurse confined me to my box, till we returned home;
where the queen was soon informed of what had passed, and the footmen
spread it about the court: so that all the mirth for some days was at
my expense.


CHAPTER VI.

Several contrivances of the author to please the king and queen. He
shows his skill in music. The king inquires into the state of England,
which the author relates to him. The king’s observations thereon.


I used to attend the king’s levee once or twice a week, and had often
seen him under the barber’s hand, which indeed was at first very
terrible to behold; for the razor was almost twice as long as an
ordinary scythe. His majesty, according to the custom of the country,
was only shaved twice a week. I once prevailed on the barber to give me
some of the suds or lather, out of which I picked forty or fifty of the
strongest stumps of hair. I then took a piece of fine wood, and cut it
like the back of a comb, making several holes in it at equal distances
with as small a needle as I could get from Glumdalclitch. I fixed in
the stumps so artificially, scraping and sloping them with my knife
toward the points, that I made a very tolerable comb; which was a
seasonable supply, my own being so much broken in the teeth, that it
was almost useless: neither did I know any artist in that country so
nice and exact, as would undertake to make me another.

And this puts me in mind of an amusement, wherein I spent many of my
leisure hours. I desired the queen’s woman to save for me the combings
of her majesty’s hair, whereof in time I got a good quantity; and
consulting with my friend the cabinet-maker, who had received general
orders to do little jobs for me, I directed him to make two
chair-frames, no larger than those I had in my box, and to bore little
holes with a fine awl, round those parts where I designed the backs and
seats; through these holes I wove the strongest hairs I could pick out,
just after the manner of cane chairs in England. When they were
finished, I made a present of them to her majesty; who kept them in her
cabinet, and used to show them for curiosities, as indeed they were the
wonder of every one that beheld them. The queen would have me sit upon
one of these chairs, but I absolutely refused to obey her, protesting I
would rather die than place a dishonourable part of my body on those
precious hairs, that once adorned her majesty’s head. Of these hairs
(as I had always a mechanical genius) I likewise made a neat little
purse, about five feet long, with her majesty’s name deciphered in gold
letters, which I gave to Glumdalclitch, by the queen’s consent. To say
the truth, it was more for show than use, being not of strength to bear
the weight of the larger coins, and therefore she kept nothing in it
but some little toys that girls are fond of.

The king, who delighted in music, had frequent concerts at court, to
which I was sometimes carried, and set in my box on a table to hear
them: but the noise was so great that I could hardly distinguish the
tunes. I am confident that all the drums and trumpets of a royal army,
beating and sounding together just at your ears, could not equal it. My
practice was to have my box removed from the place where the performers
sat, as far as I could, then to shut the doors and windows of it, and
draw the window curtains; after which I found their music not
disagreeable.

I had learned in my youth to play a little upon the spinet.
Glumdalclitch kept one in her chamber, and a master attended twice a
week to teach her: I called it a spinet, because it somewhat resembled
that instrument, and was played upon in the same manner. A fancy came
into my head, that I would entertain the king and queen with an English
tune upon this instrument. But this appeared extremely difficult: for
the spinet was near sixty feet long, each key being almost a foot wide,
so that with my arms extended I could not reach to above five keys, and
to press them down required a good smart stroke with my fist, which
would be too great a labour, and to no purpose. The method I contrived
was this: I prepared two round sticks, about the bigness of common
cudgels; they were thicker at one end than the other, and I covered the
thicker ends with pieces of a mouse’s skin, that by rapping on them I
might neither damage the tops of the keys nor interrupt the sound.
Before the spinet a bench was placed, about four feet below the keys,
and I was put upon the bench. I ran sideling upon it, that way and
this, as fast as I could, banging the proper keys with my two sticks,
and made a shift to play a jig, to the great satisfaction of both their
majesties; but it was the most violent exercise I ever underwent; and
yet I could not strike above sixteen keys, nor consequently play the
bass and treble together, as other artists do; which was a great
disadvantage to my performance.

The king, who, as I before observed, was a prince of excellent
understanding, would frequently order that I should be brought in my
box, and set upon the table in his closet: he would then command me to
bring one of my chairs out of the box, and sit down within three yards
distance upon the top of the cabinet, which brought me almost to a
level with his face. In this manner I had several conversations with
him. I one day took the freedom to tell his majesty, “that the contempt
he discovered towards Europe, and the rest of the world, did not seem
answerable to those excellent qualities of mind that he was master of;
that reason did not extend itself with the bulk of the body; on the
contrary, we observed in our country, that the tallest persons were
usually the least provided with it; that among other animals, bees and
ants had the reputation of more industry, art, and sagacity, than many
of the larger kinds; and that, as inconsiderable as he took me to be, I
hoped I might live to do his majesty some signal service.” The king
heard me with attention, and began to conceive a much better opinion of
me than he had ever before. He desired “I would give him as exact an
account of the government of England as I possibly could; because, as
fond as princes commonly are of their own customs (for so he
conjectured of other monarchs, by my former discourses), he should be
glad to hear of any thing that might deserve imitation.”

Imagine with thyself, courteous reader, how often I then wished for the
tongue of Demosthenes or Cicero, that might have enabled me to
celebrate the praise of my own dear native country in a style equal to
its merits and felicity.

I began my discourse by informing his majesty, that our dominions
consisted of two islands, which composed three mighty kingdoms, under
one sovereign, beside our plantations in America. I dwelt long upon the
fertility of our soil, and the temperature of our climate. I then spoke
at large upon the constitution of an English parliament; partly made up
of an illustrious body called the House of Peers; persons of the
noblest blood, and of the most ancient and ample patrimonies. I
described that extraordinary care always taken of their education in
arts and arms, to qualify them for being counsellors both to the king
and kingdom; to have a share in the legislature; to be members of the
highest court of judicature, whence there can be no appeal; and to be
champions always ready for the defence of their prince and country, by
their valour, conduct, and fidelity. That these were the ornament and
bulwark of the kingdom, worthy followers of their most renowned
ancestors, whose honour had been the reward of their virtue, from which
their posterity were never once known to degenerate. To these were
joined several holy persons, as part of that assembly, under the title
of bishops, whose peculiar business is to take care of religion, and of
those who instruct the people therein. These were searched and sought
out through the whole nation, by the prince and his wisest counsellors,
among such of the priesthood as were most deservedly distinguished by
the sanctity of their lives, and the depth of their erudition; who were
indeed the spiritual fathers of the clergy and the people.

That the other part of the parliament consisted of an assembly called
the House of Commons, who were all principal gentlemen, freely picked
and culled out by the people themselves, for their great abilities and
love of their country, to represent the wisdom of the whole nation. And
that these two bodies made up the most august assembly in Europe; to
whom, in conjunction with the prince, the whole legislature is
committed.

I then descended to the courts of justice; over which the judges, those
venerable sages and interpreters of the law, presided, for determining
the disputed rights and properties of men, as well as for the
punishment of vice and protection of innocence. I mentioned the prudent
management of our treasury; the valour and achievements of our forces,
by sea and land. I computed the number of our people, by reckoning how
many millions there might be of each religious sect, or political party
among us. I did not omit even our sports and pastimes, or any other
particular which I thought might redound to the honour of my country.
And I finished all with a brief historical account of affairs and
events in England for about a hundred years past.

This conversation was not ended under five audiences, each of several
hours; and the king heard the whole with great attention, frequently
taking notes of what I spoke, as well as memorandums of what questions
he intended to ask me.

When I had put an end to these long discourses, his majesty, in a sixth
audience, consulting his notes, proposed many doubts, queries, and
objections, upon every article. He asked, “What methods were used to
cultivate the minds and bodies of our young nobility, and in what kind
of business they commonly spent the first and teachable parts of their
lives? What course was taken to supply that assembly, when any noble
family became extinct? What qualifications were necessary in those who
are to be created new lords: whether the humour of the prince, a sum of
money to a court lady, or a design of strengthening a party opposite to
the public interest, ever happened to be the motive in those
advancements? What share of knowledge these lords had in the laws of
their country, and how they came by it, so as to enable them to decide
the properties of their fellow-subjects in the last resort? Whether
they were always so free from avarice, partialities, or want, that a
bribe, or some other sinister view, could have no place among them?
Whether those holy lords I spoke of were always promoted to that rank
upon account of their knowledge in religious matters, and the sanctity
of their lives; had never been compliers with the times, while they
were common priests; or slavish prostitute chaplains to some nobleman,
whose opinions they continued servilely to follow, after they were
admitted into that assembly?”

He then desired to know, “What arts were practised in electing those
whom I called commoners: whether a stranger, with a strong purse, might
not influence the vulgar voters to choose him before their own
landlord, or the most considerable gentleman in the neighbourhood? How
it came to pass, that people were so violently bent upon getting into
this assembly, which I allowed to be a great trouble and expense, often
to the ruin of their families, without any salary or pension? because
this appeared such an exalted strain of virtue and public spirit, that
his majesty seemed to doubt it might possibly not be always sincere.”
And he desired to know, “Whether such zealous gentlemen could have any
views of refunding themselves for the charges and trouble they were at
by sacrificing the public good to the designs of a weak and vicious
prince, in conjunction with a corrupted ministry?” He multiplied his
questions, and sifted me thoroughly upon every part of this head,
proposing numberless inquiries and objections, which I think it not
prudent or convenient to repeat.

Upon what I said in relation to our courts of justice, his majesty
desired to be satisfied in several points: and this I was the better
able to do, having been formerly almost ruined by a long suit in
chancery, which was decreed for me with costs. He asked, “What time was
usually spent in determining between right and wrong, and what degree
of expense? Whether advocates and orators had liberty to plead in
causes manifestly known to be unjust, vexatious, or oppressive? Whether
party, in religion or politics, were observed to be of any weight in
the scale of justice? Whether those pleading orators were persons
educated in the general knowledge of equity, or only in provincial,
national, and other local customs? Whether they or their judges had any
part in penning those laws, which they assumed the liberty of
interpreting, and glossing upon at their pleasure? Whether they had
ever, at different times, pleaded for and against the same cause, and
cited precedents to prove contrary opinions? Whether they were a rich
or a poor corporation? Whether they received any pecuniary reward for
pleading, or delivering their opinions? And particularly, whether they
were ever admitted as members in the lower senate?”

He fell next upon the management of our treasury; and said, “he thought
my memory had failed me, because I computed our taxes at about five or
six millions a year, and when I came to mention the issues, he found
they sometimes amounted to more than double; for the notes he had taken
were very particular in this point, because he hoped, as he told me,
that the knowledge of our conduct might be useful to him, and he could
not be deceived in his calculations. But, if what I told him were true,
he was still at a loss how a kingdom could run out of its estate, like
a private person.” He asked me, “who were our creditors; and where we
found money to pay them?” He wondered to hear me talk of such
chargeable and expensive wars; “that certainly we must be a quarrelsome
people, or live among very bad neighbours, and that our generals must
needs be richer than our kings.” He asked, what business we had out of
our own islands, unless upon the score of trade, or treaty, or to
defend the coasts with our fleet?” Above all, he was amazed to hear me
talk of a mercenary standing army, in the midst of peace, and among a
free people. He said, “if we were governed by our own consent, in the
persons of our representatives, he could not imagine of whom we were
afraid, or against whom we were to fight; and would hear my opinion,
whether a private man’s house might not be better defended by himself,
his children, and family, than by half-a-dozen rascals, picked up at a
venture in the streets for small wages, who might get a hundred times
more by cutting their throats?”

He laughed at my “odd kind of arithmetic,” as he was pleased to call
it, “in reckoning the numbers of our people, by a computation drawn
from the several sects among us, in religion and politics.” He said,
“he knew no reason why those, who entertain opinions prejudicial to the
public, should be obliged to change, or should not be obliged to
conceal them. And as it was tyranny in any government to require the
first, so it was weakness not to enforce the second: for a man may be
allowed to keep poisons in his closet, but not to vend them about for
cordials.”

He observed, “that among the diversions of our nobility and gentry, I
had mentioned gaming: he desired to know at what age this entertainment
was usually taken up, and when it was laid down; how much of their time
it employed; whether it ever went so high as to affect their fortunes;
whether mean, vicious people, by their dexterity in that art, might not
arrive at great riches, and sometimes keep our very nobles in
dependence, as well as habituate them to vile companions, wholly take
them from the improvement of their minds, and force them, by the losses
they received, to learn and practise that infamous dexterity upon
others?”

He was perfectly astonished with the historical account I gave him of
our affairs during the last century; protesting “it was only a heap of
conspiracies, rebellions, murders, massacres, revolutions, banishments,
the very worst effects that avarice, faction, hypocrisy,
perfidiousness, cruelty, rage, madness, hatred, envy, lust, malice, and
ambition, could produce.”

His majesty, in another audience, was at the pains to recapitulate the
sum of all I had spoken; compared the questions he made with the
answers I had given; then taking me into his hands, and stroking me
gently, delivered himself in these words, which I shall never forget,
nor the manner he spoke them in: “My little friend Grildrig, you have
made a most admirable panegyric upon your country; you have clearly
proved, that ignorance, idleness, and vice, are the proper ingredients
for qualifying a legislator; that laws are best explained, interpreted,
and applied, by those whose interest and abilities lie in perverting,
confounding, and eluding them. I observe among you some lines of an
institution, which, in its original, might have been tolerable, but
these half erased, and the rest wholly blurred and blotted by
corruptions. It does not appear, from all you have said, how any one
perfection is required toward the procurement of any one station among
you; much less, that men are ennobled on account of their virtue; that
priests are advanced for their piety or learning; soldiers, for their
conduct or valour; judges, for their integrity; senators, for the love
of their country; or counsellors for their wisdom. As for yourself,”
continued the king, “who have spent the greatest part of your life in
travelling, I am well disposed to hope you may hitherto have escaped
many vices of your country. But by what I have gathered from your own
relation, and the answers I have with much pains wrung and extorted
from you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of your natives to be the most
pernicious race of little odious vermin that nature ever suffered to
crawl upon the surface of the earth.”


CHAPTER VII.

The author’s love of his country. He makes a proposal of much advantage
to the king, which is rejected. The king’s great ignorance in politics.
The learning of that country very imperfect and confined. The laws, and
military affairs, and parties in the state.


Nothing but an extreme love of truth could have hindered me from
concealing this part of my story. It was in vain to discover my
resentments, which were always turned into ridicule; and I was forced
to rest with patience, while my noble and beloved country was so
injuriously treated. I am as heartily sorry as any of my readers can
possibly be, that such an occasion was given: but this prince happened
to be so curious and inquisitive upon every particular, that it could
not consist either with gratitude or good manners, to refuse giving him
what satisfaction I was able. Yet thus much I may be allowed to say in
my own vindication, that I artfully eluded many of his questions, and
gave to every point a more favourable turn, by many degrees, than the
strictness of truth would allow. For I have always borne that laudable
partiality to my own country, which Dionysius Halicarnassensis, with so
much justice, recommends to an historian: I would hide the frailties
and deformities of my political mother, and place her virtues and
beauties in the most advantageous light. This was my sincere endeavour
in those many discourses I had with that monarch, although it
unfortunately failed of success.

But great allowances should be given to a king, who lives wholly
secluded from the rest of the world, and must therefore be altogether
unacquainted with the manners and customs that most prevail in other
nations: the want of which knowledge will ever produce many prejudices,
and a certain narrowness of thinking, from which we, and the politer
countries of Europe, are wholly exempted. And it would be hard indeed,
if so remote a prince’s notions of virtue and vice were to be offered
as a standard for all mankind.

To confirm what I have now said, and further to show the miserable
effects of a confined education, I shall here insert a passage, which
will hardly obtain belief. In hopes to ingratiate myself further into
his majesty’s favour, I told him of “an invention, discovered between
three and four hundred years ago, to make a certain powder, into a heap
of which, the smallest spark of fire falling, would kindle the whole in
a moment, although it were as big as a mountain, and make it all fly up
in the air together, with a noise and agitation greater than thunder.
That a proper quantity of this powder rammed into a hollow tube of
brass or iron, according to its bigness, would drive a ball of iron or
lead, with such violence and speed, as nothing was able to sustain its
force. That the largest balls thus discharged, would not only destroy
whole ranks of an army at once, but batter the strongest walls to the
ground, sink down ships, with a thousand men in each, to the bottom of
the sea, and when linked together by a chain, would cut through masts
and rigging, divide hundreds of bodies in the middle, and lay all waste
before them. That we often put this powder into large hollow balls of
iron, and discharged them by an engine into some city we were
besieging, which would rip up the pavements, tear the houses to pieces,
burst and throw splinters on every side, dashing out the brains of all
who came near. That I knew the ingredients very well, which were cheap
and common; I understood the manner of compounding them, and could
direct his workmen how to make those tubes, of a size proportionable to
all other things in his majesty’s kingdom, and the largest need not be
above a hundred feet long; twenty or thirty of which tubes, charged
with the proper quantity of powder and balls, would batter down the
walls of the strongest town in his dominions in a few hours, or destroy
the whole metropolis, if ever it should pretend to dispute his absolute
commands.” This I humbly offered to his majesty, as a small tribute of
acknowledgment, in turn for so many marks that I had received, of his
royal favour and protection.

The king was struck with horror at the description I had given of those
terrible engines, and the proposal I had made. “He was amazed, how so
impotent and grovelling an insect as I” (these were his expressions)
“could entertain such inhuman ideas, and in so familiar a manner, as to
appear wholly unmoved at all the scenes of blood and desolation which I
had painted as the common effects of those destructive machines;
whereof,” he said, “some evil genius, enemy to mankind, must have been
the first contriver. As for himself, he protested, that although few
things delighted him so much as new discoveries in art or in nature,
yet he would rather lose half his kingdom, than be privy to such a
secret; which he commanded me, as I valued any life, never to mention
any more.”

A strange effect of narrow principles and views! that a prince
possessed of every quality which procures veneration, love, and esteem;
of strong parts, great wisdom, and profound learning, endowed with
admirable talents, and almost adored by his subjects, should, from a
nice, unnecessary scruple, whereof in Europe we can have no conception,
let slip an opportunity put into his hands that would have made him
absolute master of the lives, the liberties, and the fortunes of his
people! Neither do I say this, with the least intention to detract from
the many virtues of that excellent king, whose character, I am
sensible, will, on this account, be very much lessened in the opinion
of an English reader: but I take this defect among them to have risen
from their ignorance, by not having hitherto reduced politics into a
science, as the more acute wits of Europe have done. For, I remember
very well, in a discourse one day with the king, when I happened to
say, “there were several thousand books among us written upon the art
of government,” it gave him (directly contrary to my intention) a very
mean opinion of our understandings. He professed both to abominate and
despise all mystery, refinement, and intrigue, either in a prince or a
minister. He could not tell what I meant by secrets of state, where an
enemy, or some rival nation, were not in the case. He confined the
knowledge of governing within very narrow bounds, to common sense and
reason, to justice and lenity, to the speedy determination of civil and
criminal causes; with some other obvious topics, which are not worth
considering. And he gave it for his opinion, “that whoever could make
two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground
where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do
more essential service to his country, than the whole race of
politicians put together.”

The learning of this people is very defective, consisting only in
morality, history, poetry, and mathematics, wherein they must be
allowed to excel. But the last of these is wholly applied to what may
be useful in life, to the improvement of agriculture, and all
mechanical arts; so that among us, it would be little esteemed. And as
to ideas, entities, abstractions, and transcendentals, I could never
drive the least conception into their heads.

No law in that country must exceed in words the number of letters in
their alphabet, which consists only of two and twenty. But indeed few
of them extend even to that length. They are expressed in the most
plain and simple terms, wherein those people are not mercurial enough
to discover above one interpretation: and to write a comment upon any
law, is a capital crime. As to the decision of civil causes, or
proceedings against criminals, their precedents are so few, that they
have little reason to boast of any extraordinary skill in either.

They have had the art of printing, as well as the Chinese, time out of
mind: but their libraries are not very large; for that of the king,
which is reckoned the largest, does not amount to above a thousand
volumes, placed in a gallery of twelve hundred feet long, whence I had
liberty to borrow what books I pleased. The queen’s joiner had
contrived in one of Glumdalclitch’s rooms, a kind of wooden machine
five-and-twenty feet high, formed like a standing ladder; the steps
were each fifty feet long. It was indeed a moveable pair of stairs, the
lowest end placed at ten feet distance from the wall of the chamber.
The book I had a mind to read, was put up leaning against the wall: I
first mounted to the upper step of the ladder, and turning my face
towards the book, began at the top of the page, and so walking to the
right and left about eight or ten paces, according to the length of the
lines, till I had gotten a little below the level of my eyes, and then
descending gradually till I came to the bottom: after which I mounted
again, and began the other page in the same manner, and so turned over
the leaf, which I could easily do with both my hands, for it was as
thick and stiff as a pasteboard, and in the largest folios not above
eighteen or twenty feet long.

Their style is clear, masculine, and smooth, but not florid; for they
avoid nothing more than multiplying unnecessary words, or using various
expressions. I have perused many of their books, especially those in
history and morality. Among the rest, I was much diverted with a little
old treatise, which always lay in Glumdalclitch’s bed chamber, and
belonged to her governess, a grave elderly gentlewoman, who dealt in
writings of morality and devotion. The book treats of the weakness of
humankind, and is in little esteem, except among the women and the
vulgar. However, I was curious to see what an author of that country
could say upon such a subject. This writer went through all the usual
topics of European moralists, showing “how diminutive, contemptible,
and helpless an animal was man in his own nature; how unable to defend
himself from inclemencies of the air, or the fury of wild beasts: how
much he was excelled by one creature in strength, by another in speed,
by a third in foresight, by a fourth in industry.” He added, “that
nature was degenerated in these latter declining ages of the world, and
could now produce only small abortive births, in comparison of those in
ancient times.” He said “it was very reasonable to think, not only that
the species of men were originally much larger, but also that there
must have been giants in former ages; which, as it is asserted by
history and tradition, so it has been confirmed by huge bones and
skulls, casually dug up in several parts of the kingdom, far exceeding
the common dwindled race of men in our days.” He argued, “that the very
laws of nature absolutely required we should have been made, in the
beginning of a size more large and robust; not so liable to destruction
from every little accident, of a tile falling from a house, or a stone
cast from the hand of a boy, or being drowned in a little brook.” From
this way of reasoning, the author drew several moral applications,
useful in the conduct of life, but needless here to repeat. For my own
part, I could not avoid reflecting how universally this talent was
spread, of drawing lectures in morality, or indeed rather matter of
discontent and repining, from the quarrels we raise with nature. And I
believe, upon a strict inquiry, those quarrels might be shown as
ill-grounded among us as they are among that people.

As to their military affairs, they boast that the king’s army consists
of a hundred and seventy-six thousand foot, and thirty-two thousand
horse: if that may be called an army, which is made up of tradesmen in
the several cities, and farmers in the country, whose commanders are
only the nobility and gentry, without pay or reward. They are indeed
perfect enough in their exercises, and under very good discipline,
wherein I saw no great merit; for how should it be otherwise, where
every farmer is under the command of his own landlord, and every
citizen under that of the principal men in his own city, chosen after
the manner of Venice, by ballot?

I have often seen the militia of Lorbrulgrud drawn out to exercise, in
a great field near the city of twenty miles square. They were in all
not above twenty-five thousand foot, and six thousand horse; but it was
impossible for me to compute their number, considering the space of
ground they took up. A cavalier, mounted on a large steed, might be
about ninety feet high. I have seen this whole body of horse, upon a
word of command, draw their swords at once, and brandish them in the
air. Imagination can figure nothing so grand, so surprising, and so
astonishing! It looked as if ten thousand flashes of lightning were
darting at the same time from every quarter of the sky.

I was curious to know how this prince, to whose dominions there is no
access from any other country, came to think of armies, or to teach his
people the practice of military discipline. But I was soon informed,
both by conversation and reading their histories; for, in the course of
many ages, they have been troubled with the same disease to which the
whole race of mankind is subject; the nobility often contending for
power, the people for liberty, and the king for absolute dominion. All
which, however happily tempered by the laws of that kingdom, have been
sometimes violated by each of the three parties, and have more than
once occasioned civil wars; the last whereof was happily put an end to
by this prince’s grandfather, in a general composition; and the
militia, then settled with common consent, has been ever since kept in
the strictest duty.


CHAPTER VIII.

The king and queen make a progress to the frontiers. The author attends
them. The manner in which he leaves the country very particularly
related. He returns to England.


I had always a strong impulse that I should some time recover my
liberty, though it was impossible to conjecture by what means, or to
form any project with the least hope of succeeding. The ship in which I
sailed, was the first ever known to be driven within sight of that
coast, and the king had given strict orders, that if at any time
another appeared, it should be taken ashore, and with all its crew and
passengers brought in a tumbril to Lorbrulgrud. He was strongly bent to
get me a woman of my own size, by whom I might propagate the breed: but
I think I should rather have died than undergone the disgrace of
leaving a posterity to be kept in cages, like tame canary-birds, and
perhaps, in time, sold about the kingdom, to persons of quality, for
curiosities. I was indeed treated with much kindness: I was the
favourite of a great king and queen, and the delight of the whole
court; but it was upon such a foot as ill became the dignity of
humankind. I could never forget those domestic pledges I had left
behind me. I wanted to be among people, with whom I could converse upon
even terms, and walk about the streets and fields without being afraid
of being trod to death like a frog or a young puppy. But my deliverance
came sooner than I expected, and in a manner not very common; the whole
story and circumstances of which I shall faithfully relate.

I had now been two years in this country; and about the beginning of
the third, Glumdalclitch and I attended the king and queen, in a
progress to the south coast of the kingdom. I was carried, as usual, in
my travelling-box, which as I have already described, was a very
convenient closet, of twelve feet wide. And I had ordered a hammock to
be fixed, by silken ropes from the four corners at the top, to break
the jolts, when a servant carried me before him on horseback, as I
sometimes desired; and would often sleep in my hammock, while we were
upon the road. On the roof of my closet, not directly over the middle
of the hammock, I ordered the joiner to cut out a hole of a foot
square, to give me air in hot weather, as I slept; which hole I shut at
pleasure with a board that drew backward and forward through a groove.

When we came to our journey’s end, the king thought proper to pass a
few days at a palace he has near Flanflasnic, a city within eighteen
English miles of the seaside. Glumdalclitch and I were much fatigued: I
had gotten a small cold, but the poor girl was so ill as to be confined
to her chamber. I longed to see the ocean, which must be the only scene
of my escape, if ever it should happen. I pretended to be worse than I
really was, and desired leave to take the fresh air of the sea, with a
page, whom I was very fond of, and who had sometimes been trusted with
me. I shall never forget with what unwillingness Glumdalclitch
consented, nor the strict charge she gave the page to be careful of me,
bursting at the same time into a flood of tears, as if she had some
forboding of what was to happen. The boy took me out in my box, about
half an hour’s walk from the palace, towards the rocks on the
sea-shore. I ordered him to set me down, and lifting up one of my
sashes, cast many a wistful melancholy look towards the sea. I found
myself not very well, and told the page that I had a mind to take a nap
in my hammock, which I hoped would do me good. I got in, and the boy
shut the window close down, to keep out the cold. I soon fell asleep,
and all I can conjecture is, while I slept, the page, thinking no
danger could happen, went among the rocks to look for birds’ eggs,
having before observed him from my window searching about, and picking
up one or two in the clefts. Be that as it will, I found myself
suddenly awaked with a violent pull upon the ring, which was fastened
at the top of my box for the conveniency of carriage. I felt my box
raised very high in the air, and then borne forward with prodigious
speed. The first jolt had like to have shaken me out of my hammock, but
afterward the motion was easy enough. I called out several times, as
loud as I could raise my voice, but all to no purpose. I looked towards
my windows, and could see nothing but the clouds and sky. I heard a
noise just over my head, like the clapping of wings, and then began to
perceive the woful condition I was in; that some eagle had got the ring
of my box in his beak, with an intent to let it fall on a rock, like a
tortoise in a shell, and then pick out my body, and devour it: for the
sagacity and smell of this bird enables him to discover his quarry at a
great distance, though better concealed than I could be within a
two-inch board.

In a little time, I observed the noise and flutter of wings to increase
very fast, and my box was tossed up and down, like a sign in a windy
day. I heard several bangs or buffets, as I thought given to the eagle
(for such I am certain it must have been that held the ring of my box
in his beak), and then, all on a sudden, felt myself falling
perpendicularly down, for above a minute, but with such incredible
swiftness, that I almost lost my breath. My fall was stopped by a
terrible squash, that sounded louder to my ears than the cataract of
Niagara; after which, I was quite in the dark for another minute, and
then my box began to rise so high, that I could see light from the tops
of the windows. I now perceived I was fallen into the sea. My box, by
the weight of my body, the goods that were in, and the broad plates of
iron fixed for strength at the four corners of the top and bottom,
floated about five feet deep in water. I did then, and do now suppose,
that the eagle which flew away with my box was pursued by two or three
others, and forced to let me drop, while he defended himself against
the rest, who hoped to share in the prey. The plates of iron fastened
at the bottom of the box (for those were the strongest) preserved the
balance while it fell, and hindered it from being broken on the surface
of the water. Every joint of it was well grooved; and the door did not
move on hinges, but up and down like a sash, which kept my closet so
tight that very little water came in. I got with much difficulty out of
my hammock, having first ventured to draw back the slip-board on the
roof already mentioned, contrived on purpose to let in air, for want of
which I found myself almost stifled.

How often did I then wish myself with my dear Glumdalclitch, from whom
one single hour had so far divided me! And I may say with truth, that
in the midst of my own misfortunes I could not forbear lamenting my
poor nurse, the grief she would suffer for my loss, the displeasure of
the queen, and the ruin of her fortune. Perhaps many travellers have
not been under greater difficulties and distress than I was at this
juncture, expecting every moment to see my box dashed to pieces, or at
least overset by the first violent blast, or rising wave. A breach in
one single pane of glass would have been immediate death: nor could any
thing have preserved the windows, but the strong lattice wires placed
on the outside, against accidents in travelling. I saw the water ooze
in at several crannies, although the leaks were not considerable, and I
endeavoured to stop them as well as I could. I was not able to lift up
the roof of my closet, which otherwise I certainly should have done,
and sat on the top of it; where I might at least preserve myself some
hours longer, than by being shut up (as I may call it) in the hold. Or
if I escaped these dangers for a day or two, what could I expect but a
miserable death of cold and hunger? I was four hours under these
circumstances, expecting, and indeed wishing, every moment to be my
last.

I have already told the reader that there were two strong staples fixed
upon that side of my box which had no window, and into which the
servant, who used to carry me on horseback, would put a leathern belt,
and buckle it about his waist. Being in this disconsolate state, I
heard, or at least thought I heard, some kind of grating noise on that
side of my box where the staples were fixed; and soon after I began to
fancy that the box was pulled or towed along the sea; for I now and
then felt a sort of tugging, which made the waves rise near the tops of
my windows, leaving me almost in the dark. This gave me some faint
hopes of relief, although I was not able to imagine how it could be
brought about. I ventured to unscrew one of my chairs, which were
always fastened to the floor; and having made a hard shift to screw it
down again, directly under the slipping-board that I had lately opened,
I mounted on the chair, and putting my mouth as near as I could to the
hole, I called for help in a loud voice, and in all the languages I
understood. I then fastened my handkerchief to a stick I usually
carried, and thrusting it up the hole, waved it several times in the
air, that if any boat or ship were near, the seamen might conjecture
some unhappy mortal to be shut up in the box.

I found no effect from all I could do, but plainly perceived my closet
to be moved along; and in the space of an hour, or better, that side of
the box where the staples were, and had no windows, struck against
something that was hard. I apprehended it to be a rock, and found
myself tossed more than ever. I plainly heard a noise upon the cover of
my closet, like that of a cable, and the grating of it as it passed
through the ring. I then found myself hoisted up, by degrees, at least
three feet higher than I was before. Whereupon I again thrust up my
stick and handkerchief, calling for help till I was almost hoarse. In
return to which, I heard a great shout repeated three times, giving me
such transports of joy as are not to be conceived but by those who feel
them. I now heard a trampling over my head, and somebody calling
through the hole with a loud voice, in the English tongue, “If there be
any body below, let them speak.” I answered, “I was an Englishman,
drawn by ill fortune into the greatest calamity that ever any creature
underwent, and begged, by all that was moving, to be delivered out of
the dungeon I was in.” The voice replied, “I was safe, for my box was
fastened to their ship; and the carpenter should immediately come and
saw a hole in the cover, large enough to pull me out.” I answered,
“that was needless, and would take up too much time; for there was no
more to be done, but let one of the crew put his finger into the ring,
and take the box out of the sea into the ship, and so into the
captain’s cabin.” Some of them, upon hearing me talk so wildly, thought
I was mad: others laughed; for indeed it never came into my head, that
I was now got among people of my own stature and strength. The
carpenter came, and in a few minutes sawed a passage about four feet
square, then let down a small ladder, upon which I mounted, and thence
was taken into the ship in a very weak condition.

The sailors were all in amazement, and asked me a thousand questions,
which I had no inclination to answer. I was equally confounded at the
sight of so many pigmies, for such I took them to be, after having so
long accustomed my eyes to the monstrous objects I had left. But the
captain, Mr. Thomas Wilcocks, an honest worthy Shropshire man,
observing I was ready to faint, took me into his cabin, gave me a
cordial to comfort me, and made me turn in upon his own bed, advising
me to take a little rest, of which I had great need. Before I went to
sleep, I gave him to understand that I had some valuable furniture in
my box, too good to be lost: a fine hammock, a handsome field-bed, two
chairs, a table, and a cabinet; that my closet was hung on all sides,
or rather quilted, with silk and cotton; that if he would let one of
the crew bring my closet into his cabin, I would open it there before
him, and show him my goods. The captain, hearing me utter these
absurdities, concluded I was raving; however (I suppose to pacify me)
he promised to give order as I desired, and going upon deck, sent some
of his men down into my closet, whence (as I afterwards found) they
drew up all my goods, and stripped off the quilting; but the chairs,
cabinet, and bedstead, being screwed to the floor, were much damaged by
the ignorance of the seamen, who tore them up by force. Then they
knocked off some of the boards for the use of the ship, and when they
had got all they had a mind for, let the hull drop into the sea, which
by reason of many breaches made in the bottom and sides, sunk to
rights. And, indeed, I was glad not to have been a spectator of the
havoc they made, because I am confident it would have sensibly touched
me, by bringing former passages into my mind, which I would rather have
forgot.

I slept some hours, but perpetually disturbed with dreams of the place
I had left, and the dangers I had escaped. However, upon waking, I
found myself much recovered. It was now about eight o’clock at night,
and the captain ordered supper immediately, thinking I had already
fasted too long. He entertained me with great kindness, observing me
not to look wildly, or talk inconsistently: and, when we were left
alone, desired I would give him a relation of my travels, and by what
accident I came to be set adrift, in that monstrous wooden chest. He
said “that about twelve o’clock at noon, as he was looking through his
glass, he spied it at a distance, and thought it was a sail, which he
had a mind to make, being not much out of his course, in hopes of
buying some biscuit, his own beginning to fall short. That upon coming
nearer, and finding his error, he sent out his long-boat to discover
what it was; that his men came back in a fright, swearing they had seen
a swimming house. That he laughed at their folly, and went himself in
the boat, ordering his men to take a strong cable along with them. That
the weather being calm, he rowed round me several times, observed my
windows and wire lattices that defended them. That he discovered two
staples upon one side, which was all of boards, without any passage for
light. He then commanded his men to row up to that side, and fastening
a cable to one of the staples, ordered them to tow my chest, as they
called it, toward the ship. When it was there, he gave directions to
fasten another cable to the ring fixed in the cover, and to raise up my
chest with pulleys, which all the sailors were not able to do above two
or three feet.” He said, “they saw my stick and handkerchief thrust out
of the hole, and concluded that some unhappy man must be shut up in the
cavity.” I asked, “whether he or the crew had seen any prodigious birds
in the air, about the time he first discovered me.” To which he
answered, “that discoursing this matter with the sailors while I was
asleep, one of them said, he had observed three eagles flying towards
the north, but remarked nothing of their being larger than the usual
size:” which I suppose must be imputed to the great height they were
at; and he could not guess the reason of my question. I then asked the
captain, “how far he reckoned we might be from land?” He said, “by the
best computation he could make, we were at least a hundred leagues.” I
assured him, “that he must be mistaken by almost half, for I had not
left the country whence I came above two hours before I dropped into
the sea.” Whereupon he began again to think that my brain was
disturbed, of which he gave me a hint, and advised me to go to bed in a
cabin he had provided. I assured him, “I was well refreshed with his
good entertainment and company, and as much in my senses as ever I was
in my life.” He then grew serious, and desired to ask me freely,
“whether I were not troubled in my mind by the consciousness of some
enormous crime, for which I was punished, at the command of some
prince, by exposing me in that chest; as great criminals, in other
countries, have been forced to sea in a leaky vessel, without
provisions: for although he should be sorry to have taken so ill a man
into his ship, yet he would engage his word to set me safe ashore, in
the first port where we arrived.” He added, “that his suspicions were
much increased by some very absurd speeches I had delivered at first to
his sailors, and afterwards to himself, in relation to my closet or
chest, as well as by my odd looks and behaviour while I was at supper.”

I begged his patience to hear me tell my story, which I faithfully did,
from the last time I left England, to the moment he first discovered
me. And, as truth always forces its way into rational minds, so this
honest worthy gentleman, who had some tincture of learning, and very
good sense, was immediately convinced of my candour and veracity. But
further to confirm all I had said, I entreated him to give order that
my cabinet should be brought, of which I had the key in my pocket; for
he had already informed me how the seamen disposed of my closet. I
opened it in his own presence, and showed him the small collection of
rarities I made in the country from which I had been so strangely
delivered. There was the comb I had contrived out of the stumps of the
king’s beard, and another of the same materials, but fixed into a
paring of her majesty’s thumb-nail, which served for the back. There
was a collection of needles and pins, from a foot to half a yard long;
four wasp stings, like joiner’s tacks; some combings of the queen’s
hair; a gold ring, which one day she made me a present of, in a most
obliging manner, taking it from her little finger, and throwing it over
my head like a collar. I desired the captain would please to accept
this ring in return for his civilities; which he absolutely refused. I
showed him a corn that I had cut off with my own hand, from a maid of
honour’s toe; it was about the bigness of Kentish pippin, and grown so
hard, that when I returned to England, I got it hollowed into a cup,
and set in silver. Lastly, I desired him to see the breeches I had then
on, which were made of a mouse’s skin.

I could force nothing on him but a footman’s tooth, which I observed
him to examine with great curiosity, and found he had a fancy for it.
He received it with abundance of thanks, more than such a trifle could
deserve. It was drawn by an unskilful surgeon, in a mistake, from one
of Glumdalclitch’s men, who was afflicted with the tooth-ache, but it
was as sound as any in his head. I got it cleaned, and put it into my
cabinet. It was about a foot long, and four inches in diameter.

The captain was very well satisfied with this plain relation I had
given him, and said, “he hoped, when we returned to England, I would
oblige the world by putting it on paper, and making it public.” My
answer was, “that we were overstocked with books of travels: that
nothing could now pass which was not extraordinary; wherein I doubted
some authors less consulted truth, than their own vanity, or interest,
or the diversion of ignorant readers; that my story could contain
little beside common events, without those ornamental descriptions of
strange plants, trees, birds, and other animals; or of the barbarous
customs and idolatry of savage people, with which most writers abound.
However, I thanked him for his good opinion, and promised to take the
matter into my thoughts.”

He said “he wondered at one thing very much, which was, to hear me
speak so loud;” asking me “whether the king or queen of that country
were thick of hearing?” I told him, “it was what I had been used to for
above two years past, and that I admired as much at the voices of him
and his men, who seemed to me only to whisper, and yet I could hear
them well enough. But, when I spoke in that country, it was like a man
talking in the streets, to another looking out from the top of a
steeple, unless when I was placed on a table, or held in any person’s
hand.” I told him, “I had likewise observed another thing, that, when I
first got into the ship, and the sailors stood all about me, I thought
they were the most little contemptible creatures I had ever beheld.”
For indeed, while I was in that prince’s country, I could never endure
to look in a glass, after my eyes had been accustomed to such
prodigious objects, because the comparison gave me so despicable a
conceit of myself. The captain said, “that while we were at supper, he
observed me to look at every thing with a sort of wonder, and that I
often seemed hardly able to contain my laughter, which he knew not well
how to take, but imputed it to some disorder in my brain.” I answered,
“it was very true; and I wondered how I could forbear, when I saw his
dishes of the size of a silver three-pence, a leg of pork hardly a
mouthful, a cup not so big as a nut-shell;” and so I went on,
describing the rest of his household-stuff and provisions, after the
same manner. For, although the queen had ordered a little equipage of
all things necessary for me, while I was in her service, yet my ideas
were wholly taken up with what I saw on every side of me, and I winked
at my own littleness, as people do at their own faults. The captain
understood my raillery very well, and merrily replied with the old
English proverb, “that he doubted my eyes were bigger than my belly,
for he did not observe my stomach so good, although I had fasted all
day;” and, continuing in his mirth, protested “he would have gladly
given a hundred pounds, to have seen my closet in the eagle’s bill, and
afterwards in its fall from so great a height into the sea; which would
certainly have been a most astonishing object, worthy to have the
description of it transmitted to future ages:” and the comparison of
Phaeton was so obvious, that he could not forbear applying it, although
I did not much admire the conceit.

The captain having been at Tonquin, was, in his return to England,
driven north-eastward to the latitude of 44 degrees, and longitude of
143. But meeting a trade-wind two days after I came on board him, we
sailed southward a long time, and coasting New Holland, kept our course
west-south-west, and then south-south-west, till we doubled the Cape of
Good Hope. Our voyage was very prosperous, but I shall not trouble the
reader with a journal of it. The captain called in at one or two ports,
and sent in his long-boat for provisions and fresh water; but I never
went out of the ship till we came into the Downs, which was on the
third day of June, 1706, about nine months after my escape. I offered
to leave my goods in security for payment of my freight: but the
captain protested he would not receive one farthing. We took a kind
leave of each other, and I made him promise he would come to see me at
my house in Redriff. I hired a horse and guide for five shillings,
which I borrowed of the captain.

As I was on the road, observing the littleness of the houses, the
trees, the cattle, and the people, I began to think myself in Lilliput.
I was afraid of trampling on every traveller I met, and often called
aloud to have them stand out of the way, so that I had like to have
gotten one or two broken heads for my impertinence.

When I came to my own house, for which I was forced to inquire, one of
the servants opening the door, I bent down to go in, (like a goose
under a gate,) for fear of striking my head. My wife ran out to embrace
me, but I stooped lower than her knees, thinking she could otherwise
never be able to reach my mouth. My daughter kneeled to ask my
blessing, but I could not see her till she arose, having been so long
used to stand with my head and eyes erect to above sixty feet; and then
I went to take her up with one hand by the waist. I looked down upon
the servants, and one or two friends who were in the house, as if they
had been pigmies and I a giant. I told my wife, “she had been too
thrifty, for I found she had starved herself and her daughter to
nothing.” In short, I behaved myself so unaccountably, that they were
all of the captain’s opinion when he first saw me, and concluded I had
lost my wits. This I mention as an instance of the great power of habit
and prejudice.

In a little time, I and my family and friends came to a right
understanding: but my wife protested “I should never go to sea any
more;” although my evil destiny so ordered, that she had not power to
hinder me, as the reader may know hereafter. In the mean time, I here
conclude the second part of my unfortunate voyages.


PART III. A VOYAGE TO LAPUTA, BALNIBARBI, GLUBBDUBDRIB, LUGGNAGG AND
JAPAN.


CHAPTER I.

The author sets out on his third voyage. Is taken by pirates. The
malice of a Dutchman. His arrival at an island. He is received into
Laputa.


I had not been at home above ten days, when Captain William Robinson, a
Cornish man, commander of the Hopewell, a stout ship of three hundred
tons, came to my house. I had formerly been surgeon of another ship
where he was master, and a fourth part owner, in a voyage to the
Levant. He had always treated me more like a brother, than an inferior
officer; and, hearing of my arrival, made me a visit, as I apprehended
only out of friendship, for nothing passed more than what is usual
after long absences. But repeating his visits often, expressing his joy
to find me in good health, asking, “whether I were now settled for
life?” adding, “that he intended a voyage to the East Indies in two
months,” at last he plainly invited me, though with some apologies, to
be surgeon of the ship; “that I should have another surgeon under me,
beside our two mates; that my salary should be double to the usual pay;
and that having experienced my knowledge in sea-affairs to be at least
equal to his, he would enter into any engagement to follow my advice,
as much as if I had shared in the command.”

He said so many other obliging things, and I knew him to be so honest a
man, that I could not reject this proposal; the thirst I had of seeing
the world, notwithstanding my past misfortunes, continuing as violent
as ever. The only difficulty that remained, was to persuade my wife,
whose consent however I at last obtained, by the prospect of advantage
she proposed to her children.

We set out the 5th day of August, 1706, and arrived at Fort St. George
the 11th of April, 1707. We staid there three weeks to refresh our
crew, many of whom were sick. From thence we went to Tonquin, where the
captain resolved to continue some time, because many of the goods he
intended to buy were not ready, nor could he expect to be dispatched in
several months. Therefore, in hopes to defray some of the charges he
must be at, he bought a sloop, loaded it with several sorts of goods,
wherewith the Tonquinese usually trade to the neighbouring islands, and
putting fourteen men on board, whereof three were of the country, he
appointed me master of the sloop, and gave me power to traffic, while
he transacted his affairs at Tonquin.

We had not sailed above three days, when a great storm arising, we were
driven five days to the north-north-east, and then to the east: after
which we had fair weather, but still with a pretty strong gale from the
west. Upon the tenth day we were chased by two pirates, who soon
overtook us; for my sloop was so deep laden, that she sailed very slow,
neither were we in a condition to defend ourselves.

We were boarded about the same time by both the pirates, who entered
furiously at the head of their men; but finding us all prostrate upon
our faces (for so I gave order), they pinioned us with strong ropes,
and setting guard upon us, went to search the sloop.

I observed among them a Dutchman, who seemed to be of some authority,
though he was not commander of either ship. He knew us by our
countenances to be Englishmen, and jabbering to us in his own language,
swore we should be tied back to back and thrown into the sea. I spoke
Dutch tolerably well; I told him who we were, and begged him, in
consideration of our being Christians and Protestants, of neighbouring
countries in strict alliance, that he would move the captains to take
some pity on us. This inflamed his rage; he repeated his threatenings,
and turning to his companions, spoke with great vehemence in the
Japanese language, as I suppose, often using the word _Christianos_.

The largest of the two pirate ships was commanded by a Japanese
captain, who spoke a little Dutch, but very imperfectly. He came up to
me, and after several questions, which I answered in great humility, he
said, “we should not die.” I made the captain a very low bow, and then,
turning to the Dutchman, said, “I was sorry to find more mercy in a
heathen, than in a brother christian.” But I had soon reason to repent
those foolish words: for that malicious reprobate, having often
endeavoured in vain to persuade both the captains that I might be
thrown into the sea (which they would not yield to, after the promise
made me that I should not die), however, prevailed so far, as to have a
punishment inflicted on me, worse, in all human appearance, than death
itself. My men were sent by an equal division into both the pirate
ships, and my sloop new manned. As to myself, it was determined that I
should be set adrift in a small canoe, with paddles and a sail, and
four days’ provisions; which last, the Japanese captain was so kind to
double out of his own stores, and would permit no man to search me. I
got down into the canoe, while the Dutchman, standing upon the deck,
loaded me with all the curses and injurious terms his language could
afford.

About an hour before we saw the pirates I had taken an observation, and
found we were in the latitude of 46 N. and longitude of 183. When I was
at some distance from the pirates, I discovered, by my pocket-glass,
several islands to the south-east. I set up my sail, the wind being
fair, with a design to reach the nearest of those islands, which I made
a shift to do, in about three hours. It was all rocky: however I got
many birds’ eggs; and, striking fire, I kindled some heath and dry
sea-weed, by which I roasted my eggs. I ate no other supper, being
resolved to spare my provisions as much as I could. I passed the night
under the shelter of a rock, strewing some heath under me, and slept
pretty well.

The next day I sailed to another island, and thence to a third and
fourth, sometimes using my sail, and sometimes my paddles. But, not to
trouble the reader with a particular account of my distresses, let it
suffice, that on the fifth day I arrived at the last island in my
sight, which lay south-south-east to the former.

This island was at a greater distance than I expected, and I did not
reach it in less than five hours. I encompassed it almost round, before
I could find a convenient place to land in; which was a small creek,
about three times the wideness of my canoe. I found the island to be
all rocky, only a little intermingled with tufts of grass, and
sweet-smelling herbs. I took out my small provisions and after having
refreshed myself, I secured the remainder in a cave, whereof there were
great numbers; I gathered plenty of eggs upon the rocks, and got a
quantity of dry sea-weed, and parched grass, which I designed to kindle
the next day, and roast my eggs as well as I could, for I had about me
my flint, steel, match, and burning-glass. I lay all night in the cave
where I had lodged my provisions. My bed was the same dry grass and
sea-weed which I intended for fuel. I slept very little, for the
disquiets of my mind prevailed over my weariness, and kept me awake. I
considered how impossible it was to preserve my life in so desolate a
place, and how miserable my end must be: yet found myself so listless
and desponding, that I had not the heart to rise; and before I could
get spirits enough to creep out of my cave, the day was far advanced. I
walked awhile among the rocks: the sky was perfectly clear, and the sun
so hot, that I was forced to turn my face from it: when all on a sudden
it became obscure, as I thought, in a manner very different from what
happens by the interposition of a cloud. I turned back, and perceived a
vast opaque body between me and the sun moving forwards towards the
island: it seemed to be about two miles high, and hid the sun six or
seven minutes; but I did not observe the air to be much colder, or the
sky more darkened, than if I had stood under the shade of a mountain.
As it approached nearer over the place where I was, it appeared to be a
firm substance, the bottom flat, smooth, and shining very bright, from
the reflection of the sea below. I stood upon a height about two
hundred yards from the shore, and saw this vast body descending almost
to a parallel with me, at less than an English mile distance. I took
out my pocket perspective, and could plainly discover numbers of people
moving up and down the sides of it, which appeared to be sloping; but
what those people were doing I was not able to distinguish.

The natural love of life gave me some inward motion of joy, and I was
ready to entertain a hope that this adventure might, some way or other,
help to deliver me from the desolate place and condition I was in. But
at the same time the reader can hardly conceive my astonishment, to
behold an island in the air, inhabited by men, who were able (as it
should seem) to raise or sink, or put it into progressive motion, as
they pleased. But not being at that time in a disposition to
philosophise upon this phenomenon, I rather chose to observe what
course the island would take, because it seemed for a while to stand
still. Yet soon after, it advanced nearer, and I could see the sides of
it encompassed with several gradations of galleries, and stairs, at
certain intervals, to descend from one to the other. In the lowest
gallery, I beheld some people fishing with long angling rods, and
others looking on. I waved my cap (for my hat was long since worn out)
and my handkerchief toward the island; and upon its nearer approach, I
called and shouted with the utmost strength of my voice; and then
looking circumspectly, I beheld a crowd gather to that side which was
most in my view. I found by their pointing towards me and to each
other, that they plainly discovered me, although they made no return to
my shouting. But I could see four or five men running in great haste,
up the stairs, to the top of the island, who then disappeared. I
happened rightly to conjecture, that these were sent for orders to some
person in authority upon this occasion.

The number of people increased, and, in less than half an hour, the
island was moved and raised in such a manner, that the lowest gallery
appeared in a parallel of less than a hundred yards distance from the
height where I stood. I then put myself in the most supplicating
posture, and spoke in the humblest accent, but received no answer.
Those who stood nearest over against me, seemed to be persons of
distinction, as I supposed by their habit. They conferred earnestly
with each other, looking often upon me. At length one of them called
out in a clear, polite, smooth dialect, not unlike in sound to the
Italian: and therefore I returned an answer in that language, hoping at
least that the cadence might be more agreeable to his ears. Although
neither of us understood the other, yet my meaning was easily known,
for the people saw the distress I was in.

They made signs for me to come down from the rock, and go towards the
shore, which I accordingly did; and the flying island being raised to a
convenient height, the verge directly over me, a chain was let down
from the lowest gallery, with a seat fastened to the bottom, to which I
fixed myself, and was drawn up by pulleys.


CHAPTER II.

The humours and dispositions of the Laputians described. An account of
their learning. Of the king and his court. The author’s reception
there. The inhabitants subject to fear and disquietudes. An account of
the women.


At my alighting, I was surrounded with a crowd of people, but those who
stood nearest seemed to be of better quality. They beheld me with all
the marks and circumstances of wonder; neither indeed was I much in
their debt, having never till then seen a race of mortals so singular
in their shapes, habits, and countenances. Their heads were all
reclined, either to the right, or the left; one of their eyes turned
inward, and the other directly up to the zenith. Their outward garments
were adorned with the figures of suns, moons, and stars; interwoven
with those of fiddles, flutes, harps, trumpets, guitars, harpsichords,
and many other instruments of music, unknown to us in Europe. I
observed, here and there, many in the habit of servants, with a blown
bladder, fastened like a flail to the end of a stick, which they
carried in their hands. In each bladder was a small quantity of dried
peas, or little pebbles, as I was afterwards informed. With these
bladders, they now and then flapped the mouths and ears of those who
stood near them, of which practice I could not then conceive the
meaning. It seems the minds of these people are so taken up with
intense speculations, that they neither can speak, nor attend to the
discourses of others, without being roused by some external taction
upon the organs of speech and hearing; for which reason, those persons
who are able to afford it always keep a flapper (the original is
_climenole_) in their family, as one of their domestics; nor ever walk
abroad, or make visits, without him. And the business of this officer
is, when two, three, or more persons are in company, gently to strike
with his bladder the mouth of him who is to speak, and the right ear of
him or them to whom the speaker addresses himself. This flapper is
likewise employed diligently to attend his master in his walks, and
upon occasion to give him a soft flap on his eyes; because he is always
so wrapped up in cogitation, that he is in manifest danger of falling
down every precipice, and bouncing his head against every post; and in
the streets, of justling others, or being justled himself into the
kennel.

It was necessary to give the reader this information, without which he
would be at the same loss with me to understand the proceedings of
these people, as they conducted me up the stairs to the top of the
island, and from thence to the royal palace. While we were ascending,
they forgot several times what they were about, and left me to myself,
till their memories were again roused by their flappers; for they
appeared altogether unmoved by the sight of my foreign habit and
countenance, and by the shouts of the vulgar, whose thoughts and minds
were more disengaged.

At last we entered the palace, and proceeded into the chamber of
presence, where I saw the king seated on his throne, attended on each
side by persons of prime quality. Before the throne, was a large table
filled with globes and spheres, and mathematical instruments of all
kinds. His majesty took not the least notice of us, although our
entrance was not without sufficient noise, by the concourse of all
persons belonging to the court. But he was then deep in a problem; and
we attended at least an hour, before he could solve it. There stood by
him, on each side, a young page with flaps in their hands, and when
they saw he was at leisure, one of them gently struck his mouth, and
the other his right ear; at which he startled like one awaked on the
sudden, and looking towards me and the company I was in, recollected
the occasion of our coming, whereof he had been informed before. He
spoke some words, whereupon immediately a young man with a flap came up
to my side, and flapped me gently on the right ear; but I made signs,
as well as I could, that I had no occasion for such an instrument;
which, as I afterwards found, gave his majesty, and the whole court, a
very mean opinion of my understanding. The king, as far as I could
conjecture, asked me several questions, and I addressed myself to him
in all the languages I had. When it was found I could neither
understand nor be understood, I was conducted by his order to an
apartment in his palace (this prince being distinguished above all his
predecessors for his hospitality to strangers), where two servants were
appointed to attend me. My dinner was brought, and four persons of
quality, whom I remembered to have seen very near the king’s person,
did me the honour to dine with me. We had two courses, of three dishes
each. In the first course, there was a shoulder of mutton cut into an
equilateral triangle, a piece of beef into a rhomboides, and a pudding
into a cycloid. The second course was two ducks trussed up in the form
of fiddles; sausages and puddings resembling flutes and hautboys, and a
breast of veal in the shape of a harp. The servants cut our bread into
cones, cylinders, parallelograms, and several other mathematical
figures.

While we were at dinner, I made bold to ask the names of several things
in their language, and those noble persons, by the assistance of their
flappers, delighted to give me answers, hoping to raise my admiration
of their great abilities if I could be brought to converse with them. I
was soon able to call for bread and drink, or whatever else I wanted.

After dinner my company withdrew, and a person was sent to me by the
king’s order, attended by a flapper. He brought with him pen, ink, and
paper, and three or four books, giving me to understand by signs, that
he was sent to teach me the language. We sat together four hours, in
which time I wrote down a great number of words in columns, with the
translations over against them; I likewise made a shift to learn
several short sentences; for my tutor would order one of my servants to
fetch something, to turn about, to make a bow, to sit, or to stand, or
walk, and the like. Then I took down the sentence in writing. He showed
me also, in one of his books, the figures of the sun, moon, and stars,
the zodiac, the tropics, and polar circles, together with the
denominations of many planes and solids. He gave me the names and
descriptions of all the musical instruments, and the general terms of
art in playing on each of them. After he had left me, I placed all my
words, with their interpretations, in alphabetical order. And thus, in
a few days, by the help of a very faithful memory, I got some insight
into their language. The word, which I interpret the flying or floating
island, is in the original _Laputa_, whereof I could never learn the
true etymology. _Lap_, in the old obsolete language, signifies high;
and _untuh_, a governor; from which they say, by corruption, was
derived _Laputa_, from _Lapuntuh_. But I do not approve of this
derivation, which seems to be a little strained. I ventured to offer to
the learned among them a conjecture of my own, that Laputa was _quasi
lap outed_; _lap_, signifying properly, the dancing of the sunbeams in
the sea, and _outed_, a wing; which, however, I shall not obtrude, but
submit to the judicious reader.

Those to whom the king had entrusted me, observing how ill I was clad,
ordered a tailor to come next morning, and take measure for a suit of
clothes. This operator did his office after a different manner from
those of his trade in Europe. He first took my altitude by a quadrant,
and then, with a rule and compasses, described the dimensions and
outlines of my whole body, all which he entered upon paper; and in six
days brought my clothes very ill made, and quite out of shape, by
happening to mistake a figure in the calculation. But my comfort was,
that I observed such accidents very frequent, and little regarded.

During my confinement for want of clothes, and by an indisposition that
held me some days longer, I much enlarged my dictionary; and when I
went next to court, was able to understand many things the king spoke,
and to return him some kind of answers. His majesty had given orders,
that the island should move north-east and by east, to the vertical
point over Lagado, the metropolis of the whole kingdom below, upon the
firm earth. It was about ninety leagues distant, and our voyage lasted
four days and a half. I was not in the least sensible of the
progressive motion made in the air by the island. On the second
morning, about eleven o’clock, the king himself in person, attended by
his nobility, courtiers, and officers, having prepared all their
musical instruments, played on them for three hours without
intermission, so that I was quite stunned with the noise; neither could
I possibly guess the meaning, till my tutor informed me. He said that,
the people of their island had their ears adapted to hear “the music of
the spheres, which always played at certain periods, and the court was
now prepared to bear their part, in whatever instrument they most
excelled.”

In our journey towards Lagado, the capital city, his majesty ordered
that the island should stop over certain towns and villages, from
whence he might receive the petitions of his subjects. And to this
purpose, several packthreads were let down, with small weights at the
bottom. On these packthreads the people strung their petitions, which
mounted up directly, like the scraps of paper fastened by schoolboys at
the end of the string that holds their kite. Sometimes we received wine
and victuals from below, which were drawn up by pulleys.

The knowledge I had in mathematics gave me great assistance in
acquiring their phraseology, which depended much upon that science, and
music; and in the latter I was not unskilled. Their ideas are
perpetually conversant in lines and figures. If they would, for
example, praise the beauty of a woman, or any other animal, they
describe it by rhombs, circles, parallelograms, ellipses, and other
geometrical terms, or by words of art drawn from music, needless here
to repeat. I observed in the king’s kitchen all sorts of mathematical
and musical instruments, after the figures of which they cut up the
joints that were served to his majesty’s table.

Their houses are very ill built, the walls bevel, without one right
angle in any apartment; and this defect arises from the contempt they
bear to practical geometry, which they despise as vulgar and mechanic;
those instructions they give being too refined for the intellects of
their workmen, which occasions perpetual mistakes. And although they
are dexterous enough upon a piece of paper, in the management of the
rule, the pencil, and the divider, yet in the common actions and
behaviour of life, I have not seen a more clumsy, awkward, and unhandy
people, nor so slow and perplexed in their conceptions upon all other
subjects, except those of mathematics and music. They are very bad
reasoners, and vehemently given to opposition, unless when they happen
to be of the right opinion, which is seldom their case. Imagination,
fancy, and invention, they are wholly strangers to, nor have any words
in their language, by which those ideas can be expressed; the whole
compass of their thoughts and mind being shut up within the two
forementioned sciences.

Most of them, and especially those who deal in the astronomical part,
have great faith in judicial astrology, although they are ashamed to
own it publicly. But what I chiefly admired, and thought altogether
unaccountable, was the strong disposition I observed in them towards
news and politics, perpetually inquiring into public affairs, giving
their judgments in matters of state, and passionately disputing every
inch of a party opinion. I have indeed observed the same disposition
among most of the mathematicians I have known in Europe, although I
could never discover the least analogy between the two sciences; unless
those people suppose, that because the smallest circle has as many
degrees as the largest, therefore the regulation and management of the
world require no more abilities than the handling and turning of a
globe; but I rather take this quality to spring from a very common
infirmity of human nature, inclining us to be most curious and
conceited in matters where we have least concern, and for which we are
least adapted by study or nature.

These people are under continual disquietudes, never enjoying a
minute’s peace of mind; and their disturbances proceed from causes
which very little affect the rest of mortals. Their apprehensions arise
from several changes they dread in the celestial bodies: for instance,
that the earth, by the continual approaches of the sun towards it,
must, in course of time, be absorbed, or swallowed up; that the face of
the sun, will, by degrees, be encrusted with its own effluvia, and give
no more light to the world; that the earth very narrowly escaped a
brush from the tail of the last comet, which would have infallibly
reduced it to ashes; and that the next, which they have calculated for
one-and-thirty years hence, will probably destroy us. For if, in its
perihelion, it should approach within a certain degree of the sun (as
by their calculations they have reason to dread) it will receive a
degree of heat ten thousand times more intense than that of red hot
glowing iron, and in its absence from the sun, carry a blazing tail ten
hundred thousand and fourteen miles long, through which, if the earth
should pass at the distance of one hundred thousand miles from the
nucleus, or main body of the comet, it must in its passage be set on
fire, and reduced to ashes: that the sun, daily spending its rays
without any nutriment to supply them, will at last be wholly consumed
and annihilated; which must be attended with the destruction of this
earth, and of all the planets that receive their light from it.

They are so perpetually alarmed with the apprehensions of these, and
the like impending dangers, that they can neither sleep quietly in
their beds, nor have any relish for the common pleasures and amusements
of life. When they meet an acquaintance in the morning, the first
question is about the sun’s health, how he looked at his setting and
rising, and what hopes they have to avoid the stroke of the approaching
comet. This conversation they are apt to run into with the same temper
that boys discover in delighting to hear terrible stories of spirits
and hobgoblins, which they greedily listen to, and dare not go to bed
for fear.

The women of the island have abundance of vivacity: they contemn their
husbands, and are exceedingly fond of strangers, whereof there is
always a considerable number from the continent below, attending at
court, either upon affairs of the several towns and corporations, or
their own particular occasions, but are much despised, because they
want the same endowments. Among these the ladies choose their gallants:
but the vexation is, that they act with too much ease and security; for
the husband is always so rapt in speculation, that the mistress and
lover may proceed to the greatest familiarities before his face, if he
be but provided with paper and implements, and without his flapper at
his side.

The wives and daughters lament their confinement to the island,
although I think it the most delicious spot of ground in the world; and
although they live here in the greatest plenty and magnificence, and
are allowed to do whatever they please, they long to see the world, and
take the diversions of the metropolis, which they are not allowed to do
without a particular license from the king; and this is not easy to be
obtained, because the people of quality have found, by frequent
experience, how hard it is to persuade their women to return from
below. I was told that a great court lady, who had several children,—is
married to the prime minister, the richest subject in the kingdom, a
very graceful person, extremely fond of her, and lives in the finest
palace of the island,—went down to Lagado on the pretence of health,
there hid herself for several months, till the king sent a warrant to
search for her; and she was found in an obscure eating-house all in
rags, having pawned her clothes to maintain an old deformed footman,
who beat her every day, and in whose company she was taken, much
against her will. And although her husband received her with all
possible kindness, and without the least reproach, she soon after
contrived to steal down again, with all her jewels, to the same
gallant, and has not been heard of since.

This may perhaps pass with the reader rather for an European or English
story, than for one of a country so remote. But he may please to
consider, that the caprices of womankind are not limited by any climate
or nation, and that they are much more uniform, than can be easily
imagined.

In about a month’s time, I had made a tolerable proficiency in their
language, and was able to answer most of the king’s questions, when I
had the honour to attend him. His majesty discovered not the least
curiosity to inquire into the laws, government, history, religion, or
manners of the countries where I had been; but confined his questions
to the state of mathematics, and received the account I gave him with
great contempt and indifference, though often roused by his flapper on
each side.


CHAPTER III.

A phenomenon solved by modern philosophy and astronomy. The Laputians’
great improvements in the latter. The king’s method of suppressing
insurrections.


I desired leave of this prince to see the curiosities of the island,
which he was graciously pleased to grant, and ordered my tutor to
attend me. I chiefly wanted to know, to what cause, in art or in
nature, it owed its several motions, whereof I will now give a
philosophical account to the reader.

The flying or floating island is exactly circular, its diameter 7837
yards, or about four miles and a half, and consequently contains ten
thousand acres. It is three hundred yards thick. The bottom, or under
surface, which appears to those who view it below, is one even regular
plate of adamant, shooting up to the height of about two hundred yards.
Above it lie the several minerals in their usual order, and over all is
a coat of rich mould, ten or twelve feet deep. The declivity of the
upper surface, from the circumference to the centre, is the natural
cause why all the dews and rains, which fall upon the island, are
conveyed in small rivulets toward the middle, where they are emptied
into four large basins, each of about half a mile in circuit, and two
hundred yards distant from the centre. From these basins the water is
continually exhaled by the sun in the daytime, which effectually
prevents their overflowing. Besides, as it is in the power of the
monarch to raise the island above the region of clouds and vapours, he
can prevent the falling of dews and rain whenever he pleases. For the
highest clouds cannot rise above two miles, as naturalists agree, at
least they were never known to do so in that country.

At the centre of the island there is a chasm about fifty yards in
diameter, whence the astronomers descend into a large dome, which is
therefore called _flandona gagnole_, or the astronomer’s cave, situated
at the depth of a hundred yards beneath the upper surface of the
adamant. In this cave are twenty lamps continually burning, which, from
the reflection of the adamant, cast a strong light into every part. The
place is stored with great variety of sextants, quadrants, telescopes,
astrolabes, and other astronomical instruments. But the greatest
curiosity, upon which the fate of the island depends, is a loadstone of
a prodigious size, in shape resembling a weaver’s shuttle. It is in
length six yards, and in the thickest part at least three yards over.
This magnet is sustained by a very strong axle of adamant passing
through its middle, upon which it plays, and is poised so exactly that
the weakest hand can turn it. It is hooped round with a hollow cylinder
of adamant, four feet deep, as many thick, and twelve yards in
diameter, placed horizontally, and supported by eight adamantine feet,
each six yards high. In the middle of the concave side, there is a
groove twelve inches deep, in which the extremities of the axle are
lodged, and turned round as there is occasion.

The stone cannot be removed from its place by any force, because the
hoop and its feet are one continued piece with that body of adamant
which constitutes the bottom of the island.

By means of this loadstone, the island is made to rise and fall, and
move from one place to another. For, with respect to that part of the
earth over which the monarch presides, the stone is endued at one of
its sides with an attractive power, and at the other with a repulsive.
Upon placing the magnet erect, with its attracting end towards the
earth, the island descends; but when the repelling extremity points
downwards, the island mounts directly upwards. When the position of the
stone is oblique, the motion of the island is so too. For in this
magnet, the forces always act in lines parallel to its direction.

By this oblique motion, the island is conveyed to different parts of
the monarch’s dominions. To explain the manner of its progress, let _A_
_B_ represent a line drawn across the dominions of Balnibarbi, let the
line _c_ _d_ represent the loadstone, of which let _d_ be the repelling
end, and _c_ the attracting end, the island being over _C_; let the
stone be placed in the position _c_ _d_, with its repelling end
downwards; then the island will be driven upwards obliquely towards
_D_. When it is arrived at _D_, let the stone be turned upon its axle,
till its attracting end points towards _E_, and then the island will be
carried obliquely towards _E_; where, if the stone be again turned upon
its axle till it stands in the position _E_ _F_, with its repelling
point downwards, the island will rise obliquely towards _F_, where, by
directing the attracting end towards _G_, the island may be carried to
_G_, and from _G_ to _H_, by turning the stone, so as to make its
repelling extremity to point directly downward. And thus, by changing
the situation of the stone, as often as there is occasion, the island
is made to rise and fall by turns in an oblique direction, and by those
alternate risings and fallings (the obliquity being not considerable)
is conveyed from one part of the dominions to the other.

But it must be observed, that this island cannot move beyond the extent
of the dominions below, nor can it rise above the height of four miles.
For which the astronomers (who have written large systems concerning
the stone) assign the following reason: that the magnetic virtue does
not extend beyond the distance of four miles, and that the mineral,
which acts upon the stone in the bowels of the earth, and in the sea
about six leagues distant from the shore, is not diffused through the
whole globe, but terminated with the limits of the king’s dominions;
and it was easy, from the great advantage of such a superior situation,
for a prince to bring under his obedience whatever country lay within
the attraction of that magnet.

When the stone is put parallel to the plane of the horizon, the island
stands still; for in that case the extremities of it, being at equal
distance from the earth, act with equal force, the one in drawing
downwards, the other in pushing upwards, and consequently no motion can
ensue.

This loadstone is under the care of certain astronomers, who, from time
to time, give it such positions as the monarch directs. They spend the
greatest part of their lives in observing the celestial bodies, which
they do by the assistance of glasses, far excelling ours in goodness.
For, although their largest telescopes do not exceed three feet, they
magnify much more than those of a hundred with us, and show the stars
with greater clearness. This advantage has enabled them to extend their
discoveries much further than our astronomers in Europe; for they have
made a catalogue of ten thousand fixed stars, whereas the largest of
ours do not contain above one third part of that number. They have
likewise discovered two lesser stars, or satellites, which revolve
about Mars; whereof the innermost is distant from the centre of the
primary planet exactly three of his diameters, and the outermost, five;
the former revolves in the space of ten hours, and the latter in
twenty-one and a half; so that the squares of their periodical times
are very near in the same proportion with the cubes of their distance
from the centre of Mars; which evidently shows them to be governed by
the same law of gravitation that influences the other heavenly bodies.

They have observed ninety-three different comets, and settled their
periods with great exactness. If this be true (and they affirm it with
great confidence) it is much to be wished, that their observations were
made public, whereby the theory of comets, which at present is very
lame and defective, might be brought to the same perfection with other
arts of astronomy.

The king would be the most absolute prince in the universe, if he could
but prevail on a ministry to join with him; but these having their
estates below on the continent, and considering that the office of a
favourite has a very uncertain tenure, would never consent to the
enslaving of their country.

If any town should engage in rebellion or mutiny, fall into violent
factions, or refuse to pay the usual tribute, the king has two methods
of reducing them to obedience. The first and the mildest course is, by
keeping the island hovering over such a town, and the lands about it,
whereby he can deprive them of the benefit of the sun and the rain, and
consequently afflict the inhabitants with dearth and diseases. And if
the crime deserve it, they are at the same time pelted from above with
great stones, against which they have no defence but by creeping into
cellars or caves, while the roofs of their houses are beaten to pieces.
But if they still continue obstinate, or offer to raise insurrections,
he proceeds to the last remedy, by letting the island drop directly
upon their heads, which makes a universal destruction both of houses
and men. However, this is an extremity to which the prince is seldom
driven, neither indeed is he willing to put it in execution; nor dare
his ministers advise him to an action, which, as it would render them
odious to the people, so it would be a great damage to their own
estates, which all lie below; for the island is the king’s demesne.

But there is still indeed a more weighty reason, why the kings of this
country have been always averse from executing so terrible an action,
unless upon the utmost necessity. For, if the town intended to be
destroyed should have in it any tall rocks, as it generally falls out
in the larger cities, a situation probably chosen at first with a view
to prevent such a catastrophe; or if it abound in high spires, or
pillars of stone, a sudden fall might endanger the bottom or under
surface of the island, which, although it consist, as I have said, of
one entire adamant, two hundred yards thick, might happen to crack by
too great a shock, or burst by approaching too near the fires from the
houses below, as the backs, both of iron and stone, will often do in
our chimneys. Of all this the people are well apprised, and understand
how far to carry their obstinacy, where their liberty or property is
concerned. And the king, when he is highest provoked, and most
determined to press a city to rubbish, orders the island to descend
with great gentleness, out of a pretence of tenderness to his people,
but, indeed, for fear of breaking the adamantine bottom; in which case,
it is the opinion of all their philosophers, that the loadstone could
no longer hold it up, and the whole mass would fall to the ground.

About three years before my arrival among them, while the king was in
his progress over his dominions, there happened an extraordinary
accident which had like to have put a period to the fate of that
monarchy, at least as it is now instituted. Lindalino, the second city
in the kingdom, was the first his majesty visited in his progress.
Three days after his departure the inhabitants, who had often
complained of great oppressions, shut the town gates, seized on the
governor, and with incredible speed and labour erected four large
towers, one at every corner of the city (which is an exact square),
equal in height to a strong pointed rock that stands directly in the
centre of the city. Upon the top of each tower, as well as upon the
rock, they fixed a great loadstone, and in case their design should
fail, they had provided a vast quantity of the most combustible fuel,
hoping to burst therewith the adamantine bottom of the island, if the
loadstone project should miscarry.

It was eight months before the king had perfect notice that the
Lindalinians were in rebellion. He then commanded that the island
should be wafted over the city. The people were unanimous, and had laid
in store of provisions, and a great river runs through the middle of
the town. The king hovered over them several days to deprive them of
the sun and the rain. He ordered many packthreads to be let down, yet
not a person offered to send up a petition, but instead thereof very
bold demands, the redress of all their grievances, great immunities,
the choice of their own governor, and other the like exorbitances. Upon
which his majesty commanded all the inhabitants of the island to cast
great stones from the lower gallery into the town; but the citizens had
provided against this mischief by conveying their persons and effects
into the four towers, and other strong buildings, and vaults
underground.

The king being now determined to reduce this proud people, ordered that
the island should descend gently within forty yards of the top of the
towers and rock. This was accordingly done; but the officers employed
in that work found the descent much speedier than usual, and by turning
the loadstone could not without great difficulty keep it in a firm
position, but found the island inclining to fall. They sent the king
immediate intelligence of this astonishing event, and begged his
majesty’s permission to raise the island higher; the king consented, a
general council was called, and the officers of the loadstone ordered
to attend. One of the oldest and expertest among them obtained leave to
try an experiment, he took a strong line of an hundred yards, and the
island being raised over the town above the attracting power they had
felt, he fastened a piece of adamant to the end of his line, which had
in it a mixture of iron mineral, of the same nature with that whereof
the bottom or lower surface of the island is composed, and from the
lower gallery let it down slowly towards the top of the towers. The
adamant was not descended four yards, before the officer felt it drawn
so strongly downwards that he could hardly pull it back, he then threw
down several small pieces of adamant, and observed that they were all
violently attracted by the top of the tower. The same experiment was
made on the other three towers, and on the rock with the same effect.

This incident broke entirely the king’s measures, and (to dwell no
longer on other circumstances) he was forced to give the town their own
conditions.

I was assured by a great minister that if the island had descended so
near the town as not to be able to raise itself, the citizens were
determined to fix it for ever, to kill the king and all his servants,
and entirely change the government.

By a fundamental law of this realm, neither the king, nor either of his
two eldest sons, are permitted to leave the island; nor the queen, till
she is past child-bearing.


CHAPTER IV.

The author leaves Laputa; is conveyed to Balnibarbi; arrives at the
metropolis. A description of the metropolis, and the country adjoining.
The author hospitably received by a great lord. His conversation with
that lord.


Although I cannot say that I was ill treated in this island, yet I must
confess I thought myself too much neglected, not without some degree of
contempt; for neither prince nor people appeared to be curious in any
part of knowledge, except mathematics and music, wherein I was far
their inferior, and upon that account very little regarded.

On the other side, after having seen all the curiosities of the island,
I was very desirous to leave it, being heartily weary of those people.
They were indeed excellent in two sciences for which I have great
esteem, and wherein I am not unversed; but, at the same time, so
abstracted and involved in speculation, that I never met with such
disagreeable companions. I conversed only with women, tradesmen,
flappers, and court-pages, during two months of my abode there; by
which, at last, I rendered myself extremely contemptible; yet these
were the only people from whom I could ever receive a reasonable
answer.

I had obtained, by hard study, a good degree of knowledge in their
language; I was weary of being confined to an island where I received
so little countenance, and resolved to leave it with the first
opportunity.

There was a great lord at court, nearly related to the king, and for
that reason alone used with respect. He was universally reckoned the
most ignorant and stupid person among them. He had performed many
eminent services for the crown, had great natural and acquired parts,
adorned with integrity and honour; but so ill an ear for music, that
his detractors reported, “he had been often known to beat time in the
wrong place;” neither could his tutors, without extreme difficulty,
teach him to demonstrate the most easy proposition in the mathematics.
He was pleased to show me many marks of favour, often did me the honour
of a visit, desired to be informed in the affairs of Europe, the laws
and customs, the manners and learning of the several countries where I
had travelled. He listened to me with great attention, and made very
wise observations on all I spoke. He had two flappers attending him for
state, but never made use of them, except at court and in visits of
ceremony, and would always command them to withdraw, when we were alone
together.

I entreated this illustrious person, to intercede in my behalf with his
majesty, for leave to depart; which he accordingly did, as he was
pleased to tell me, with regret: for indeed he had made me several
offers very advantageous, which, however, I refused, with expressions
of the highest acknowledgment.

On the 16th day of February I took leave of his majesty and the court.
The king made me a present to the value of about two hundred pounds
English, and my protector, his kinsman, as much more, together with a
letter of recommendation to a friend of his in Lagado, the metropolis.
The island being then hovering over a mountain about two miles from it,
I was let down from the lowest gallery, in the same manner as I had
been taken up.

The continent, as far as it is subject to the monarch of the flying
island, passes under the general name of _Balnibarbi_; and the
metropolis, as I said before, is called _Lagado_. I felt some little
satisfaction in finding myself on firm ground. I walked to the city
without any concern, being clad like one of the natives, and
sufficiently instructed to converse with them. I soon found out the
person’s house to whom I was recommended, presented my letter from his
friend the grandee in the island, and was received with much kindness.
This great lord, whose name was Munodi, ordered me an apartment in his
own house, where I continued during my stay, and was entertained in a
most hospitable manner.

The next morning after my arrival, he took me in his chariot to see the
town, which is about half the bigness of London; but the houses very
strangely built, and most of them out of repair. The people in the
streets walked fast, looked wild, their eyes fixed, and were generally
in rags. We passed through one of the town gates, and went about three
miles into the country, where I saw many labourers working with several
sorts of tools in the ground, but was not able to conjecture what they
were about; neither did I observe any expectation either of corn or
grass, although the soil appeared to be excellent. I could not forbear
admiring at these odd appearances, both in town and country; and I made
bold to desire my conductor, that he would be pleased to explain to me,
what could be meant by so many busy heads, hands, and faces, both in
the streets and the fields, because I did not discover any good effects
they produced; but, on the contrary, I never knew a soil so unhappily
cultivated, houses so ill contrived and so ruinous, or a people whose
countenances and habit expressed so much misery and want.

This lord Munodi was a person of the first rank, and had been some
years governor of Lagado; but, by a cabal of ministers, was discharged
for insufficiency. However, the king treated him with tenderness, as a
well-meaning man, but of a low contemptible understanding.

When I gave that free censure of the country and its inhabitants, he
made no further answer than by telling me, “that I had not been long
enough among them to form a judgment; and that the different nations of
the world had different customs;” with other common topics to the same
purpose. But, when we returned to his palace, he asked me “how I liked
the building, what absurdities I observed, and what quarrel I had with
the dress or looks of his domestics?” This he might safely do; because
every thing about him was magnificent, regular, and polite. I answered,
“that his excellency’s prudence, quality, and fortune, had exempted him
from those defects, which folly and beggary had produced in others.” He
said, “if I would go with him to his country-house, about twenty miles
distant, where his estate lay, there would be more leisure for this
kind of conversation.” I told his excellency “that I was entirely at
his disposal;” and accordingly we set out next morning.

During our journey he made me observe the several methods used by
farmers in managing their lands, which to me were wholly unaccountable;
for, except in some very few places, I could not discover one ear of
corn or blade of grass. But, in three hours travelling, the scene was
wholly altered; we came into a most beautiful country; farmers’ houses,
at small distances, neatly built; the fields enclosed, containing
vineyards, corn-grounds, and meadows. Neither do I remember to have
seen a more delightful prospect. His excellency observed my countenance
to clear up; he told me, with a sigh, “that there his estate began, and
would continue the same, till we should come to his house: that his
countrymen ridiculed and despised him, for managing his affairs no
better, and for setting so ill an example to the kingdom; which,
however, was followed by very few, such as were old, and wilful, and
weak like himself.”

We came at length to the house, which was indeed a noble structure,
built according to the best rules of ancient architecture. The
fountains, gardens, walks, avenues, and groves, were all disposed with
exact judgment and taste. I gave due praises to every thing I saw,
whereof his excellency took not the least notice till after supper;
when, there being no third companion, he told me with a very melancholy
air “that he doubted he must throw down his houses in town and country,
to rebuild them after the present mode; destroy all his plantations,
and cast others into such a form as modern usage required, and give the
same directions to all his tenants, unless he would submit to incur the
censure of pride, singularity, affectation, ignorance, caprice, and
perhaps increase his majesty’s displeasure; that the admiration I
appeared to be under would cease or diminish, when he had informed me
of some particulars which, probably, I never heard of at court, the
people there being too much taken up in their own speculations, to have
regard to what passed here below.”

The sum of his discourse was to this effect: “That about forty years
ago, certain persons went up to Laputa, either upon business or
diversion, and, after five months continuance, came back with a very
little smattering in mathematics, but full of volatile spirits acquired
in that airy region: that these persons, upon their return, began to
dislike the management of every thing below, and fell into schemes of
putting all arts, sciences, languages, and mechanics, upon a new foot.
To this end, they procured a royal patent for erecting an academy of
projectors in Lagado; and the humour prevailed so strongly among the
people, that there is not a town of any consequence in the kingdom
without such an academy. In these colleges the professors contrive new
rules and methods of agriculture and building, and new instruments, and
tools for all trades and manufactures; whereby, as they undertake, one
man shall do the work of ten; a palace may be built in a week, of
materials so durable as to last for ever without repairing. All the
fruits of the earth shall come to maturity at whatever season we think
fit to choose, and increase a hundred fold more than they do at
present; with innumerable other happy proposals. The only inconvenience
is, that none of these projects are yet brought to perfection; and in
the mean time, the whole country lies miserably waste, the houses in
ruins, and the people without food or clothes. By all which, instead of
being discouraged, they are fifty times more violently bent upon
prosecuting their schemes, driven equally on by hope and despair: that
as for himself, being not of an enterprising spirit, he was content to
go on in the old forms, to live in the houses his ancestors had built,
and act as they did, in every part of life, without innovation: that
some few other persons of quality and gentry had done the same, but
were looked on with an eye of contempt and ill-will, as enemies to art,
ignorant, and ill common-wealth’s men, preferring their own ease and
sloth before the general improvement of their country.”

His lordship added, “That he would not, by any further particulars,
prevent the pleasure I should certainly take in viewing the grand
academy, whither he was resolved I should go.” He only desired me to
observe a ruined building, upon the side of a mountain about three
miles distant, of which he gave me this account: “That he had a very
convenient mill within half a mile of his house, turned by a current
from a large river, and sufficient for his own family, as well as a
great number of his tenants; that about seven years ago, a club of
those projectors came to him with proposals to destroy this mill, and
build another on the side of that mountain, on the long ridge whereof a
long canal must be cut, for a repository of water, to be conveyed up by
pipes and engines to supply the mill, because the wind and air upon a
height agitated the water, and thereby made it fitter for motion, and
because the water, descending down a declivity, would turn the mill
with half the current of a river whose course is more upon a level.” He
said, “that being then not very well with the court, and pressed by
many of his friends, he complied with the proposal; and after employing
a hundred men for two years, the work miscarried, the projectors went
off, laying the blame entirely upon him, railing at him ever since, and
putting others upon the same experiment, with equal assurance of
success, as well as equal disappointment.”

In a few days we came back to town; and his excellency, considering the
bad character he had in the academy, would not go with me himself, but
recommended me to a friend of his, to bear me company thither. My lord
was pleased to represent me as a great admirer of projects, and a
person of much curiosity and easy belief; which, indeed, was not
without truth; for I had myself been a sort of projector in my younger
days.


CHAPTER V.

The author permitted to see the grand academy of Lagado. The academy
largely described. The arts wherein the professors employ themselves.


This academy is not an entire single building, but a continuation of
several houses on both sides of a street, which growing waste, was
purchased and applied to that use.

I was received very kindly by the warden, and went for many days to the
academy. Every room has in it one or more projectors; and I believe I
could not be in fewer than five hundred rooms.

The first man I saw was of a meagre aspect, with sooty hands and face,
his hair and beard long, ragged, and singed in several places. His
clothes, shirt, and skin, were all of the same colour. He had been
eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers,
which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm
the air in raw inclement summers. He told me, he did not doubt, that,
in eight years more, he should be able to supply the governor’s gardens
with sunshine, at a reasonable rate; but he complained that his stock
was low, and entreated me “to give him something as an encouragement to
ingenuity, especially since this had been a very dear season for
cucumbers.” I made him a small present, for my lord had furnished me
with money on purpose, because he knew their practice of begging from
all who go to see them.

I went into another chamber, but was ready to hasten back, being almost
overcome with a horrible stink. My conductor pressed me forward,
conjuring me in a whisper “to give no offence, which would be highly
resented;” and therefore I durst not so much as stop my nose. The
projector of this cell was the most ancient student of the academy; his
face and beard were of a pale yellow; his hands and clothes daubed over
with filth. When I was presented to him, he gave me a close embrace, a
compliment I could well have excused. His employment, from his first
coming into the academy, was an operation to reduce human excrement to
its original food, by separating the several parts, removing the
tincture which it receives from the gall, making the odour exhale, and
scumming off the saliva. He had a weekly allowance, from the society,
of a vessel filled with human ordure, about the bigness of a Bristol
barrel.

I saw another at work to calcine ice into gunpowder; who likewise
showed me a treatise he had written concerning the malleability of
fire, which he intended to publish.

There was a most ingenious architect, who had contrived a new method
for building houses, by beginning at the roof, and working downward to
the foundation; which he justified to me, by the like practice of those
two prudent insects, the bee and the spider.

There was a man born blind, who had several apprentices in his own
condition: their employment was to mix colours for painters, which
their master taught them to distinguish by feeling and smelling. It was
indeed my misfortune to find them at that time not very perfect in
their lessons, and the professor himself happened to be generally
mistaken. This artist is much encouraged and esteemed by the whole
fraternity.

In another apartment I was highly pleased with a projector who had
found a device of ploughing the ground with hogs, to save the charges
of ploughs, cattle, and labour. The method is this: in an acre of
ground you bury, at six inches distance and eight deep, a quantity of
acorns, dates, chestnuts, and other mast or vegetables, whereof these
animals are fondest; then you drive six hundred or more of them into
the field, where, in a few days, they will root up the whole ground in
search of their food, and make it fit for sowing, at the same time
manuring it with their dung: it is true, upon experiment, they found
the charge and trouble very great, and they had little or no crop.
However it is not doubted, that this invention may be capable of great
improvement.

I went into another room, where the walls and ceiling were all hung
round with cobwebs, except a narrow passage for the artist to go in and
out. At my entrance, he called aloud to me, “not to disturb his webs.”
He lamented “the fatal mistake the world had been so long in, of using
silkworms, while we had such plenty of domestic insects who infinitely
excelled the former, because they understood how to weave, as well as
spin.” And he proposed further, “that by employing spiders, the charge
of dyeing silks should be wholly saved;” whereof I was fully convinced,
when he showed me a vast number of flies most beautifully coloured,
wherewith he fed his spiders, assuring us “that the webs would take a
tincture from them; and as he had them of all hues, he hoped to fit
everybody’s fancy, as soon as he could find proper food for the flies,
of certain gums, oils, and other glutinous matter, to give a strength
and consistence to the threads.”

There was an astronomer, who had undertaken to place a sun-dial upon
the great weathercock on the town-house, by adjusting the annual and
diurnal motions of the earth and sun, so as to answer and coincide with
all accidental turnings of the wind.

I was complaining of a small fit of the colic, upon which my conductor
led me into a room where a great physician resided, who was famous for
curing that disease, by contrary operations from the same instrument.
He had a large pair of bellows, with a long slender muzzle of ivory.
This he conveyed eight inches up the anus, and drawing in the wind, he
affirmed he could make the guts as lank as a dried bladder. But when
the disease was more stubborn and violent, he let in the muzzle while
the bellows were full of wind, which he discharged into the body of the
patient; then withdrew the instrument to replenish it, clapping his
thumb strongly against the orifice of the fundament; and this being
repeated three or four times, the adventitious wind would rush out,
bringing the noxious along with it, (like water put into a pump), and
the patient recovered. I saw him try both experiments upon a dog, but
could not discern any effect from the former. After the latter the
animal was ready to burst, and made so violent a discharge as was very
offensive to me and my companions. The dog died on the spot, and we
left the doctor endeavouring to recover him, by the same operation.

I visited many other apartments, but shall not trouble my reader with
all the curiosities I observed, being studious of brevity.

I had hitherto seen only one side of the academy, the other being
appropriated to the advancers of speculative learning, of whom I shall
say something, when I have mentioned one illustrious person more, who
is called among them “the universal artist.” He told us “he had been
thirty years employing his thoughts for the improvement of human life.”
He had two large rooms full of wonderful curiosities, and fifty men at
work. Some were condensing air into a dry tangible substance, by
extracting the nitre, and letting the aqueous or fluid particles
percolate; others softening marble, for pillows and pin-cushions;
others petrifying the hoofs of a living horse, to preserve them from
foundering. The artist himself was at that time busy upon two great
designs; the first, to sow land with chaff, wherein he affirmed the
true seminal virtue to be contained, as he demonstrated by several
experiments, which I was not skilful enough to comprehend. The other
was, by a certain composition of gums, minerals, and vegetables,
outwardly applied, to prevent the growth of wool upon two young lambs;
and he hoped, in a reasonable time to propagate the breed of naked
sheep, all over the kingdom.

We crossed a walk to the other part of the academy, where, as I have
already said, the projectors in speculative learning resided.

The first professor I saw, was in a very large room, with forty pupils
about him. After salutation, observing me to look earnestly upon a
frame, which took up the greatest part of both the length and breadth
of the room, he said, “Perhaps I might wonder to see him employed in a
project for improving speculative knowledge, by practical and
mechanical operations. But the world would soon be sensible of its
usefulness; and he flattered himself, that a more noble, exalted
thought never sprang in any other man’s head. Every one knew how
laborious the usual method is of attaining to arts and sciences;
whereas, by his contrivance, the most ignorant person, at a reasonable
charge, and with a little bodily labour, might write books in
philosophy, poetry, politics, laws, mathematics, and theology, without
the least assistance from genius or study.” He then led me to the
frame, about the sides, whereof all his pupils stood in ranks. It was
twenty feet square, placed in the middle of the room. The superficies
was composed of several bits of wood, about the bigness of a die, but
some larger than others. They were all linked together by slender
wires. These bits of wood were covered, on every square, with paper
pasted on them; and on these papers were written all the words of their
language, in their several moods, tenses, and declensions; but without
any order. The professor then desired me “to observe; for he was going
to set his engine at work.” The pupils, at his command, took each of
them hold of an iron handle, whereof there were forty fixed round the
edges of the frame; and giving them a sudden turn, the whole
disposition of the words was entirely changed. He then commanded
six-and-thirty of the lads, to read the several lines softly, as they
appeared upon the frame; and where they found three or four words
together that might make part of a sentence, they dictated to the four
remaining boys, who were scribes. This work was repeated three or four
times, and at every turn, the engine was so contrived, that the words
shifted into new places, as the square bits of wood moved upside down.

The frame


Six hours a day the young students were employed in this labour; and
the professor showed me several volumes in large folio, already
collected, of broken sentences, which he intended to piece together,
and out of those rich materials, to give the world a complete body of
all arts and sciences; which, however, might be still improved, and
much expedited, if the public would raise a fund for making and
employing five hundred such frames in Lagado, and oblige the managers
to contribute in common their several collections.

He assured me “that this invention had employed all his thoughts from
his youth; that he had emptied the whole vocabulary into his frame, and
made the strictest computation of the general proportion there is in
books between the numbers of particles, nouns, and verbs, and other
parts of speech.”

I made my humblest acknowledgment to this illustrious person, for his
great communicativeness; and promised, “if ever I had the good fortune
to return to my native country, that I would do him justice, as the
sole inventor of this wonderful machine;” the form and contrivance of
which I desired leave to delineate on paper, as in the figure here
annexed. I told him, “although it were the custom of our learned in
Europe to steal inventions from each other, who had thereby at least
this advantage, that it became a controversy which was the right owner;
yet I would take such caution, that he should have the honour entire,
without a rival.”

We next went to the school of languages, where three professors sat in
consultation upon improving that of their own country.

The first project was to shorten discourse by cutting polysyllables
into one, and leaving out verbs and participles, because, in reality,
all things imaginable are but nouns.

The other project was, a scheme for entirely abolishing all words
whatsoever; and this was urged as a great advantage in point of health,
as well as brevity. For it is plain, that every word we speak is, in
some degree, a diminution of our lungs by corrosion, and, consequently,
contributes to the shortening of our lives. An expedient was therefore
offered, “that since words are only names for _things_, it would be
more convenient for all men to carry about them such things as were
necessary to express a particular business they are to discourse on.”
And this invention would certainly have taken place, to the great ease
as well as health of the subject, if the women, in conjunction with the
vulgar and illiterate, had not threatened to raise a rebellion unless
they might be allowed the liberty to speak with their tongues, after
the manner of their forefathers; such constant irreconcilable enemies
to science are the common people. However, many of the most learned and
wise adhere to the new scheme of expressing themselves by things; which
has only this inconvenience attending it, that if a man’s business be
very great, and of various kinds, he must be obliged, in proportion, to
carry a greater bundle of things upon his back, unless he can afford
one or two strong servants to attend him. I have often beheld two of
those sages almost sinking under the weight of their packs, like
pedlars among us, who, when they met in the street, would lay down
their loads, open their sacks, and hold conversation for an hour
together; then put up their implements, help each other to resume their
burdens, and take their leave.

But for short conversations, a man may carry implements in his pockets,
and under his arms, enough to supply him; and in his house, he cannot
be at a loss. Therefore the room where company meet who practise this
art, is full of all things, ready at hand, requisite to furnish matter
for this kind of artificial converse.

Another great advantage proposed by this invention was, that it would
serve as a universal language, to be understood in all civilised
nations, whose goods and utensils are generally of the same kind, or
nearly resembling, so that their uses might easily be comprehended. And
thus ambassadors would be qualified to treat with foreign princes, or
ministers of state, to whose tongues they were utter strangers.

I was at the mathematical school, where the master taught his pupils
after a method scarce imaginable to us in Europe. The proposition, and
demonstration, were fairly written on a thin wafer, with ink composed
of a cephalic tincture. This, the student was to swallow upon a fasting
stomach, and for three days following, eat nothing but bread and water.
As the wafer digested, the tincture mounted to his brain, bearing the
proposition along with it. But the success has not hitherto been
answerable, partly by some error in the _quantum_ or composition, and
partly by the perverseness of lads, to whom this bolus is so nauseous,
that they generally steal aside, and discharge it upwards, before it
can operate; neither have they been yet persuaded to use so long an
abstinence, as the prescription requires.


CHAPTER VI.

A further account of the academy. The author proposes some
improvements, which are honourably received.


In the school of political projectors, I was but ill entertained; the
professors appearing, in my judgment, wholly out of their senses, which
is a scene that never fails to make me melancholy. These unhappy people
were proposing schemes for persuading monarchs to choose favourites
upon the score of their wisdom, capacity, and virtue; of teaching
ministers to consult the public good; of rewarding merit, great
abilities, eminent services; of instructing princes to know their true
interest, by placing it on the same foundation with that of their
people; of choosing for employments persons qualified to exercise them,
with many other wild, impossible chimeras, that never entered before
into the heart of man to conceive; and confirmed in me the old
observation, “that there is nothing so extravagant and irrational,
which some philosophers have not maintained for truth.”

But, however, I shall so far do justice to this part of the Academy, as
to acknowledge that all of them were not so visionary. There was a most
ingenious doctor, who seemed to be perfectly versed in the whole nature
and system of government. This illustrious person had very usefully
employed his studies, in finding out effectual remedies for all
diseases and corruptions to which the several kinds of public
administration are subject, by the vices or infirmities of those who
govern, as well as by the licentiousness of those who are to obey. For
instance: whereas all writers and reasoners have agreed, that there is
a strict universal resemblance between the natural and the political
body; can there be any thing more evident, than that the health of both
must be preserved, and the diseases cured, by the same prescriptions?
It is allowed, that senates and great councils are often troubled with
redundant, ebullient, and other peccant humours; with many diseases of
the head, and more of the heart; with strong convulsions, with grievous
contractions of the nerves and sinews in both hands, but especially the
right; with spleen, flatus, vertigos, and deliriums; with scrofulous
tumours, full of fetid purulent matter; with sour frothy ructations:
with canine appetites, and crudeness of digestion, besides many others,
needless to mention. This doctor therefore proposed, “that upon the
meeting of the senate, certain physicians should attend it the three
first days of their sitting, and at the close of each day’s debate feel
the pulses of every senator; after which, having maturely considered
and consulted upon the nature of the several maladies, and the methods
of cure, they should on the fourth day return to the senate house,
attended by their apothecaries stored with proper medicines; and before
the members sat, administer to each of them lenitives, aperitives,
abstersives, corrosives, restringents, palliatives, laxatives,
cephalalgics, icterics, apophlegmatics, acoustics, as their several
cases required; and, according as these medicines should operate,
repeat, alter, or omit them, at the next meeting.”

This project could not be of any great expense to the public; and might
in my poor opinion, be of much use for the despatch of business, in
those countries where senates have any share in the legislative power;
beget unanimity, shorten debates, open a few mouths which are now
closed, and close many more which are now open; curb the petulancy of
the young, and correct the positiveness of the old; rouse the stupid,
and damp the pert.

Again, because it is a general complaint, that the favourites of
princes are troubled with short and weak memories; the same doctor
proposed, “that whoever attended a first minister, after having told
his business, with the utmost brevity and in the plainest words,
should, at his departure, give the said minister a tweak by the nose,
or a kick in the belly, or tread on his corns, or lug him thrice by
both ears, or run a pin into his breech; or pinch his arm black and
blue, to prevent forgetfulness; and at every levee day, repeat the same
operation, till the business were done, or absolutely refused.”

He likewise directed, “that every senator in the great council of a
nation, after he had delivered his opinion, and argued in the defence
of it, should be obliged to give his vote directly contrary; because if
that were done, the result would infallibly terminate in the good of
the public.”

When parties in a state are violent, he offered a wonderful contrivance
to reconcile them. The method is this: You take a hundred leaders of
each party; you dispose them into couples of such whose heads are
nearest of a size; then let two nice operators saw off the occiput of
each couple at the same time, in such a manner that the brain may be
equally divided. Let the occiputs, thus cut off, be interchanged,
applying each to the head of his opposite party-man. It seems indeed to
be a work that requires some exactness, but the professor assured us,
“that if it were dexterously performed, the cure would be infallible.”
For he argued thus: “that the two half brains being left to debate the
matter between themselves within the space of one skull, would soon
come to a good understanding, and produce that moderation, as well as
regularity of thinking, so much to be wished for in the heads of those,
who imagine they come into the world only to watch and govern its
motion: and as to the difference of brains, in quantity or quality,
among those who are directors in faction,” the doctor assured us, from
his own knowledge, that “it was a perfect trifle.”

I heard a very warm debate between two professors, about the most
commodious and effectual ways and means of raising money, without
grieving the subject. The first affirmed, “the justest method would be,
to lay a certain tax upon vices and folly; and the sum fixed upon every
man to be rated, after the fairest manner, by a jury of his
neighbours.” The second was of an opinion directly contrary; “to tax
those qualities of body and mind, for which men chiefly value
themselves; the rate to be more or less, according to the degrees of
excelling; the decision whereof should be left entirely to their own
breast.” The highest tax was upon men who are the greatest favourites
of the other sex, and the assessments, according to the number and
nature of the favours they have received; for which, they are allowed
to be their own vouchers. Wit, valour, and politeness, were likewise
proposed to be largely taxed, and collected in the same manner, by
every person’s giving his own word for the quantum of what he
possessed. But as to honour, justice, wisdom, and learning, they should
not be taxed at all; because they are qualifications of so singular a
kind, that no man will either allow them in his neighbour or value them
in himself.

The women were proposed to be taxed according to their beauty and skill
in dressing, wherein they had the same privilege with the men, to be
determined by their own judgment. But constancy, chastity, good sense,
and good nature, were not rated, because they would not bear the charge
of collecting.

To keep senators in the interest of the crown, it was proposed that the
members should raffle for employments; every man first taking an oath,
and giving security, that he would vote for the court, whether he won
or not; after which, the losers had, in their turn, the liberty of
raffling upon the next vacancy. Thus, hope and expectation would be
kept alive; none would complain of broken promises, but impute their
disappointments wholly to fortune, whose shoulders are broader and
stronger than those of a ministry.

Another professor showed me a large paper of instructions for
discovering plots and conspiracies against the government. He advised
great statesmen to examine into the diet of all suspected persons;
their times of eating; upon which side they lay in bed; with which hand
they wipe their posteriors; take a strict view of their excrements,
and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the consistence, the
crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their thoughts
and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent,
as when they are at stool, which he found by frequent experiment; for,
in such conjunctures, when he used, merely as a trial, to consider
which was the best way of murdering the king, his ordure would have a
tincture of green; but quite different, when he thought only of raising
an insurrection, or burning the metropolis.

The whole discourse was written with great acuteness, containing many
observations, both curious and useful for politicians; but, as I
conceived, not altogether complete. This I ventured to tell the author,
and offered, if he pleased, to supply him with some additions. He
received my proposition with more compliance than is usual among
writers, especially those of the projecting species, professing “he
would be glad to receive further information.”

I told him, “that in the kingdom of Tribnia, [454a] by the natives
called Langden, [454b] where I had sojourned some time in my travels,
the bulk of the people consist in a manner wholly of discoverers,
witnesses, informers, accusers, prosecutors, evidences, swearers,
together with their several subservient and subaltern instruments, all
under the colours, the conduct, and the pay of ministers of state, and
their deputies. The plots, in that kingdom, are usually the workmanship
of those persons who desire to raise their own characters of profound
politicians; to restore new vigour to a crazy administration; to stifle
or divert general discontents; to fill their coffers with forfeitures;
and raise, or sink the opinion of public credit, as either shall best
answer their private advantage. It is first agreed and settled among
them, what suspected persons shall be accused of a plot; then,
effectual care is taken to secure all their letters and papers, and put
the owners in chains. These papers are delivered to a set of artists,
very dexterous in finding out the mysterious meanings of words,
syllables, and letters: for instance, they can discover a close stool,
to signify a privy council; a flock of geese, a senate; a lame dog, an
invader; a codshead; a ——; the plague, a standing army; a buzzard, a
prime minister; the gout, a high priest; a gibbet, a secretary of
state; a chamber pot, a committee of grandees; a sieve, a court lady; a
broom, a revolution; a mouse-trap, an employment; a bottomless pit, a
treasury; a sink, a court; a cap and bells, a favourite; a broken reed,
a court of justice; an empty tun, a general; a running sore, the
administration. [455]

“When this method fails, they have two others more effectual, which the
learned among them call acrostics and anagrams. First, they can
decipher all initial letters into political meanings. Thus _N_. shall
signify a plot; _B_. a regiment of horse; _L_. a fleet at sea; or,
secondly, by transposing the letters of the alphabet in any suspected
paper, they can lay open the deepest designs of a discontented party.
So, for example, if I should say, in a letter to a friend, ‘Our brother
Tom has just got the piles,’ a skilful decipherer would discover, that
the same letters which compose that sentence, may be analysed into the
following words, ‘Resist, a plot is brought home; The tour.’ And this
is the anagrammatic method.”

The professor made me great acknowledgments for communicating these
observations, and promised to make honourable mention of me in his
treatise.

I saw nothing in this country that could invite me to a longer
continuance, and began to think of returning home to England.


CHAPTER VII.

The author leaves Lagado: arrives at Maldonada. No ship ready. He takes
a short voyage to Glubbdubdrib. His reception by the governor.


The continent, of which this kingdom is apart, extends itself, as I
have reason to believe, eastward, to that unknown tract of America
westward of California; and north, to the Pacific Ocean, which is not
above a hundred and fifty miles from Lagado; where there is a good
port, and much commerce with the great island of Luggnagg, situated to
the north-west about 29 degrees north latitude, and 140 longitude. This
island of Luggnagg stands south-eastward of Japan, about a hundred
leagues distant. There is a strict alliance between the Japanese
emperor and the king of Luggnagg; which affords frequent opportunities
of sailing from one island to the other. I determined therefore to
direct my course this way, in order to direct my return to Europe. I
hired two mules, with a guide, to show me the way, and carry my small
baggage. I took leave of my noble protector, who had shown me so much
favour, and made me a generous present at my departure.

My journey was without any accident or adventure worth relating. When I
arrived at the port of Maldonada (for so it is called) there was no
ship in the harbour bound for Luggnagg, nor likely to be in some time.
The town is about as large as Portsmouth. I soon fell into some
acquaintance, and was very hospitably received. A gentleman of
distinction said to me, “that since the ships bound for Luggnagg could
not be ready in less than a month, it might be no disagreeable
amusement for me to take a trip to the little island of Glubbdubdrib,
about five leagues off to the south-west.” He offered himself and a
friend to accompany me, and that I should be provided with a small
convenient bark for the voyage.

Glubbdubdrib, as nearly as I can interpret the word, signifies the
island of sorcerers or magicians. It is about one third as large as the
Isle of Wight, and extremely fruitful: it is governed by the head of a
certain tribe, who are all magicians. This tribe marries only among
each other, and the eldest in succession is prince or governor. He has
a noble palace, and a park of about three thousand acres, surrounded by
a wall of hewn stone twenty feet high. In this park are several small
enclosures for cattle, corn, and gardening.

The governor and his family are served and attended by domestics of a
kind somewhat unusual. By his skill in necromancy he has a power of
calling whom he pleases from the dead, and commanding their service for
twenty-four hours, but no longer; nor can he call the same persons up
again in less than three months, except upon very extraordinary
occasions.

When we arrived at the island, which was about eleven in the morning,
one of the gentlemen who accompanied me went to the governor, and
desired admittance for a stranger, who came on purpose to have the
honour of attending on his highness. This was immediately granted, and
we all three entered the gate of the palace between two rows of guards,
armed and dressed after a very antic manner, and with something in
their countenances that made my flesh creep with a horror I cannot
express. We passed through several apartments, between servants of the
same sort, ranked on each side as before, till we came to the chamber
of presence; where, after three profound obeisances, and a few general
questions, we were permitted to sit on three stools, near the lowest
step of his highness’s throne. He understood the language of
Balnibarbi, although it was different from that of this island. He
desired me to give him some account of my travels; and, to let me see
that I should be treated without ceremony, he dismissed all his
attendants with a turn of his finger; at which, to my great
astonishment, they vanished in an instant, like visions in a dream when
we awake on a sudden. I could not recover myself in some time, till the
governor assured me, “that I should receive no hurt;” and observing my
two companions to be under no concern, who had been often entertained
in the same manner, I began to take courage, and related to his
highness a short history of my several adventures; yet not without some
hesitation, and frequently looking behind me to the place where I had
seen those domestic spectres. I had the honour to dine with the
governor, where a new set of ghosts served up the meat, and waited at
table. I now observed myself to be less terrified than I had been in
the morning. I stayed till sunset, but humbly desired his highness to
excuse me for not accepting his invitation of lodging in the palace. My
two friends and I lay at a private house in the town adjoining, which
is the capital of this little island; and the next morning we returned
to pay our duty to the governor, as he was pleased to command us.

After this manner we continued in the island for ten days, most part of
every day with the governor, and at night in our lodging. I soon grew
so familiarized to the sight of spirits, that after the third or fourth
time they gave me no emotion at all: or, if I had any apprehensions
left, my curiosity prevailed over them. For his highness the governor
ordered me “to call up whatever persons I would choose to name, and in
whatever numbers, among all the dead from the beginning of the world to
the present time, and command them to answer any questions I should
think fit to ask; with this condition, that my questions must be
confined within the compass of the times they lived in. And one thing I
might depend upon, that they would certainly tell me the truth, for
lying was a talent of no use in the lower world.”

I made my humble acknowledgments to his highness for so great a favour.
We were in a chamber, from whence there was a fair prospect into the
park. And because my first inclination was to be entertained with
scenes of pomp and magnificence, I desired to see Alexander the Great
at the head of his army, just after the battle of Arbela: which, upon a
motion of the governor’s finger, immediately appeared in a large field,
under the window where we stood. Alexander was called up into the room:
it was with great difficulty that I understood his Greek, and had but
little of my own. He assured me upon his honour “that he was not
poisoned, but died of a bad fever by excessive drinking.”

Next, I saw Hannibal passing the Alps, who told me “he had not a drop
of vinegar in his camp.”

I saw Cæsar and Pompey at the head of their troops, just ready to
engage. I saw the former, in his last great triumph. I desired that the
senate of Rome might appear before me, in one large chamber, and an
assembly of somewhat a later age in counterview, in another. The first
seemed to be an assembly of heroes and demigods; the other, a knot of
pedlars, pick-pockets, highwaymen, and bullies.

The governor, at my request, gave the sign for Cæsar and Brutus to
advance towards us. I was struck with a profound veneration at the
sight of Brutus, and could easily discover the most consummate virtue,
the greatest intrepidity and firmness of mind, the truest love of his
country, and general benevolence for mankind, in every lineament of his
countenance. I observed, with much pleasure, that these two persons
were in good intelligence with each other; and Cæsar freely confessed
to me, “that the greatest actions of his own life were not equal, by
many degrees, to the glory of taking it away.” I had the honour to have
much conversation with Brutus; and was told, “that his ancestor Junius,
Socrates, Epaminondas, Cato the younger, Sir Thomas More, and himself
were perpetually together:” a sextumvirate, to which all the ages of
the world cannot add a seventh.

It would be tedious to trouble the reader with relating what vast
numbers of illustrious persons were called up to gratify that
insatiable desire I had to see the world in every period of antiquity
placed before me. I chiefly fed my eyes with beholding the destroyers
of tyrants and usurpers, and the restorers of liberty to oppressed and
injured nations. But it is impossible to express the satisfaction I
received in my own mind, after such a manner as to make it a suitable
entertainment to the reader.


CHAPTER VIII.

A further account of Glubbdubdrib. Ancient and modern history
corrected.


Having a desire to see those ancients who were most renowned for wit
and learning, I set apart one day on purpose. I proposed that Homer and
Aristotle might appear at the head of all their commentators; but these
were so numerous, that some hundreds were forced to attend in the
court, and outward rooms of the palace. I knew, and could distinguish
those two heroes, at first sight, not only from the crowd, but from
each other. Homer was the taller and comelier person of the two, walked
very erect for one of his age, and his eyes were the most quick and
piercing I ever beheld. Aristotle stooped much, and made use of a
staff. His visage was meagre, his hair lank and thin, and his voice
hollow. I soon discovered that both of them were perfect strangers to
the rest of the company, and had never seen or heard of them before;
and I had a whisper from a ghost who shall be nameless, “that these
commentators always kept in the most distant quarters from their
principals, in the lower world, through a consciousness of shame and
guilt, because they had so horribly misrepresented the meaning of those
authors to posterity.” I introduced Didymus and Eustathius to Homer,
and prevailed on him to treat them better than perhaps they deserved,
for he soon found they wanted a genius to enter into the spirit of a
poet. But Aristotle was out of all patience with the account I gave him
of Scotus and Ramus, as I presented them to him; and he asked them,
“whether the rest of the tribe were as great dunces as themselves?”

I then desired the governor to call up Descartes and Gassendi, with
whom I prevailed to explain their systems to Aristotle. This great
philosopher freely acknowledged his own mistakes in natural philosophy,
because he proceeded in many things upon conjecture, as all men must
do; and he found that Gassendi, who had made the doctrine of Epicurus
as palatable as he could, and the _vortices_ of Descartes, were equally
to be exploded. He predicted the same fate to _attraction_, whereof the
present learned are such zealous asserters. He said, “that new systems
of nature were but new fashions, which would vary in every age; and
even those, who pretend to demonstrate them from mathematical
principles, would flourish but a short period of time, and be out of
vogue when that was determined.”

I spent five days in conversing with many others of the ancient
learned. I saw most of the first Roman emperors. I prevailed on the
governor to call up Heliogabalus’s cooks to dress us a dinner, but they
could not show us much of their skill, for want of materials. A helot
of Agesilaus made us a dish of Spartan broth, but I was not able to get
down a second spoonful.

The two gentlemen, who conducted me to the island, were pressed by
their private affairs to return in three days, which I employed in
seeing some of the modern dead, who had made the greatest figure, for
two or three hundred years past, in our own and other countries of
Europe; and having been always a great admirer of old illustrious
families, I desired the governor would call up a dozen or two of kings,
with their ancestors in order for eight or nine generations. But my
disappointment was grievous and unexpected. For, instead of a long
train with royal diadems, I saw in one family two fiddlers, three
spruce courtiers, and an Italian prelate. In another, a barber, an
abbot, and two cardinals. I have too great a veneration for crowned
heads, to dwell any longer on so nice a subject. But as to counts,
marquises, dukes, earls, and the like, I was not so scrupulous. And I
confess, it was not without some pleasure, that I found myself able to
trace the particular features, by which certain families are
distinguished, up to their originals. I could plainly discover whence
one family derives a long chin; why a second has abounded with knaves
for two generations, and fools for two more; why a third happened to be
crack-brained, and a fourth to be sharpers; whence it came, what
Polydore Virgil says of a certain great house, _Nec vir fortis_, _nec
femina casta_; how cruelty, falsehood, and cowardice, grew to be
characteristics by which certain families are distinguished as much as
by their coats of arms; who first brought the pox into a noble house,
which has lineally descended scrofulous tumours to their posterity.
Neither could I wonder at all this, when I saw such an interruption of
lineages, by pages, lackeys, valets, coachmen, gamesters, fiddlers,
players, captains, and pickpockets.

I was chiefly disgusted with modern history. For having strictly
examined all the persons of greatest name in the courts of princes, for
a hundred years past, I found how the world had been misled by
prostitute writers, to ascribe the greatest exploits in war, to
cowards; the wisest counsel, to fools; sincerity, to flatterers; Roman
virtue, to betrayers of their country; piety, to atheists; chastity, to
sodomites; truth, to informers: how many innocent and excellent persons
had been condemned to death or banishment by the practising of great
ministers upon the corruption of judges, and the malice of factions:
how many villains had been exalted to the highest places of trust,
power, dignity, and profit: how great a share in the motions and events
of courts, councils, and senates might be challenged by bawds, whores,
pimps, parasites, and buffoons. How low an opinion I had of human
wisdom and integrity, when I was truly informed of the springs and
motives of great enterprises and revolutions in the world, and of the
contemptible accidents to which they owed their success.

Here I discovered the roguery and ignorance of those who pretend to
write anecdotes, or secret history; who send so many kings to their
graves with a cup of poison; will repeat the discourse between a prince
and chief minister, where no witness was by; unlock the thoughts and
cabinets of ambassadors and secretaries of state; and have the
perpetual misfortune to be mistaken. Here I discovered the true causes
of many great events that have surprised the world; how a whore can
govern the back-stairs, the back-stairs a council, and the council a
senate. A general confessed, in my presence, “that he got a victory
purely by the force of cowardice and ill conduct;” and an admiral,
“that, for want of proper intelligence, he beat the enemy, to whom he
intended to betray the fleet.” Three kings protested to me, “that in
their whole reigns they never did once prefer any person of merit,
unless by mistake, or treachery of some minister in whom they confided;
neither would they do it if they were to live again:” and they showed,
with great strength of reason, “that the royal throne could not be
supported without corruption, because that positive, confident, restiff
temper, which virtue infused into a man, was a perpetual clog to public
business.”

I had the curiosity to inquire in a particular manner, by what methods
great numbers had procured to themselves high titles of honour, and
prodigious estates; and I confined my inquiry to a very modern period:
however, without grating upon present times, because I would be sure to
give no offence even to foreigners (for I hope the reader need not be
told, that I do not in the least intend my own country, in what I say
upon this occasion,) a great number of persons concerned were called
up; and, upon a very slight examination, discovered such a scene of
infamy, that I cannot reflect upon it without some seriousness.
Perjury, oppression, subornation, fraud, pandarism, and the like
infirmities, were among the most excusable arts they had to mention;
and for these I gave, as it was reasonable, great allowance. But when
some confessed they owed their greatness and wealth to sodomy, or
incest; others, to the prostituting of their own wives and daughters;
others, to the betraying of their country or their prince; some, to
poisoning; more to the perverting of justice, in order to destroy the
innocent, I hope I may be pardoned, if these discoveries inclined me a
little to abate of that profound veneration, which I am naturally apt
to pay to persons of high rank, who ought to be treated with the utmost
respect due to their sublime dignity, by us their inferiors.

I had often read of some great services done to princes and states, and
desired to see the persons by whom those services were performed. Upon
inquiry I was told, “that their names were to be found on no record,
except a few of them, whom history has represented as the vilest of
rogues and traitors.” As to the rest, I had never once heard of them.
They all appeared with dejected looks, and in the meanest habit; most
of them telling me, “they died in poverty and disgrace, and the rest on
a scaffold or a gibbet.”

Among others, there was one person, whose case appeared a little
singular. He had a youth about eighteen years old standing by his side.
He told me, “he had for many years been commander of a ship; and in the
sea fight at Actium had the good fortune to break through the enemy’s
great line of battle, sink three of their capital ships, and take a
fourth, which was the sole cause of Antony’s flight, and of the victory
that ensued; that the youth standing by him, his only son, was killed
in the action.” He added, “that upon the confidence of some merit, the
war being at an end, he went to Rome, and solicited at the court of
Augustus to be preferred to a greater ship, whose commander had been
killed; but, without any regard to his pretensions, it was given to a
boy who had never seen the sea, the son of Libertina, who waited on one
of the emperor’s mistresses. Returning back to his own vessel, he was
charged with neglect of duty, and the ship given to a favourite page of
Publicola, the vice-admiral; whereupon he retired to a poor farm at a
great distance from Rome, and there ended his life.” I was so curious
to know the truth of this story, that I desired Agrippa might be
called, who was admiral in that fight. He appeared, and confirmed the
whole account: but with much more advantage to the captain, whose
modesty had extenuated or concealed a great part of his merit.

I was surprised to find corruption grown so high and so quick in that
empire, by the force of luxury so lately introduced; which made me less
wonder at many parallel cases in other countries, where vices of all
kinds have reigned so much longer, and where the whole praise, as well
as pillage, has been engrossed by the chief commander, who perhaps had
the least title to either.

As every person called up made exactly the same appearance he had done
in the world, it gave me melancholy reflections to observe how much the
race of humankind was degenerated among us within these hundred years
past; how the pox, under all its consequences and denominations had
altered every lineament of an English countenance; shortened the size
of bodies, unbraced the nerves, relaxed the sinews and muscles,
introduced a sallow complexion, and rendered the flesh loose and
rancid.

I descended so low, as to desire some English yeoman of the old stamp
might be summoned to appear; once so famous for the simplicity of their
manners, diet, and dress; for justice in their dealings; for their true
spirit of liberty; for their valour, and love of their country. Neither
could I be wholly unmoved, after comparing the living with the dead,
when I considered how all these pure native virtues were prostituted
for a piece of money by their grand-children; who, in selling their
votes and managing at elections, have acquired every vice and
corruption that can possibly be learned in a court.


CHAPTER IX.

The author returns to Maldonada. Sails to the kingdom of Luggnagg. The
author confined. He is sent for to court. The manner of his admittance.
The king’s great lenity to his subjects.


The day of our departure being come, I took leave of his highness, the
Governor of Glubbdubdrib, and returned with my two companions to
Maldonada, where, after a fortnight’s waiting, a ship was ready to sail
for Luggnagg. The two gentlemen, and some others, were so generous and
kind as to furnish me with provisions, and see me on board. I was a
month in this voyage. We had one violent storm, and were under a
necessity of steering westward to get into the trade wind, which holds
for above sixty leagues. On the 21st of April, 1708, we sailed into the
river of Clumegnig, which is a seaport town, at the south-east point of
Luggnagg. We cast anchor within a league of the town, and made a signal
for a pilot. Two of them came on board in less than half an hour, by
whom we were guided between certain shoals and rocks, which are very
dangerous in the passage, to a large basin, where a fleet may ride in
safety within a cable’s length of the town-wall.

Some of our sailors, whether out of treachery or inadvertence, had
informed the pilots “that I was a stranger, and great traveller;”
whereof these gave notice to a custom-house officer, by whom I was
examined very strictly upon my landing. This officer spoke to me in the
language of Balnibarbi, which, by the force of much commerce, is
generally understood in that town, especially by seamen and those
employed in the customs. I gave him a short account of some
particulars, and made my story as plausible and consistent as I could;
but I thought it necessary to disguise my country, and call myself a
Hollander; because my intentions were for Japan, and I knew the Dutch
were the only Europeans permitted to enter into that kingdom. I
therefore told the officer, “that having been shipwrecked on the coast
of Balnibarbi, and cast on a rock, I was received up into Laputa, or
the flying island (of which he had often heard), and was now
endeavouring to get to Japan, whence I might find a convenience of
returning to my own country.” The officer said, “I must be confined
till he could receive orders from court, for which he would write
immediately, and hoped to receive an answer in a fortnight.” I was
carried to a convenient lodging with a sentry placed at the door;
however, I had the liberty of a large garden, and was treated with
humanity enough, being maintained all the time at the king’s charge. I
was invited by several persons, chiefly out of curiosity, because it
was reported that I came from countries very remote, of which they had
never heard.

I hired a young man, who came in the same ship, to be an interpreter;
he was a native of Luggnagg, but had lived some years at Maldonada, and
was a perfect master of both languages. By his assistance, I was able
to hold a conversation with those who came to visit me; but this
consisted only of their questions, and my answers.

The despatch came from court about the time we expected. It contained a
warrant for conducting me and my retinue to _Traldragdubh_, or
_Trildrogdrib_ (for it is pronounced both ways as near as I can
remember), by a party of ten horse. All my retinue was that poor lad
for an interpreter, whom I persuaded into my service, and, at my humble
request, we had each of us a mule to ride on. A messenger was
despatched half a day’s journey before us, to give the king notice of
my approach, and to desire, “that his majesty would please to appoint a
day and hour, when it would by his gracious pleasure that I might have
the honour to lick the dust before his footstool.” This is the court
style, and I found it to be more than matter of form: for, upon my
admittance two days after my arrival, I was commanded to crawl upon my
belly, and lick the floor as I advanced; but, on account of my being a
stranger, care was taken to have it made so clean, that the dust was
not offensive. However, this was a peculiar grace, not allowed to any
but persons of the highest rank, when they desire an admittance. Nay,
sometimes the floor is strewed with dust on purpose, when the person to
be admitted happens to have powerful enemies at court; and I have seen
a great lord with his mouth so crammed, that when he had crept to the
proper distance from the throne; he was not able to speak a word.
Neither is there any remedy; because it is capital for those who
receive an audience to spit or wipe their mouths in his majesty’s
presence. There is indeed another custom, which I cannot altogether
approve of: when the king has a mind to put any of his nobles to death
in a gentle indulgent manner, he commands the floor to be strewed with
a certain brown powder of a deadly composition, which being licked up,
infallibly kills him in twenty-four hours. But in justice to this
prince’s great clemency, and the care he has of his subjects’ lives
(wherein it were much to be wished that the Monarchs of Europe would
imitate him), it must be mentioned for his honour, that strict orders
are given to have the infected parts of the floor well washed after
every such execution, which, if his domestics neglect, they are in
danger of incurring his royal displeasure. I myself heard him give
directions, that one of his pages should be whipped, whose turn it was
to give notice about washing the floor after an execution, but
maliciously had omitted it; by which neglect a young lord of great
hopes, coming to an audience, was unfortunately poisoned, although the
king at that time had no design against his life. But this good prince
was so gracious as to forgive the poor page his whipping, upon promise
that he would do so no more, without special orders.

To return from this digression. When I had crept within four yards of
the throne, I raised myself gently upon my knees, and then striking my
forehead seven times against the ground, I pronounced the following
words, as they had been taught me the night before, _Ickpling
gloffthrobb squutserumm blhiop mlashnalt zwin tnodbalkguffh slhiophad
gurdlubh asht_. This is the compliment, established by the laws of the
land, for all persons admitted to the king’s presence. It may be
rendered into English thus: “May your celestial majesty outlive the
sun, eleven moons and a half!” To this the king returned some answer,
which, although I could not understand, yet I replied as I had been
directed: _Fluft drin yalerick dwuldom prastrad mirpush_, which
properly signifies, “My tongue is in the mouth of my friend;” and by
this expression was meant, that I desired leave to bring my
interpreter; whereupon the young man already mentioned was accordingly
introduced, by whose intervention I answered as many questions as his
majesty could put in above an hour. I spoke in the Balnibarbian tongue,
and my interpreter delivered my meaning in that of Luggnagg.

The king was much delighted with my company, and ordered his
_bliffmarklub_, or high-chamberlain, to appoint a lodging in the court
for me and my interpreter; with a daily allowance for my table, and a
large purse of gold for my common expenses.

I staid three months in this country, out of perfect obedience to his
majesty; who was pleased highly to favour me, and made me very
honourable offers. But I thought it more consistent with prudence and
justice to pass the remainder of my days with my wife and family.


CHAPTER X.

The Luggnaggians commended. A particular description of the
Struldbrugs, with many conversations between the author and some
eminent persons upon that subject.


The Luggnaggians are a polite and generous people; and although they
are not without some share of that pride which is peculiar to all
Eastern countries, yet they show themselves courteous to strangers,
especially such who are countenanced by the court. I had many
acquaintance, and among persons of the best fashion; and being always
attended by my interpreter, the conversation we had was not
disagreeable.

One day, in much good company, I was asked by a person of quality,
“whether I had seen any of their _struldbrugs_, or immortals?” I said,
“I had not;” and desired he would explain to me “what he meant by such
an appellation, applied to a mortal creature.” He told me “that
sometimes, though very rarely, a child happened to be born in a family,
with a red circular spot in the forehead, directly over the left
eyebrow, which was an infallible mark that it should never die.” The
spot, as he described it, “was about the compass of a silver
threepence, but in the course of time grew larger, and changed its
colour; for at twelve years old it became green, so continued till five
and twenty, then turned to a deep blue: at five and forty it grew coal
black, and as large as an English shilling; but never admitted any
further alteration.” He said, “these births were so rare, that he did
not believe there could be above eleven hundred struldbrugs, of both
sexes, in the whole kingdom; of which he computed about fifty in the
metropolis, and, among the rest, a young girl born; about three years
ago: that these productions were not peculiar to any family, but a mere
effect of chance; and the children of the _struldbrugs_ themselves were
equally mortal with the rest of the people.”

I freely own myself to have been struck with inexpressible delight,
upon hearing this account: and the person who gave it me happening to
understand the Balnibarbian language, which I spoke very well, I could
not forbear breaking out into expressions, perhaps a little too
extravagant. I cried out, as in a rapture, “Happy nation, where every
child hath at least a chance for being immortal! Happy people, who
enjoy so many living examples of ancient virtue, and have masters ready
to instruct them in the wisdom of all former ages! but happiest, beyond
all comparison, are those excellent _struldbrugs_, who, being born
exempt from that universal calamity of human nature, have their minds
free and disengaged, without the weight and depression of spirits
caused by the continual apprehensions of death!” I discovered my
admiration, “that I had not observed any of these illustrious persons
at court; the black spot on the forehead being so remarkable a
distinction, that I could not have easily overlooked it: and it was
impossible that his majesty, a most judicious prince, should not
provide himself with a good number of such wise and able counsellors.
Yet perhaps the virtue of those reverend sages was too strict for the
corrupt and libertine manners of a court: and we often find by
experience, that young men are too opinionated and volatile to be
guided by the sober dictates of their seniors. However, since the king
was pleased to allow me access to his royal person, I was resolved,
upon the very first occasion, to deliver my opinion to him on this
matter freely and at large, by the help of my interpreter; and whether
he would please to take my advice or not, yet in one thing I was
determined, that his majesty having frequently offered me an
establishment in this country, I would, with great thankfulness, accept
the favour, and pass my life here in the conversation of those superior
beings the _struldbrugs_, if they would please to admit me.”

The gentleman to whom I addressed my discourse, because (as I have
already observed) he spoke the language of Balnibarbi, said to me, with
a sort of a smile which usually arises from pity to the ignorant, “that
he was glad of any occasion to keep me among them, and desired my
permission to explain to the company what I had spoke.” He did so, and
they talked together for some time in their own language, whereof I
understood not a syllable, neither could I observe by their
countenances, what impression my discourse had made on them. After a
short silence, the same person told me, “that his friends and mine (so
he thought fit to express himself) were very much pleased with the
judicious remarks I had made on the great happiness and advantages of
immortal life, and they were desirous to know, in a particular manner,
what scheme of living I should have formed to myself, if it had fallen
to my lot to have been born a _struldbrug_.”

I answered, “it was easy to be eloquent on so copious and delightful a
subject, especially to me, who had been often apt to amuse myself with
visions of what I should do, if I were a king, a general, or a great
lord: and upon this very case, I had frequently run over the whole
system how I should employ myself, and pass the time, if I were sure to
live for ever.

“That, if it had been my good fortune to come into the world a
_struldbrug_, as soon as I could discover my own happiness, by
understanding the difference between life and death, I would first
resolve, by all arts and methods, whatsoever, to procure myself riches.
In the pursuit of which, by thrift and management, I might reasonably
expect, in about two hundred years, to be the wealthiest man in the
kingdom. In the second place, I would, from my earliest youth, apply
myself to the study of arts and sciences, by which I should arrive in
time to excel all others in learning. Lastly, I would carefully record
every action and event of consequence, that happened in the public,
impartially draw the characters of the several successions of princes
and great ministers of state, with my own observations on every point.
I would exactly set down the several changes in customs, language,
fashions of dress, diet, and diversions. By all which acquirements, I
should be a living treasure of knowledge and wisdom, and certainly
become the oracle of the nation.

“I would never marry after threescore, but live in a hospitable manner,
yet still on the saving side. I would entertain myself in forming and
directing the minds of hopeful young men, by convincing them, from my
own remembrance, experience, and observation, fortified by numerous
examples, of the usefulness of virtue in public and private life. But
my choice and constant companions should be a set of my own immortal
brotherhood; among whom, I would elect a dozen from the most ancient,
down to my own contemporaries. Where any of these wanted fortunes, I
would provide them with convenient lodges round my own estate, and have
some of them always at my table; only mingling a few of the most
valuable among you mortals, whom length of time would harden me to lose
with little or no reluctance, and treat your posterity after the same
manner; just as a man diverts himself with the annual succession of
pinks and tulips in his garden, without regretting the loss of those
which withered the preceding year.

“These _struldbrugs_ and I would mutually communicate our observations
and memorials, through the course of time; remark the several
gradations by which corruption steals into the world, and oppose it in
every step, by giving perpetual warning and instruction to mankind;
which, added to the strong influence of our own example, would probably
prevent that continual degeneracy of human nature so justly complained
of in all ages.

“Add to this, the pleasure of seeing the various revolutions of states
and empires; the changes in the lower and upper world; ancient cities
in ruins, and obscure villages become the seats of kings; famous rivers
lessening into shallow brooks; the ocean leaving one coast dry, and
overwhelming another; the discovery of many countries yet unknown;
barbarity overrunning the politest nations, and the most barbarous
become civilized. I should then see the discovery of the longitude, the
perpetual motion, the universal medicine, and many other great
inventions, brought to the utmost perfection.

“What wonderful discoveries should we make in astronomy, by outliving
and confirming our own predictions; by observing the progress and
return of comets, with the changes of motion in the sun, moon, and
stars!”

I enlarged upon many other topics, which the natural desire of endless
life, and sublunary happiness, could easily furnish me with. When I had
ended, and the sum of my discourse had been interpreted, as before, to
the rest of the company, there was a good deal of talk among them in
the language of the country, not without some laughter at my expense.
At last, the same gentleman who had been my interpreter, said, “he was
desired by the rest to set me right in a few mistakes, which I had
fallen into through the common imbecility of human nature, and upon
that allowance was less answerable for them. That this breed of
_struldbrugs_ was peculiar to their country, for there were no such
people either in Balnibarbi or Japan, where he had the honour to be
ambassador from his majesty, and found the natives in both those
kingdoms very hard to believe that the fact was possible: and it
appeared from my astonishment when he first mentioned the matter to me,
that I received it as a thing wholly new, and scarcely to be credited.
That in the two kingdoms above mentioned, where, during his residence,
he had conversed very much, he observed long life to be the universal
desire and wish of mankind. That whoever had one foot in the grave was
sure to hold back the other as strongly as he could. That the oldest
had still hopes of living one day longer, and looked on death as the
greatest evil, from which nature always prompted him to retreat. Only
in this island of Luggnagg the appetite for living was not so eager,
from the continual example of the _struldbrugs_ before their eyes.

“That the system of living contrived by me, was unreasonable and
unjust; because it supposed a perpetuity of youth, health, and vigour,
which no man could be so foolish to hope, however extravagant he may be
in his wishes. That the question therefore was not, whether a man would
choose to be always in the prime of youth, attended with prosperity and
health; but how he would pass a perpetual life under all the usual
disadvantages which old age brings along with it. For although few men
will avow their desires of being immortal, upon such hard conditions,
yet in the two kingdoms before mentioned, of Balnibarbi and Japan, he
observed that every man desired to put off death some time longer, let
it approach ever so late: and he rarely heard of any man who died
willingly, except he were incited by the extremity of grief or torture.
And he appealed to me, whether in those countries I had travelled, as
well as my own, I had not observed the same general disposition.”

After this preface, he gave me a particular account of the
_struldbrugs_ among them. He said, “they commonly acted like mortals
till about thirty years old; after which, by degrees, they grew
melancholy and dejected, increasing in both till they came to
fourscore. This he learned from their own confession: for otherwise,
there not being above two or three of that species born in an age, they
were too few to form a general observation by. When they came to
fourscore years, which is reckoned the extremity of living in this
country, they had not only all the follies and infirmities of other old
men, but many more which arose from the dreadful prospect of never
dying. They were not only opinionative, peevish, covetous, morose,
vain, talkative, but incapable of friendship, and dead to all natural
affection, which never descended below their grandchildren. Envy and
impotent desires are their prevailing passions. But those objects
against which their envy seems principally directed, are the vices of
the younger sort and the deaths of the old. By reflecting on the
former, they find themselves cut off from all possibility of pleasure;
and whenever they see a funeral, they lament and repine that others
have gone to a harbour of rest to which they themselves never can hope
to arrive. They have no remembrance of anything but what they learned
and observed in their youth and middle-age, and even that is very
imperfect; and for the truth or particulars of any fact, it is safer to
depend on common tradition, than upon their best recollections. The
least miserable among them appear to be those who turn to dotage, and
entirely lose their memories; these meet with more pity and assistance,
because they want many bad qualities which abound in others.

“If a _struldbrug_ happen to marry one of his own kind, the marriage is
dissolved of course, by the courtesy of the kingdom, as soon as the
younger of the two comes to be fourscore; for the law thinks it a
reasonable indulgence, that those who are condemned, without any fault
of their own, to a perpetual continuance in the world, should not have
their misery doubled by the load of a wife.

“As soon as they have completed the term of eighty years, they are
looked on as dead in law; their heirs immediately succeed to their
estates; only a small pittance is reserved for their support; and the
poor ones are maintained at the public charge. After that period, they
are held incapable of any employment of trust or profit; they cannot
purchase lands, or take leases; neither are they allowed to be
witnesses in any cause, either civil or criminal, not even for the
decision of meers and bounds.

“At ninety, they lose their teeth and hair; they have at that age no
distinction of taste, but eat and drink whatever they can get, without
relish or appetite. The diseases they were subject to still continue,
without increasing or diminishing. In talking, they forget the common
appellation of things, and the names of persons, even of those who are
their nearest friends and relations. For the same reason, they never
can amuse themselves with reading, because their memory will not serve
to carry them from the beginning of a sentence to the end; and by this
defect, they are deprived of the only entertainment whereof they might
otherwise be capable.

“The language of this country being always upon the flux, the
_struldbrugs_ of one age do not understand those of another; neither
are they able, after two hundred years, to hold any conversation
(farther than by a few general words) with their neighbours the
mortals; and thus they lie under the disadvantage of living like
foreigners in their own country.”

This was the account given me of the _struldbrugs_, as near as I can
remember. I afterwards saw five or six of different ages, the youngest
not above two hundred years old, who were brought to me at several
times by some of my friends; but although they were told, “that I was a
great traveller, and had seen all the world,” they had not the least
curiosity to ask me a question; only desired “I would give them
_slumskudask_,” or a token of remembrance; which is a modest way of
begging, to avoid the law, that strictly forbids it, because they are
provided for by the public, although indeed with a very scanty
allowance.

They are despised and hated by all sorts of people. When one of them is
born, it is reckoned ominous, and their birth is recorded very
particularly so that you may know their age by consulting the register,
which, however, has not been kept above a thousand years past, or at
least has been destroyed by time or public disturbances. But the usual
way of computing how old they are, is by asking them what kings or
great persons they can remember, and then consulting history; for
infallibly the last prince in their mind did not begin his reign after
they were fourscore years old.

They were the most mortifying sight I ever beheld; and the women more
horrible than the men. Besides the usual deformities in extreme old
age, they acquired an additional ghastliness, in proportion to their
number of years, which is not to be described; and among half a dozen,
I soon distinguished which was the eldest, although there was not above
a century or two between them.

The reader will easily believe, that from what I had heard and seen, my
keen appetite for perpetuity of life was much abated. I grew heartily
ashamed of the pleasing visions I had formed; and thought no tyrant
could invent a death into which I would not run with pleasure, from
such a life. The king heard of all that had passed between me and my
friends upon this occasion, and rallied me very pleasantly; wishing I
could send a couple of _struldbrugs_ to my own country, to arm our
people against the fear of death; but this, it seems, is forbidden by
the fundamental laws of the kingdom, or else I should have been well
content with the trouble and expense of transporting them.

I could not but agree, that the laws of this kingdom relative to the
_struldbrugs_ were founded upon the strongest reasons, and such as any
other country would be under the necessity of enacting, in the like
circumstances. Otherwise, as avarice is the necessary consequence of
old age, those immortals would in time become proprietors of the whole
nation, and engross the civil power, which, for want of abilities to
manage, must end in the ruin of the public.


CHAPTER XI.

The author leaves Luggnagg, and sails to Japan. From thence he returns
in a Dutch ship to Amsterdam, and from Amsterdam to England.


I thought this account of the _struldbrugs_ might be some entertainment
to the reader, because it seems to be a little out of the common way;
at least I do not remember to have met the like in any book of travels
that has come to my hands; and if I am deceived, my excuse must be,
that it is necessary for travellers who describe the same country, very
often to agree in dwelling on the same particulars, without deserving
the censure of having borrowed or transcribed from those who wrote
before them.

There is indeed a perpetual commerce between this kingdom and the great
empire of Japan; and it is very probable, that the Japanese authors may
have given some account of the _struldbrugs_; but my stay in Japan was
so short, and I was so entirely a stranger to the language, that I was
not qualified to make any inquiries. But I hope the Dutch, upon this
notice, will be curious and able enough to supply my defects.

His majesty having often pressed me to accept some employment in his
court, and finding me absolutely determined to return to my native
country, was pleased to give me his license to depart; and honoured me
with a letter of recommendation, under his own hand, to the Emperor of
Japan. He likewise presented me with four hundred and forty-four large
pieces of gold (this nation delighting in even numbers), and a red
diamond, which I sold in England for eleven hundred pounds.

On the 6th day of May, 1709, I took a solemn leave of his majesty, and
all my friends. This prince was so gracious as to order a guard to
conduct me to Glanguenstald, which is a royal port to the south-west
part of the island. In six days I found a vessel ready to carry me to
Japan, and spent fifteen days in the voyage. We landed at a small
port-town called Xamoschi, situated on the south-east part of Japan;
the town lies on the western point, where there is a narrow strait
leading northward into a long arm of the sea, upon the north-west part
of which, Yedo, the metropolis, stands. At landing, I showed the
custom-house officers my letter from the king of Luggnagg to his
imperial majesty. They knew the seal perfectly well; it was as broad as
the palm of my hand. The impression was, _A king lifting up a lame
beggar from the earth_. The magistrates of the town, hearing of my
letter, received me as a public minister. They provided me with
carriages and servants, and bore my charges to Yedo; where I was
admitted to an audience, and delivered my letter, which was opened with
great ceremony, and explained to the Emperor by an interpreter, who
then gave me notice, by his majesty’s order, “that I should signify my
request, and, whatever it were, it should be granted, for the sake of
his royal brother of Luggnagg.” This interpreter was a person employed
to transact affairs with the Hollanders. He soon conjectured, by my
countenance, that I was a European, and therefore repeated his
majesty’s commands in Low Dutch, which he spoke perfectly well. I
answered, as I had before determined, “that I was a Dutch merchant,
shipwrecked in a very remote country, whence I had travelled by sea and
land to Luggnagg, and then took shipping for Japan; where I knew my
countrymen often traded, and with some of these I hoped to get an
opportunity of returning into Europe: I therefore most humbly entreated
his royal favour, to give order that I should be conducted in safety to
Nangasac.” To this I added another petition, “that for the sake of my
patron the king of Luggnagg, his majesty would condescend to excuse my
performing the ceremony imposed on my countrymen, of trampling upon the
crucifix, because I had been thrown into his kingdom by my misfortunes,
without any intention of trading.” When this latter petition was
interpreted to the Emperor, he seemed a little surprised; and said, “he
believed I was the first of my countrymen who ever made any scruple in
this point; and that he began to doubt, whether I was a real Hollander,
or not; but rather suspected I must be a Christian. However, for the
reasons I had offered, but chiefly to gratify the king of Luggnagg by
an uncommon mark of his favour, he would comply with the singularity of
my humour; but the affair must be managed with dexterity, and his
officers should be commanded to let me pass, as it were by
forgetfulness. For he assured me, that if the secret should be
discovered by my countrymen the Dutch, they would cut my throat in the
voyage.” I returned my thanks, by the interpreter, for so unusual a
favour; and some troops being at that time on their march to Nangasac,
the commanding officer had orders to convey me safe thither, with
particular instructions about the business of the crucifix.

On the 9th day of June, 1709, I arrived at Nangasac, after a very long
and troublesome journey. I soon fell into the company of some Dutch
sailors belonging to the Amboyna, of Amsterdam, a stout ship of 450
tons. I had lived long in Holland, pursuing my studies at Leyden, and I
spoke Dutch well. The seamen soon knew from whence I came last: they
were curious to inquire into my voyages and course of life. I made up a
story as short and probable as I could, but concealed the greatest
part. I knew many persons in Holland. I was able to invent names for my
parents, whom I pretended to be obscure people in the province of
Gelderland. I would have given the captain (one Theodorus Vangrult)
what he pleased to ask for my voyage to Holland; but understanding I
was a surgeon, he was contented to take half the usual rate, on
condition that I would serve him in the way of my calling. Before we
took shipping, I was often asked by some of the crew, whether I had
performed the ceremony above mentioned. I evaded the question by
general answers; “that I had satisfied the Emperor and court in all
particulars.” However, a malicious rogue of a skipper went to an
officer, and pointing to me, told him, “I had not yet trampled on the
crucifix;” but the other, who had received instructions to let me pass,
gave the rascal twenty strokes on the shoulders with a bamboo; after
which I was no more troubled with such questions.

Nothing happened worth mentioning in this voyage. We sailed with a fair
wind to the Cape of Good Hope, where we staid only to take in fresh
water. On the 10th of April, 1710, we arrived safe at Amsterdam, having
lost only three men by sickness in the voyage, and a fourth, who fell
from the foremast into the sea, not far from the coast of Guinea. From
Amsterdam I soon after set sail for England, in a small vessel
belonging to that city.

On the 16th of April, 1710, we put in at the Downs. I landed next
morning, and saw once more my native country, after an absence of five
years and six months complete. I went straight to Redriff, where I
arrived the same day at two in the afternoon, and found my wife and
family in good health.


PART IV. A VOYAGE TO THE COUNTRY OF THE HOUYHNHNMS.


CHAPTER I.

The author sets out as captain of a ship. His men conspire against him,
confine him a long time to his cabin, and set him on shore in an
unknown land. He travels up into the country. The Yahoos, a strange
sort of animal, described. The author meets two Houyhnhnms.


I continued at home with my wife and children about five months in a
very happy condition, if I could have learned the lesson of knowing
when I was well. I left my poor wife big with child, and accepted an
advantageous offer made me to be captain of the Adventurer, a stout
merchantman of 350 tons: for I understood navigation well, and being
grown weary of a surgeon’s employment at sea, which, however, I could
exercise upon occasion, I took a skilful young man of that calling, one
Robert Purefoy, into my ship. We set sail from Portsmouth upon the 7th
day of August, 1710; on the 14th we met with Captain Pocock, of
Bristol, at Teneriffe, who was going to the bay of Campechy to cut
logwood. On the 16th, he was parted from us by a storm; I heard since
my return, that his ship foundered, and none escaped but one cabin boy.
He was an honest man, and a good sailor, but a little too positive in
his own opinions, which was the cause of his destruction, as it has
been with several others; for if he had followed my advice, he might
have been safe at home with his family at this time, as well as myself.

I had several men who died in my ship of calentures, so that I was
forced to get recruits out of Barbadoes and the Leeward Islands, where
I touched, by the direction of the merchants who employed me; which I
had soon too much cause to repent: for I found afterwards, that most of
them had been buccaneers. I had fifty hands on board; and my orders
were, that I should trade with the Indians in the South-Sea, and make
what discoveries I could. These rogues, whom I had picked up, debauched
my other men, and they all formed a conspiracy to seize the ship, and
secure me; which they did one morning, rushing into my cabin, and
binding me hand and foot, threatening to throw me overboard, if I
offered to stir. I told them, “I was their prisoner, and would submit.”
This they made me swear to do, and then they unbound me, only fastening
one of my legs with a chain, near my bed, and placed a sentry at my
door with his piece charged, who was commanded to shoot me dead if I
attempted my liberty. They sent me down victuals and drink, and took
the government of the ship to themselves. Their design was to turn
pirates, and plunder the Spaniards, which they could not do till they
got more men. But first they resolved to sell the goods in the ship,
and then go to Madagascar for recruits, several among them having died
since my confinement. They sailed many weeks, and traded with the
Indians; but I knew not what course they took, being kept a close
prisoner in my cabin, and expecting nothing less than to be murdered,
as they often threatened me.

Upon the 9th day of May, 1711, one James Welch came down to my cabin,
and said, “he had orders from the captain to set me ashore.” I
expostulated with him, but in vain; neither would he so much as tell me
who their new captain was. They forced me into the long-boat, letting
me put on my best suit of clothes, which were as good as new, and take
a small bundle of linen, but no arms, except my hanger; and they were
so civil as not to search my pockets, into which I conveyed what money
I had, with some other little necessaries. They rowed about a league,
and then set me down on a strand. I desired them to tell me what
country it was. They all swore, “they knew no more than myself;” but
said, “that the captain” (as they called him) “was resolved, after they
had sold the lading, to get rid of me in the first place where they
could discover land.” They pushed off immediately, advising me to make
haste for fear of being overtaken by the tide, and so bade me farewell.

In this desolate condition I advanced forward, and soon got upon firm
ground, where I sat down on a bank to rest myself, and consider what I
had best do. When I was a little refreshed, I went up into the country,
resolving to deliver myself to the first savages I should meet, and
purchase my life from them by some bracelets, glass rings, and other
toys, which sailors usually provide themselves with in those voyages,
and whereof I had some about me. The land was divided by long rows of
trees, not regularly planted, but naturally growing; there was great
plenty of grass, and several fields of oats. I walked very
circumspectly, for fear of being surprised, or suddenly shot with an
arrow from behind, or on either side. I fell into a beaten road, where
I saw many tracts of human feet, and some of cows, but most of horses.
At last I beheld several animals in a field, and one or two of the same
kind sitting in trees. Their shape was very singular and deformed,
which a little discomposed me, so that I lay down behind a thicket to
observe them better. Some of them coming forward near the place where I
lay, gave me an opportunity of distinctly marking their form. Their
heads and breasts were covered with a thick hair, some frizzled, and
others lank; they had beards like goats, and a long ridge of hair down
their backs, and the fore parts of their legs and feet; but the rest of
their bodies was bare, so that I might see their skins, which were of a
brown buff colour. They had no tails, nor any hair at all on their
buttocks, except about the anus, which, I presume, nature had placed
there to defend them as they sat on the ground, for this posture they
used, as well as lying down, and often stood on their hind feet. They
climbed high trees as nimbly as a squirrel, for they had strong
extended claws before and behind, terminating in sharp points, and
hooked. They would often spring, and bound, and leap, with prodigious
agility. The females were not so large as the males; they had long lank
hair on their heads, but none on their faces, nor any thing more than a
sort of down on the rest of their bodies, except about the anus and
pudenda. The dugs hung between their forefeet, and often reached almost
to the ground as they walked. The hair of both sexes was of several
colours, brown, red, black, and yellow. Upon the whole, I never beheld,
in all my travels, so disagreeable an animal, or one against which I
naturally conceived so strong an antipathy. So that, thinking I had
seen enough, full of contempt and aversion, I got up, and pursued the
beaten road, hoping it might direct me to the cabin of some Indian. I
had not got far, when I met one of these creatures full in my way, and
coming up directly to me. The ugly monster, when he saw me, distorted
several ways, every feature of his visage, and stared, as at an object
he had never seen before; then approaching nearer, lifted up his
fore-paw, whether out of curiosity or mischief I could not tell; but I
drew my hanger, and gave him a good blow with the flat side of it, for
I durst not strike with the edge, fearing the inhabitants might be
provoked against me, if they should come to know that I had killed or
maimed any of their cattle. When the beast felt the smart, he drew
back, and roared so loud, that a herd of at least forty came flocking
about me from the next field, howling and making odious faces; but I
ran to the body of a tree, and leaning my back against it, kept them
off by waving my hanger. Several of this cursed brood, getting hold of
the branches behind, leaped up into the tree, whence they began to
discharge their excrements on my head; however, I escaped pretty well
by sticking close to the stem of the tree, but was almost stifled with
the filth, which fell about me on every side.

In the midst of this distress, I observed them all to run away on a
sudden as fast as they could; at which I ventured to leave the tree and
pursue the road, wondering what it was that could put them into this
fright. But looking on my left hand, I saw a horse walking softly in
the field; which my persecutors having sooner discovered, was the cause
of their flight. The horse started a little, when he came near me, but
soon recovering himself, looked full in my face with manifest tokens of
wonder; he viewed my hands and feet, walking round me several times. I
would have pursued my journey, but he placed himself directly in the
way, yet looking with a very mild aspect, never offering the least
violence. We stood gazing at each other for some time; at last I took
the boldness to reach my hand towards his neck with a design to stroke
it, using the common style and whistle of jockeys, when they are going
to handle a strange horse. But this animal seemed to receive my
civilities with disdain, shook his head, and bent his brows, softly
raising up his right fore-foot to remove my hand. Then he neighed three
or four times, but in so different a cadence, that I almost began to
think he was speaking to himself, in some language of his own.

While he and I were thus employed, another horse came up; who applying
himself to the first in a very formal manner, they gently struck each
other’s right hoof before, neighing several times by turns, and varying
the sound, which seemed to be almost articulate. They went some paces
off, as if it were to confer together, walking side by side, backward
and forward, like persons deliberating upon some affair of weight, but
often turning their eyes towards me, as it were to watch that I might
not escape. I was amazed to see such actions and behaviour in brute
beasts; and concluded with myself, that if the inhabitants of this
country were endued with a proportionable degree of reason, they must
needs be the wisest people upon earth. This thought gave me so much
comfort, that I resolved to go forward, until I could discover some
house or village, or meet with any of the natives, leaving the two
horses to discourse together as they pleased. But the first, who was a
dapple gray, observing me to steal off, neighed after me in so
expressive a tone, that I fancied myself to understand what he meant;
whereupon I turned back, and came near to him to expect his farther
commands: but concealing my fear as much as I could, for I began to be
in some pain how this adventure might terminate; and the reader will
easily believe I did not much like my present situation.

The two horses came up close to me, looking with great earnestness upon
my face and hands. The gray steed rubbed my hat all round with his
right fore-hoof, and discomposed it so much that I was forced to adjust
it better by taking it off and settling it again; whereat, both he and
his companion (who was a brown bay) appeared to be much surprised: the
latter felt the lappet of my coat, and finding it to hang loose about
me, they both looked with new signs of wonder. He stroked my right
hand, seeming to admire the softness and colour; but he squeezed it so
hard between his hoof and his pastern, that I was forced to roar; after
which they both touched me with all possible tenderness. They were
under great perplexity about my shoes and stockings, which they felt
very often, neighing to each other, and using various gestures, not
unlike those of a philosopher, when he would attempt to solve some new
and difficult phenomenon.

Upon the whole, the behaviour of these animals was so orderly and
rational, so acute and judicious, that I at last concluded they must
needs be magicians, who had thus metamorphosed themselves upon some
design, and seeing a stranger in the way, resolved to divert themselves
with him; or, perhaps, were really amazed at the sight of a man so very
different in habit, feature, and complexion, from those who might
probably live in so remote a climate. Upon the strength of this
reasoning, I ventured to address them in the following manner:
“Gentlemen, if you be conjurers, as I have good cause to believe, you
can understand my language; therefore I make bold to let your worships
know that I am a poor distressed Englishman, driven by his misfortunes
upon your coast; and I entreat one of you to let me ride upon his back,
as if he were a real horse, to some house or village where I can be
relieved. In return of which favour, I will make you a present of this
knife and bracelet,” taking them out of my pocket. The two creatures
stood silent while I spoke, seeming to listen with great attention, and
when I had ended, they neighed frequently towards each other, as if
they were engaged in serious conversation. I plainly observed that
their language expressed the passions very well, and the words might,
with little pains, be resolved into an alphabet more easily than the
Chinese.

I could frequently distinguish the word _Yahoo_, which was repeated by
each of them several times: and although it was impossible for me to
conjecture what it meant, yet while the two horses were busy in
conversation, I endeavoured to practise this word upon my tongue; and
as soon as they were silent, I boldly pronounced _Yahoo_ in a loud
voice, imitating at the same time, as near as I could, the neighing of
a horse; at which they were both visibly surprised; and the gray
repeated the same word twice, as if he meant to teach me the right
accent; wherein I spoke after him as well as I could, and found myself
perceivably to improve every time, though very far from any degree of
perfection. Then the bay tried me with a second word, much harder to be
pronounced; but reducing it to the English orthography, may be spelt
thus, _Houyhnhnm_. I did not succeed in this so well as in the former;
but after two or three farther trials, I had better fortune; and they
both appeared amazed at my capacity.

After some further discourse, which I then conjectured might relate to
me, the two friends took their leaves, with the same compliment of
striking each other’s hoof; and the gray made me signs that I should
walk before him; wherein I thought it prudent to comply, till I could
find a better director. When I offered to slacken my pace, he would cry
_hhuun hhuun_: I guessed his meaning, and gave him to understand, as
well as I could, “that I was weary, and not able to walk faster;” upon
which he would stand a while to let me rest.


CHAPTER II.

The author conducted by a Houyhnhnm to his house. The house described.
The author’s reception. The food of the Houyhnhnms. The author in
distress for want of meat, is at last relieved. His manner of feeding
in this country.


Having travelled about three miles, we came to a long kind of building,
made of timber stuck in the ground, and wattled across; the roof was
low and covered with straw. I now began to be a little comforted; and
took out some toys, which travellers usually carry for presents to the
savage Indians of America, and other parts, in hopes the people of the
house would be thereby encouraged to receive me kindly. The horse made
me a sign to go in first; it was a large room with a smooth clay floor,
and a rack and manger, extending the whole length on one side. There
were three nags and two mares, not eating, but some of them sitting
down upon their hams, which I very much wondered at; but wondered more
to see the rest employed in domestic business; these seemed but
ordinary cattle. However, this confirmed my first opinion, that a
people who could so far civilize brute animals, must needs excel in
wisdom all the nations of the world. The gray came in just after, and
thereby prevented any ill treatment which the others might have given
me. He neighed to them several times in a style of authority, and
received answers.

Beyond this room there were three others, reaching the length of the
house, to which you passed through three doors, opposite to each other,
in the manner of a vista. We went through the second room towards the
third. Here the gray walked in first, beckoning me to attend: I waited
in the second room, and got ready my presents for the master and
mistress of the house; they were two knives, three bracelets of false
pearls, a small looking-glass, and a bead necklace. The horse neighed
three or four times, and I waited to hear some answers in a human
voice, but I heard no other returns than in the same dialect, only one
or two a little shriller than his. I began to think that this house
must belong to some person of great note among them, because there
appeared so much ceremony before I could gain admittance. But, that a
man of quality should be served all by horses, was beyond my
comprehension. I feared my brain was disturbed by my sufferings and
misfortunes. I roused myself, and looked about me in the room where I
was left alone: this was furnished like the first, only after a more
elegant manner. I rubbed my eyes often, but the same objects still
occurred. I pinched my arms and sides to awake myself, hoping I might
be in a dream. I then absolutely concluded, that all these appearances
could be nothing else but necromancy and magic. But I had no time to
pursue these reflections; for the gray horse came to the door, and made
me a sign to follow him into the third room where I saw a very comely
mare, together with a colt and foal, sitting on their haunches upon
mats of straw, not unartfully made, and perfectly neat and clean.

The mare soon after my entrance rose from her mat, and coming up close,
after having nicely observed my hands and face, gave me a most
contemptuous look; and turning to the horse, I heard the word _Yahoo_
often repeated betwixt them; the meaning of which word I could not then
comprehend, although it was the first I had learned to pronounce. But I
was soon better informed, to my everlasting mortification; for the
horse, beckoning to me with his head, and repeating the _hhuun_,
_hhuun_, as he did upon the road, which I understood was to attend him,
led me out into a kind of court, where was another building, at some
distance from the house. Here we entered, and I saw three of those
detestable creatures, which I first met after my landing, feeding upon
roots, and the flesh of some animals, which I afterwards found to be
that of asses and dogs, and now and then a cow, dead by accident or
disease. They were all tied by the neck with strong withes, fastened to
a beam; they held their food between the claws of their forefeet, and
tore it with their teeth.

The master horse ordered a sorrel nag, one of his servants, to untie
the largest of these animals, and take him into the yard. The beast and
I were brought close together, and by our countenances diligently
compared both by master and servant, who thereupon repeated several
times the word _Yahoo_. My horror and astonishment are not to be
described, when I observed in this abominable animal, a perfect human
figure: the face of it indeed was flat and broad, the nose depressed,
the lips large, and the mouth wide; but these differences are common to
all savage nations, where the lineaments of the countenance are
distorted, by the natives suffering their infants to lie grovelling on
the earth, or by carrying them on their backs, nuzzling with their face
against the mothers’ shoulders. The forefeet of the _Yahoo_ differed
from my hands in nothing else but the length of the nails, the
coarseness and brownness of the palms, and the hairiness on the backs.
There was the same resemblance between our feet, with the same
differences; which I knew very well, though the horses did not, because
of my shoes and stockings; the same in every part of our bodies except
as to hairiness and colour, which I have already described.

The great difficulty that seemed to stick with the two horses, was to
see the rest of my body so very different from that of a _Yahoo_, for
which I was obliged to my clothes, whereof they had no conception. The
sorrel nag offered me a root, which he held (after their manner, as we
shall describe in its proper place) between his hoof and pastern; I
took it in my hand, and, having smelt it, returned it to him again as
civilly as I could. He brought out of the _Yahoos_’ kennel a piece of
ass’s flesh; but it smelt so offensively that I turned from it with
loathing: he then threw it to the _Yahoo_, by whom it was greedily
devoured. He afterwards showed me a wisp of hay, and a fetlock full of
oats; but I shook my head, to signify that neither of these were food
for me. And indeed I now apprehended that I must absolutely starve, if
I did not get to some of my own species; for as to those filthy
_Yahoos_, although there were few greater lovers of mankind at that
time than myself, yet I confess I never saw any sensitive being so
detestable on all accounts; and the more I came near them the more
hateful they grew, while I stayed in that country. This the master
horse observed by my behaviour, and therefore sent the _Yahoo_ back to
his kennel. He then put his fore-hoof to his mouth, at which I was much
surprised, although he did it with ease, and with a motion that
appeared perfectly natural, and made other signs, to know what I would
eat; but I could not return him such an answer as he was able to
apprehend; and if he had understood me, I did not see how it was
possible to contrive any way for finding myself nourishment. While we
were thus engaged, I observed a cow passing by, whereupon I pointed to
her, and expressed a desire to go and milk her. This had its effect;
for he led me back into the house, and ordered a mare-servant to open a
room, where a good store of milk lay in earthen and wooden vessels,
after a very orderly and cleanly manner. She gave me a large bowlful,
of which I drank very heartily, and found myself well refreshed.

About noon, I saw coming towards the house a kind of vehicle drawn like
a sledge by four _Yahoos_. There was in it an old steed, who seemed to
be of quality; he alighted with his hind-feet forward, having by
accident got a hurt in his left fore-foot. He came to dine with our
horse, who received him with great civility. They dined in the best
room, and had oats boiled in milk for the second course, which the old
horse ate warm, but the rest cold. Their mangers were placed circular
in the middle of the room, and divided into several partitions, round
which they sat on their haunches, upon bosses of straw. In the middle
was a large rack, with angles answering to every partition of the
manger; so that each horse and mare ate their own hay, and their own
mash of oats and milk, with much decency and regularity. The behaviour
of the young colt and foal appeared very modest, and that of the master
and mistress extremely cheerful and complaisant to their guest. The
gray ordered me to stand by him; and much discourse passed between him
and his friend concerning me, as I found by the stranger’s often
looking on me, and the frequent repetition of the word _Yahoo_.

I happened to wear my gloves, which the master gray observing, seemed
perplexed, discovering signs of wonder what I had done to my forefeet.
He put his hoof three or four times to them, as if he would signify,
that I should reduce them to their former shape, which I presently did,
pulling off both my gloves, and putting them into my pocket. This
occasioned farther talk; and I saw the company was pleased with my
behaviour, whereof I soon found the good effects. I was ordered to
speak the few words I understood; and while they were at dinner, the
master taught me the names for oats, milk, fire, water, and some
others, which I could readily pronounce after him, having from my youth
a great facility in learning languages.

When dinner was done, the master horse took me aside, and by signs and
words made me understand the concern he was in that I had nothing to
eat. Oats in their tongue are called _hlunnh_. This word I pronounced
two or three times; for although I had refused them at first, yet, upon
second thoughts, I considered that I could contrive to make of them a
kind of bread, which might be sufficient, with milk, to keep me alive,
till I could make my escape to some other country, and to creatures of
my own species. The horse immediately ordered a white mare servant of
his family to bring me a good quantity of oats in a sort of wooden
tray. These I heated before the fire, as well as I could, and rubbed
them till the husks came off, which I made a shift to winnow from the
grain. I ground and beat them between two stones; then took water, and
made them into a paste or cake, which I toasted at the fire and eat
warm with milk. It was at first a very insipid diet, though common
enough in many parts of Europe, but grew tolerable by time; and having
been often reduced to hard fare in my life, this was not the first
experiment I had made how easily nature is satisfied. And I cannot but
observe, that I never had one hour’s sickness while I stayed in this
island. It is true, I sometimes made a shift to catch a rabbit, or
bird, by springs made of _Yahoo’s_ hairs; and I often gathered
wholesome herbs, which I boiled, and ate as salads with my bread; and
now and then, for a rarity, I made a little butter, and drank the whey.
I was at first at a great loss for salt, but custom soon reconciled me
to the want of it; and I am confident that the frequent use of salt
among us is an effect of luxury, and was first introduced only as a
provocative to drink, except where it is necessary for preserving flesh
in long voyages, or in places remote from great markets; for we observe
no animal to be fond of it but man, and as to myself, when I left this
country, it was a great while before I could endure the taste of it in
anything that I ate.

This is enough to say upon the subject of my diet, wherewith other
travellers fill their books, as if the readers were personally
concerned whether we fare well or ill. However, it was necessary to
mention this matter, lest the world should think it impossible that I
could find sustenance for three years in such a country, and among such
inhabitants.

When it grew towards evening, the master horse ordered a place for me
to lodge in; it was but six yards from the house and separated from the
stable of the _Yahoos_. Here I got some straw, and covering myself with
my own clothes, slept very sound. But I was in a short time better
accommodated, as the reader shall know hereafter, when I come to treat
more particularly about my way of living.


CHAPTER III.

The author studies to learn the language. The Houyhnhnm, his master,
assists in teaching him. The language described. Several Houyhnhnms of
quality come out of curiosity to see the author. He gives his master a
short account of his voyage.


My principal endeavour was to learn the language, which my master (for
so I shall henceforth call him), and his children, and every servant of
his house, were desirous to teach me; for they looked upon it as a
prodigy, that a brute animal should discover such marks of a rational
creature. I pointed to every thing, and inquired the name of it, which
I wrote down in my journal-book when I was alone, and corrected my bad
accent by desiring those of the family to pronounce it often. In this
employment, a sorrel nag, one of the under-servants, was very ready to
assist me.

In speaking, they pronounced through the nose and throat, and their
language approaches nearest to the High-Dutch, or German, of any I know
in Europe; but is much more graceful and significant. The emperor
Charles V. made almost the same observation, when he said “that if he
were to speak to his horse, it should be in High-Dutch.”

The curiosity and impatience of my master were so great, that he spent
many hours of his leisure to instruct me. He was convinced (as he
afterwards told me) that I must be a _Yahoo_; but my teachableness,
civility, and cleanliness, astonished him; which were qualities
altogether opposite to those animals. He was most perplexed about my
clothes, reasoning sometimes with himself, whether they were a part of
my body: for I never pulled them off till the family were asleep, and
got them on before they waked in the morning. My master was eager to
learn “whence I came; how I acquired those appearances of reason, which
I discovered in all my actions; and to know my story from my own mouth,
which he hoped he should soon do by the great proficiency I made in
learning and pronouncing their words and sentences.” To help my memory,
I formed all I learned into the English alphabet, and writ the words
down, with the translations. This last, after some time, I ventured to
do in my master’s presence. It cost me much trouble to explain to him
what I was doing; for the inhabitants have not the least idea of books
or literature.

In about ten weeks time, I was able to understand most of his
questions; and in three months, could give him some tolerable answers.
He was extremely curious to know “from what part of the country I came,
and how I was taught to imitate a rational creature; because the
_Yahoos_ (whom he saw I exactly resembled in my head, hands, and face,
that were only visible), with some appearance of cunning, and the
strongest disposition to mischief, were observed to be the most
unteachable of all brutes.” I answered, “that I came over the sea, from
a far place, with many others of my own kind, in a great hollow vessel
made of the bodies of trees: that my companions forced me to land on
this coast, and then left me to shift for myself.” It was with some
difficulty, and by the help of many signs, that I brought him to
understand me. He replied, “that I must needs be mistaken, or that I
said the thing which was not;” for they have no word in their language
to express lying or falsehood. “He knew it was impossible that there
could be a country beyond the sea, or that a parcel of brutes could
move a wooden vessel whither they pleased upon water. He was sure no
_Houyhnhnm_ alive could make such a vessel, nor would trust _Yahoos_ to
manage it.”

The word _Houyhnhnm_, in their tongue, signifies a _horse_, and, in its
etymology, the _perfection of nature_. I told my master, “that I was at
a loss for expression, but would improve as fast as I could; and hoped,
in a short time, I should be able to tell him wonders.” He was pleased
to direct his own mare, his colt, and foal, and the servants of the
family, to take all opportunities of instructing me; and every day, for
two or three hours, he was at the same pains himself. Several horses
and mares of quality in the neighbourhood came often to our house, upon
the report spread of “a wonderful _Yahoo_, that could speak like a
_Houyhnhnm_, and seemed, in his words and actions, to discover some
glimmerings of reason.” These delighted to converse with me: they put
many questions, and received such answers as I was able to return. By
all these advantages I made so great a progress, that, in five months
from my arrival I understood whatever was spoken, and could express
myself tolerably well.

The _Houyhnhnms_, who came to visit my master out of a design of seeing
and talking with me, could hardly believe me to be a right _Yahoo_,
because my body had a different covering from others of my kind. They
were astonished to observe me without the usual hair or skin, except on
my head, face, and hands; but I discovered that secret to my master
upon an accident which happened about a fortnight before.

I have already told the reader, that every night, when the family were
gone to bed, it was my custom to strip, and cover myself with my
clothes. It happened, one morning early, that my master sent for me by
the sorrel nag, who was his valet. When he came I was fast asleep, my
clothes fallen off on one side, and my shirt above my waist. I awaked
at the noise he made, and observed him to deliver his message in some
disorder; after which he went to my master, and in a great fright gave
him a very confused account of what he had seen. This I presently
discovered, for, going as soon as I was dressed to pay my attendance
upon his honour, he asked me “the meaning of what his servant had
reported, that I was not the same thing when I slept, as I appeared to
be at other times; that his valet assured him, some part of me was
white, some yellow, at least not so white, and some brown.”

I had hitherto concealed the secret of my dress, in order to
distinguish myself, as much as possible, from that cursed race of
_Yahoos_; but now I found it in vain to do so any longer. Besides, I
considered that my clothes and shoes would soon wear out, which already
were in a declining condition, and must be supplied by some contrivance
from the hides of _Yahoos_, or other brutes; whereby the whole secret
would be known. I therefore told my master, “that in the country whence
I came, those of my kind always covered their bodies with the hairs of
certain animals prepared by art, as well for decency as to avoid the
inclemencies of air, both hot and cold; of which, as to my own person,
I would give him immediate conviction, if he pleased to command me:
only desiring his excuse, if I did not expose those parts that nature
taught us to conceal.” He said, “my discourse was all very strange, but
especially the last part; for he could not understand, why nature
should teach us to conceal what nature had given; that neither himself
nor family were ashamed of any parts of their bodies; but, however, I
might do as I pleased.” Whereupon I first unbuttoned my coat, and
pulled it off. I did the same with my waistcoat. I drew off my shoes,
stockings, and breeches. I let my shirt down to my waist, and drew up
the bottom; fastening it like a girdle about my middle, to hide my
nakedness.

My master observed the whole performance with great signs of curiosity
and admiration. He took up all my clothes in his pastern, one piece
after another, and examined them diligently; he then stroked my body
very gently, and looked round me several times; after which, he said,
it was plain I must be a perfect _Yahoo_; but that I differed very much
from the rest of my species in the softness, whiteness, and smoothness
of my skin; my want of hair in several parts of my body; the shape and
shortness of my claws behind and before; and my affectation of walking
continually on my two hinder feet. He desired to see no more; and gave
me leave to put on my clothes again, for I was shuddering with cold.

I expressed my uneasiness at his giving me so often the appellation of
_Yahoo_, an odious animal, for which I had so utter a hatred and
contempt: I begged he would forbear applying that word to me, and make
the same order in his family and among his friends whom he suffered to
see me. I requested likewise, “that the secret of my having a false
covering to my body, might be known to none but himself, at least as
long as my present clothing should last; for as to what the sorrel nag,
his valet, had observed, his honour might command him to conceal it.”

All this my master very graciously consented to; and thus the secret
was kept till my clothes began to wear out, which I was forced to
supply by several contrivances that shall hereafter be mentioned. In
the meantime, he desired “I would go on with my utmost diligence to
learn their language, because he was more astonished at my capacity for
speech and reason, than at the figure of my body, whether it were
covered or not;” adding, “that he waited with some impatience to hear
the wonders which I promised to tell him.”

From thenceforward he doubled the pains he had been at to instruct me:
he brought me into all company, and made them treat me with civility;
“because,” as he told them, privately, “this would put me into good
humour, and make me more diverting.”

Every day, when I waited on him, beside the trouble he was at in
teaching, he would ask me several questions concerning myself, which I
answered as well as I could, and by these means he had already received
some general ideas, though very imperfect. It would be tedious to
relate the several steps by which I advanced to a more regular
conversation; but the first account I gave of myself in any order and
length was to this purpose:

“That I came from a very far country, as I already had attempted to
tell him, with about fifty more of my own species; that we travelled
upon the seas in a great hollow vessel made of wood, and larger than
his honour’s house. I described the ship to him in the best terms I
could, and explained, by the help of my handkerchief displayed, how it
was driven forward by the wind. That upon a quarrel among us, I was set
on shore on this coast, where I walked forward, without knowing
whither, till he delivered me from the persecution of those execrable
_Yahoos_.” He asked me, “who made the ship, and how it was possible
that the _Houyhnhnms_ of my country would leave it to the management of
brutes?” My answer was, “that I durst proceed no further in my
relation, unless he would give me his word and honour that he would not
be offended, and then I would tell him the wonders I had so often
promised.” He agreed; and I went on by assuring him, that the ship was
made by creatures like myself; who, in all the countries I had
travelled, as well as in my own, were the only governing rational
animals; and that upon my arrival hither, I was as much astonished to
see the _Houyhnhnms_ act like rational beings, as he, or his friends,
could be, in finding some marks of reason in a creature he was pleased
to call a _Yahoo_; to which I owned my resemblance in every part, but
could not account for their degenerate and brutal nature. I said
farther, “that if good fortune ever restored me to my native country,
to relate my travels hither, as I resolved to do, everybody would
believe, that I said the thing that was not, that I invented the story
out of my own head; and (with all possible respect to himself, his
family, and friends, and under his promise of not being offended) our
countrymen would hardly think it probable that a _Houyhnhnm_ should be
the presiding creature of a nation, and a _Yahoo_ the brute.”


CHAPTER IV.

The Houyhnhnms’ notion of truth and falsehood. The author’s discourse
disapproved by his master. The author gives a more particular account
of himself, and the accidents of his voyage.


My master heard me with great appearances of uneasiness in his
countenance; because _doubting_, or not believing, are so little known
in this country, that the inhabitants cannot tell how to behave
themselves under such circumstances. And I remember, in frequent
discourses with my master concerning the nature of manhood in other
parts of the world, having occasion to talk of _lying_ and _false
representation_, it was with much difficulty that he comprehended what
I meant, although he had otherwise a most acute judgment. For he argued
thus: “that the use of speech was to make us understand one another,
and to receive information of facts; now, if any one _said the thing
which was not_, these ends were defeated, because I cannot properly be
said to understand him; and I am so far from receiving information,
that he leaves me worse than in ignorance; for I am led to believe a
thing black, when it is white, and short, when it is long.” And these
were all the notions he had concerning that faculty of _lying_, so
perfectly well understood, and so universally practised, among human
creatures.

To return from this digression. When I asserted that the _Yahoos_ were
the only governing animals in my country, which my master said was
altogether past his conception, he desired to know, “whether we had
_Houyhnhnms_ among us, and what was their employment?” I told him, “we
had great numbers; that in summer they grazed in the fields, and in
winter were kept in houses with hay and oats, where _Yahoo_ servants
were employed to rub their skins smooth, comb their manes, pick their
feet, serve them with food, and make their beds.” “I understand you
well,” said my master: “it is now very plain, from all you have spoken,
that whatever share of reason the _Yahoos_ pretend to, the _Houyhnhnms_
are your masters; I heartily wish our _Yahoos_ would be so tractable.”
I begged “his honour would please to excuse me from proceeding any
further, because I was very certain that the account he expected from
me would be highly displeasing.” But he insisted in commanding me to
let him know the best and the worst. I told him “he should be obeyed.”
I owned “that the _Houyhnhnms_ among us, whom we called horses, were
the most generous and comely animals we had; that they excelled in
strength and swiftness; and when they belonged to persons of quality,
were employed in travelling, racing, or drawing chariots; they were
treated with much kindness and care, till they fell into diseases, or
became foundered in the feet; but then they were sold, and used to all
kind of drudgery till they died; after which their skins were stripped,
and sold for what they were worth, and their bodies left to be devoured
by dogs and birds of prey. But the common race of horses had not so
good fortune, being kept by farmers and carriers, and other mean
people, who put them to greater labour, and fed them worse.” I
described, as well as I could, our way of riding; the shape and use of
a bridle, a saddle, a spur, and a whip; of harness and wheels. I added,
“that we fastened plates of a certain hard substance, called iron, at
the bottom of their feet, to preserve their hoofs from being broken by
the stony ways, on which we often travelled.”

My master, after some expressions of great indignation, wondered “how
we dared to venture upon a _Houyhnhnm’s_ back; for he was sure, that
the weakest servant in his house would be able to shake off the
strongest _Yahoo_; or by lying down and rolling on his back, squeeze
the brute to death.” I answered “that our horses were trained up, from
three or four years old, to the several uses we intended them for; that
if any of them proved intolerably vicious, they were employed for
carriages; that they were severely beaten, while they were young, for
any mischievous tricks; that the males, designed for the common use of
riding or draught, were generally castrated about two years after their
birth, to take down their spirits, and make them more tame and gentle;
that they were indeed sensible of rewards and punishments; but his
honour would please to consider, that they had not the least tincture
of reason, any more than the _Yahoos_ in this country.”

It put me to the pains of many circumlocutions, to give my master a
right idea of what I spoke; for their language does not abound in
variety of words, because their wants and passions are fewer than among
us. But it is impossible to express his noble resentment at our savage
treatment of the _Houyhnhnm_ race; particularly after I had explained
the manner and use of castrating horses among us, to hinder them from
propagating their kind, and to render them more servile. He said, “if
it were possible there could be any country where _Yahoos_ alone were
endued with reason, they certainly must be the governing animal;
because reason in time will always prevail against brutal strength.
But, considering the frame of our bodies, and especially of mine, he
thought no creature of equal bulk was so ill-contrived for employing
that reason in the common offices of life;” whereupon he desired to
know “whether those among whom I lived resembled me, or the _Yahoos_ of
his country?” I assured him, “that I was as well shaped as most of my
age; but the younger, and the females, were much more soft and tender,
and the skins of the latter generally as white as milk.” He said, “I
differed indeed from other _Yahoos_, being much more cleanly, and not
altogether so deformed; but, in point of real advantage, he thought I
differed for the worse: that my nails were of no use either to my fore
or hinder feet; as to my forefeet, he could not properly call them by
that name, for he never observed me to walk upon them; that they were
too soft to bear the ground; that I generally went with them uncovered;
neither was the covering I sometimes wore on them of the same shape, or
so strong as that on my feet behind: that I could not walk with any
security, for if either of my hinder feet slipped, I must inevitably
fall.” He then began to find fault with other parts of my body: “the
flatness of my face, the prominence of my nose, my eyes placed directly
in front, so that I could not look on either side without turning my
head: that I was not able to feed myself, without lifting one of my
forefeet to my mouth: and therefore nature had placed those joints to
answer that necessity. He knew not what could be the use of those
several clefts and divisions in my feet behind; that these were too
soft to bear the hardness and sharpness of stones, without a covering
made from the skin of some other brute; that my whole body wanted a
fence against heat and cold, which I was forced to put on and off every
day, with tediousness and trouble: and lastly, that he observed every
animal in this country naturally to abhor the _Yahoos_, whom the weaker
avoided, and the stronger drove from them. So that, supposing us to
have the gift of reason, he could not see how it were possible to cure
that natural antipathy, which every creature discovered against us; nor
consequently how we could tame and render them serviceable. However, he
would,” as he said, “debate the matter no farther, because he was more
desirous to know my own story, the country where I was born, and the
several actions and events of my life, before I came hither.”

I assured him, “how extremely desirous I was that he should be
satisfied on every point; but I doubted much, whether it would be
possible for me to explain myself on several subjects, whereof his
honour could have no conception; because I saw nothing in his country
to which I could resemble them; that, however, I would do my best, and
strive to express myself by similitudes, humbly desiring his assistance
when I wanted proper words;” which he was pleased to promise me.

I said, “my birth was of honest parents, in an island called England;
which was remote from his country, as many days’ journey as the
strongest of his honour’s servants could travel in the annual course of
the sun; that I was bred a surgeon, whose trade it is to cure wounds
and hurts in the body, gotten by accident or violence; that my country
was governed by a female man, whom we called queen; that I left it to
get riches, whereby I might maintain myself and family, when I should
return; that, in my last voyage, I was commander of the ship, and had
about fifty _Yahoos_ under me, many of which died at sea, and I was
forced to supply them by others picked out from several nations; that
our ship was twice in danger of being sunk, the first time by a great
storm, and the second by striking against a rock.” Here my master
interposed, by asking me, “how I could persuade strangers, out of
different countries, to venture with me, after the losses I had
sustained, and the hazards I had run?” I said, “they were fellows of
desperate fortunes, forced to fly from the places of their birth on
account of their poverty or their crimes. Some were undone by lawsuits;
others spent all they had in drinking, whoring, and gaming; others fled
for treason; many for murder, theft, poisoning, robbery, perjury,
forgery, coining false money, for committing rapes, or sodomy; for
flying from their colours, or deserting to the enemy; and most of them
had broken prison; none of these durst return to their native
countries, for fear of being hanged, or of starving in a jail; and
therefore they were under the necessity of seeking a livelihood in
other places.”

During this discourse, my master was pleased to interrupt me several
times. I had made use of many circumlocutions in describing to him the
nature of the several crimes for which most of our crew had been forced
to fly their country. This labour took up several days’ conversation,
before he was able to comprehend me. He was wholly at a loss to know
what could be the use or necessity of practising those vices. To clear
up which, I endeavoured to give some ideas of the desire of power and
riches; of the terrible effects of lust, intemperance, malice, and
envy. All this I was forced to define and describe by putting cases and
making suppositions. After which, like one whose imagination was struck
with something never seen or heard of before, he would lift up his eyes
with amazement and indignation. Power, government, war, law,
punishment, and a thousand other things, had no terms wherein that
language could express them, which made the difficulty almost
insuperable, to give my master any conception of what I meant. But
being of an excellent understanding, much improved by contemplation and
converse, he at last arrived at a competent knowledge of what human
nature, in our parts of the world, is capable to perform, and desired I
would give him some particular account of that land which we call
Europe, but especially of my own country.


CHAPTER V.

The author at his master’s command, informs him of the state of
England. The causes of war among the princes of Europe. The author
begins to explain the English constitution.


The reader may please to observe, that the following extract of many
conversations I had with my master, contains a summary of the most
material points which were discoursed at several times for above two
years; his honour often desiring fuller satisfaction, as I farther
improved in the _Houyhnhnm_ tongue. I laid before him, as well as I
could, the whole state of Europe; I discoursed of trade and
manufactures, of arts and sciences; and the answers I gave to all the
questions he made, as they arose upon several subjects, were a fund of
conversation not to be exhausted. But I shall here only set down the
substance of what passed between us concerning my own country, reducing
it in order as well as I can, without any regard to time or other
circumstances, while I strictly adhere to truth. My only concern is,
that I shall hardly be able to do justice to my master’s arguments and
expressions, which must needs suffer by my want of capacity, as well as
by a translation into our barbarous English.

In obedience, therefore, to his honour’s commands, I related to him the
Revolution under the Prince of Orange; the long war with France,
entered into by the said prince, and renewed by his successor, the
present queen, wherein the greatest powers of Christendom were engaged,
and which still continued: I computed, at his request, “that about a
million of _Yahoos_ might have been killed in the whole progress of it;
and perhaps a hundred or more cities taken, and five times as many
ships burnt or sunk.”

He asked me, “what were the usual causes or motives that made one
country go to war with another?” I answered “they were innumerable; but
I should only mention a few of the chief. Sometimes the ambition of
princes, who never think they have land or people enough to govern;
sometimes the corruption of ministers, who engage their master in a
war, in order to stifle or divert the clamour of the subjects against
their evil administration. Difference in opinions has cost many
millions of lives: for instance, whether flesh be bread, or bread be
flesh; whether the juice of a certain berry be blood or wine; whether
whistling be a vice or a virtue; whether it be better to kiss a post,
or throw it into the fire; what is the best colour for a coat, whether
black, white, red, or gray; and whether it should be long or short,
narrow or wide, dirty or clean; with many more. Neither are any wars so
furious and bloody, or of so long a continuance, as those occasioned by
difference in opinion, especially if it be in things indifferent.

“Sometimes the quarrel between two princes is to decide which of them
shall dispossess a third of his dominions, where neither of them
pretend to any right. Sometimes one prince quarrels with another for
fear the other should quarrel with him. Sometimes a war is entered
upon, because the enemy is too strong; and sometimes, because he is too
weak. Sometimes our neighbours want the things which we have, or have
the things which we want, and we both fight, till they take ours, or
give us theirs. It is a very justifiable cause of a war, to invade a
country after the people have been wasted by famine, destroyed by
pestilence, or embroiled by factions among themselves. It is
justifiable to enter into war against our nearest ally, when one of his
towns lies convenient for us, or a territory of land, that would render
our dominions round and complete. If a prince sends forces into a
nation, where the people are poor and ignorant, he may lawfully put
half of them to death, and make slaves of the rest, in order to
civilize and reduce them from their barbarous way of living. It is a
very kingly, honourable, and frequent practice, when one prince desires
the assistance of another, to secure him against an invasion, that the
assistant, when he has driven out the invader, should seize on the
dominions himself, and kill, imprison, or banish, the prince he came to
relieve. Alliance by blood, or marriage, is a frequent cause of war
between princes; and the nearer the kindred is, the greater their
disposition to quarrel; poor nations are hungry, and rich nations are
proud; and pride and hunger will ever be at variance. For these
reasons, the trade of a soldier is held the most honourable of all
others; because a soldier is a _Yahoo_ hired to kill, in cold blood, as
many of his own species, who have never offended him, as possibly he
can.

“There is likewise a kind of beggarly princes in Europe, not able to
make war by themselves, who hire out their troops to richer nations,
for so much a day to each man; of which they keep three-fourths to
themselves, and it is the best part of their maintenance: such are
those in many northern parts of Europe.”

“What you have told me,” said my master, “upon the subject of war, does
indeed discover most admirably the effects of that reason you pretend
to: however, it is happy that the shame is greater than the danger; and
that nature has left you utterly incapable of doing much mischief. For,
your mouths lying flat with your faces, you can hardly bite each other
to any purpose, unless by consent. Then as to the claws upon your feet
before and behind, they are so short and tender, that one of our
_Yahoos_ would drive a dozen of yours before him. And therefore, in
recounting the numbers of those who have been killed in battle, I
cannot but think you have said the thing which is not.”

I could not forbear shaking my head, and smiling a little at his
ignorance. And being no stranger to the art of war, I gave him a
description of cannons, culverins, muskets, carabines, pistols,
bullets, powder, swords, bayonets, battles, sieges, retreats, attacks,
undermines, countermines, bombardments, sea fights, ships sunk with a
thousand men, twenty thousand killed on each side, dying groans, limbs
flying in the air, smoke, noise, confusion, trampling to death under
horses’ feet, flight, pursuit, victory; fields strewed with carcases,
left for food to dogs and wolves and birds of prey; plundering,
stripping, ravishing, burning, and destroying. And to set forth the
valour of my own dear countrymen, I assured him, “that I had seen them
blow up a hundred enemies at once in a siege, and as many in a ship,
and beheld the dead bodies drop down in pieces from the clouds, to the
great diversion of the spectators.”

I was going on to more particulars, when my master commanded me
silence. He said, “whoever understood the nature of _Yahoos_, might
easily believe it possible for so vile an animal to be capable of every
action I had named, if their strength and cunning equalled their
malice. But as my discourse had increased his abhorrence of the whole
species, so he found it gave him a disturbance in his mind to which he
was wholly a stranger before. He thought his ears, being used to such
abominable words, might, by degrees, admit them with less detestation:
that although he hated the _Yahoos_ of this country, yet he no more
blamed them for their odious qualities, than he did a _gnnayh_ (a bird
of prey) for its cruelty, or a sharp stone for cutting his hoof. But
when a creature pretending to reason could be capable of such
enormities, he dreaded lest the corruption of that faculty might be
worse than brutality itself. He seemed therefore confident, that,
instead of reason we were only possessed of some quality fitted to
increase our natural vices; as the reflection from a troubled stream
returns the image of an ill-shapen body, not only larger but more
distorted.”

He added, “that he had heard too much upon the subject of war, both in
this and some former discourses. There was another point, which a
little perplexed him at present. I had informed him, that some of our
crew left their country on account of being ruined by law; that I had
already explained the meaning of the word; but he was at a loss how it
should come to pass, that the law, which was intended for every man’s
preservation, should be any man’s ruin. Therefore he desired to be
further satisfied what I meant by law, and the dispensers thereof,
according to the present practice in my own country; because he thought
nature and reason were sufficient guides for a reasonable animal, as we
pretended to be, in showing us what we ought to do, and what to avoid.”

I assured his honour, “that law was a science in which I had not much
conversed, further than by employing advocates, in vain, upon some
injustices that had been done me: however, I would give him all the
satisfaction I was able.”

I said, “there was a society of men among us, bred up from their youth
in the art of proving, by words multiplied for the purpose, that white
is black, and black is white, according as they are paid. To this
society all the rest of the people are slaves. For example, if my
neighbour has a mind to my cow, he has a lawyer to prove that he ought
to have my cow from me. I must then hire another to defend my right, it
being against all rules of law that any man should be allowed to speak
for himself. Now, in this case, I, who am the right owner, lie under
two great disadvantages: first, my lawyer, being practised almost from
his cradle in defending falsehood, is quite out of his element when he
would be an advocate for justice, which is an unnatural office he
always attempts with great awkwardness, if not with ill-will. The
second disadvantage is, that my lawyer must proceed with great caution,
or else he will be reprimanded by the judges, and abhorred by his
brethren, as one that would lessen the practice of the law. And
therefore I have but two methods to preserve my cow. The first is, to
gain over my adversary’s lawyer with a double fee, who will then betray
his client by insinuating that he hath justice on his side. The second
way is for my lawyer to make my cause appear as unjust as he can, by
allowing the cow to belong to my adversary: and this, if it be
skilfully done, will certainly bespeak the favour of the bench. Now
your honour is to know, that these judges are persons appointed to
decide all controversies of property, as well as for the trial of
criminals, and picked out from the most dexterous lawyers, who are
grown old or lazy; and having been biassed all their lives against
truth and equity, lie under such a fatal necessity of favouring fraud,
perjury, and oppression, that I have known some of them refuse a large
bribe from the side where justice lay, rather than injure the faculty,
by doing any thing unbecoming their nature or their office.

“It is a maxim among these lawyers that whatever has been done before,
may legally be done again: and therefore they take special care to
record all the decisions formerly made against common justice, and the
general reason of mankind. These, under the name of precedents, they
produce as authorities to justify the most iniquitous opinions; and the
judges never fail of directing accordingly.

“In pleading, they studiously avoid entering into the merits of the
cause; but are loud, violent, and tedious, in dwelling upon all
circumstances which are not to the purpose. For instance, in the case
already mentioned; they never desire to know what claim or title my
adversary has to my cow; but whether the said cow were red or black;
her horns long or short; whether the field I graze her in be round or
square; whether she was milked at home or abroad; what diseases she is
subject to, and the like; after which they consult precedents, adjourn
the cause from time to time, and in ten, twenty, or thirty years, come
to an issue.

“It is likewise to be observed, that this society has a peculiar cant
and jargon of their own, that no other mortal can understand, and
wherein all their laws are written, which they take special care to
multiply; whereby they have wholly confounded the very essence of truth
and falsehood, of right and wrong; so that it will take thirty years to
decide, whether the field left me by my ancestors for six generations
belongs to me, or to a stranger three hundred miles off.

“In the trial of persons accused for crimes against the state, the
method is much more short and commendable: the judge first sends to
sound the disposition of those in power, after which he can easily hang
or save a criminal, strictly preserving all due forms of law.”

Here my master interposing, said, “it was a pity, that creatures
endowed with such prodigious abilities of mind, as these lawyers, by
the description I gave of them, must certainly be, were not rather
encouraged to be instructors of others in wisdom and knowledge.” In
answer to which I assured his honour, “that in all points out of their
own trade, they were usually the most ignorant and stupid generation
among us, the most despicable in common conversation, avowed enemies to
all knowledge and learning, and equally disposed to pervert the general
reason of mankind in every other subject of discourse as in that of
their own profession.”


CHAPTER VI.

A continuation of the state of England under Queen Anne. The character
of a first minister of state in European courts.


My master was yet wholly at a loss to understand what motives could
incite this race of lawyers to perplex, disquiet, and weary themselves,
and engage in a confederacy of injustice, merely for the sake of
injuring their fellow-animals; neither could he comprehend what I meant
in saying, they did it for hire. Whereupon I was at much pains to
describe to him the use of money, the materials it was made of, and the
value of the metals; “that when a _Yahoo_ had got a great store of this
precious substance, he was able to purchase whatever he had a mind to;
the finest clothing, the noblest houses, great tracts of land, the most
costly meats and drinks, and have his choice of the most beautiful
females. Therefore since money alone was able to perform all these
feats, our _Yahoos_ thought they could never have enough of it to
spend, or to save, as they found themselves inclined, from their
natural bent either to profusion or avarice; that the rich man enjoyed
the fruit of the poor man’s labour, and the latter were a thousand to
one in proportion to the former; that the bulk of our people were
forced to live miserably, by labouring every day for small wages, to
make a few live plentifully.”

I enlarged myself much on these, and many other particulars to the same
purpose; but his honour was still to seek; for he went upon a
supposition, that all animals had a title to their share in the
productions of the earth, and especially those who presided over the
rest. Therefore he desired I would let him know, “what these costly
meats were, and how any of us happened to want them?” Whereupon I
enumerated as many sorts as came into my head, with the various methods
of dressing them, which could not be done without sending vessels by
sea to every part of the world, as well for liquors to drink as for
sauces and innumerable other conveniences. I assured him “that this
whole globe of earth must be at least three times gone round before one
of our better female _Yahoos_ could get her breakfast, or a cup to put
it in.” He said “that must needs be a miserable country which cannot
furnish food for its own inhabitants. But what he chiefly wondered at
was, how such vast tracts of ground as I described should be wholly
without fresh water, and the people put to the necessity of sending
over the sea for drink.” I replied “that England (the dear place of my
nativity) was computed to produce three times the quantity of food more
than its inhabitants are able to consume, as well as liquors extracted
from grain, or pressed out of the fruit of certain trees, which made
excellent drink, and the same proportion in every other convenience of
life. But, in order to feed the luxury and intemperance of the males,
and the vanity of the females, we sent away the greatest part of our
necessary things to other countries, whence, in return, we brought the
materials of diseases, folly, and vice, to spend among ourselves. Hence
it follows of necessity, that vast numbers of our people are compelled
to seek their livelihood by begging, robbing, stealing, cheating,
pimping, flattering, suborning, forswearing, forging, gaming, lying,
fawning, hectoring, voting, scribbling, star-gazing, poisoning,
whoring, canting, libelling, freethinking, and the like occupations:”
every one of which terms I was at much pains to make him understand.

“That wine was not imported among us from foreign countries to supply
the want of water or other drinks, but because it was a sort of liquid
which made us merry by putting us out of our senses, diverted all
melancholy thoughts, begat wild extravagant imaginations in the brain,
raised our hopes and banished our fears, suspended every office of
reason for a time, and deprived us of the use of our limbs, till we
fell into a profound sleep; although it must be confessed, that we
always awaked sick and dispirited; and that the use of this liquor
filled us with diseases which made our lives uncomfortable and short.

“But beside all this, the bulk of our people supported themselves by
furnishing the necessities or conveniences of life to the rich and to
each other. For instance, when I am at home, and dressed as I ought to
be, I carry on my body the workmanship of a hundred tradesmen; the
building and furniture of my house employ as many more, and five times
the number to adorn my wife.”

I was going on to tell him of another sort of people, who get their
livelihood by attending the sick, having, upon some occasions, informed
his honour that many of my crew had died of diseases. But here it was
with the utmost difficulty that I brought him to apprehend what I
meant. “He could easily conceive, that a _Houyhnhnm_, grew weak and
heavy a few days before his death, or by some accident might hurt a
limb; but that nature, who works all things to perfection, should
suffer any pains to breed in our bodies, he thought impossible, and
desired to know the reason of so unaccountable an evil.”

I told him “we fed on a thousand things which operated contrary to each
other; that we ate when we were not hungry, and drank without the
provocation of thirst; that we sat whole nights drinking strong
liquors, without eating a bit, which disposed us to sloth, inflamed our
bodies, and precipitated or prevented digestion; that prostitute female
_Yahoos_ acquired a certain malady, which bred rottenness in the bones
of those who fell into their embraces; that this, and many other
diseases, were propagated from father to son; so that great numbers
came into the world with complicated maladies upon them; that it would
be endless to give him a catalogue of all diseases incident to human
bodies, for they would not be fewer than five or six hundred, spread
over every limb and joint—in short, every part, external and intestine,
having diseases appropriated to itself. To remedy which, there was a
sort of people bred up among us in the profession, or pretence, of
curing the sick. And because I had some skill in the faculty, I would,
in gratitude to his honour, let him know the whole mystery and method
by which they proceed.

“Their fundamental is, that all diseases arise from repletion; whence
they conclude, that a great evacuation of the body is necessary, either
through the natural passage or upwards at the mouth. Their next
business is from herbs, minerals, gums, oils, shells, salts, juices,
sea-weed, excrements, barks of trees, serpents, toads, frogs, spiders,
dead men’s flesh and bones, birds, beasts, and fishes, to form a
composition, for smell and taste, the most abominable, nauseous, and
detestable, they can possibly contrive, which the stomach immediately
rejects with loathing, and this they call a vomit; or else, from the
same store-house, with some other poisonous additions, they command us
to take in at the orifice above or below (just as the physician then
happens to be disposed) a medicine equally annoying and disgustful to
the bowels; which, relaxing the belly, drives down all before it; and
this they call a purge, or a clyster. For nature (as the physicians
allege) having intended the superior anterior orifice only for the
intromission of solids and liquids, and the inferior posterior for
ejection, these artists ingeniously considering that in all diseases
nature is forced out of her seat, therefore, to replace her in it, the
body must be treated in a manner directly contrary, by interchanging
the use of each orifice; forcing solids and liquids in at the anus, and
making evacuations at the mouth.

“But, besides real diseases, we are subject to many that are only
imaginary, for which the physicians have invented imaginary cures;
these have their several names, and so have the drugs that are proper
for them; and with these our female _Yahoos_ are always infested.

“One great excellency in this tribe, is their skill at prognostics,
wherein they seldom fail; their predictions in real diseases, when they
rise to any degree of malignity, generally portending death, which is
always in their power, when recovery is not: and therefore, upon any
unexpected signs of amendment, after they have pronounced their
sentence, rather than be accused as false prophets, they know how to
approve their sagacity to the world, by a seasonable dose.

“They are likewise of special use to husbands and wives who are grown
weary of their mates; to eldest sons, to great ministers of state, and
often to princes.”

I had formerly, upon occasion, discoursed with my master upon the
nature of government in general, and particularly of our own excellent
constitution, deservedly the wonder and envy of the whole world. But
having here accidentally mentioned a minister of state, he commanded
me, some time after, to inform him, “what species of _Yahoo_ I
particularly meant by that appellation.”

I told him, “that a first or chief minister of state, who was the
person I intended to describe, was the creature wholly exempt from joy
and grief, love and hatred, pity and anger; at least, makes use of no
other passions, but a violent desire of wealth, power, and titles; that
he applies his words to all uses, except to the indication of his mind;
that he never tells a truth but with an intent that you should take it
for a lie; nor a lie, but with a design that you should take it for a
truth; that those he speaks worst of behind their backs are in the
surest way of preferment; and whenever he begins to praise you to
others, or to yourself, you are from that day forlorn. The worst mark
you can receive is a promise, especially when it is confirmed with an
oath; after which, every wise man retires, and gives over all hopes.

“There are three methods, by which a man may rise to be chief minister.
The first is, by knowing how, with prudence, to dispose of a wife, a
daughter, or a sister; the second, by betraying or undermining his
predecessor; and the third is, by a furious zeal, in public assemblies,
against the corruptions of the court. But a wise prince would rather
choose to employ those who practise the last of these methods; because
such zealots prove always the most obsequious and subservient to the
will and passions of their master. That these ministers, having all
employments at their disposal, preserve themselves in power, by bribing
the majority of a senate or great council; and at last, by an
expedient, called an act of indemnity” (whereof I described the nature
to him), “they secure themselves from after-reckonings, and retire from
the public laden with the spoils of the nation.

“The palace of a chief minister is a seminary to breed up others in his
own trade: the pages, lackeys, and porters, by imitating their master,
become ministers of state in their several districts, and learn to
excel in the three principal ingredients, of insolence, lying, and
bribery. Accordingly, they have a subaltern court paid to them by
persons of the best rank; and sometimes by the force of dexterity and
impudence, arrive, through several gradations, to be successors to
their lord.

“He is usually governed by a decayed wench, or favourite footman, who
are the tunnels through which all graces are conveyed, and may properly
be called, in the last resort, the governors of the kingdom.”

One day, in discourse, my master, having heard me mention the nobility
of my country, was pleased to make me a compliment which I could not
pretend to deserve: “that he was sure I must have been born of some
noble family, because I far exceeded in shape, colour, and cleanliness,
all the _Yahoos_ of his nation, although I seemed to fail in strength
and agility, which must be imputed to my different way of living from
those other brutes; and besides I was not only endowed with the faculty
of speech, but likewise with some rudiments of reason, to a degree
that, with all his acquaintance, I passed for a prodigy.”

He made me observe, “that among the _Houyhnhnms_, the white, the
sorrel, and the iron-gray, were not so exactly shaped as the bay, the
dapple-gray, and the black; nor born with equal talents of mind, or a
capacity to improve them; and therefore continued always in the
condition of servants, without ever aspiring to match out of their own
race, which in that country would be reckoned monstrous and unnatural.”

I made his honour my most humble acknowledgments for the good opinion
he was pleased to conceive of me, but assured him at the same time,
“that my birth was of the lower sort, having been born of plain honest
parents, who were just able to give me a tolerable education; that
nobility, among us, was altogether a different thing from the idea he
had of it; that our young noblemen are bred from their childhood in
idleness and luxury; that, as soon as years will permit, they consume
their vigour, and contract odious diseases among lewd females; and when
their fortunes are almost ruined, they marry some woman of mean birth,
disagreeable person, and unsound constitution (merely for the sake of
money), whom they hate and despise. That the productions of such
marriages are generally scrofulous, rickety, or deformed children; by
which means the family seldom continues above three generations, unless
the wife takes care to provide a healthy father, among her neighbours
or domestics, in order to improve and continue the breed. That a weak
diseased body, a meagre countenance, and sallow complexion, are the
true marks of noble blood; and a healthy robust appearance is so
disgraceful in a man of quality, that the world concludes his real
father to have been a groom or a coachman. The imperfections of his
mind run parallel with those of his body, being a composition of
spleen, dullness, ignorance, caprice, sensuality, and pride.

“Without the consent of this illustrious body, no law can be enacted,
repealed, or altered: and these nobles have likewise the decision of
all our possessions, without appeal.” [514]


CHAPTER VII.

The author’s great love of his native country. His master’s
observations upon the constitution and administration of England, as
described by the author, with parallel cases and comparisons. His
master’s observations upon human nature.


The reader may be disposed to wonder how I could prevail on myself to
give so free a representation of my own species, among a race of
mortals who are already too apt to conceive the vilest opinion of
humankind, from that entire congruity between me and their _Yahoos_.
But I must freely confess, that the many virtues of those excellent
quadrupeds, placed in opposite view to human corruptions, had so far
opened my eyes and enlarged my understanding, that I began to view the
actions and passions of man in a very different light, and to think the
honour of my own kind not worth managing; which, besides, it was
impossible for me to do, before a person of so acute a judgment as my
master, who daily convinced me of a thousand faults in myself, whereof
I had not the least perception before, and which, with us, would never
be numbered even among human infirmities. I had likewise learned, from
his example, an utter detestation of all falsehood or disguise; and
truth appeared so amiable to me, that I determined upon sacrificing
every thing to it.

Let me deal so candidly with the reader as to confess that there was
yet a much stronger motive for the freedom I took in my representation
of things. I had not yet been a year in this country before I
contracted such a love and veneration for the inhabitants, that I
entered on a firm resolution never to return to humankind, but to pass
the rest of my life among these admirable _Houyhnhnms_, in the
contemplation and practice of every virtue, where I could have no
example or incitement to vice. But it was decreed by fortune, my
perpetual enemy, that so great a felicity should not fall to my share.
However, it is now some comfort to reflect, that in what I said of my
countrymen, I extenuated their faults as much as I durst before so
strict an examiner; and upon every article gave as favourable a turn as
the matter would bear. For, indeed, who is there alive that will not be
swayed by his bias and partiality to the place of his birth?

I have related the substance of several conversations I had with my
master during the greatest part of the time I had the honour to be in
his service; but have, indeed, for brevity sake, omitted much more than
is here set down.

When I had answered all his questions, and his curiosity seemed to be
fully satisfied, he sent for me one morning early, and commanded me to
sit down at some distance (an honour which he had never before
conferred upon me). He said, “he had been very seriously considering my
whole story, as far as it related both to myself and my country; that
he looked upon us as a sort of animals, to whose share, by what
accident he could not conjecture, some small pittance of reason had
fallen, whereof we made no other use, than by its assistance, to
aggravate our natural corruptions, and to acquire new ones, which
nature had not given us; that we disarmed ourselves of the few
abilities she had bestowed; had been very successful in multiplying our
original wants, and seemed to spend our whole lives in vain endeavours
to supply them by our own inventions; that, as to myself, it was
manifest I had neither the strength nor agility of a common _Yahoo_;
that I walked infirmly on my hinder feet; had found out a contrivance
to make my claws of no use or defence, and to remove the hair from my
chin, which was intended as a shelter from the sun and the weather:
lastly, that I could neither run with speed, nor climb trees like my
brethren,” as he called them, “the _Yahoos_ in his country.

“That our institutions of government and law were plainly owing to our
gross defects in reason, and by consequence in virtue; because reason
alone is sufficient to govern a rational creature; which was,
therefore, a character we had no pretence to challenge, even from the
account I had given of my own people; although he manifestly perceived,
that, in order to favour them, I had concealed many particulars, and
often said the thing which was not.

“He was the more confirmed in this opinion, because, he observed, that
as I agreed in every feature of my body with other _Yahoos_, except
where it was to my real disadvantage in point of strength, speed, and
activity, the shortness of my claws, and some other particulars where
nature had no part; so from the representation I had given him of our
lives, our manners, and our actions, he found as near a resemblance in
the disposition of our minds.” He said, “the _Yahoos_ were known to
hate one another, more than they did any different species of animals;
and the reason usually assigned was, the odiousness of their own
shapes, which all could see in the rest, but not in themselves. He had
therefore begun to think it not unwise in us to cover our bodies, and
by that invention conceal many of our deformities from each other,
which would else be hardly supportable. But he now found he had been
mistaken, and that the dissensions of those brutes in his country were
owing to the same cause with ours, as I had described them. For if,”
said he, “you throw among five _Yahoos_ as much food as would be
sufficient for fifty, they will, instead of eating peaceably, fall
together by the ears, each single one impatient to have all to itself;
and therefore a servant was usually employed to stand by while they
were feeding abroad, and those kept at home were tied at a distance
from each other: that if a cow died of age or accident, before a
_Houyhnhnm_ could secure it for his own _Yahoos_, those in the
neighbourhood would come in herds to seize it, and then would ensue
such a battle as I had described, with terrible wounds made by their
claws on both sides, although they seldom were able to kill one
another, for want of such convenient instruments of death as we had
invented. At other times, the like battles have been fought between the
_Yahoos_ of several neighbourhoods, without any visible cause; those of
one district watching all opportunities to surprise the next, before
they are prepared. But if they find their project has miscarried, they
return home, and, for want of enemies, engage in what I call a civil
war among themselves.

“That in some fields of his country there are certain shining stones of
several colours, whereof the _Yahoos_ are violently fond: and when part
of these stones is fixed in the earth, as it sometimes happens, they
will dig with their claws for whole days to get them out; then carry
them away, and hide them by heaps in their kennels; but still looking
round with great caution, for fear their comrades should find out their
treasure.” My master said, “he could never discover the reason of this
unnatural appetite, or how these stones could be of any use to a
_Yahoo_; but now he believed it might proceed from the same principle
of avarice which I had ascribed to mankind. That he had once, by way of
experiment, privately removed a heap of these stones from the place
where one of his _Yahoos_ had buried it; whereupon the sordid animal,
missing his treasure, by his loud lamenting brought the whole herd to
the place, there miserably howled, then fell to biting and tearing the
rest, began to pine away, would neither eat, nor sleep, nor work, till
he ordered a servant privately to convey the stones into the same hole,
and hide them as before; which, when his _Yahoo_ had found, he
presently recovered his spirits and good humour, but took good care to
remove them to a better hiding place, and has ever since been a very
serviceable brute.”

My master further assured me, which I also observed myself, “that in
the fields where the shining stones abound, the fiercest and most
frequent battles are fought, occasioned by perpetual inroads of the
neighbouring _Yahoos_.”

He said, “it was common, when two _Yahoos_ discovered such a stone in a
field, and were contending which of them should be the proprietor, a
third would take the advantage, and carry it away from them both;”
which my master would needs contend to have some kind of resemblance
with our suits at law; wherein I thought it for our credit not to
undeceive him; since the decision he mentioned was much more equitable
than many decrees among us; because the plaintiff and defendant there
lost nothing beside the stone they contended for: whereas our courts of
equity would never have dismissed the cause, while either of them had
any thing left.

My master, continuing his discourse, said, “there was nothing that
rendered the _Yahoos_ more odious, than their undistinguishing appetite
to devour every thing that came in their way, whether herbs, roots,
berries, the corrupted flesh of animals, or all mingled together: and
it was peculiar in their temper, that they were fonder of what they
could get by rapine or stealth, at a greater distance, than much better
food provided for them at home. If their prey held out, they would eat
till they were ready to burst; after which, nature had pointed out to
them a certain root that gave them a general evacuation.

“There was also another kind of root, very juicy, but somewhat rare and
difficult to be found, which the _Yahoos_ sought for with much
eagerness, and would suck it with great delight; it produced in them
the same effects that wine has upon us. It would make them sometimes
hug, and sometimes tear one another; they would howl, and grin, and
chatter, and reel, and tumble, and then fall asleep in the mud.”

I did indeed observe that the _Yahoos_ were the only animals in this
country subject to any diseases; which, however, were much fewer than
horses have among us, and contracted, not by any ill-treatment they
meet with, but by the nastiness and greediness of that sordid brute.
Neither has their language any more than a general appellation for
those maladies, which is borrowed from the name of the beast, and
called _hnea-yahoo_, or _Yahoo’s evil_; and the cure prescribed is a
mixture of their own dung and urine, forcibly put down the _Yahoo’s_
throat. This I have since often known to have been taken with success,
and do here freely recommend it to my countrymen for the public good,
as an admirable specific against all diseases produced by repletion.

“As to learning, government, arts, manufactures, and the like,” my
master confessed, “he could find little or no resemblance between the
_Yahoos_ of that country and those in ours; for he only meant to
observe what parity there was in our natures. He had heard, indeed,
some curious _Houyhnhnms_ observe, that in most herds there was a sort
of ruling _Yahoo_ (as among us there is generally some leading or
principal stag in a park), who was always more deformed in body, and
mischievous in disposition, than any of the rest; that this leader had
usually a favourite as like himself as he could get, whose employment
was to lick his master’s feet and posteriors, and drive the female
_Yahoos_ to his kennel; for which he was now and then rewarded with a
piece of ass’s flesh. This favourite is hated by the whole herd, and
therefore, to protect himself, keeps always near the person of his
leader. He usually continues in office till a worse can be found; but
the very moment he is discarded, his successor, at the head of all the
_Yahoos_ in that district, young and old, male and female, come in a
body, and discharge their excrements upon him from head to foot. But
how far this might be applicable to our courts, and favourites, and
ministers of state, my master said I could best determine.”

I durst make no return to this malicious insinuation, which debased
human understanding below the sagacity of a common hound, who has
judgment enough to distinguish and follow the cry of the ablest dog in
the pack, without being ever mistaken.

My master told me, “there were some qualities remarkable in the
_Yahoos_, which he had not observed me to mention, or at least very
slightly, in the accounts I had given of humankind.” He said, “those
animals, like other brutes, had their females in common; but in this
they differed, that the she _Yahoo_ would admit the males while she was
pregnant; and that the hes would quarrel and fight with the females, as
fiercely as with each other; both which practices were such degrees of
infamous brutality, as no other sensitive creature ever arrived at.

“Another thing he wondered at in the _Yahoos_, was their strange
disposition to nastiness and dirt; whereas there appears to be a
natural love of cleanliness in all other animals.” As to the two former
accusations, I was glad to let them pass without any reply, because I
had not a word to offer upon them in defence of my species, which
otherwise I certainly had done from my own inclinations. But I could
have easily vindicated humankind from the imputation of singularity
upon the last article, if there had been any swine in that country (as
unluckily for me there were not), which, although it may be a sweeter
quadruped than a _Yahoo_, cannot, I humbly conceive, in justice,
pretend to more cleanliness; and so his honour himself must have owned,
if he had seen their filthy way of feeding, and their custom of
wallowing and sleeping in the mud.

My master likewise mentioned another quality which his servants had
discovered in several Yahoos, and to him was wholly unaccountable. He
said, “a fancy would sometimes take a _Yahoo_ to retire into a corner,
to lie down, and howl, and groan, and spurn away all that came near
him, although he were young and fat, wanted neither food nor water, nor
did the servant imagine what could possibly ail him. And the only
remedy they found was, to set him to hard work, after which he would
infallibly come to himself.” To this I was silent out of partiality to
my own kind; yet here I could plainly discover the true seeds of
spleen, which only seizes on the lazy, the luxurious, and the rich;
who, if they were forced to undergo the same regimen, I would undertake
for the cure.

His honour had further observed, “that a female _Yahoo_ would often
stand behind a bank or a bush, to gaze on the young males passing by,
and then appear, and hide, using many antic gestures and grimaces, at
which time it was observed that she had a most offensive smell; and
when any of the males advanced, would slowly retire, looking often
back, and with a counterfeit show of fear, run off into some convenient
place, where she knew the male would follow her.

“At other times, if a female stranger came among them, three or four of
her own sex would get about her, and stare, and chatter, and grin, and
smell her all over; and then turn off with gestures, that seemed to
express contempt and disdain.”

Perhaps my master might refine a little in these speculations, which he
had drawn from what he observed himself, or had been told him by
others; however, I could not reflect without some amazement, and much
sorrow, that the rudiments of lewdness, coquetry, censure, and scandal,
should have place by instinct in womankind.

I expected every moment that my master would accuse the _Yahoos_ of
those unnatural appetites in both sexes, so common among us. But
nature, it seems, has not been so expert a school-mistress; and these
politer pleasures are entirely the productions of art and reason on our
side of the globe.


CHAPTER VIII.

The author relates several particulars of the _Yahoos_. The great
virtues of the _Houyhnhnms_. The education and exercise of their youth.
Their general assembly.


As I ought to have understood human nature much better than I supposed
it possible for my master to do, so it was easy to apply the character
he gave of the _Yahoos_ to myself and my countrymen; and I believed I
could yet make further discoveries, from my own observation. I
therefore often begged his honour to let me go among the herds of
_Yahoos_ in the neighbourhood; to which he always very graciously
consented, being perfectly convinced that the hatred I bore these
brutes would never suffer me to be corrupted by them; and his honour
ordered one of his servants, a strong sorrel nag, very honest and
good-natured, to be my guard; without whose protection I durst not
undertake such adventures. For I have already told the reader how much
I was pestered by these odious animals, upon my first arrival; and I
afterwards failed very narrowly, three or four times, of falling into
their clutches, when I happened to stray at any distance without my
hanger. And I have reason to believe they had some imagination that I
was of their own species, which I often assisted myself by stripping up
my sleeves, and showing my naked arms and breast in their sight, when
my protector was with me. At which times they would approach as near as
they durst, and imitate my actions after the manner of monkeys, but
ever with great signs of hatred; as a tame jackdaw with cap and
stockings is always persecuted by the wild ones, when he happens to be
got among them.

They are prodigiously nimble from their infancy. However, I once caught
a young male of three years old, and endeavoured, by all marks of
tenderness, to make it quiet; but the little imp fell a squalling and
scratching and biting with such violence, that I was forced to let it
go; and it was high time, for a whole troop of old ones came about us
at the noise, but finding the cub was safe (for away it ran), and my
sorrel nag being by, they durst not venture near us. I observed the
young animal’s flesh to smell very rank, and the stink was somewhat
between a weasel and a fox, but much more disagreeable. I forgot
another circumstance (and perhaps I might have the reader’s pardon if
it were wholly omitted), that while I held the odious vermin in my
hands, it voided its filthy excrements of a yellow liquid substance all
over my clothes; but by good fortune there was a small brook hard by,
where I washed myself as clean as I could; although I durst not come
into my master’s presence until I were sufficiently aired.

By what I could discover, the _Yahoos_ appear to be the most
unteachable of all animals, their capacity never reaching higher than
to draw or carry burdens. Yet I am of opinion this defect arises
chiefly from a perverse, restive disposition; for they are cunning,
malicious, treacherous, and revengeful. They are strong and hardy, but
of a cowardly spirit, and, by consequence, insolent, abject, and cruel.
It is observed, that the red haired of both sexes are more libidinous
and mischievous than the rest, whom yet they much exceed in strength
and activity.

The _Houyhnhnms_ keep the _Yahoos_ for present use in huts not far from
the house; but the rest are sent abroad to certain fields, where they
dig up roots, eat several kinds of herbs, and search about for carrion,
or sometimes catch weasels and _luhimuhs_ (a sort of wild rat), which
they greedily devour. Nature has taught them to dig deep holes with
their nails on the side of a rising ground, wherein they lie by
themselves; only the kennels of the females are larger, sufficient to
hold two or three cubs.

They swim from their infancy like frogs, and are able to continue long
under water, where they often take fish, which the females carry home
to their young. And, upon this occasion, I hope the reader will pardon
my relating an odd adventure.

Being one day abroad with my protector the sorrel nag, and the weather
exceeding hot, I entreated him to let me bathe in a river that was
near. He consented, and I immediately stripped myself stark naked, and
went down softly into the stream. It happened that a young female
_Yahoo_, standing behind a bank, saw the whole proceeding, and inflamed
by desire, as the nag and I conjectured, came running with all speed,
and leaped into the water, within five yards of the place where I
bathed. I was never in my life so terribly frightened. The nag was
grazing at some distance, not suspecting any harm. She embraced me
after a most fulsome manner. I roared as loud as I could, and the nag
came galloping towards me, whereupon she quitted her grasp, with the
utmost reluctancy, and leaped upon the opposite bank, where she stood
gazing and howling all the time I was putting on my clothes.

This was a matter of diversion to my master and his family, as well as
of mortification to myself. For now I could no longer deny that I was a
real _Yahoo_ in every limb and feature, since the females had a natural
propensity to me, as one of their own species. Neither was the hair of
this brute of a red colour (which might have been some excuse for an
appetite a little irregular), but black as a sloe, and her countenance
did not make an appearance altogether so hideous as the rest of her
kind; for I think she could not be above eleven years old.

Having lived three years in this country, the reader, I suppose, will
expect that I should, like other travellers, give him some account of
the manners and customs of its inhabitants, which it was indeed my
principal study to learn.

As these noble _Houyhnhnms_ are endowed by nature with a general
disposition to all virtues, and have no conceptions or ideas of what is
evil in a rational creature, so their grand maxim is, to cultivate
reason, and to be wholly governed by it. Neither is reason among them a
point problematical, as with us, where men can argue with plausibility
on both sides of the question, but strikes you with immediate
conviction; as it must needs do, where it is not mingled, obscured, or
discoloured, by passion and interest. I remember it was with extreme
difficulty that I could bring my master to understand the meaning of
the word opinion, or how a point could be disputable; because reason
taught us to affirm or deny only where we are certain; and beyond our
knowledge we cannot do either. So that controversies, wranglings,
disputes, and positiveness, in false or dubious propositions, are evils
unknown among the _Houyhnhnms_. In the like manner, when I used to
explain to him our several systems of natural philosophy, he would
laugh, “that a creature pretending to reason, should value itself upon
the knowledge of other people’s conjectures, and in things where that
knowledge, if it were certain, could be of no use.” Wherein he agreed
entirely with the sentiments of Socrates, as Plato delivers them; which
I mention as the highest honour I can do that prince of philosophers. I
have often since reflected, what destruction such doctrine would make
in the libraries of Europe; and how many paths of fame would be then
shut up in the learned world.

Friendship and benevolence are the two principal virtues among the
_Houyhnhnms_; and these not confined to particular objects, but
universal to the whole race; for a stranger from the remotest part is
equally treated with the nearest neighbour, and wherever he goes, looks
upon himself as at home. They preserve decency and civility in the
highest degrees, but are altogether ignorant of ceremony. They have no
fondness for their colts or foals, but the care they take in educating
them proceeds entirely from the dictates of reason. And I observed my
master to show the same affection to his neighbour’s issue, that he had
for his own. They will have it that nature teaches them to love the
whole species, and it is reason only that makes a distinction of
persons, where there is a superior degree of virtue.

When the matron _Houyhnhnms_ have produced one of each sex, they no
longer accompany with their consorts, except they lose one of their
issue by some casualty, which very seldom happens; but in such a case
they meet again; or when the like accident befalls a person whose wife
is past bearing, some other couple bestow on him one of their own
colts, and then go together again until the mother is pregnant. This
caution is necessary, to prevent the country from being overburdened
with numbers. But the race of inferior _Houyhnhnms_, bred up to be
servants, is not so strictly limited upon this article: these are
allowed to produce three of each sex, to be domestics in the noble
families.

In their marriages, they are exactly careful to choose such colours as
will not make any disagreeable mixture in the breed. Strength is
chiefly valued in the male, and comeliness in the female; not upon the
account of love, but to preserve the race from degenerating; for where
a female happens to excel in strength, a consort is chosen, with regard
to comeliness.

Courtship, love, presents, jointures, settlements have no place in
their thoughts, or terms whereby to express them in their language. The
young couple meet, and are joined, merely because it is the
determination of their parents and friends; it is what they see done
every day, and they look upon it as one of the necessary actions of a
reasonable being. But the violation of marriage, or any other
unchastity, was never heard of; and the married pair pass their lives
with the same friendship and mutual benevolence, that they bear to all
others of the same species who come in their way, without jealousy,
fondness, quarrelling, or discontent.

In educating the youth of both sexes, their method is admirable, and
highly deserves our imitation. These are not suffered to taste a grain
of oats, except upon certain days, till eighteen years old; nor milk,
but very rarely; and in summer they graze two hours in the morning, and
as many in the evening, which their parents likewise observe; but the
servants are not allowed above half that time, and a great part of
their grass is brought home, which they eat at the most convenient
hours, when they can be best spared from work.

Temperance, industry, exercise, and cleanliness, are the lessons
equally enjoined to the young ones of both sexes: and my master thought
it monstrous in us, to give the females a different kind of education
from the males, except in some articles of domestic management;
whereby, as he truly observed, one half of our natives were good for
nothing but bringing children into the world; and to trust the care of
our children to such useless animals, he said, was yet a greater
instance of brutality.

But the _Houyhnhnms_ train up their youth to strength, speed, and
hardiness, by exercising them in running races up and down steep hills,
and over hard stony grounds; and when they are all in a sweat, they are
ordered to leap over head and ears into a pond or river. Four times a
year the youth of a certain district meet to show their proficiency in
running and leaping, and other feats of strength and agility; where the
victor is rewarded with a song in his or her praise. On this festival,
the servants drive a herd of _Yahoos_ into the field, laden with hay,
and oats, and milk, for a repast to the _Houyhnhnms_; after which,
these brutes are immediately driven back again, for fear of being
noisome to the assembly.

Every fourth year, at the vernal equinox, there is a representative
council of the whole nation, which meets in a plain about twenty miles
from our house, and continues about five or six days. Here they inquire
into the state and condition of the several districts; whether they
abound or be deficient in hay or oats, or cows, or _Yahoos_; and
wherever there is any want (which is but seldom) it is immediately
supplied by unanimous consent and contribution. Here likewise the
regulation of children is settled: as for instance, if a _Houyhnhnm_
has two males, he changes one of them with another that has two
females; and when a child has been lost by any casualty, where the
mother is past breeding, it is determined what family in the district
shall breed another to supply the loss.


CHAPTER IX.

A grand debate at the general assembly of the _Houyhnhnms_, and how it
was determined. The learning of the _Houyhnhnms_. Their buildings.
Their manner of burials. The defectiveness of their language.


One of these grand assemblies was held in my time, about three months
before my departure, whither my master went as the representative of
our district. In this council was resumed their old debate, and indeed
the only debate that ever happened in their country; whereof my master,
after his return, gave me a very particular account.

The question to be debated was, “whether the _Yahoos_ should be
exterminated from the face of the earth?” One of the members for the
affirmative offered several arguments of great strength and weight,
alleging, “that as the _Yahoos_ were the most filthy, noisome, and
deformed animals which nature ever produced, so they were the most
restive and indocible, mischievous and malicious; they would privately
suck the teats of the _Houyhnhnms’_ cows, kill and devour their cats,
trample down their oats and grass, if they were not continually
watched, and commit a thousand other extravagancies.” He took notice of
a general tradition, “that _Yahoos_ had not been always in their
country; but that many ages ago, two of these brutes appeared together
upon a mountain; whether produced by the heat of the sun upon corrupted
mud and slime, or from the ooze and froth of the sea, was never known;
that these _Yahoos_ engendered, and their brood, in a short time, grew
so numerous as to overrun and infest the whole nation; that the
_Houyhnhnms_, to get rid of this evil, made a general hunting, and at
last enclosed the whole herd; and destroying the elder, every
_Houyhnhnm_ kept two young ones in a kennel, and brought them to such a
degree of tameness, as an animal, so savage by nature, can be capable
of acquiring, using them for draught and carriage; that there seemed to
be much truth in this tradition, and that those creatures could not be
_yinhniamshy_ (or _aborigines_ of the land), because of the violent
hatred the _Houyhnhnms_, as well as all other animals, bore them,
which, although their evil disposition sufficiently deserved, could
never have arrived at so high a degree if they had been _aborigines_,
or else they would have long since been rooted out; that the
inhabitants, taking a fancy to use the service of the _Yahoos_, had,
very imprudently, neglected to cultivate the breed of asses, which are
a comely animal, easily kept, more tame and orderly, without any
offensive smell, strong enough for labour, although they yield to the
other in agility of body, and if their braying be no agreeable sound,
it is far preferable to the horrible howlings of the _Yahoos_.”

Several others declared their sentiments to the same purpose, when my
master proposed an expedient to the assembly, whereof he had indeed
borrowed the hint from me. “He approved of the tradition mentioned by
the honourable member who spoke before, and affirmed, that the two
_Yahoos_ said to be seen first among them, had been driven thither over
the sea; that coming to land, and being forsaken by their companions,
they retired to the mountains, and degenerating by degrees, became in
process of time much more savage than those of their own species in the
country whence these two originals came. The reason of this assertion
was, that he had now in his possession a certain wonderful _Yahoo_
(meaning myself) which most of them had heard of, and many of them had
seen. He then related to them how he first found me; that my body was
all covered with an artificial composure of the skins and hairs of
other animals; that I spoke in a language of my own, and had thoroughly
learned theirs; that I had related to him the accidents which brought
me thither; that when he saw me without my covering, I was an exact
_Yahoo_ in every part, only of a whiter colour, less hairy, and with
shorter claws. He added, how I had endeavoured to persuade him, that in
my own and other countries, the _Yahoos_ acted as the governing,
rational animal, and held the _Houyhnhnms_ in servitude; that he
observed in me all the qualities of a _Yahoo_, only a little more
civilized by some tincture of reason, which, however, was in a degree
as far inferior to the _Houyhnhnm_ race, as the _Yahoos_ of their
country were to me; that, among other things, I mentioned a custom we
had of castrating _Houyhnhnms_ when they were young, in order to render
them tame; that the operation was easy and safe; that it was no shame
to learn wisdom from brutes, as industry is taught by the ant, and
building by the swallow (for so I translate the word _lyhannh_,
although it be a much larger fowl); that this invention might be
practised upon the younger _Yahoos_ here, which besides rendering them
tractable and fitter for use, would in an age put an end to the whole
species, without destroying life; that in the mean time the
_Houyhnhnms_ should be exhorted to cultivate the breed of asses, which,
as they are in all respects more valuable brutes, so they have this
advantage, to be fit for service at five years old, which the others
are not till twelve.”

This was all my master thought fit to tell me, at that time, of what
passed in the grand council. But he was pleased to conceal one
particular, which related personally to myself, whereof I soon felt the
unhappy effect, as the reader will know in its proper place, and whence
I date all the succeeding misfortunes of my life.

The _Houyhnhnms_ have no letters, and consequently their knowledge is
all traditional. But there happening few events of any moment among a
people so well united, naturally disposed to every virtue, wholly
governed by reason, and cut off from all commerce with other nations,
the historical part is easily preserved without burdening their
memories. I have already observed that they are subject to no diseases,
and therefore can have no need of physicians. However, they have
excellent medicines, composed of herbs, to cure accidental bruises and
cuts in the pastern or frog of the foot, by sharp stones, as well as
other maims and hurts in the several parts of the body.

They calculate the year by the revolution of the sun and moon, but use
no subdivisions into weeks. They are well enough acquainted with the
motions of those two luminaries, and understand the nature of eclipses;
and this is the utmost progress of their astronomy.

In poetry, they must be allowed to excel all other mortals; wherein the
justness of their similes, and the minuteness as well as exactness of
their descriptions, are indeed inimitable. Their verses abound very
much in both of these, and usually contain either some exalted notions
of friendship and benevolence or the praises of those who were victors
in races and other bodily exercises. Their buildings, although very
rude and simple, are not inconvenient, but well contrived to defend
them from all injuries of cold and heat. They have a kind of tree,
which at forty years old loosens in the root, and falls with the first
storm: it grows very straight, and being pointed like stakes with a
sharp stone (for the _Houyhnhnms_ know not the use of iron), they stick
them erect in the ground, about ten inches asunder, and then weave in
oat straw, or sometimes wattles, between them. The roof is made after
the same manner, and so are the doors.

The _Houyhnhnms_ use the hollow part, between the pastern and the hoof
of their fore-foot, as we do our hands, and this with greater dexterity
than I could at first imagine. I have seen a white mare of our family
thread a needle (which I lent her on purpose) with that joint. They
milk their cows, reap their oats, and do all the work which requires
hands, in the same manner. They have a kind of hard flints, which, by
grinding against other stones, they form into instruments, that serve
instead of wedges, axes, and hammers. With tools made of these flints,
they likewise cut their hay, and reap their oats, which there grow
naturally in several fields; the _Yahoos_ draw home the sheaves in
carriages, and the servants tread them in certain covered huts to get
out the grain, which is kept in stores. They make a rude kind of
earthen and wooden vessels, and bake the former in the sun.

If they can avoid casualties, they die only of old age, and are buried
in the obscurest places that can be found, their friends and relations
expressing neither joy nor grief at their departure; nor does the dying
person discover the least regret that he is leaving the world, any more
than if he were upon returning home from a visit to one of his
neighbours. I remember my master having once made an appointment with a
friend and his family to come to his house, upon some affair of
importance: on the day fixed, the mistress and her two children came
very late; she made two excuses, first for her husband, who, as she
said, happened that very morning to _shnuwnh_. The word is strongly
expressive in their language, but not easily rendered into English; it
signifies, “to retire to his first mother.” Her excuse for not coming
sooner, was, that her husband dying late in the morning, she was a good
while consulting her servants about a convenient place where his body
should be laid; and I observed, she behaved herself at our house as
cheerfully as the rest. She died about three months after.

They live generally to seventy, or seventy-five years, very seldom to
fourscore. Some weeks before their death, they feel a gradual decay;
but without pain. During this time they are much visited by their
friends, because they cannot go abroad with their usual ease and
satisfaction. However, about ten days before their death, which they
seldom fail in computing, they return the visits that have been made
them by those who are nearest in the neighbourhood, being carried in a
convenient sledge drawn by _Yahoos_; which vehicle they use, not only
upon this occasion, but when they grow old, upon long journeys, or when
they are lamed by any accident: and therefore when the dying
_Houyhnhnms_ return those visits, they take a solemn leave of their
friends, as if they were going to some remote part of the country,
where they designed to pass the rest of their lives.

I know not whether it may be worth observing, that the _Houyhnhnms_
have no word in their language to express any thing that is evil,
except what they borrow from the deformities or ill qualities of the
_Yahoos_. Thus they denote the folly of a servant, an omission of a
child, a stone that cuts their feet, a continuance of foul or
unseasonable weather, and the like, by adding to each the epithet of
_Yahoo_. For instance, _hhnm Yahoo_; _whnaholm Yahoo_, _ynlhmndwihlma
Yahoo_, and an ill-contrived house _ynholmhnmrohlnw Yahoo_.

I could, with great pleasure, enlarge further upon the manners and
virtues of this excellent people; but intending in a short time to
publish a volume by itself, expressly upon that subject, I refer the
reader thither; and, in the mean time, proceed to relate my own sad
catastrophe.


CHAPTER X.

The author’s economy, and happy life among the Houyhnhnms. His great
improvement in virtue by conversing with them. Their conversations. The
author has notice given him by his master, that he must depart from the
country. He falls into a swoon for grief; but submits. He contrives and
finishes a canoe by the help of a fellow-servant, and puts to sea at a
venture.


I had settled my little economy to my own heart’s content. My master
had ordered a room to be made for me, after their manner, about six
yards from the house: the sides and floors of which I plastered with
clay, and covered with rush-mats of my own contriving. I had beaten
hemp, which there grows wild, and made of it a sort of ticking; this I
filled with the feathers of several birds I had taken with springes
made of _Yahoos’_ hairs, and were excellent food. I had worked two
chairs with my knife, the sorrel nag helping me in the grosser and more
laborious part. When my clothes were worn to rags, I made myself others
with the skins of rabbits, and of a certain beautiful animal, about the
same size, called _nnuhnoh_, the skin of which is covered with a fine
down. Of these I also made very tolerable stockings. I soled my shoes
with wood, which I cut from a tree, and fitted to the upper-leather;
and when this was worn out, I supplied it with the skins of _Yahoos_
dried in the sun. I often got honey out of hollow trees, which I
mingled with water, or ate with my bread. No man could more verify the
truth of these two maxims, “That nature is very easily satisfied;” and,
“That necessity is the mother of invention.” I enjoyed perfect health
of body, and tranquillity of mind; I did not feel the treachery or
inconstancy of a friend, nor the injuries of a secret or open enemy. I
had no occasion of bribing, flattering, or pimping, to procure the
favour of any great man, or of his minion; I wanted no fence against
fraud or oppression: here was neither physician to destroy my body, nor
lawyer to ruin my fortune; no informer to watch my words and actions,
or forge accusations against me for hire: here were no gibers,
censurers, backbiters, pickpockets, highwaymen, housebreakers,
attorneys, bawds, buffoons, gamesters, politicians, wits, splenetics,
tedious talkers, controvertists, ravishers, murderers, robbers,
virtuosos; no leaders, or followers, of party and faction; no
encouragers to vice, by seducement or examples; no dungeon, axes,
gibbets, whipping-posts, or pillories; no cheating shopkeepers or
mechanics; no pride, vanity, or affectation; no fops, bullies,
drunkards, strolling whores, or poxes; no ranting, lewd, expensive
wives; no stupid, proud pedants; no importunate, overbearing,
quarrelsome, noisy, roaring, empty, conceited, swearing companions; no
scoundrels raised from the dust upon the merit of their vices, or
nobility thrown into it on account of their virtues; no lords,
fiddlers, judges, or dancing-masters.

I had the favour of being admitted to several _Houyhnhnms_, who came to
visit or dine with my master; where his honour graciously suffered me
to wait in the room, and listen to their discourse. Both he and his
company would often descend to ask me questions, and receive my
answers. I had also sometimes the honour of attending my master in his
visits to others. I never presumed to speak, except in answer to a
question; and then I did it with inward regret, because it was a loss
of so much time for improving myself; but I was infinitely delighted
with the station of an humble auditor in such conversations, where
nothing passed but what was useful, expressed in the fewest and most
significant words; where, as I have already said, the greatest decency
was observed, without the least degree of ceremony; where no person
spoke without being pleased himself, and pleasing his companions; where
there was no interruption, tediousness, heat, or difference of
sentiments. They have a notion, that when people are met together, a
short silence does much improve conversation: this I found to be true;
for during those little intermissions of talk, new ideas would arise in
their minds, which very much enlivened the discourse. Their subjects
are, generally on friendship and benevolence, on order and economy;
sometimes upon the visible operations of nature, or ancient traditions;
upon the bounds and limits of virtue; upon the unerring rules of
reason, or upon some determinations to be taken at the next great
assembly: and often upon the various excellences of poetry. I may add,
without vanity, that my presence often gave them sufficient matter for
discourse, because it afforded my master an occasion of letting his
friends into the history of me and my country, upon which they were all
pleased to descant, in a manner not very advantageous to humankind: and
for that reason I shall not repeat what they said; only I may be
allowed to observe, that his honour, to my great admiration, appeared
to understand the nature of _Yahoos_ much better than myself. He went
through all our vices and follies, and discovered many, which I had
never mentioned to him, by only supposing what qualities a _Yahoo_ of
their country, with a small proportion of reason, might be capable of
exerting; and concluded, with too much probability, “how vile, as well
as miserable, such a creature must be.”

I freely confess, that all the little knowledge I have of any value,
was acquired by the lectures I received from my master, and from
hearing the discourses of him and his friends; to which I should be
prouder to listen, than to dictate to the greatest and wisest assembly
in Europe. I admired the strength, comeliness, and speed of the
inhabitants; and such a constellation of virtues, in such amiable
persons, produced in me the highest veneration. At first, indeed, I did
not feel that natural awe, which the _Yahoos_ and all other animals
bear toward them; but it grew upon me by degrees, much sooner than I
imagined, and was mingled with a respectful love and gratitude, that
they would condescend to distinguish me from the rest of my species.

When I thought of my family, my friends, my countrymen, or the human
race in general, I considered them, as they really were, _Yahoos_ in
shape and disposition, perhaps a little more civilized, and qualified
with the gift of speech; but making no other use of reason, than to
improve and multiply those vices whereof their brethren in this country
had only the share that nature allotted them. When I happened to behold
the reflection of my own form in a lake or fountain, I turned away my
face in horror and detestation of myself, and could better endure the
sight of a common _Yahoo_ than of my own person. By conversing with the
_Houyhnhnms_, and looking upon them with delight, I fell to imitate
their gait and gesture, which is now grown into a habit; and my friends
often tell me, in a blunt way, “that I trot like a horse;” which,
however, I take for a great compliment. Neither shall I disown, that in
speaking I am apt to fall into the voice and manner of the
_Houyhnhnms_, and hear myself ridiculed on that account, without the
least mortification.

In the midst of all this happiness, and when I looked upon myself to be
fully settled for life, my master sent for me one morning a little
earlier than his usual hour. I observed by his countenance that he was
in some perplexity, and at a loss how to begin what he had to speak.
After a short silence, he told me, “he did not know how I would take
what he was going to say: that in the last general assembly, when the
affair of the _Yahoos_ was entered upon, the representatives had taken
offence at his keeping a _Yahoo_ (meaning myself) in his family, more
like a _Houyhnhnm_ than a brute animal; that he was known frequently to
converse with me, as if he could receive some advantage or pleasure in
my company; that such a practice was not agreeable to reason or nature,
or a thing ever heard of before among them; the assembly did therefore
exhort him either to employ me like the rest of my species, or command
me to swim back to the place whence I came: that the first of these
expedients was utterly rejected by all the _Houyhnhnms_ who had ever
seen me at his house or their own; for they alleged, that because I had
some rudiments of reason, added to the natural pravity of those
animals, it was to be feared I might be able to seduce them into the
woody and mountainous parts of the country, and bring them in troops by
night to destroy the _Houyhnhnms’_ cattle, as being naturally of the
ravenous kind, and averse from labour.”

My master added, “that he was daily pressed by the _Houyhnhnms_ of the
neighbourhood to have the assembly’s exhortation executed, which he
could not put off much longer. He doubted it would be impossible for me
to swim to another country; and therefore wished I would contrive some
sort of vehicle, resembling those I had described to him, that might
carry me on the sea; in which work I should have the assistance of his
own servants, as well as those of his neighbours.” He concluded, “that
for his own part, he could have been content to keep me in his service
as long as I lived; because he found I had cured myself of some bad
habits and dispositions, by endeavouring, as far as my inferior nature
was capable, to imitate the _Houyhnhnms_.”

I should here observe to the reader, that a decree of the general
assembly in this country is expressed by the word _hnhloayn_, which
signifies an exhortation, as near as I can render it; for they have no
conception how a rational creature can be compelled, but only advised,
or exhorted; because no person can disobey reason, without giving up
his claim to be a rational creature.

I was struck with the utmost grief and despair at my master’s
discourse; and being unable to support the agonies I was under, I fell
into a swoon at his feet. When I came to myself, he told me “that he
concluded I had been dead;” for these people are subject to no such
imbecilities of nature. I answered in a faint voice, “that death would
have been too great a happiness; that although I could not blame the
assembly’s exhortation, or the urgency of his friends; yet, in my weak
and corrupt judgment, I thought it might consist with reason to have
been less rigorous; that I could not swim a league, and probably the
nearest land to theirs might be distant above a hundred: that many
materials, necessary for making a small vessel to carry me off, were
wholly wanting in this country; which, however, I would attempt, in
obedience and gratitude to his honour, although I concluded the thing
to be impossible, and therefore looked on myself as already devoted to
destruction; that the certain prospect of an unnatural death was the
least of my evils; for, supposing I should escape with life by some
strange adventure, how could I think with temper of passing my days
among _Yahoos_, and relapsing into my old corruptions, for want of
examples to lead and keep me within the paths of virtue? That I knew
too well upon what solid reasons all the determinations of the wise
_Houyhnhnms_ were founded, not to be shaken by arguments of mine, a
miserable _Yahoo_; and therefore, after presenting him with my humble
thanks for the offer of his servants’ assistance in making a vessel,
and desiring a reasonable time for so difficult a work, I told him I
would endeavour to preserve a wretched being; and if ever I returned to
England, was not without hopes of being useful to my own species, by
celebrating the praises of the renowned _Houyhnhnms_, and proposing
their virtues to the imitation of mankind.”

My master, in a few words, made me a very gracious reply; allowed me
the space of two months to finish my boat; and ordered the sorrel nag,
my fellow-servant (for so, at this distance, I may presume to call
him), to follow my instruction; because I told my master, “that his
help would be sufficient, and I knew he had a tenderness for me.”

In his company, my first business was to go to that part of the coast
where my rebellious crew had ordered me to be set on shore. I got upon
a height, and looking on every side into the sea; fancied I saw a small
island toward the north-east. I took out my pocket glass, and could
then clearly distinguish it above five leagues off, as I computed; but
it appeared to the sorrel nag to be only a blue cloud: for as he had no
conception of any country beside his own, so he could not be as expert
in distinguishing remote objects at sea, as we who so much converse in
that element.

After I had discovered this island, I considered no further; but
resolved it should, if possible, be the first place of my banishment,
leaving the consequence to fortune.

I returned home, and consulting with the sorrel nag, we went into a
copse at some distance, where I with my knife, and he with a sharp
flint, fastened very artificially after their manner, to a wooden
handle, cut down several oak wattles, about the thickness of a
walking-staff, and some larger pieces. But I shall not trouble the
reader with a particular description of my own mechanics; let it
suffice to say, that in six weeks time with the help of the sorrel nag,
who performed the parts that required most labour, I finished a sort of
Indian canoe, but much larger, covering it with the skins of _Yahoos_,
well stitched together with hempen threads of my own making. My sail
was likewise composed of the skins of the same animal; but I made use
of the youngest I could get, the older being too tough and thick; and I
likewise provided myself with four paddles. I laid in a stock of boiled
flesh, of rabbits and fowls, and took with me two vessels, one filled
with milk and the other with water.

I tried my canoe in a large pond, near my master’s house, and then
corrected in it what was amiss; stopping all the chinks with _Yahoos’_
tallow, till I found it staunch, and able to bear me and my freight;
and, when it was as complete as I could possibly make it, I had it
drawn on a carriage very gently by _Yahoos_ to the sea-side, under the
conduct of the sorrel nag and another servant.

When all was ready, and the day came for my departure, I took leave of
my master and lady and the whole family, my eyes flowing with tears,
and my heart quite sunk with grief. But his honour, out of curiosity,
and, perhaps, (if I may speak without vanity,) partly out of kindness,
was determined to see me in my canoe, and got several of his
neighbouring friends to accompany him. I was forced to wait above an
hour for the tide; and then observing the wind very fortunately bearing
toward the island to which I intended to steer my course, I took a
second leave of my master; but as I was going to prostrate myself to
kiss his hoof, he did me the honour to raise it gently to my mouth. I
am not ignorant how much I have been censured for mentioning this last
particular. Detractors are pleased to think it improbable, that so
illustrious a person should descend to give so great a mark of
distinction to a creature so inferior as I. Neither have I forgotten
how apt some travellers are to boast of extraordinary favours they have
received. But, if these censurers were better acquainted with the noble
and courteous disposition of the _Houyhnhnms_, they would soon change
their opinion.

I paid my respects to the rest of the _Houyhnhnms_ in his honour’s
company; then getting into my canoe, I pushed off from shore.


CHAPTER XI.

The author’s dangerous voyage. He arrives at New Holland, hoping to
settle there. Is wounded with an arrow by one of the natives. Is seized
and carried by force into a Portuguese ship. The great civilities of
the captain. The author arrives at England.


I began this desperate voyage on February 15, 1714–15, at nine o’clock
in the morning. The wind was very favourable; however, I made use at
first only of my paddles; but considering I should soon be weary, and
that the wind might chop about, I ventured to set up my little sail;
and thus, with the help of the tide, I went at the rate of a league and
a half an hour, as near as I could guess. My master and his friends
continued on the shore till I was almost out of sight; and I often
heard the sorrel nag (who always loved me) crying out, “_Hnuy illa
nyha_, _majah Yahoo_;” “Take care of thyself, gentle _Yahoo_.”

My design was, if possible, to discover some small island uninhabited,
yet sufficient, by my labour, to furnish me with the necessaries of
life, which I would have thought a greater happiness, than to be first
minister in the politest court of Europe; so horrible was the idea I
conceived of returning to live in the society, and under the government
of _Yahoos_. For in such a solitude as I desired, I could at least
enjoy my own thoughts, and reflect with delight on the virtues of those
inimitable _Houyhnhnms_, without an opportunity of degenerating into
the vices and corruptions of my own species.

The reader may remember what I related, when my crew conspired against
me, and confined me to my cabin; how I continued there several weeks
without knowing what course we took; and when I was put ashore in the
long-boat, how the sailors told me, with oaths, whether true or false,
“that they knew not in what part of the world we were.” However, I did
then believe us to be about 10 degrees southward of the Cape of Good
Hope, or about 45 degrees southern latitude, as I gathered from some
general words I overheard among them, being I supposed to the
south-east in their intended voyage to Madagascar. And although this
were little better than conjecture, yet I resolved to steer my course
eastward, hoping to reach the south-west coast of New Holland, and
perhaps some such island as I desired lying westward of it. The wind
was full west, and by six in the evening I computed I had gone eastward
at least eighteen leagues; when I spied a very small island about half
a league off, which I soon reached. It was nothing but a rock, with one
creek naturally arched by the force of tempests. Here I put in my
canoe, and climbing a part of the rock, I could plainly discover land
to the east, extending from south to north. I lay all night in my
canoe; and repeating my voyage early in the morning, I arrived in seven
hours to the south-east point of New Holland. This confirmed me in the
opinion I have long entertained, that the maps and charts place this
country at least three degrees more to the east than it really is;
which thought I communicated many years ago to my worthy friend, Mr.
Herman Moll, and gave him my reasons for it, although he has rather
chosen to follow other authors.

I saw no inhabitants in the place where I landed, and being unarmed, I
was afraid of venturing far into the country. I found some shellfish on
the shore, and ate them raw, not daring to kindle a fire, for fear of
being discovered by the natives. I continued three days feeding on
oysters and limpets, to save my own provisions; and I fortunately found
a brook of excellent water, which gave me great relief.

On the fourth day, venturing out early a little too far, I saw twenty
or thirty natives upon a height not above five hundred yards from me.
They were stark naked, men, women, and children, round a fire, as I
could discover by the smoke. One of them spied me, and gave notice to
the rest; five of them advanced toward me, leaving the women and
children at the fire. I made what haste I could to the shore, and,
getting into my canoe, shoved off: the savages, observing me retreat,
ran after me; and before I could get far enough into the sea,
discharged an arrow which wounded me deeply on the inside of my left
knee: I shall carry the mark to my grave. I apprehended the arrow might
be poisoned, and paddling out of the reach of their darts (being a calm
day), I made a shift to suck the wound, and dress it as well as I
could.

I was at a loss what to do, for I durst not return to the same
landing-place, but stood to the north, and was forced to paddle, for
the wind, though very gentle, was against me, blowing north-west. As I
was looking about for a secure landing-place, I saw a sail to the
north-north-east, which appearing every minute more visible, I was in
some doubt whether I should wait for them or not; but at last my
detestation of the _Yahoo_ race prevailed: and turning my canoe, I
sailed and paddled together to the south, and got into the same creek
whence I set out in the morning, choosing rather to trust myself among
these barbarians, than live with European _Yahoos_. I drew up my canoe
as close as I could to the shore, and hid myself behind a stone by the
little brook, which, as I have already said, was excellent water.

The ship came within half a league of this creek, and sent her
long-boat with vessels to take in fresh water (for the place, it seems,
was very well known); but I did not observe it, till the boat was
almost on shore; and it was too late to seek another hiding-place. The
seamen at their landing observed my canoe, and rummaging it all over,
easily conjectured that the owner could not be far off. Four of them,
well armed, searched every cranny and lurking-hole, till at last they
found me flat on my face behind the stone. They gazed awhile in
admiration at my strange uncouth dress; my coat made of skins, my
wooden-soled shoes, and my furred stockings; whence, however, they
concluded, I was not a native of the place, who all go naked. One of
the seamen, in Portuguese, bid me rise, and asked who I was. I
understood that language very well, and getting upon my feet, said, “I
was a poor _Yahoo_ banished from the _Houyhnhnms_, and desired they
would please to let me depart.” They admired to hear me answer them in
their own tongue, and saw by my complexion I must be a European; but
were at a loss to know what I meant by _Yahoos_ and _Houyhnhnms_; and
at the same time fell a-laughing at my strange tone in speaking, which
resembled the neighing of a horse. I trembled all the while betwixt
fear and hatred. I again desired leave to depart, and was gently moving
to my canoe; but they laid hold of me, desiring to know, “what country
I was of? whence I came?” with many other questions. I told them “I was
born in England, whence I came about five years ago, and then their
country and ours were at peace. I therefore hoped they would not treat
me as an enemy, since I meant them no harm, but was a poor _Yahoo_
seeking some desolate place where to pass the remainder of his
unfortunate life.”

When they began to talk, I thought I never heard or saw any thing more
unnatural; for it appeared to me as monstrous as if a dog or a cow
should speak in England, or a _Yahoo_ in _Houyhnhnmland_. The honest
Portuguese were equally amazed at my strange dress, and the odd manner
of delivering my words, which, however, they understood very well. They
spoke to me with great humanity, and said, “they were sure the captain
would carry me _gratis_ to Lisbon, whence I might return to my own
country; that two of the seamen would go back to the ship, inform the
captain of what they had seen, and receive his orders; in the mean
time, unless I would give my solemn oath not to fly, they would secure
me by force. I thought it best to comply with their proposal. They were
very curious to know my story, but I gave them very little
satisfaction, and they all conjectured that my misfortunes had impaired
my reason. In two hours the boat, which went laden with vessels of
water, returned, with the captain’s command to fetch me on board. I
fell on my knees to preserve my liberty; but all was in vain; and the
men, having tied me with cords, heaved me into the boat, whence I was
taken into the ship, and thence into the captain’s cabin.

His name was Pedro de Mendez; he was a very courteous and generous
person. He entreated me to give some account of myself, and desired to
know what I would eat or drink; said, “I should be used as well as
himself;” and spoke so many obliging things, that I wondered to find
such civilities from a _Yahoo_. However, I remained silent and sullen;
I was ready to faint at the very smell of him and his men. At last I
desired something to eat out of my own canoe; but he ordered me a
chicken, and some excellent wine, and then directed that I should be
put to bed in a very clean cabin. I would not undress myself, but lay
on the bed-clothes, and in half an hour stole out, when I thought the
crew was at dinner, and getting to the side of the ship, was going to
leap into the sea, and swim for my life, rather than continue among
_Yahoos_. But one of the seamen prevented me, and having informed the
captain, I was chained to my cabin.

After dinner, Don Pedro came to me, and desired to know my reason for
so desperate an attempt; assured me, “he only meant to do me all the
service he was able;” and spoke so very movingly, that at last I
descended to treat him like an animal which had some little portion of
reason. I gave him a very short relation of my voyage; of the
conspiracy against me by my own men; of the country where they set me
on shore, and of my five years residence there. All which he looked
upon as if it were a dream or a vision; whereat I took great offence;
for I had quite forgot the faculty of lying, so peculiar to _Yahoos_,
in all countries where they preside, and, consequently, their
disposition of suspecting truth in others of their own species. I asked
him, “whether it were the custom in his country to say the thing which
was not?” I assured him, “I had almost forgot what he meant by
falsehood, and if I had lived a thousand years in _Houyhnhnmland_, I
should never have heard a lie from the meanest servant; that I was
altogether indifferent whether he believed me or not; but, however, in
return for his favours, I would give so much allowance to the
corruption of his nature, as to answer any objection he would please to
make, and then he might easily discover the truth.”

The captain, a wise man, after many endeavours to catch me tripping in
some part of my story, at last began to have a better opinion of my
veracity. But he added, “that since I professed so inviolable an
attachment to truth, I must give him my word and honour to bear him
company in this voyage, without attempting any thing against my life;
or else he would continue me a prisoner till we arrived at Lisbon.” I
gave him the promise he required; but at the same time protested, “that
I would suffer the greatest hardships, rather than return to live among
_Yahoos_.”

Our voyage passed without any considerable accident. In gratitude to
the captain, I sometimes sat with him, at his earnest request, and
strove to conceal my antipathy against humankind, although it often
broke out; which he suffered to pass without observation. But the
greatest part of the day I confined myself to my cabin, to avoid seeing
any of the crew. The captain had often entreated me to strip myself of
my savage dress, and offered to lend me the best suit of clothes he
had. This I would not be prevailed on to accept, abhorring to cover
myself with any thing that had been on the back of a _Yahoo_. I only
desired he would lend me two clean shirts, which, having been washed
since he wore them, I believed would not so much defile me. These I
changed every second day, and washed them myself.

We arrived at Lisbon, Nov. 5, 1715. At our landing, the captain forced
me to cover myself with his cloak, to prevent the rabble from crowding
about me. I was conveyed to his own house; and at my earnest request he
led me up to the highest room backwards. I conjured him “to conceal
from all persons what I had told him of the _Houyhnhnms_; because the
least hint of such a story would not only draw numbers of people to see
me, but probably put me in danger of being imprisoned, or burnt by the
Inquisition.” The captain persuaded me to accept a suit of clothes
newly made; but I would not suffer the tailor to take my measure;
however, Don Pedro being almost of my size, they fitted me well enough.
He accoutred me with other necessaries, all new, which I aired for
twenty-four hours before I would use them.

The captain had no wife, nor above three servants, none of which were
suffered to attend at meals; and his whole deportment was so obliging,
added to very good human understanding, that I really began to tolerate
his company. He gained so far upon me, that I ventured to look out of
the back window. By degrees I was brought into another room, whence I
peeped into the street, but drew my head back in a fright. In a week’s
time he seduced me down to the door. I found my terror gradually
lessened, but my hatred and contempt seemed to increase. I was at last
bold enough to walk the street in his company, but kept my nose well
stopped with rue, or sometimes with tobacco.

In ten days, Don Pedro, to whom I had given some account of my domestic
affairs, put it upon me, as a matter of honour and conscience, “that I
ought to return to my native country, and live at home with my wife and
children.” He told me, “there was an English ship in the port just
ready to sail, and he would furnish me with all things necessary.” It
would be tedious to repeat his arguments, and my contradictions. He
said, “it was altogether impossible to find such a solitary island as I
desired to live in; but I might command in my own house, and pass my
time in a manner as recluse as I pleased.”

I complied at last, finding I could not do better. I left Lisbon the
24th day of November, in an English merchantman, but who was the master
I never inquired. Don Pedro accompanied me to the ship, and lent me
twenty pounds. He took kind leave of me, and embraced me at parting,
which I bore as well as I could. During this last voyage I had no
commerce with the master or any of his men; but, pretending I was sick,
kept close in my cabin. On the fifth of December, 1715, we cast anchor
in the Downs, about nine in the morning, and at three in the afternoon
I got safe to my house at Rotherhith. [546]

My wife and family received me with great surprise and joy, because
they concluded me certainly dead; but I must freely confess the sight
of them filled me only with hatred, disgust, and contempt; and the
more, by reflecting on the near alliance I had to them. For although,
since my unfortunate exile from the _Houyhnhnm_ country, I had
compelled myself to tolerate the sight of _Yahoos_, and to converse
with Don Pedro de Mendez, yet my memory and imagination were
perpetually filled with the virtues and ideas of those exalted
_Houyhnhnms_. And when I began to consider that, by copulating with one
of the _Yahoo_ species I had become a parent of more, it struck me with
the utmost shame, confusion, and horror.

As soon as I entered the house, my wife took me in her arms, and kissed
me; at which, having not been used to the touch of that odious animal
for so many years, I fell into a swoon for almost an hour. At the time
I am writing, it is five years since my last return to England. During
the first year, I could not endure my wife or children in my presence;
the very smell of them was intolerable; much less could I suffer them
to eat in the same room. To this hour they dare not presume to touch my
bread, or drink out of the same cup, neither was I ever able to let one
of them take me by the hand. The first money I laid out was to buy two
young stone-horses, which I keep in a good stable; and next to them,
the groom is my greatest favourite, for I feel my spirits revived by
the smell he contracts in the stable. My horses understand me tolerably
well; I converse with them at least four hours every day. They are
strangers to bridle or saddle; they live in great amity with me and
friendship to each other.


CHAPTER XII.

The author’s veracity. His design in publishing this work. His censure
of those travellers who swerve from the truth. The author clears
himself from any sinister ends in writing. An objection answered. The
method of planting colonies. His native country commended. The right of
the crown to those countries described by the author is justified. The
difficulty of conquering them. The author takes his last leave of the
reader; proposes his manner of living for the future; gives good
advice, and concludes.


Thus, gentle reader, I have given thee a faithful history of my travels
for sixteen years and above seven months: wherein I have not been so
studious of ornament as of truth. I could, perhaps, like others, have
astonished thee with strange improbable tales; but I rather chose to
relate plain matter of fact, in the simplest manner and style; because
my principal design was to inform, and not to amuse thee.

It is easy for us who travel into remote countries, which are seldom
visited by Englishmen or other Europeans, to form descriptions of
wonderful animals both at sea and land. Whereas a traveller’s chief aim
should be to make men wiser and better, and to improve their minds by
the bad, as well as good, example of what they deliver concerning
foreign places.

I could heartily wish a law was enacted, that every traveller, before
he were permitted to publish his voyages, should be obliged to make
oath before the Lord High Chancellor, that all he intended to print was
absolutely true to the best of his knowledge; for then the world would
no longer be deceived, as it usually is, while some writers, to make
their works pass the better upon the public, impose the grossest
falsities on the unwary reader. I have perused several books of travels
with great delight in my younger days; but having since gone over most
parts of the globe, and been able to contradict many fabulous accounts
from my own observation, it has given me a great disgust against this
part of reading, and some indignation to see the credulity of mankind
so impudently abused. Therefore, since my acquaintance were pleased to
think my poor endeavours might not be unacceptable to my country, I
imposed on myself, as a maxim never to be swerved from, that I would
strictly adhere to truth; neither indeed can I be ever under the least
temptation to vary from it, while I retain in my mind the lectures and
example of my noble master and the other illustrious _Houyhnhnms_ of
whom I had so long the honour to be an humble hearer.


_—Nec si miserum Fortuna Sinonem_

_Finxit_, _vanum etiam_, _mendacemque improba finget_.

I know very well, how little reputation is to be got by writings which
require neither genius nor learning, nor indeed any other talent,
except a good memory, or an exact journal. I know likewise, that
writers of travels, like dictionary-makers, are sunk into oblivion by
the weight and bulk of those who come last, and therefore lie
uppermost. And it is highly probable, that such travellers, who shall
hereafter visit the countries described in this work of mine, may, by
detecting my errors (if there be any), and adding many new discoveries
of their own, jostle me out of vogue, and stand in my place, making the
world forget that ever I was an author. This indeed would be too great
a mortification, if I wrote for fame: but as my sole intention was the
public good, I cannot be altogether disappointed. For who can read of
the virtues I have mentioned in the glorious _Houyhnhnms_, without
being ashamed of his own vices, when he considers himself as the
reasoning, governing animal of his country? I shall say nothing of
those remote nations where _Yahoos_ preside; among which the least
corrupted are the _Brobdingnagians_; whose wise maxims in morality and
government it would be our happiness to observe. But I forbear
descanting further, and rather leave the judicious reader to his own
remarks and application.

I am not a little pleased that this work of mine can possibly meet with
no censurers: for what objections can be made against a writer, who
relates only plain facts, that happened in such distant countries,
where we have not the least interest, with respect either to trade or
negotiations? I have carefully avoided every fault with which common
writers of travels are often too justly charged. Besides, I meddle not
the least with any party, but write without passion, prejudice, or
ill-will against any man, or number of men, whatsoever. I write for the
noblest end, to inform and instruct mankind; over whom I may, without
breach of modesty, pretend to some superiority, from the advantages I
received by conversing so long among the most accomplished
_Houyhnhnms_. I write without any view to profit or praise. I never
suffer a word to pass that may look like reflection, or possibly give
the least offence, even to those who are most ready to take it. So that
I hope I may with justice pronounce myself an author perfectly
blameless; against whom the tribes of Answerers, Considerers,
Observers, Reflectors, Detectors, Remarkers, will never be able to find
matter for exercising their talents.

I confess, it was whispered to me, “that I was bound in duty, as a
subject of England, to have given in a memorial to a secretary of state
at my first coming over; because, whatever lands are discovered by a
subject belong to the crown.” But I doubt whether our conquests in the
countries I treat of would be as easy as those of Ferdinando Cortez
over the naked Americans. The _Lilliputians_, I think, are hardly worth
the charge of a fleet and army to reduce them; and I question whether
it might be prudent or safe to attempt the _Brobdingnagians_; or
whether an English army would be much at their ease with the Flying
Island over their heads. The _Houyhnhnms_ indeed appear not to be so
well prepared for war, a science to which they are perfect strangers,
and especially against missive weapons. However, supposing myself to be
a minister of state, I could never give my advice for invading them.
Their prudence, unanimity, unacquaintedness with fear, and their love
of their country, would amply supply all defects in the military art.
Imagine twenty thousand of them breaking into the midst of an European
army, confounding the ranks, overturning the carriages, battering the
warriors’ faces into mummy by terrible yerks from their hinder hoofs.
For they would well deserve the character given to Augustus,
_Recalcitrat undique tutus_. But, instead of proposals for conquering
that magnanimous nation, I rather wish they were in a capacity, or
disposition, to send a sufficient number of their inhabitants for
civilizing Europe, by teaching us the first principles of honour,
justice, truth, temperance, public spirit, fortitude, chastity,
friendship, benevolence, and fidelity. The names of all which virtues
are still retained among us in most languages, and are to be met with
in modern, as well as ancient authors; which I am able to assert from
my own small reading.

But I had another reason, which made me less forward to enlarge his
majesty’s dominions by my discoveries. To say the truth, I had
conceived a few scruples with relation to the distributive justice of
princes upon those occasions. For instance, a crew of pirates are
driven by a storm they know not whither; at length a boy discovers land
from the topmast; they go on shore to rob and plunder, they see a
harmless people, are entertained with kindness; they give the country a
new name; they take formal possession of it for their king; they set up
a rotten plank, or a stone, for a memorial; they murder two or three
dozen of the natives, bring away a couple more, by force, for a sample;
return home, and get their pardon. Here commences a new dominion
acquired with a title by divine right. Ships are sent with the first
opportunity; the natives driven out or destroyed; their princes
tortured to discover their gold; a free license given to all acts of
inhumanity and lust, the earth reeking with the blood of its
inhabitants: and this execrable crew of butchers, employed in so pious
an expedition, is a modern colony, sent to convert and civilize an
idolatrous and barbarous people!

But this description, I confess, does by no means affect the British
nation, who may be an example to the whole world for their wisdom,
care, and justice in planting colonies; their liberal endowments for
the advancement of religion and learning; their choice of devout and
able pastors to propagate Christianity; their caution in stocking their
provinces with people of sober lives and conversations from this the
mother kingdom; their strict regard to the distribution of justice, in
supplying the civil administration through all their colonies with
officers of the greatest abilities, utter strangers to corruption; and,
to crown all, by sending the most vigilant and virtuous governors, who
have no other views than the happiness of the people over whom they
preside, and the honour of the king their master.

But as those countries which I have described do not appear to have any
desire of being conquered and enslaved, murdered or driven out by
colonies, nor abound either in gold, silver, sugar, or tobacco, I did
humbly conceive, they were by no means proper objects of our zeal, our
valour, or our interest. However, if those whom it more concerns think
fit to be of another opinion, I am ready to depose, when I shall be
lawfully called, that no European did ever visit those countries before
me. I mean, if the inhabitants ought to be believed, unless a dispute
may arise concerning the two _Yahoos_, said to have been seen many
years ago upon a mountain in _Houyhnhnmland_, from whence the opinion
is, that the race of those brutes hath descended; and these, for
anything I know, may have been English, which indeed I was apt to
suspect from the lineaments of their posterity’s countenances, although
very much defaced. But, how far that will go to make out a title, I
leave to the learned in colony-law.

But, as to the formality of taking possession in my sovereign’s name,
it never came once into my thoughts; and if it had, yet, as my affairs
then stood, I should perhaps, in point of prudence and
self-preservation, have put it off to a better opportunity.

Having thus answered the only objection that can ever be raised against
me as a traveller, I here take a final leave of all my courteous
readers, and return to enjoy my own speculations in my little garden at
Redriff; to apply those excellent lessons of virtue which I learned
among the _Houyhnhnms_; to instruct the _Yahoos_ of my own family, as
far as I shall find them docible animals; to behold my figure often in
a glass, and thus, if possible, habituate myself by time to tolerate
the sight of a human creature; to lament the brutality to _Houyhnhnms_
in my own country, but always treat their persons with respect, for the
sake of my noble master, his family, his friends, and the whole
_Houyhnhnm_ race, whom these of ours have the honour to resemble in all
their lineaments, however their intellectuals came to degenerate.

I began last week to permit my wife to sit at dinner with me, at the
farthest end of a long table; and to answer (but with the utmost
brevity) the few questions I asked her. Yet, the smell of a _Yahoo_
continuing very offensive, I always keep my nose well stopped with rue,
lavender, or tobacco leaves. And, although it be hard for a man late in
life to remove old habits, I am not altogether out of hopes, in some
time, to suffer a neighbour _Yahoo_ in my company, without the
apprehensions I am yet under of his teeth or his claws.

My reconcilement to the _Yahoo_-kind in general might not be so
difficult, if they would be content with those vices and follies only
which nature has entitled them to. I am not in the least provoked at
the sight of a lawyer, a pickpocket, a colonel, a fool, a lord, a
gamester, a politician, a whoremonger, a physician, an evidence, a
suborner, an attorney, a traitor, or the like; this is all according to
the due course of things: but when I behold a lump of deformity and
diseases, both in body and mind, smitten with pride, it immediately
breaks all the measures of my patience; neither shall I be ever able to
comprehend how such an animal, and such a vice, could tally together.
The wise and virtuous _Houyhnhnms_, who abound in all excellences that
can adorn a rational creature, have no name for this vice in their
language, which has no terms to express any thing that is evil, except
those whereby they describe the detestable qualities of their _Yahoos_,
among which they were not able to distinguish this of pride, for want
of thoroughly understanding human nature, as it shows itself in other
countries where that animal presides. But I, who had more experience,
could plainly observe some rudiments of it among the wild _Yahoos_.


But the _Houyhnhnms_, who live under the government of reason, are no
more proud of the good qualities they possess, than I should be for not
wanting a leg or an arm; which no man in his wits would boast of,
although he must be miserable without them. I dwell the longer upon
this subject from the desire I have to make the society of an English
_Yahoo_ by any means not insupportable; and therefore I here entreat
those who have any tincture of this absurd vice, that they will not
presume to come in my sight.


FOOTNOTES:

[301] A stang is a pole or perch; sixteen feet and a half.

[330] An act of parliament has been since passed by which some breaches
of trust have been made capital.

[454a] Britannia.—_Sir W. Scott_.

[454b] London.—_Sir W. Scott_.

[455] This is the revised text adopted by Dr. Hawksworth (1766). The
above paragraph in the original editions (1726) takes another form,
commencing:—“I told him that should I happen to live in a kingdom where
lots were in vogue,” &c. The names Tribnia and Langden are not
mentioned, and the “close stool” and its signification do not occur.

[514] This paragraph is not in the original editions.

[546] The original editions and Hawksworth’s have Rotherhith here,
though earlier in the work, Redriff is said to have been Booster Gold’s
home in England.